After the ten game ‘splosion of earlier today we have but three ‘options’ (depending on where you are living) this afternoon. I’m not a fan of this illusion of choice. (h/t, George Carlin) TO THE GAMES!
Chargers/Rammers:
The Battle of Los Angeles (or The Great Los Angeles Air Raid) was started by a very provocative (wait for it) weather balloon that had ill intentions towards the denizens of the heretofore mentioned city. It might have been aliens. Thank gawd there were some trigger-happy artillery folks that told that alien balloon that ‘these colors don’t run’. Perhaps history can repeat itself in this here encounter by qb’s Goff and Rivers throwing all kinds of projectiles at opposing defenses. Yeah, I need wr Cook to put up some points-what of it?
Bears/Cards:
Which Khalil Mack will show up for this game? Is it going to be the unblockable maniac that collapses pockets at will? Or will it be the unholy terror that single-handedly changes the Cards offensive game plan? Which Truth Biscuit will decide to play? The one that under/over-throws his open wr’s? Or will it be the fella that misreads the D on a regular basis?
Cowboys/Seahawks:
This here is the “Stop laughing-We’re Still Relevant, Dammit!” Bowl which is sponsored by the good folks at Blackberry and Kodak. DAK! had a temporary reprieve from the boo-birds courtesy of a porous Giants D last week. Will a headed-south-in-the-standings Seattle team stand up and be counted?
Let’s do that thing that we like to do. Ewwww, not that!
“Illegal Touching” on Zeke seems…apt?
Be a good Supreme Court yest next term. He’s a man but also black.
I think I’m on a lag, but hopefully all this staring leads to something, unlike my high school dating life.
HAIL BLEERGH!
Mics picked up “fuck that n*gga”
I have not been paying attention but how the fuck are the Cardinals winning? Bears D absent?
mitch fumbled and D was awful 1st possession
Bradford is back!!!!!
Just give it to Zeke to open up the play-action.
From former KSK kontributer, Sarah Sprague’s BBQ. (I miss her)
saw that, follow her on the interwebs and always has teh good food
Can we pool together money to bring her back for her and yeahright to cater for us every Sunday?
Janeane lost her ACL and MCL. Dammit Chefs, why is it always the knee with the (ex)P*ts QBs?
Who’s the back-up QB?
C.J. Beathard.
I guess he’s the most competent option of people who, you know, have 49ers jerseys…
Joe Montana looks up, as if hearing thousands of fans crying out.
/closes door on closet full of jerseys, resumes reading
Our old friend BeatHard (we only have one other QB since last seasons’ switcheroo with the P*ts)
I’m excited to look up who SF has as QB2. brb
the answer, as always, is Satan. Sorry, I was looking forward to the Tomsulas this season. 🙁
Great pass by Truth Biscuit to Burton, but he’s still staring down his receivers.
It always worked in the Chapel Hill bars.
He does not seem big on progression.
Then again, it’s not like that arm runs out of real estate.
Thanks for another no show Vikings.
How the fuck can you trust a team that has at least one of these abortions Every Fucking Year!
Maybe it wasn’t their fault, maybe a high ranking Republican ground up an abortion pill and put it in their system unknowingly.
#BringbackBridgewater
#TeddyTouchdown
Can’t trust people who have abortions. That’s why you gotta get their receipt of payment for silence in contract form. It is….
Essential.
Technically, that’s two in 2018
Repent for your sins heretic.
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/3193397/firerivers.gif
You know how awesome the NFL is? Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals are locked in a knife’s edge playoff race, and now is the first time I even considered checking the score.
WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Glory to the #BFIB! 😀
How happy are you that the Dirt Argos’ GM was the only person on this planet to not see that the Dirt Argos were going to be shit this year, and as a result, decided not to take the #BFIB’s entire prospect pool for Donaldson?
pretty fucking happy, dude!
Which do you feel better about— NFL coaches who seem to put some effort into their own physical condition (Rivera, Carroll, McVay) or the ones whose health just ends up in the back seat (Reid, Coughlin, Pagano)?
the middle set
Phillip Rivers is the best!
He can over throw a receiver by at least 20 yards and he still glares that guy down as the dude slowly trots back to the huddle.
Why the fuck didn’t that guy run twenty yards deeper, HUH?!
Upon your suggestions, improvising some mojo pork even though I have no ingredients.
Apple Cider Vinegar
Tropical Fruit juice I had in fridge (who the hell just has grapefruit laying around?)
Leftover chipotle sauce
Bunch of garlic
bunch of spinach
bunch of spices that sounded hispanic
splash of beer
All went in the blender and marinated the pork for an hour. Currently in the instapot with some onions. Will update.
Update: I only have 1 tortilla in my fridge. These will now be pulled pork nachos.
Nice audible.
– D Bevell
Jesus, the Pink Taco looks like HoHoKam Park
I know what a Pink Taco is, I have been to HohoKam park for a game, yet I do not know what this means.
Is that not the nickname for the Buzzsaw’s home stadium? Which is currently full of Chicago fans.
my favourite part of that Bills table crash gif below is the guy helpfully trying to pour BEER on the fatass who is on fucking fire
Beer is 85% water, ppl forget that
That means, 2 beers is like having 1 glass of water.
Mike McCoy trimming down the ARI playbook.
Just doing what’s best for the Cardinals.
They should run the Flexbone offense
Antonio Gates is so adorable because he looks like he has DFO Kommenter speed.
