NFL News:
- Luke Kuechly, the fragile JJ Watt of the Carolina Panthers, says he’s “ready to go” for training camp.
- He’s never not been ready for camp, but by holding him out of contact drills until camp, they’re hoping to extend his season past Week 8.
- Former Colts GM Ryan Grigson has landed a job in Seattle, after being released by the Cleveland Browns.
- He should fit in well in Seattle, for they too have an all-pro QB and an offensive line made of cheese.
- HODOR was a lot easier to catch.
- He should fit in well in Seattle, for they too have an all-pro QB and an offensive line made of cheese.
- DeMarcus Ware is now a Broncos defensive consultant.
- He retired after twelve years – nine with the Cowboys & three with Denver.
- On the lawsuit front:
- The Cowboys are the latest team to be sued by a former cheerleader.
- At least it’s not for pimping them out like the [Redacteds] did.
- She is claiming the team violated The Equal Pay Act and Fair Labor Standards Act by not paying minimum wage and overtime.
- She notes that the most she ever made was $16,516.01, while the Cowboys mascot, Rowdy, made about $65,000, according to the lawsuit.
- The Rams owe Reggie Bush $12.5 million after his wipeout on their old turf in St. Louis.
- If you recall, the old Edward Jones dome had a concrete ring that ran around the outside. Reggie Bush wiped out on it & blew his knee.
- He sued the Rams & the dome for damages & lost wages, and the jury found the Rams 100% liable.
- $4.95 million in compensatory damages and $7.5 million in punitive damages.
- The Cowboys are the latest team to be sued by a former cheerleader.
Tonight’s sports & entertainment programming:
- MLB:
- Nationals at Yankees – 7:00PM | ESPN
- WNBA Basketball:
- Washington Mystics at Connecticut Sun – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- American Ninja Warrior – Miami Qualifiers – 8:00PM | NBC
- Masterchef – 8:00PM | FOX
- In the first skills test of the season, Gordon Ramsay teaches the home cooks how to properly break down a crab, before the contestants must replicate his work.
- Turner Classic Movies:
- A Fistful of Dollars – 8:00PM
- For A Few Dollars More – 10:00PM
- Archer – 10:00PM | FXX (America)
Tomorrow, the sports world gets off the schneid with the World Cup & US Open. SALVATION!
I just submitted my World Cup picks. While the two teams I have reaching the finals is rather dull, the journey to get there is pretty wild. It turns out I’m really high on Croatia and Senegal.
Some kinky ass plane stuff about to go down
“I think that Michael Cohen is in a very, very bad spot and I think the president is in a very, very bad spot because this is what happens when you trust your innermost secrets to a moron.”
This is funny to me.
Wait, who was trusting who?
CONFIRMED: This is for the winner of the World Cup pool, to be sent by mail at no cost
::checks bracket::
Checks to see what time Total Wine closes.
Shit, I should have paid more attention and taken notes along the way.
The Tunisia write up was good. People who don’t like Tunisia write ups are even saying so. They don’t want to but, you know, they’re saying it.
There were good write ups all on all sides. DFO has the best previews.
I mean where else do you learn about an ice rink on Long Island’s chances in the World Cup of Lesser Footy?
I think cultures that drink more regularly are better. And you guys drink good stuff. Here, the only acceptable casual drinking is piss domestic lagers if more than two days in a row; or anytime before 3pm (Noon on Christmas with holiday booze like an Irish coffee or glass of mulled wine). With the exception of the brunch mimosa.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL1wN_ihL_E
Shit, picks are due now? I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll totally nail this.
Am I too late for local commercials? Because this is my favorite:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MLhW9ifc1Gc&feature=youtu.be
Rhett and Link did good work:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vnOyMSEWNTs
Never too late for a coffee enema.
Evening
Is that Gianna at the beginning?
Nevermind it’s not. It was too quick, like I would be with Gianna.
The beginning?
Eh, I don’t have my shit together
The End?
Local PSA: Purge before anal.
Cal Bolder and Narda Onyx- JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN’S DAUGHTER (1966)
“AMNESTY, n. The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.”
― Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary
Shitty local ads? Can’t leave this one out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxZT_VdOaI&ab_channel=RobBeschizza
Glen Lerner laughs at you….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZqALtGuXtY
He’s honest about what he is.
Do you guys have Lerner and Rowe; or just Lerner?
Cuz I used to date a chick is law school who said Rowe got punished by the bar in some states.
I think Vegas just has Lerner.
There’s an ad in Spanish for Major World (car dealership) that is just the woman trying to get the dude to pronounce it correctly, because he pronounces it as “Mayor World.” I can’t find it but that’s some self-awareness right there.
Local commercials and nobody’s posted the best one yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk
I FUCKING WANT TO BUY SOMETHING FROM FLEA MARKET MONTGOMERY!!!!!
♫ It’s just like a mini mall ♫
(shit, they got me didn’t they)
((GODAMMIT!!!!!!))
Fucking job.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bJBp7XyWKw
“Baking some cookies.”
-DFO Internet Dad
Those commercials run here locally all the damned time.
Believe it or not, that’s probably the least stupid one.
Going to see these guys on Saturday!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cRiSDIO2c4
“Kid, it needs to be a burger now.” -IHOB
“Kid, you should have let the burger cool down first.” -IHOB
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/sarah-sanders-raj-shah-planning-to-depart-the-white-house/ar-AAyBNSZ?ocid=spartanntp
Excellent strategy. Board the lifeboats before the Titanic hits the iceberg.
LoOk, it won’t be until the end of the year.
/but seriously I bet Trump treats SHS like such dogshit as punishment for abandoning him that she’s gone within a month, and he can’t find anyone to replace her so he cancels briefings entirely.
