Your “Batten Down The Hatches!” Sunday Morning NFL Football Open Thread

Meh. It’s sunny and warm here. TO THE GAMES!

Brownies/Saints:

He gone. Rumour has it Josh Gordon showed up to the Browns practice facility and was “not himself”. High. He was high. Funny thing, when I started doing these game intros I was told there would be no meth. smh.

Bolts/Bills:

Last week Buffalo was Nathan Peterman’s team. After the D gave up 369 yardos the brain trust decided that it should be Josh Allen’s team. Last week’s “I don’t think Allen is ready yet” morphed into “Gentlemen, after very careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that Josh Allen is ready-ish”.

Chefs/Stillers:

Both Pittsburgh corners are banged up and that’s not going to cut it vs. Mahomes & Co’s vertical, mid-field and short passing game. More bad news? Steelers defenders were flummoxed by Tire Rod’s jaunts out of the pocket last week and they meet up with another qb with the same ability to scramble.

Colts/’Dacteds:

The Architect didn’t exactly baby his arm last week after nearly 2 full years on the sideline. He completed 39 passes at a 74% rate for 300 yards. T.Y. Hilton looks forward to being fantasy-relevant again. (not really, he’s probably happy to have a competent signal-caller under center)

Fins/Jests:

Key to success for them Jerts? Keep Fanny Hill in 3rd and long sitchamucations-the only qb with worse numbers goes by the name of Bortles. Tons of interceptions? YES. I don’t throw around the word ‘retard’ very easily but I think the Jets long bout with irrelevance will be slightly retarded this year.

Iggles/Bucs:

The TB O that tossed 48 points onto the scoreboard last week vs. the Saints might just give Philly a bit of a headache. DeSean looks as though he’ll play which will open the field up for the likes of wr’s Evans and Godwin, te Howard and rb Barber. Looks as though Wentz is about two weeks away.

Panthers/Falcons:

Both teams are banged up as hell with the advantage going to Atlanta because they’ve got Tevin “No, it’s not Kevin, dammit!” Coleman starting in place of DeVonta. In this spot he usually gets 18-20 carries on top of his 6-7 targets in the passing game. He’s also good for a TD average-wise. Start that fella and don’t look back.

Texans/Titans:

Coach Vrabel said that both qb’s were going to play today. Huh? That shit never works. Thing is, no matter who is throwing the ball, they should have a great time against a Texans secondary that is signing kids off the street due to numerous injury issues.

Vikes/Pack:

The spinning eyeballs, the clipped speech-Rodgers post-game interview was one for the ages last week. He’s listed as questionable. Wait. Nope. He’s starting. Maybe. If he is this will be one hell of a game for the second week of the season.

Today’s games look good. You can make them even better by being your funny selves. Do it.

 

 

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
867 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Fronkenshteen

Ajayi not dead!

Gratliff

Just socred even

Fronkenshteen

2yd TD!

Gratliff

So if the Eagles do the big comeback here, do we get that awesome thing where the Bucs resurgence dies immediately?

Doktor Zymm

You know, when the commentator says ‘throwing darts’ to mean accurate, they haven’t seen a lot of my friends throw darts

Smithchez

I endorse “Like a drunk throwing darts” as a new way to describe QB inaccuracy.

ArmedandHammered

Did they say they were accurately thrown darts?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Have you or anyone here ever played Dartball?

Redshirt

THEY OVERTURNED THE CALL! ITS A PAPUA NEW GUINEA INDEPENDENCE DAY MIRACLE!!!!!

ArmedandHammered

The replay official told them to dial it back a bit as they were being too obvious.

Doktor Zymm

The refs, much like Jeff Sessions, doing the minimum to maintain a semblance of credibility

Redshirt

You know it sad when Sessions is consider the Voice of Reason.

Doktor Zymm

For Sessions, he maintains the minimum so he can keep screwing people over and prevent justice reform. Not convinced the refs aren’t doing the same.

Redshirt

That’s what I mean. He’s a piece of crap but in the toilet bowl of that administraion, he’s floats to the top.

Gratliff

For some reason, MGK is being talked about all over Twitter. The only thing I know about him is that this happened.

comment image

Gatoraids

tannehill the never ending derpy

comment image

Redshirt

If I’m the Chiefs owner, if the refs uphold this call, I walk my team off the field. You can win if the refs are on the payroll.

King Hippo

RedZone didn’t even show the overturn!

Smithchez

This Jets-Dolphins game is an exercise in football futility.

Doktor Zymm

Romo doing shitty Corona commercials…..is kinda perfect

Redshirt

Even BLEERGH thinks the refs are taking this game too far.

Doktor Zymm

If this Chiefs TD is overturned, Imma stop watching, no point

Fronkenshteen

This crew should be investigated

King Hippo

it’s blatant

Spur

Clear TD but you know its the Steelers.

