Your “Hopefully, The One Time This Site Unites Behind A Jets Franchise” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

Your day may have sucked, but it went nowhere near as badly as Matt Patricia’s. 

  • If I read the stories correctly:
    • He was on Spring Break at South Padre Island in 1996.
    • He & a fraternity brother apparently sexually assaulted a woman at a hotel.
    • She initially complained to police, and charges were brought.
    • The case was dismissed before trial & charges dropped due to the accuser withdrawing her allegation.
      • Because the alleged victim did “not feel she [could] face the pressures or stress of a trial.”
  • All of which led to a delightful press conference today, where the following was said on the record:
    • “Twenty-two years ago, I was falsely accused of something very serious, very serious allegations. There were claims made about me that never happened. I am thankful on one level that the process worked and the case was dismissed. At the same time, I was never given the opportunity to defend myself or allowed to push back with the truth to clear my name. I was innocent then and I am innocent now.”
    • “I did nothing wrong and that’s all I’m going to say on that matter.”

It is now being dealt with in two separate courts:

  1. The court of public opinion; and
  2. The court of Roger Goodell
  • It looks like he’ll keep his job, but the Lions have options if they’re forced to make a change.
    • From the Lions: “Based upon everything we have learned, we believe and have accepted Coach Patricia’s explanation and we will continue to support him.”
    • According to the esteemed legal minds at PFT, if they fire him there’s only two ways it can go:
      • As a matter of basic contract law, the Lions most likely would be forced to pay Patricia every dollar of his four-year deal if they decide to fire him.
      • Termination for cause, with no remuneration if he failed to disclose the 1996 indictment when they did their background checks. However,
        • “Coach Patricia was the subject of a standard pre-employment background check which did not disclose this issue.”
  • To put sprinkles on this shit sundae, someone went & asked the Patriots about it, since he’d been there from 2004, and Grumblelord begrudgingly replied:

Statement from Bill Belichick regarding Matt Patricia:

“The New England Patriots were not aware of the matter which recently came to light. For 14 years in our organization, Matt conducted himself with great integrity and is known to be an outstanding coach, person and family man. We have always been confident in Matt’s character and recommended him highly to become the head coach of the Detroit Lions.”

Other news:

  • ESPN officially introduced its new four-person team for Monday Night Football.
    • play-by-play voice Joe Tessitore,
    • analysts Jason Witten and Booger McFarland, and
    • reporter Lisa Salters.
    • The new Monday night team will debut when the Rams face the Raiders in Oakland in the late game of the Week One Monday Night Football doubleheader.
  • One of the potential ownership groups for the Carolina Panthers is looking to add Peyton Manning to their roster.
    • He’d be joining the group led by Ben Navorro, in a $2.6 billion bid said to be favoured by the Richardson clan.
      • It’s hoped that that Manning’s limited involvement will help solidify their bid, as he’d be “the football guy” part of the equation.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Winnipeg at Nashville – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
      • GAME 7, BAY-BAY!

  • NBA:
    • no games scheduled
  • MLB:
    • Mariners at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Twins at Angels – 10:00PM | FS1
  • NCAA Baseball:
    • Auburn at Mississippi – 7:00PM | ESPNU
  • Fútbol:
    • Liga MX: Santos vs. América – 8:00PM | UNI

C’MON YOU JETS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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nomonkeyfunUnsurprisedBrockytheeWeeBabySeamusSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen

How crazy is Winnipeg over this? What a road win!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, did you guys hear I’ve got a date with a 27 yr old tonight? Plus she works at the weed store. And is also 27.
(she’s 27, is the main theme here)
((and works at the weed store))
(((and also…if I forgot to mention….27)))

Yes, I’m kinda proud of myself.

Brocky

does she have a kid?

because as my entire family has made a point to tell me several times:

if i’m not married by age 26 i’m gonna end up being someone’s stepdad.

Jokes on them….

no one would ever marry me

Seriously though, age is just a number. if she’s cool she’s cool.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She seems to be very cool. I’ll begin to know more in about an hour.

Senor Weaselo

Welp, I’m fucked. Wait no, the opposite’s the problem.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m in the same club. Volcels unite!

Brocky

I blame my brother for graduating college.

If it wasn’t for him I could say i’m the only kid in the family to graduate college. and all my relatives’ complaints will magically disappear.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Break a leg!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Awesome.

Senor Weaselo

Does she have a dorky musically talented twin, slightly older, or slightly younger sister? Asking for a friend. Your friend. Okay, me.
/Don’t do anything I’d do!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, I will be sure to ask. And then if she does, I will attempt the sister threesome.

