Latest posts by theeWeeBabySeamus (see all)
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- Your “Cincy vs Buffalo, I Wouldn’t Even Watch This In Regular Season So Why Am I Watching It Now?” Midday Sunday Thread Of Apathy – August 26, 2018
[Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino, Parking Deck, 7:07am]
A small and fragile looking elderly woman approaches the van where Luis, Manuel and Brad are still waiting. Brad has fallen back asleep.
Luis: Hey lady. Get outta here before you get in the way and…
Woman: STFU. Are you Luis?
Luis (looking at Manuel then back): Ummmmm….yeah.
Woman (handing Luis a folded sheet of paper): Here asshole, this is for you.
The woman then gets into Chewy, fires up the engine, and after it backfires a time or two, she kicks it into reverse and peels out of the parking space. Luis and Manuel look on, stupefied, as she kicks car into drive and tears around the corner and toward the parking deck’s exit.
Luis: What. The Fuck. Just. Happened?
Manuel: What does the note say?
Luis opens the note. Scribbled hastily onto a small sheet of Mandalay Bay note paper reads one word.
Manuel: What does that even mean?
Just then, from the passenger side window just behind Manuel’s head, is the audible sound of a gun being cocked.
Manuel jumps, screams a little, then says…
Manuel (to Luis): Baby, I think we might have a…
BeerGuyRob (on the phone with Litre): …problem, eh?
Litre: Oh holy shit, eh? What is he doing? … (looking at phone) … Oh shit, that’s Balls on the other line, eh. Lemme call you back. (clicking phone then answering) … Hey Ballsy. What’s up, eh?
Balls: tWBS wanted me to call you guys and tell you to stay away from the parking deck. I think he’s about to do something stupid.
Litre: Ummm, ok. First….too late. We’re already here. And second… also too late. He’s already in the process of doing something stupid, eh. Like monumentally, toys in the attic, stupid.
Balls: Oh shit. What’s going on?
Litre: Well, he’s standing over there right now by the van. With a gun on Manuel.
Balls: Oh holy shit.
Litre: Oh and some little old lady just stole that Charger.
Litre: I DUNNO MAN…I’M NEW HERE, EH!!!!!!! GIMME A FUCKING BREAK WOULD YA AND…. Oh wait. Now he’s making Luis and Manuel get out of the van.
Balls: Oh FFS!!!! We’re on our way down. Just don’t…
tWBS: …lose them.
Luis: Lose what?
tWBS: You forget. I know you Luis. I know you’ve got a piece strapped to your ankle and a switchblade in your right rear pocket. Lose them. Now.
Luis reaches into his right rear pocket and pulls out a switchblade. He tosses it aside. He then bends over and raises his right pant leg, revealing an ankle holster. From it, he pulls a .38 snub nose, and tosses it aside as well.
tWBS: Good. Now both of you in the back. I’ll drive.
Luis: Where are we going?
tWBS: Somewhere that’s not here.
Manuel: You’re going to kill us?
tWBS: Not if I don’t have to. But at this point that’s more up to you than me. Get in.
tWBS: We need to talk. But not here. Also if you don’t get in, I think I’ll just…
Litre: …shoot him right here!!! Holy shit.
Balls (in elevator headed down with Vanessa, Leticia and a shitload of porn stars): What??????
Litre: I think he’s gonna shoot him right here!!!! He just pointed the gun as Luis’ head. Dude, get down here, eh!!!!!!!!!! And maybe think about calling the…
tWBS: Why would I call the police, Luis? Right now, I could be charged with a multitude of crimes. I’m about to add kidnapping to that list. I’d prefer not to add a homicide or … (looking at Manuel now) … TWO. But no, no police. But if it will make you feel better…
tWBS pulls out his phone and shows it to Luis. He then tosses it over near the concrete wall where Luis’ switchblade and revolver now lie.
tWBS: Now…. Get in.