King Hippo

THREE feet in, now Fat Andy has to burn a challenge

Fronkenshteen

Run it in Mahomes!

Doktor Zymm

What is the least number of injuries that someone has had in a 3+ year NFL career in the SB era?

Doktor Zymm

Starting the majority of that time, and not a punter or kicker

fleshwound_NPG

dacteds thinking a FGkkake will win them a game

Redshirt

Football Purists.

Redshirt

The 2005 Seattle Seahawks are betting the house.

Spur

Nice play Viks. Now Kill Rodgers. You get to to keep Rodgers leg as a War Trophy.

Spur

comment image

Petronel

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Yes!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, look, it’s LeSean McCoy on the ground writhing in pain. What a shame.

Doktor Zymm

There’s an alternate universe where the refs made the correct call on both those scoring plays and the score is 28-14

Redshirt

Yes, but in that world the refs got control of that Wild Card game and the Bengals won because Bernard wasn’t killed in the 3rd Qtr. You want to live in that world?

King Hippo

Shady ded?

Smithchez

Chris “what, me catch?” Herndon is the only thing stopping this from being a tied game.

Senor Weaselo

It’s a remake of Magnum. So not quite.

LemonJello

Alex Smith gonna use up all his 5+ yard passes in this game, it seems.

King Hippo

Yinzburgh is a public team, plus now they are taking a strong, publicly anti-labour stand. The Shield all in.

Fronkenshteen

A team named after millworkers which incorporates the logo of that industry has come out publically against labor. Fascinating.

King Hippo

indeed, I noticed teh irony as well

Redshirt

Carnegie and Morgan were all in with the government. Hell, they financed McKinley’s campaigns.

King Hippo

3 ppls in my Survivor took N’Awlins, oops

Redshirt

I think I took Eagles. On the bright side, its one less thing for me to worry about Wednesday night.

tomsellecksmoustache

Conner isn’t in.

litre_cola

When did the refs get so in bed with Rapey?

Redshirt

They’ve been in bed for years. You guys didn’t notice because of your complete and undying hatred for the Pats.

Gatoraids

Review Booth alot like a stall

Spur

The Steelers and refs have been BFFs for a very long time. Ask Cincy and Browns fans.

Redshirt

With benefits, Spur. With benefits.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

It’s only natural that they’d be friendly with a team that constantly reminds everyone of the importance of referees.

King Hippo

that ball was NOT across when elbow went down, guarantee they let it stand

Doktor Zymm

We thinking alike again

Doktor Zymm

NO TD FOR YOU. I don’t even hate the Steelers, I’m pretty okay with them, but KC has played better and this score is BS

Redshirt

I just went to the store for my ill mother. What happened in Pittsburgh?

fleshwound_NPG

refs and andy reid

Spur

Kordell Stewart gave a powerful speech in the 2nd Quarter and the refs.

Doktor Zymm

HAH! If that flag rever…FUCK THE REFS

King Hippo

Boy howdy are the zeebs bailing out Yinzburgh.

Mr. Ayo

That’s a legit call though.

Fronkenshteen

Hippo called it. Shit, the refs handed them a Supe.

Fronkenshteen

Steelers all doing the L. Bell first down ball drop.

King Hippo

Andy Luck looks really, really bad y’all

Gatoraids

Irsay musta broke his coke mirror and sentenced the Cokts to years of bad luck

Doktor Zymm

Rapey really not looking that good, kinda Elishaish but without the childlike wonder

litre_cola

It seems that this year I am the Hue Jackson of fantasy football.

Fronkenshteen

You would destroy me

blaxabbath

RTD grows red with anger….

fleshwound_NPG

better than the sean mcdermott of ff

fleshwound_NPG

Luck wanting to be picked off again

Gratliff

DJax with the annual “Fuck Chip Kelly” reminder

Doktor Zymm

There’s way more than one of those per year

Fronkenshteen

In the old nfl, Doctson gets a TD there.

Doktor Zymm

The Steelers will be SOL if Jujubee goes out

fleshwound_NPG

I know it’s against the ‘dacteds but indy playing actual defense for the first time since 2006

Gatoraids

Easy when you don’t have to play 5 yards past scrimmage

fleshwound_NPG

and asploded his knees

blaxabbath

Man, Mahomes looks 4 Real.

Bad FF week to face Mahomes + Hill.

Gatoraids

The Blunder Years starring Kevin darnold

Redshirt

♪ What would you do if my pass overthrew? / Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪

litre_cola

Shouldn’t that be a Safety Dance?

King Hippo

no, because a muff means no possession in positive territory

Smithchez

LOLJETS

Smithchez

LOLPHINS

Petronel

Redactedception at the Humps 29. If they can’t score off of this…hell, it woke up Sonny on Redacteds Radio.