If the tilts keep coming I’ll keep doing the intros. TO THE GAMES!
Oak/LAC:
The things you learn when you do a bit of homework: rook safety Derwin James is by far the top-rated first year player that plays in the secondary, according to PFF. That rating system also places him 4th overall among all players. The guy leads the team in sacks, plays the outfield, plays on the edge and does work at slot corner! Are you kidding me? This fella might just be something.
Min/Phi:
The Vikes D that was #1 in points allowed last year is now 18th after four weeks. (maybe you should play Ajayi, scotch) More bad news-Minny’s league-worst rushing attack figures to stay that way as Dalvin Cook sits another game out this week.
Ari/SF:
This should be the bestest of chances for the Cards to grab a W even though they’ve got a rook qb starting for them. C.J. Beathard, who otherwise shows no signs of being concussed, recently stated on the sports radio that the Niners are a playoff team! Everyone together now-say “Oof!”
LAR/Sea:
After much hand-wring and pearl-clutching and decisioning I’ve decided to split my chances between Goff and Brees in my money leagues. I can’t go against Breezy at home and I have to play Goff until he lays an egg. (note to my fantasy buddies in Ottawa that don’t read the site-how did you let me get Goff in the 10th round in one league and for $4 in the auction?) Methinks The Goffer is going to expose the once mighty Legion of Boom for what it is now-older, missing some key parts and quite vulnerable in the secondary. Prove me right, youngster!
Let’s do that thing we do.
FAT MAN RUMBLEDOWN!
A fat man pick-six AND a fat man fumble returned for a TD? LAWD IT A GOOD DAY
Fat Guy TD for the Vikes!
FAT MAN TD!!!!
Norse Fatmandown!
FATDOWN!
Well that’s sub-optimal
trying to get Melvin Ingram a rushing TD. Nice trolling!
“By Gawd! That’s…that’s Mr. Winkles’ music!”
“SNARLGROWLCHOMPCHOMPSNARL!!”
“As God as my witness, something ripped off that man’s face to the Mr Winkles entrance music! Though I am not convinced it was Mr Winkles.”
– JR Collins
Fat Guy Symphony!
[commit offensive pass interference to wipe out a big gain]
[other team declines the penalty because you fumbled]
That’s My Raiders!
Raider Naton is the greatest fan base.
More like Raider Natrone from the way the Chargers have owned them over the last ten years.
Take my David Johnson score away too, don’;t be shy
Drew is going to love it when Crosby is starting for the Vikings next week
KICKING IS TOO EASY, GUYS!
/Praise Shan’khor
Kirk Cousins, Vikings QB, is very much the same as Kirk Cousins, [*Redacted] s QB
The Raiders are so, so, so, so easy to beat.
I honestly think the main reason the Browns didn’t manage is an inferiority complex, but it was a really fun game so it’s cool
Remember Connor Cook?!
16th defense in the league? 0-4?
Why not celebrate a first quarter turnover by bringing the entire D to he end zone for a celebration photo?
Do I hate the 49ers?
Yes.
I’m fairly ambivalent, but annoyed that they’ll be my local team once the Raiders leave
Saw a lot of SEA gear while I was in the “bay area”.
Everyone will adopt RAMMIT if they win SB 5III.
Jesus fucking Christ, Raiders.
Goff to GurleyDOWN! Perfection.
This team is just beautiful. I can’t believe Balls is too stubborn to fall in love with it. 😀
well, that kills my fantasy side (taking off the board)
I’m watching the Brewers-Rockies with Bob Costas bloviating about incredible nonsense between every pitch. The other announcer sounds like Mel Allen, who I’m pretty sure died twenty years ago.
Is your mute button broken? Are you being held against your will?
Football commentators are often intolerable but baseball is the only sport in which modern commentators openly discuss how much they dislike the modern game and how much better it used to be. Just absolutely shitting on the product you’re supposed to promote. Awful.
It’s McCarver, I think. So when I flip back to it I’ve been considering a self-lobotomy.
Wait, no, it’s Jim Kaat. He’s fine.
you are missing RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!
Got Vikes/Iggles on at the airport
In general the Raiders would be better off kneeling it than handing it off to Doug Martin, just to save wear and tear on their players.
Oh boy
I’m impressed with the dedication it takes to put that many standard weights on a bar.
“THIS EAGLES DEFENSE, I CALL AN APPALACHIAN FAMILY REUNION, BECAUSE THEY’RE RUINING COUSINS EVERY CHANCE THEY GET!”
You suck Kirk Cousins.
Gurley show that drive
Gotta hand it to Susan Collins. She’s got a bigger dick than Jeff Flake.
Republicans could* propose a law to prevent all women from serving in government at any level and she’d vote for it.
*and probably will
Eh, it doesn’t take particularly large genitals to be a quisling.
browns color rush unis undefeated https://twitter.com/ScottEffross/status/1049037091114500096
Erik Harris at strong safety? Who else are the Raiders going to trot out in their secondary this game… Dylan Klebold??
Figured those two were Trump’s ambassadors to Trinidad and Tobago.
Tomsulas radio running TNF ad for…last week’s game.
If Tomsula was hitching on a freight train travelling at the speed of light, when would he receive the radio waves from last weeks game? (5 points, show your work)
Well, if he were traveling at light speed, he’d also be infinitely dense. So, not as much of a gedankenexperiment as it might initially appear.
And, if the batteries in his radio are dead, moot point.
I really, really like football, y’all.
sure, whatever 2018, what else is there
https://twitter.com/consequence/status/1048994107773865984
The fuck did I just read?
It is going to take some Cardinals magic to throw this one away.
I think they’ve got what it takes.
Place your bets people: will Russel Wilson get murdered first or will Ndamukong Suh get flagged for roughing the passer first?
If Suh gets flagged for murdering Wilson, we’ll consider it a push.
Push
Attendance at the SF/ARI game appears to be just the other teams, coaches, and their girlfriends.
Would think close enough for Tomsulas faithful to hit the rails?
I think Christian Kirk just celebrated by mining gold at….San Francisco.
Let’s mail the kicker and Hue Thai food for life if he misses this.
Dammit.
that kick didn’t want to go in, but…
PLEASE SHANKLOR!
Tell me again which if you dipshits parlayed ARI vs a 49ers team sans QB?
The Browns are in field goal range, so their kicker should shank one, right?
The field goal kicker is… fuck it, do they have a kicker at this point? Does ANYONE have a kicker at this point? Other than, like, Graham Gano apparently?
BOOOO! WE WANT TIES!
Changing my prediction to 38-3
Further changing it to 38-0
Hue Jackson playcalling is an artform.
Wow, refs fuck Browns yet again.
lol gints
TIE! TIE! TIE!
I want Kirk Cousins pulled by the second quarter.
Which of these games is worth me streaming while trying to recover from this mancold?