Excuse me while I play the Canadian national anthem.
NFL News:
- Dez Bryant has come to the realization that no one loves him, so he might as well go home.
I’ll rather it be the Dallas Cowboys if not I’ll be ready to play somewhere else https://t.co/IRUmDXMZa7
— Dez Bryant (@DezBryant) October 2, 2018
- Leonard Fournette will not play for the Jags against the Chiefs.
- His hamstring is still tenuous.
- The League office finally got around to suspending Mychal Kendricks for his insider trading conviction.
- He was given the rarely-used “indefinite” term, which means he’s done for the year, and likely forever after he’s sentenced in January.
- He’s facing 30-37 months in prison.
- At least the Seahawks got three games out of him.
- He was given the rarely-used “indefinite” term, which means he’s done for the year, and likely forever after he’s sentenced in January.
- Oof – LeSean McCoy is accused of physical abuse of his (ex-)girlfriend starting in the 2017 season.
- “McCoy is extremely strong and was heavy-handed,” the lawsuit claims. “He would often grab Plaintiff in a manner that was painful and would leave Plaintiff’s skin reddened. McCoy did not care who was around when he would become enraged. McCoy once physically kicked Plaintiff out of the bed.”
- This is in conjunction with previous allegations of physical abuse towards his son and his mother’s dog.
- TV ratings are up over the first four weeks versus last year.
- It’s only 2%, but it has as much to do with the quality of the football (read: offence) as with the lack of outside pressures (kneeling; President Bone Spurs).
Now,
during the offseason I had a half-brained idea to do a comparison on the complaints received by the FCC (in the US) and the CRTC (in Canada) about the Super Bowl broadcast. This was because people LOVE to complain, and the more trivial the issue the better. (See: the internet) That fell by the wayside for a couple of reasons:
- In the US, you can only contact the FCC via snail mail, and you apparently have to have an USA address for a response.
- In Canada, the CRTC only received 14 complaints – none about the game broadcast; most about the “signal substitution” during the pre-game show.
Now signal substitution, also known as “SimSub”, is the process by which a Canadian broadcast rights holder can substitute their broadcast feed over the American cable signal so as to claim advertising rights & revenue. Since there are only three national private media broadcasters in Canadian television, and they account for 75% of channel ownership, it is in their best interests to maintain this monopoly. I have written about this issue a couple of times before, mostly to express outrage.
Well, for two glorious years (2017-18), the US signal wasn’t blocked, due to a CRTC ruling that prohibited the practice for the live games.
They had received enough complaints about the shoddy SimSub work that they ended the practice. Consumers were happy, but the NFL and the networks were not. The NFL saw the value of its Canadian broadcast rights greatly reduced, and the Canadian network CTV saw a deep plunge in their first-quarter ad revenue. Still, score one for the consumer, right?
So imagine my outrage when I come across at Deadspin a story about how Roger Goodell & the NFL got Donald Trump to include a codicil in the new Free Trade Agreement about prohibiting the continuation of this practice. According to BNN Bloomberg, Annex 15-D of the United States Mexico Canada Agreement (USMCA) reads:
“Canada shall rescind Broadcasting Regulatory Policy CRTC 2016-334 and Broadcasting Order CRTC 2016-335. With respect to simultaneous substitution of commercials during the retransmission in Canada of the program referenced in those measures, Canada may not accord the program treatment less favorable than the treatment accorded to other programs originating in the United States retransmitted in Canada.”
This Agreement not only deletes the CRTC ruling from 2015, it practically cements in place all SimSub practices in use by Canadian networks. The only recourse would be to propose eliminating the entire SimSub category from the CRTC code, which would be nigh-impossible, since that political party would be portrayed as weakening Canadian culture. Trudeau’s got it hard enough right now, he doesn’t need more sniping from the left-wing (NDP) or right-wing (Tories).
That’s not to say the Ginger Hammer isn’t happy. To quote Roger Goodell:
“We greatly appreciate President Trump’s leadership and determination in bringing about a resolution to our intellectual property issue in Canada,” Goodell said in a written statement released by the NFL.