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/CloseBleakJackrabbit-mobile.mp4
Doug Baldwin was just explaining the ending to The House With a Clock In Its Walls
Antonio Gates on the pick and roll for the first down for the Clippers. That’s a good fit
What’s more survivable, a Bills tailgate or an Insane Clown Posse concert?
What’s the difference?
Like which group do you think has a higher rate of employment? Juggalo or Bills fans?
I got to think its more expensive to go to a Bills game than that gathering of the Juggalos thing…
Bill’s fans. But it’s a narrow margin.
you act like these are likely separate events
Knife Day at a Dodger game
Wearing that Sandwich board from Die Hard 3 in the Congo?
Clippers looking like they aren’t going to be good again, this year.
HARD TRUTH: CP3 has NEVAR been a team player whatsoever. He’ll get his, and that’s all.
“Oh God No!!!
Oh, I thought you were taking about the financials. Nevermind.”
-D Spanos
**femur drums rumble in the distance**
Truth Biscuit just might be more retarded than the Downs Syndrome guy. U*NC edumacation, everybody!
Is it just me or does he kinda look like Romo?
Never noticed before, but you’re 100% right
Eh, tbh guy looks and acts like the bastard offspring o’ Derpy Manning and Romo… so … err… that may explain things?
“Who do I fire for leaving that door to the cloning vats unlocked?”
-R. Goodell
No clonin’, just Tequila bonin’… those missed seasons weren’t because of a Romo injury,lol (enjoy the mental image, MWAHAHAHAHHAHAH)
Man – Mitchy got an arm.
You know, if we’re now in the era of organized crime holding the White House, can we at least get someone from Bills Mafia in 2020?
“A case of Genesee Cream in every fridge, a breakable table in every yard! That is my promise!”
“You’re god damn fucking right I’m gonna expand the welfare state!”
Sole reason I’m watching The Battle of Los Angeles is because Buck/Aikman have nothing to do with it.
Rams are ramming it…
We get to see the Shitty Clippers’ backup punter!
/please be King Laserface
RAMMMMIIITTTTTTT killed the Chargers punter. the 1st casualty of the Battle of LA
You got to give the assist to the Chargers special teams there. Bold strategy to not block the guy coming up the middle.
King Laserface doesn’t believe in protection
So one?
::Pulls sealed envelope from forehead::
::opens and pulls out card::
How many games until RAMMIT/LAC is a “rivalry” with “no love lost between these two teams”?
Can’t waste a day when the night brings a hearse
/ppl forget that
U LIKE THAT
https://twitter.com/thadbrown7/status/1043956607279755268
Bill to win out. BOOK IT.
Jennifer Love Hewitt boobs didn’t jiggle during that earthquake. This 911 show is unwatchable.
I don’t think you understand the gravity of her situation.
I am willing to bet no less than $500 that Chandler
Jones won’t get mentioned tomorrow.
Its not like he led the league in sacks last year.
Could Chandler BE any more overlooked?
I haven’t seen a Chandler make this much of an impact since their local cops gave Steve Keim a DUI!
Chandler Jones is an absolute monster. Even on Cardinals media, he’s an afterthought. Same thing for Pat Peterson.
I get that, but I’m thinking more in terms of:
“Shit that would get discussed with any other team but magically doesn’t for chicago because fuck chicago”
Just fuck
“If you don’t think the center is important…”
-Aikman, explaining to a Belarusian watching the game for the first time ever.
/fuck off, Troy
Gofferception!
Cards/Bears history:
https://youtu.be/SWmQbk5h86w
as much as I can see the bears fuckin the dog this game, I know because of that game the cards can do worse
Just run the read option with Dak you stupid Princeton fuck.
– Brent O’Kavanaugh, drunkenly watching this game while raping a woman
Things I have learned watching the Battle of LA game: Sean Mcvay is young. (Did you know this? Weird!)
Giving your opponent a first down when they punt is just smart football.
Hippo unleashed David Johnson
like I said, y’all is all welcome
“HIPPO BENCHING INSPIRES JOHNSON!”
-Failing New York Times Sports Section
So the little things that hurt the bears last year are starting to come back:
1. O line troubles
2. Defensive inexperience
3. Unreliable kicking game
None of this shit will get mentioned though. Come Monday I bet you 20 bucks mongo mcmichael will be calling for chase daniel.
4. Turnover differential
I was surprised how good CHI’s stats were last year, considering their W/L record.
What’s with the #31 defense doing the camera pose celebration after getting one turnover in three weeks?
That pass was so telegraphed it may as well have been sponsored by the pony express
Rammit running their Taco Bell formation because Brown came out of that hole and there was nothing the Clippers could do about it
Goddamn it, I take a single, massive, painful dump and the PizzaBoy is down with an ACL… Goddamn it, can’t SF have one moment of happiness this decade?! Ah, wait… it’s SF – I retract the two Goddamns and subsitute a single
No. For damn good reason too.
Ok, yes, on one hand it’s Jed York and probably the least likeable franchise atm in California, BUT …. on the other hand he gave us our Lord and Saviour – The Tomsula!
Jed York arguments only require one hand.
But… I transplanted 4 more arms, just so I could flip the legendary sextuple bird in his general direction?! What am I to do now? Waste it on Kroenke?
They built that new stadium on top of a cemetery
The way I forsee the tea leaves float, I think I have a good idea for a post for the C-Hox once their season is over, and it might actually be cromulent.
Wait — was Marriota the QB2 to Blaine Gabbert? I thought he was out hurt or something.
Since the Bills won, which team will be the last one to win their first game (or go winless) this year?
#ThePauls
Fat Stafford and the Loins?
Gruden gonna make a serious run at it
ARI