Fucking animals.
I mean that is most disrespectful, offensive way possible.
How dare you insult animals by associating them with the Trump Administration!!!!
I think it’s funny when people star in their own local ‘funny’ commercials.
People in LA seem confused that I want to use the sidewalks for walking.
Regular walkin or fancy walkin?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1Ey01yDYJw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMF4HSCej1U
Artist’s concept of BFC:
Sure sign of a person from somewhere else. I give it a month after you move here for you to adapt.
NEVAR
I’m headed for bed. Not a single like for MC5? smgdh…
/I thought I knew you guys
Hey man, I got here late!
[pushes glasses up nose]
I believe that move is called “The Sikorsky”.
If it was a women’s match would it be the Bell Textron?
You win this round… NERD!
WOOOOOOO!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMGfENjTFjw
Goddammit Sunny Gray, part 407.
Maybe you should branch out and watch other porn actresses…
Don’t tell him there’s more than one. We won’t see him for months.
More than one is my favorite genre ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Goddamn he is frustrating.
Look honey, I like giving it as much as you like getting it, but at some point I gotta come up for air!
BREAKING! BREAKING!
There is an active basedball player with the name “Niko Goodrum”
There is an active basedball player with the name “Niko Goodrum”
THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So far tonight he’s hit a homerun and then struck out looking. Usually it’s the other way around with good rum.
Oh yes. It’s Lucha Underground Day!
If you listen to certain lucha female wrestlers, they’ll insist that there’s a glass ceiling just above that ladder.
Sexy Star certainly did her part to temper it by going over as LU champion followed by being a huge piece of shit
Wooooo World cup, who we got 1st??? Oppressive regime v dictatorship.
Oh, guess i will go to work.
But I thought the US wasn’t playing?
/Dodges tomatoes from the left and from the right
Dang, you beat me to the joke.
Well done.
I set that up for ya. You’re welcome.
Shut up and make with the tomatoes.
When in doubt, go for the country with the more attractive women
Fortunately, the Baltimore Orioles already lost today early in a “getaway day” game, so I won’t be tempted to watch that bullshit tonight.
14 losses in their last 16 outings. Two (count ’em, two) 7 game losing streaks sandwiched around two wins vs the Mets.
Wow Mets, you suck. 😛
“Getaway day” also known as a Baltimore driving test…
Which team was it getaway day for?
/Also it seems like Boston plays Baltimore or someone else shitty every fucking day, seriously
Hey now, they just had that tough three games series with the White Sox!
and dropped 2 of 3.
“Reggie Bush gets 12.5 million? Where’s my cut?”
-Reggie Shaved Into A Butterfly
“A pubic hair joke? You must be over 45. Loser.”
-A Millennial
Cap’n Murica?
Indeed.
Thanks to Senor Weaselo, I’m gorging on Battlebots episodes on SCI channel. Suck it tWWL, I CAN survive until greater footy starts back up!
That is a larger image than I expected.
[Sees Reggie Bush verdict]
I would like to announce my lawsuit, also against the Rams and the city of St. Louis, for that one time I ate Provel cheese and the ensuing lifetime of therapy it will take to forget it.
Internet Dad would also like to sue to the Rams for years of mental abuse and alimony.
If that was an actionable case, the Bengals would be the 2nd team owned by the fans and Mike Brown would be collecting my garbage.
“Hey, that’s OUR turf!”
-Tomsula, Leaf &Marinovich, Inc
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2016/10/31/march-of-the-ram-man/
Anyone know the status of Mo Salah?
Whatever his status will be, will be.
/Standing ovation gif
A lot of people are saying that this is, and I would never say this, but since other people are saying it I will say it too, that this is the comment of the Day.
Unquaffed?
Status Report-
Tossed-Mo Salah
Trying to figure out what I should do this summer during the boy’s extended trips to his grandparent’s and fucking Make Love, Not Warcraft episode of South Park comes on. Get out of my head, cruel mistress!
Oh no. There’s an expansion coming out two weeks before my birthday. GET THIS EVIL AWAY FROM ME, HARLOT!
/watching a doc on Danny Fields
This quote-
“MC5 could have been Grand Funk Railroad-that rabble-rousing Mid-western band that Grand Funk became.” wtf?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XhQRFO4M7A
It’s a great song but comparing GFR and MC5 is a fool’s errand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvoqsVpZDSw
You seem to be neglecting the wild, shirtless lyrics of Mark Farner, the bone-rattling bass of Mel Schacher, and the competent drum work of Mel Brewer.
Futurama was so great!
Yeah. Funny, but when they wanted you to cry, you would cry.
ALmost forgot the episode where Leela tried to kill herself by ODing on space honey
I bought their “E Pluribus Funk” album just for the album sleeve. I don’t think I ever listened to it.
I still have it. It’ll fetch me a cool $10-12 on eBay. Sweet.
President Trump: “I talked to North Korea. They’re no longer a nuclear threat.”
Jr. High Teacher: “I talked to the bully. He’s no longer going to make fun of you.”
My Wife’s Mistress: “I talked to your wife. She’s no longer going to cheat on you.”
Clara Barton was one of a kind. Nurse, metalworker, slut, educator, typist, archer, lathe operator, director, lamp lighter, invader, mistress, airline pilot, seamstress, executioner, brewer, marathoner, gamer, actress. Was there nothing she couldn’t do?
Hey Hippo, gave you some bad advise. The Yankees are apparently starting the AA kid tomorrow, not today.
Of course, they’re running Sonny Gray out there tonight, so your wager may not change.
Ron Howard voiceover: “It didn’t.”