Your “I’ve Missed You So Goddamn Much!” Hall of Fame Game

So.. somebody may have dropped the ball. It was me. TO THE GAME!

 

Ravens/Bears: If you can find two more uninteresting teams in all of the sports I’d like you to tell me about them down below. Still, it’s THE FOOTBALL, baby! Massively muscled people you’ve never heard of might just suffer debilitating injuries! Will we see see a modicum of truth via a biscuit? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Warm milk being imbibed on the sideline. MAYBE!

 

Get after it, fellow addicts.

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Fronkenshteen

Open thread for Johnny Footbaw tomorrow?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Game of the Week!

(I say he gets killed in the first series)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Grandma?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Did I ever tell y’all about the Mike Hunt story?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This is a family friendly site. But, please, go on.

Doktor Zymm

Oh, it’s a perfectly family friendly story. It’s all about a man who was a product liason to my group at my last company. His name was Michael, but he went by Mike. His last name was Hunt. We had a meeting with some people from that company, and before the meeting the contact on our side was telling us all about the company and their representative, Mr. Mike Hunt. We may have found his name humorous, but one of our colleagues, who was particularly susceptible to this sort of humor was not present at what you might call the forewarning. So in the middle of the meeting, when they had given their initial pitch, and the guy on our side was responding with “So where does this put Mike Hunt? Will we still be interacting with Mike Hunt?” we were all able to keep our shit together while she busted out laughing, creating a wonderful moment for us, and a rather awkward moment for Mike Hunt’s coworkers.

WCS

As college professor, I’ve had and seen my very fair share of weird names, but, I can’t think of any to this degree. These are names that are largely impressionable or simply inane.

That said, I went to high school with a Harold Cox. Think about that name for a bit.

Doktor Zymm

I went to college with a Mike Rosh, and he had no idea his name was a joke name. And he LOVED joke names.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does this have anything to do with the Dickins Cider apple orchard?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This week in super-market tabloids:
George Clooney is divorcing Michael Jackson
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Doktor Zymm

Wow, Zombie MJ has aged way better than Clooney

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

the Star certainly picked the most complimentary photo.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She could lift some weights and eat a burger; doesn’t look healthy skinny to me.

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Doktor Zymm

She could also wear a dress not made out of a pink trash bag. Expensive != flattering

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sure it cost as much as a year of my car payments.

Fronkenshteen

IT’S A BOY!!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Congrats!

WCS

Congrats!
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Doktor Zymm

Congrats! Genitals are one of the few ways you can tell babies apart!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good work letting lady Shogun do all the work!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Congrats!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Happy boy day!

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, so I’m looking at the imdb page for The Predator and this movie looks like fun on a bun.

WCS

Directed by this nerd:

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RIP Hawkins

Doktor Zymm

Well damn, had no idea the HOF game was tonight, but given past games probably didn’t miss anything. I’ll watch some of the highlights in the mirror at the gym tomorrow morning, and they’ll be just as good late and backwards. (And yes, that IS what she said)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So if your given name is “Richard Swett” you gotta embrace it and go with “Dick Swett”, right? You can’t hide from that shit.

Doktor Zymm

I think it might depend on your middle initial. Dick E. Swett is good stuff,

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dick O. Swett is also a winner

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s all vowels. Can you do better than Dick U. Swett?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nope. But I like Dick A. Swett too.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Dick B. Swett finishes in the money too. There really are no losers here.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Personally I’m a fan of Dick I. Swett

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

I think that would make for the most interesting story to have to tell at parties:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Just finished playing a doubleheader did i miss some hot Lamar Jackson action?

herodotus450
herodotus450

I think you meant “Jacktion”

litre_cola

He shall now be named Jacktion going forward. Balls add t to the sheet of DFOisms

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK pretend NFL done for the night. Time foar the Snowfall catchup binge type thingy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Snowfall? In summer?

Spur
Spur

i watched the whole thing. Feels hollow.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Joe Flacco believes tonight proved him right about the Ravens drafting another QB, and he’s celebrating with a glass of chocolate milk.

He thinks it’s the blood of a vanquished Lamar Jackson.

Redshirt

Really you throw flags for everything but not that!?

Brocky

Pros of visiting the hall of fame: it’s a legtimatley cool place to visit.

Cons: not only is it in ohio, its far enough south that it feels out of the way of you have to go through the state for any other reason.

Pro: giant photo of walter payton on the side

Con: theres a bunch of Tom brady propaganda around, even though he doesn’t actually own that many records.