Starting in 2019, the Canadian networks will get their SimSub rights back to the Super Bowl, and Canadians will be ‘treated’ to approximately 300 Canadian Tire ads. Bart Scott?
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Habs at Leafs – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Bruins at Capitals – 7:30PM | NBCSN
- Flames at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
- Ducks at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN
- MLB:
- Athletics at Yankees – 8:00PM | TBS / Sportsnet1
HAIL GAMBLOR – HOCKEY IS BACK!
A single from Martini is nice, but a double would be better.
I know it’s only Wednesday, but…….
Yup, Sevy thought he was done, because just like that is the first two hits and now he’s done anyway.
Well, sometimes it is the same when defrosting something in the microwave…… ‘I thought it was done.’
Uncle Ed once said, “It’s not racist to call him ‘CC Sablackia’ if you’re commenting on his ability to hit the outside corner. Sometimes I wish Pam Grier would tie me up and peg me, y’know?”
Sometimes?
Sevy thought he was done.
The Pinstripes…do not flatter Mister Voit. He is a large human.
I’m actually ok with the Yankees winning this, because they might actually beat the SAWX. Plus it will eliminate any Hippine temptation to watch ANY of that particular series.
My rule is “anything but the fucking Yankees.”
this was always mah rule, but the SAWX have overtaken them in dipshittiness, Small Bears, too.*
*Part 2 of this is maybe 25% #BFIB bias.
Anytime they show the Yankee Stadium crowd, though…just UGH
OH man is Rudy in the crowd? I have a throbbing warmonger boner that won’t quit.
When they mentioned it was his birthday last time he got the everloving shit booed out of him. That must have hurt his soul. If he still has one.
He is clueless;
“That’s GREAT; they are saying [happy] boooooooooooooirthday to ME!”
Nah. I’m right there with you. As you already know.
NOPE; not with the Yankees’ history.
Although a Mets fan that used to be a roommate was the most annoying; he would ‘[clap, clap, stomp, stomp]’ chant, etc. while watching the games on TV. The counter to that was his GF was hot and liked to show a bit for fun.
my hatred for the Mets has faded (I really couldn’t stand Gary Carter or Darryl Strawberry), mainly thanks to the hilarity of Keith Hernandez on TV.
Two words…
Armando. Benitez.
Mine was solely based on this fucker.
God DAMN
Senor exhales.
Shouldn’t all Head Coaches/Managers have to wear the same uniform as their players, just like in the Based Ball Majer Leegs?
God, to see Andy Reid suit up…
First game of the season, and Hyman is broken already?
Check the sheets.
The Forum Club is a cruel mistress
Using the whole fist, there, doc?
You better lube up, son.
“Mooooooon Riiiiverrrr”
Also, the Bruins might not be very good.
Caps are using up all of their goals tonight though smh
Sooooooo…who pissed tWBS off today?
I realized it had been a month and a half since the “Michael Jordan Nissan Collision Center” first did their estimate to fix Dave’s ass. Yes, Dave was technically bought from Michael Jordan.
tWBS: I’ve been waiting for a month and a half now to get my truck fixed.
MJ’s representative: We’ve been waiting for your insurance to come thru and for you to call us.
tWBS: Bullshit. I’ve had the insurance check here waiting. It was cut the same day you did the estimate. I called you back the same day you did the estimate and told you this. You told me you’d order the new bumper and you’d call me and we’d schedule the time for the repair. Would it help if I go to the parts department and buy the bumper and bring it to you since you can’t seem to get your shit straight?????
MJ’s representative: Well, I’ll go ahead and order the bumper and we’ll get you in next week if possible.
tWBS: You haven’t even ordered the fucking bumper yet????? Dude?????
Michael Jordan. The gift that keeps on giving.
smgdh
I think he told you to get dunked on. That’s all I got.
MJ used that insurance check to pay off some gambling debts.
RIP Papa Jordan
Does anyone else eat enough peanut butter pretzels in a day for it to count as a separate meal?