(sorry, but it’s not like you don’t already know I’m a jerk)

Brocky

when you’re so tired of job hunting, you start exploring the absurd:

http://www.chicagobears.com/footer/employment-opportunities.html

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does Dok know they’re hiring a data scientist?

Brocky

Not if I get the position first!

I can wing it.

Brocky

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Fronkenshteen

Koch Brothers is blended in so quickly with the other sponsors of the yanx post-game show, you almost wouldn’t notice.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nobody notices a couple extra Kochs among the Yankees.

Fronkenshteen

[does “Carlton dance”]

Senor Weaselo

/Gets carpal tunnel-David Price

BOOM!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey look, the inside of another airport!

King Hippo

Tony Gwynn’s bobblehead looks like he needs a Movantik moment

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Seahawks are going to have the cleanest lockers as they get the shit kicked out of them next season.

Thanks to @jordanbpeterson for speaking to our staff and enlightening us today! pic.twitter.com/rRW5K1HpQD

— Pete Carroll (@PeteCarroll) May 10, 2018

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Emulating oceanic cockroaches to own the libs NFC West.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Welp, we had a good run. Back to the dregs.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

— USC, 2009

litre_cola

I am very happy. Now tomorrow teh mighty Fulham plays and I am on track for a banner year straight outta the shitpile.

King Hippo

#YearOfLitre

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everything’s coming up Milhouse litre_cola!

ballsofsteelandfury

WINnipeg!!!

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees are 17-1 in their last 18 games and were losing to Boston 4-0 earlier tonight and Yankees Twitter lost its mind.

Christ, what a bunch of assholes.

nomonkeyfun

Now I remember why I’m happy to be a fan of the Dirt Jests. We may be assholes, but…

herodotus450
herodotus450

The lack of a Wash-Nash finals means we won’t get to see Djoos score on Juuse.
/kills self

Fronkenshteen

I saw plenty of that in my bar mitzvah days.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Are you me attending GW as an undergrad?

King Hippo

Hats off to the Cornpone locals for the standing ovation. Think it’s for the visitors as well as their own side.

Brocky

So if my math checks out…….

this will be only the second time in 20 years where any of this year’s conference finalists have played in the stanley cups finals.

last time was tampa in 15, before that its the capitals in 98

King Hippo

Now beat teh faux Army!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

(Ok. this might be my last chance to make a good pecorino joke… better make it a good one)
This Pekka Rinne I call him a young cheese because he got pulled early.
(oh well)

King Hippo

Western Canadia? REPRESENT!!

Fronkenshteen

Wow! How’s Decilitre?

King Hippo

deaf? shell-shocked?

litre_cola

Honestly, he woke up in the intermission. I went in and soothed him for 15 minutes. He is sleeping fine now. I continue to scream in to the dog bed.

litre_cola

Moar Winnipeg, 90’s

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So this happened…

Former Fox News military analyst Thomas McInerney on Thursday condemned Sen. John McCain’s (R-Ariz.) rebuke of President Trump’s CIA director nominee Gina Haspel, saying that torture “worked on” McCain, whom he referred to as “Songbird John

.”

Gratliff

One of the more interesting aspects of recent politics is the realization that I could give less than a fuck about whether Warmonger McRacist lives or dies at this point, and somehow still be deeply offended by the awful shit the more evil right wing fucks have to say about him.

Horatio Cornblower

This

blaxabbath

Wild.

I don’t relate to so much of this world.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wow.

litre_cola

Ok tough guy, let’s do some waterboarding and see how you hold up , cunt.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

The charts thirty five years ago:
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ballsofsteelandfury

FUCK After The Fire. The only legitimate version of Der Kommissar is by Falco:

ballsofsteelandfury

Also this:

ballsofsteelandfury

God, the 80s were awesome!

King Hippo

JA!

blaxabbath

One of my favorite ever:

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“THIS GUY CARSON WENTZ I CALL HIM NIGHTCRAWLER CAUSE HE CAN TELEPORT SHORT DISTANCES AND REPRESENTS A GROUP OF MUTANTS THAT IS LOATHED BY THE REST OF HUMANITY.” -Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

litre_cola

Winnipeg band if you enjoy punk music.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Canadian punk band? Do they have a single called “Sorrie Aboot the Systeum”?

litre_cola

zxlkvhdfksh;lvdrk hgs/dv
G sdgs

LemonJello
LemonJello

Do you smell burnt toast?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So Hippo, I hope you enjoy this upcoming basedball series. Whenever an opponent strikes out at Petco Park, they play this fine song:

King Hippo

oh we strikes out an awful lot two

scotchnaut

One side of my club sandwich is soaked in the marinara sauce of the cannelloni that I was eating. If every commenter on this site would donate a mere $27 each month to me, I wouldn’t have to endure this culinary hellscape. Please. With this money I will build a dish-like structure that will feature walls that will separate each and every foreign foodstuff.