WCS

My mom has family in Canton. They’re MAGAs. We never talk to them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

With that sweet P*ts money, he should have a better collection by now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thoroughly enjoyed my trip to the hall as a child. I cannot imagine going back ever again.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Missed it. Did the Bears miss a PAT or a 2PT?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dos

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Alright, so the Bears just need a rouge to get to overtime.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Fajitas are a stunt food. It’s all about that goddam sizzling platter, which is really just a special effect.

Spur
Spur

stop eating at Applebees. We love you and want you to love yourself.

litre_cola

I am sure he loves himself which is why he cant have nice things

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

that’s exactly right

Brocky

Andrea brings up a good point.

I really started watching football around the time moss and were drafted.

Never before can I remember a hall of fame class were I saw most of the guys play the entirety of their careers.

Fuck I’m getting old.

Screw that, im already old. I threw my back out typing this.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I feel like that old Robert Schimmel bit about throwing his back out when he jacks off.

Redshirt

New Proposed Rule: You can attempt a three point conversion from the 7 yard line and a four point conversion from the 15 yard line.

Redshirt

Okay, NOW go for two. Have a heart.

makeitsnowondem

I want to apologize to Leighton Vander Esch. Tanner Gentry is the whitest name in the NFL.

King Hippo

Very glad they revoked his touched down. Cracker-ass muthafucka

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I have a very small Facebook presence (mostly relatives) yet I just got a sponsored post for a funeral home cosmetologist in Inglewood CA who has holiday specials:

http://www.msddressingcasketing.com

King Hippo

I hear tell dying on Easter is a thang

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

GO FER TWO!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Well, when you do score, do this.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

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Redshirt

BLEERGH is in midseason form!

King Hippo

My strategy as an OC would be murder ball after murder ball. Go right down the field on penalties.

Redshirt
Spur
Spur

Can XPac be Deputy Mayor?

Brocky

Yes

Redshirt

How soon until all the Defense players go on strike?

WCS

Tomorrow.

Spur
Spur

Cowboys started years ago. They’re close to beating the Stardust strike.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Why do they keep saying “foul”? There’s no fouls in football! It’s a penalty.

makeitsnowondem

They’re going to have to stop wearing helmets.

King Hippo

apparently the only way to play tackle footbaw SAFELY

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

No way! Bring back the leather helmets. Classic.

Spur
Spur

Antonio Cromartie played without a helmet. Not a good idea.

King Hippo

goddamnit, this rule

Spur
Spur

As i was saying. NFL is killing itself. We’re all that will remain. And when we are gone. It’s Pro FortNite Monday Night on ABC.

King Hippo

I’ll be ded, I have no sons other than cats.

Brocky

You know Tony Dungy, when I say you’re an egotistical asshole, you’re not supposed to take it as a personal challenge

makeitsnowondem

At last we’ve reached the hating-on-T.O. stage of the proceedings.

King Hippo

Let’s all scold Terrell Owens like he’s 8 years old! Unlike the murderer we fellated all night.

Brocky

me tuning in, immediately see the bears go 3 and out

Sounds about right

King Hippo

Seriously, Tyler Fucking Bray is still in the league?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bray? Ass.

King Hippo

I mean, Jeebus, didya see THAT throw? You or I could make that.

Brocky

I have no clue who the fuck that is, but that is the most mediocre name in recent memory

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

*screaming internally*

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King Hippo

I’mma dream about the bloodletting again.

makeitsnowondem

If I ever heard a co-worker say any of these things I’d call in the next day because they are absolutely about to do a shooting.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Thankfully, we’d all know who the target will be.

King Hippo

and the funny thing is…the entire premise of capitalism is supposed to be people acting out of self-interest

/I guess except for workers, is what the MODERN capitalist thinks? Oh what a burden it is to have moneys and all this dreadful responsibility and white man’s burden.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Oh it is about self-interest and always has been–it’s just that the self-interest of some matter a lot more than the self-interest of others.

King Hippo

the irony of their own Animal Farm moment

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’d say “imagine working for this boss” but I think I actually have.

King Hippo

I’m sure he avidly describes himself as a Bible-believing Christian. And thought leader.

Col. Duke LaCross

Hey! Kevin White made it through a game without getting hurt!

Of course, I don’t think he played a snap, but still, baby steps!

Literally, any bigger steps and his legs will self-amputate at the knee.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Please don’t use the word “snap” around Kevin White.

WCS

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King Hippo

It’s gettin it’s gettin it’s gettin kinda hectic (ppl forget that)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

/drafts #83 in fantasy
//loses all the games

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh bloody hell!!!! I forgot all about FF.

We gotta do that shit again this year or what?

King Hippo

u even has 2 ask, ninja??

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, but evahbodeh in that league hates me now, and I didn’t even win. It’s just because I’m a huge dickhole.

Sad, but true.

Brocky

Fuck I still need to write my column.

From fucking December.

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