“Amateur” – Andy R.
Yes. That’s why I cannot eat peanut butter anymore. Well, I do, but I shouldn’t.
Anyway, those bags of peanut butter pretzels they sell at Trader Joe’s at 16 ounces. And it’s easy to kill a bag. Or the 5 pound containers at Costco. I’ve killed 1/3 of a container before I couldn’t eat more.
God Almighty. I need to stop maintaining and go back to losing because I’m still fat as fuck.
Greg Gibson? Wow, he’s branching out.
At least A’s pitcher L. Trivino has all that video game endorsement money to fall back on
No you’re thinking of L. Carvallo.
BUY ME BONESTORM OR GO TO HELL
My joke has landed in: PARKING LOT.
Obligatory ruh roh.
Pisco GIDP a lot
Oh Jesus fuck Miggy, that’s the second throw tonight.
Let me guess, they will score this a hit.
This ain’t gonna be much of a Wild Card, Bitches in the AL.
I’ll take several runs in the bottom of the 3rd here. My right thumbnail would appreciate it.
In addition to the much better lineup and 2-run lead, it is dominant ace v. hodgepodge of rando middle relievers. Think y’all be a’ight.
No matter what,, you lived a day longer than Bastard Man Small Bears!
Gotta tack on! I’ve seen them not tack on too many times.
I’m guessing 4 or 5 to 0 or 1
Ovechkin scores on a power play one-timer resulting from an offensive-zone-Marchand-penalty, is there any sweeter scenario?
Marchand gets hit by a Looney Tunes style anvil?
Ovechkin dies of asphyxiation up Putin’s asshole? And Putin also dies when sepsis sets in?
Tavares puts the Leaves up 2-1, receives more media coverage in two periods than he get in 10 years on The Island.
Canadiens even it back up, camera cuts to Tavares sitting on the bench for some reason.
He’s going to wish he’s back there when they have a three-game losing skid & he’s getting all the questions about it.
I bet the original editor of that Sleep Number commercial got in trouble for mistakenly referring to the star as “Kurt”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUbn5ss8j9c
“THEY BROUGHT THEIR FUCKIN’ TOYS!!!!!”
(still one of my single favorite one liners in any movie EVAR)
“Get me a Grape or an Orange, but none of that stinkin’ Root Beer”
Leafy Boys pouring it on, and still without Nylander (right?), but not-injured-yet Carey Price shutting them down.
I never knew Henry Rollins was a Canadian wrassler.
Lance Storm was the best.
So Survivor (yeah, its somehow still on) is “David vs. Goliath”. So its pretty much high school gym class when the teacher let the cool kids pick the teams?
I have no idea how Survivor works but I would assume if starvation is a factor you’d be better off needing a lower calorie load.
I mostly just watch the competitions. Its like Double Dare and Nckelodeon Guts but with the chance of Heat Stroke.
It should be true Survivor, whether the losers should be beheaded.
Okay, maybe that’s the Mesoamerican ball game, but they can play that!
They weren’t beheaded. They had their hearts cut out.
Which I would prefer if any Survivor contestants actually had hearts.
I didn’t realize they were allowed to show beheadings on CBS
They should dump the contestants on an island with a bunch of supplies and tell them that there’s a Battalion Landing Team of Marines just over the horizon that are coming to “liberate” their island in the name of American Manifest Destiny*.
Hilarity ensues.
*Sweet, Light Crude Oil
Jeff Probst is the ultimate dudebro
Domi on Kadri penalty, it’s like a Meteor Matchup inside a Meteor Game. Meteonion.
So based on the first inning, am I going to have to do a spinoff called “That’s My Athletics!”?
Absolutely.
I feel your pain. Its like your team bust their asses off for 162 games just to completely shit the bed in their only Post-Season game.
The Buccaneers have a historically bad defense but a historically great “serial titty grabber and Ryan Fitzpatrick” QB tandem
If you think Jameis Winston mistreats women you do not want to read about the adventures of Fitzpatrick Bateman.