Luis and Manuel both climb into the van and take a seat in the back seat. tWBS walks around to the driver’s side door. But as he walks around the rear of the van, he pulls out Leticia’s phone and dials. As he climbs into the van he slides her phone into his shirt pocket. A few seconds later, as Balls, Vanessa, Leticia and eight porn stars are making their way to the parking deck, Balls phone begins to ring.
Balls (looking at his phone): Leticia. You’re calling me? WTF?
Leticia: What???? NO!!!! tWBS took my phone, remember? Answer it!!!!!
Balls (answering phone): What the fuck are you trying to pull?
But there is no response to his question. Instead, for a few moments, Balls hears nothing but background noise. Then he hears a familiar voice. Then another. They are faint, distant through the phone connection. But still unmistakable…
Luis: So, where are you taking us?
tWBS: I know a place a little ways off the strip. It’s near where a friend of mine lives and beyond there, it’s just desert. There’s no way anyone shows up out there. Especially cops. They never feel the need unless one of the houses gets burglarized or something. But whatever happens, we should have some privacy out there. Let’s just get moving and get this over with.
Balls (whispering to Vanessa): Hey, pssssst. Gimme your phone.
Vanessa hands her phone to balls. Balls dials while still listening to the open line on Leticia’s phone from tWBS. The phone rings for what seems like forever…
Balls: Goddammit… answer.
Spur (answering his phone): Oh hey!!!! Vanessa Huppenkothen. I knew you’d get tired of Balls and call me eventually. Now all we gotta do is…
Balls: Dude, relax. It’s Balls.
Spur: But Vanessa is there right? Can I talk to her?
Balls: Maybe later. Right now I need you to call the police and tell them your house is being burglarized.
Spur: Dude, WTF are you talking about? I’m at home right now. No one is breaking in.
Balls: That’s not the point. Some guys are headed out close to you and we need cops to show up out there and…
Spur: tWBS is doing something stupid again, huh?
Spur: But no, don’t bring them here. Not to my house. Do NOT come to my house.
Balls: It’s outta my hands at this point, Dude. Just make the call. Hopefully tWBS knows what he’s doing.
There’s a pause for a few beats, and then…
Balls hangs up with Spur, then calls BeerGuyRob.
BeerGuyRob (answering his phone): WTF is wrong with tWBS, eh?
Beastmode (under his breath): We’ve all been trying to figure that out for a while.
Balls: I know where he’s going. Just follow him, but hang back. We’ll grab a cab and we’ll be right behind you.
Balls hangs up his phone as he, Vanessa, Leticia and the bevy of porn stars step out into the parking deck.
Just then, Dave, Jenny and Jim roll up single file, and come to a stop.
Balls (gleaming): Holy shit.!!!!!!! Ladies….meet Dave.
Leticia: Oh please. You’ve gotta be kidding me. I know he jokes about all that shit but.
Balls: Do you see anyone driving this truck?
Dave’s horn honks and his lights flash. Then Jenny’s does the same. Then Jim’s.
The doors to all three vehicles open.
As seven porn stars climb into Jim…
Jim: Holy shit. Is this great or what?
…and Vanessa and Leticia climb into Jenny…
Jenny: Hi ladies!!!!!
…Balls and Blair Williams climb into Dave.
Balls (to Dave): What’s up my old friend? It’s been way too long … (waits) … Yep, I know. We gotta bail his ass out again. Good thing you’re here. Who are your friends?
Blair Williams: Ummmmmm….who are you talking to?
Balls looks at Blair and grins.
Balls: You’re in for a helluva ride.
Blair: If it’s as good as the one you gave me earlier, I have absolutely no problem with that. I might even be in love.
Balls: OK, let’s not get crazy.
Just then, without Balls touching the steering wheel, the accelerator or any other of the controls, or even looking forward thru the windshield… Dave peels out and heads for the exit. Closely behind him, Jenny and Jim and their respective occupants, follow. They all leave the parking deck and are soon off the strip and heading out into the scrub.
To Be Continued….