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"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
So.. somebody may have dropped the ball. It was me. TO THE GAME!
Ravens/Bears: If you can find two more uninteresting teams in all of the sports I’d like you to tell me about them down below. Still, it’s THE FOOTBALL, baby! Massively muscled people you’ve never heard of might just suffer debilitating injuries! Will we see see a modicum of truth via a biscuit? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Warm milk being imbibed on the sideline. MAYBE!
Get after it, fellow addicts.
So I’m going on a deranged movie Netflix k-hole this weekend. I already have Happiness and Bad Lieutenant lined up.
In the Company of Men?
Requiem For A Dream, or you’re not even trying.
Should I watch Infinity Wars even if I hate superhero movies and hate all the Avenger movies and hate everyone in it and don’t want to watch it?
No?
Sounds like a great use of your time.
It’s that or pump off. I would do both.
– Pee Wee H.
“Nobody’s forcing you to.”
– studio executive, quietly waving you inside the theater with a Luger
I’d love to sit down with you and watch something else altogether.
Hey funboys…get a room!
I watch “Thor: Ragnacok” on an airplane and enjoyed it, so maybe?
Just get on an airplane first.
The last jury I picked was like a clown car, just one shithead after another, until we finally gave in and increased our offer to settle the case.
I mention this because the Yankees seem to have brought that same clown car with them to Fenway tonight, and I am now watching this game solely out of morbid curiosity, as the never-ending series of clown pitches, fielding errors, bad swings and managing “decisions” as beaten all rooting interest out of me tonight.
Hey, but at least they lost to Baltimore last night.
And badly, too!
Flacco Two, Ice Milk Boogaloo is now taking snaps for Balmer.
I would’ve been here sooner but somehow I was demoted to the third string team. That’s what I get for poor effort in the offseason I guess.
You missed it, Brandon LaFell signed for both teams and has been unstoppable.
I guess their saving Pacman Jones for the 2nd half?
Brian Dawkins can eat a dick
Most people can, we just choose not to.
the ppls of DAK DAK DAK DAK! holds a grudge, huh?
How many backboards did Brian Dawkins break?
Don’t worry, scotchy and LagerRobert can get us all into Canadia
even me?
“In some cases, it’s paying off. Nick Mennen told the Wall Street Journal his 12-year-old son, Noble,”
And that’s where I tried to hang myself with my own tongue.
Noble is a terrible name even by wypipo standards.
How often do kids mispronounce his name as “No Balls” in a regular day?
Lots and lots of times, if there is a God.
On Fortnite? Oh, they’re not saying by accident there, let me assure you.
“Ha ha ha ha ha – Noble? What a stupid name!”
– Barron Trump
Yeah…white people…you ain’t allowed to make fun of black folk names no more…
wasnt some DFO Dad schooling Junior on this game?
My kid teaches* me how to play that game.
*Ruthlessly mocks me
“Winning the the battle against the slants” – Cris
Bill Parcels approves
Poor RG3. I hope he has all the opiates he could ever want. And that he becomes mah friend.
Think his footbaw’in be done.
Future Patriot Hayden Hurst
is there any doubt?
You’re saying his grit level is off the charts? But is he scrappy?
Something about him just seems very coachable.
“If you say so.”
– Yinzburgh Double A pitching coach.
So Scrubs if JD was the head of medicine. Sounds terrible.
It makes sense that they are advertising it now, clearly this audience enjoys watching scrubs.
Way to shit on Joe Montana in favour of Warren Moon! LOVE THAT GUY.
“You can do that?”
-N. Davenport
Has any hall of fame member said “they thought I’d be a bust, and I guess they were right”? Randy can have that one.
Ah, Randy Moss, brilliant judo there in taking the memory of Denny Green and flipping it into an opportunity for self-aggrandizement.
I would love to have a cookout with Randy Moss.
absolutely, I bet he can even grill ribs
/grilling ribs sounds great, is frustrating as fuck
I just imagine like a massive family, weird people showing up…and fucking AMAZING as fuck food.
Randy just loves everyone, unless you’re full of shit.
I had to go to a mall to watch this game. And ask to change a channel—which caused a… misunderstanding.
At least I got to see a drunk guy being told off by mall security for peeing on the sidewalk. So there was some streaming involved.
Beats the magic Burger King?
See, that hit is still good, we be a’ight
pancaking the opposing player is bullying, 15 yard penalty.
/when you suspect that you just be old*
I can recall Ozzie Newsome playing and he’s now retiring as a general manager
*btw Cops look like teen-agers
John Harbaugh leaves to coach Ohio State?