If you don’t donate I’ll report you. That’s a promise.

litre_cola

I address it to Scotchy in Northern Ont?

Brocky

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I had a kid working for me in the navy that no matte what he was eating, he would mix it all together into a mush first.

I never trusted that kid with anything…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

How can I afford not to?!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

You know, I don’t find the “gentlemanly” aspects of horse racing very interesante. Can you GAMBLOR on which horsey gets put down? Which is the first to be noticeably erect on camera? Then maybe you’ve got sommet.

litre_cola

Was a great passtime at the pub in Australia. There are races every day it was fun. I guessed every time, although I did it enough to know greyhound racing is way more difficult.

Brocky

So, maybe I’m thinking in a pipe dream here…

but if washington beats tampa, won’t it be the first time in like 2 decades to cupless teams have competed in the final?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Never again

-Yadier Molina (hopefully)

Brocky

took me a second.

i get your making an MLB joke but this one is still eluding me…

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Brocky

hmmmm, got some conflicting info here.

in 07 the ducks defeated the senators, but I thought the modern senators franchise kept the records of the old senators team.

I’m not as well versed with hockey history as I am football, so is it not the same or is it?

litre_cola

THey got a new franchise and called it the same name. Now it is owned by a fucking lunatic asshole.

scotchnaut

I don’t get wrestling. I mean, I get it, but I don’t get it.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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scotchnaut

“You’re tired. It’s really late. You’ve got a binder full of porn stars that you know you can bribe so that they go away. Show me me what you do.”

litre_cola

This was my 1st post on this here site. (apart from my Euro 2016 dispatches) about the Ice Bombers (Jets)

https://doorfliesopen.com/2017/01/23/i-feel-your-pain/

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It was an especially helpful post during one of my weakest times. Simply being able to relate to something, anything, was greatly appreciated.

litre_cola

Yep, fucking asshole owners man.

scotchnaut

Don Cherry up next?

[presses mute button]

scotchnaut

This be the thing that I love about the NHL playoffs. The speed and the intensity ramps up. And then it ramps up again. Just when you think the pace of the game can’t get more intense, it ramps up yet again.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

So what animal predator is bright yellow?

Bananas slugs?

scotchnaut

Banana slugs?

The UC Santa Cruz sports mascot isn’t walking thru the door anytime soon.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Looks like we got a game…

ballsofsteelandfury

Most dangerous lead in hockey.

King Hippo

gonna be like 7-5

litre_cola

Oh hai. Anything going on?

scotchnaut

Nothing much. Sir Win of Peg is up on the Nash-Villians.

King Hippo

TeamCornpone is STILL only +320 to win this fixture (+650 in regulation time), after prematurely pulling their Pekka and everything.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Carolinas aren’t worth $2.6 billion.

King Hippo

fuck no, we ain’t

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!

scotchnaut

Ms. Crow sang the anthem. Here’s a reminder of how cool she once was. “I like a good beer buzz early in the morning” is a great line.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Good to hear she’s still getting work.
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

HEY THEY’RE SINGING O CANADA!

AS A DUAL CITIZEN I ENJOY MOST OF THIS SONG

scotchnaut

“The Leafs are out? Huh! Well, this game 7 involving the Winnipeg Jets is a really, really important thing all of a sudden!”

-Toronto-based sports media

scotchnaut

Annette Bening in “Open Range” is the most perfect person ever.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, this week has sucked and hasn’t even ended

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That’s how I feel, and I, uh, “get to,” see tWBS tomorrow!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Mixed blessings?
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King Hippo

Here comes United Airlines Flight 93 ,, ppl

It’s just a little off-course! It’s still good! It’s still good!!

ballsofsteelandfury

I think you misspelled Richardson Klan

litre_cola

Back from East Trucknutz. Have an hour to puck drop. From airport to uptown at rush hour will be pushing it. I AM COMING TO WAKE YOU UP DECILITRE! DONT GET COMFORTABLE MATE.

blaxabbath

You guys ever seen this billboards and it’s like a screenshot of the last text sent by someone who died in a crash moments later?

This would be a good one.