“I have to return some microfiche”
“Now this is what I call a Gruden Grinder right here…” – Jon Gruden remarking on Fitzpatrick’s efforts to make, um, sausage.
Athletics have players named Martini, Semien, Lucroy. and M.Olson. Possibly my new favorite team of all time.
DAMMIT! I keep forgetting to include “It’s Always Sunny” in the previews.
All. Rise. Let’s fucking go.
Ah memories of 18 year old Buddy trying to pump himself up pre-coitus.
Uncle Ed used to say, “I once saw Allan Bester fucking an escort on Yonge St. the night before a playoff game. The next night he gave up a overtime winner from just inside the blue line to Sergio Momesso. There’s no moral to the story, but I am pretty sure Allan got crabs that night.”
Me entering tonight’s thread and seeing its a hockey thread when I know absolutely less than nothing about hockey.
There’s also Strong Bad discussions!
All I know about Strong Bad is that he exists. That’s the extent of my knowledge on the subject.
That’s the fun! I don’t know fuck-all about football, I just know guys from my youth and I put them in compromising positions under the guise of my “Uncle Ed”!
There’s also Senor and Horatio et al. freaking out about baseball!
Follow the Blue Jackets!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87T6jIK9QZg&ab_channel=Lilmissmonitor
Brian Burke looks like an expired Louie Anderson.
I watch one Homsar video and the Caps put up two goals?
Don’t do what you did at last year’s Wild Card Game, Sevy. Or the second half of this year.
Who is weirder: Homsar or Senor Cardgage?
I’m gonna say Senor Cardgage. Homsar was the best originally throwaway gag.
Remember when I started to back up my lappy? I thought about finishing doing that and now there’s just nothing going on. I guess I’ll have to do the swap and buy the sled. Again, Finale is a pain in the ass and I don’t want to risk having to buy it again.
Lappy?
Ever since Strong Bad, my laptop is known as the lappy
Mapplethorpe Leafs tie it at 1, look like they could score on every power play they get all season.
Toronto down 0-1 early, on pace to give up 500 goals on the season and go 1-81.
/Figure they can score 8 at least once.
A delightful lady less than half my age has made it known to me that *things* could happen between us. I hate everything. Where were you 20 years ago, lady?*
*in diapers, most likely
Is there a Mrs. Scotchnaut?
I didn’t realize that you were into things in diapers, most likely. I mean, to each their own, but it just comes off a little Brad Childressy to me is all.
Can’t decide who it would be more enjoyable to lose the Meteor Game of the Night, Mon-Tor. Tronno has higher expectations, but Montreal Losing has such a nice ring to it.
Toronto losing would be hilarious. But I want Montreal to #LoseforHughes
And fail at the lottery part, I assume.
Darkest Timeline Evidence Exhibit 43a: Jonathan Drouin did not get traded to the Bruins. Drouin Bruin.
Oh man, today seemed like it was going to be a really bad day, but it finished strong. The day sucked because I had two students disclose to me that they were being bullied (this is a community college) and one student from Nigeria fell asleep waiting for me, and when I woke her up, she was still half asleep and warning her children that Boko Haram were coming. Shit was getting depressing. But then it happened.
As if the clouds removed themselves so the sun could shine through, she walked in. She, being a math major stripper with the heart of gold, who needed tutoring in English. I actually got to know her real name! And then it just kept getting better. I had this stunning black woman come up to talk to me and started flirting with me, and she knew my name. I had never met this woman before in my life. I would remember such a woman. Finally, the day finished up with a well endowed and cute Quebecois woman with a sexy accent. We were using her laptop and when we opened up a new browser, pornhub was one of her suggested links. Gotta love a woman who’s into selfcare.
I must buy some Canadian beer and give thanks to the hockey gods for such a gift on the opening day of the season. For a couple of hours, I forgot that I was living in snow infested city in October.
/Sips beer in his waterbottle. Let’s get drinking!
I love Canadians.
HAWKEY!!!!