/Fuck You URBAN
/Fuck You Jim
Oh god…the stupid Harbaugh bowl crap every year…
Beathard has been to hell and back and forth. And back again.
He’s the truck driver from that Twilight Zone episode “Dead Run”.
I was praying for a Namath moment, because I am an awful person
He looks worse than Sam Neill at the end of Event Horizon
Someone needs to show Demi Lavato that Bobby Beathard interview.
I give up. I just found a russian feed of this utterly pointless, stupid practice.
Not so much because I want to watch this game…I just can’t fucking stand meteorologists. I think I would rather my sister bring home a crack dealer as a boyfriend than a meteorologist.
Like what the fuck is even the requirement to be the idiot weather guy? I’m assuming that the only place to get a degree in it is University of Phoenix.
reddit nflstreams is usually good for links.
Just make sure you use three different ad blockers.
Good lord, Bobby has Al Davis disease.
Does the sun do that? Is that what the sun does?
Yep, my PC game playing self is a very healthy pasty white and will continue like to be so for a long time if I can help it.
I got teh skin cancer (had wee bit of mah left ear chopped off) from the sun coming through goddamned car window
“I don’t know why everybody keeps ragging on Bobby Beathard’s appearance; he looks perfectly normal to me.”
– Al Davis
I have to teach again in less than two weeks. Meaning I only have two weeks to finish God of War. I might be wasting my time watching this game.
Do they do a running clock in preseason games yet?
Well, that quarter was definitely fifteen minutes.
Also, totally rooting for the Predator in the new movie.
Wait, no stoppage time?
/shows self out
😛
am surprised the P*ts haven’t petitioned for it yet
/stoppage time is GREAT for #HAILGAMBLOR
It included many football plays.
“Maybe you could say that in secondmeters? Stupid Americans.”
Aaron Rodgers: “I’m not gay, I just like being estranged from my whole family, okay?”
As a weirdo recluse who hasn’t been on a date in like 3.5 years (who is in shell shock from my fucking chilluns), I can completely understand where he is coming from. He seems like an awesome dude.
I feel like your first sentence applies to 95% of us.
Like that Dave Attell joke, together, we are The Unfuckables!
oh come on, sideline lady: “Aaron Rodgers came out quickly, publicly…”
That’s some Tobias Funke-level shite! I am not making Rodgers gay jokes but fuck me, I can’t let that go!!
Fun fact: Chase Daniels is what Trump did when Stormy tried to escape.
Oh, you bastard. Take the plus one.
Yeah, I don’t like it, but only cuz I didn’t think of it first.
Finally…they go back to the game feed…
/watches that last Ravens play
fuck…I want to go back to two idiots rambling about a storm pattern that won’t affect me.
Hey! Got my wish. They just went back to these two idiots.
One of them even said “Please stop calling the station. We have to cover this or its a multi-million dollar FCC fine”
Chase Daniels: first quarterback to lose is job as a pre-season starting quarterback.
Mile 22 looks fucking awful, but I want to see that hot zombie killer lady get blood on her hands (and possibly nekkid?)
MAHHKEE FACKIN MAHHK!
“Urlacher? I do him.” A. A. Ron
So…NostreYinzer, do you like Fluminense to score early (heavy favourites) in their home leg of the Copa Sudamerica that starts in 5 minutes?
/asking FOAR un amigo
u tell teh future, HELP ME GAMBLE
Congrats on your induction, Hall of Famers! Enjoy some shit!
I’m never going to get to fucking watch this game.
About 15 times now…the fucking weather guy and the intern have both said “The weather system is disappointing and there most likely will not be a touchdown”
THEN FUCKING SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
This fucking TV channel doesn’t even broadcast in the areas affected by this fucking weather.
Brian Urlacher with hair looks like a cut-rate, homeless man’s Dave Bautista.
Uncle Ed used to say, “I like dark quarterbacks. Especially that Jay Cutler.”
“But he’s white, Uncle Ed.”
“No, no no, I like them brooding and deranged like Jeff George. Pass the fucking Everclear.”
Balmer brought in a black Norweigan for their camp fodder kicker? That is a true commitment to diversity imo godbless.
RG3 has been fucked over a few times. I really want him to succeed.
Fuck Shanahan forever
Which white woman in the crowd is going to call the cops on a black kicker?
It’s Ohio, so I’m guessing at least two or three will.
“And listen to the mild approval of the crowd!”
and Kaep doesn’t get a chance to play….
I see the DERP is in mid-season form, as well.
This is NAWT good footballing. Bring in LAMAR! already.
“It literally almost took your breath away.”
-Collinsworth, just now
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