Your “Stare Into The Abyss That Is The NFC East” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

God is dead. So why not watch a bit of the old football? It’s not like I’m going to judge you.

-Friedrich “The Funky Philologist” Nietzsche

 

These two wet, stinking dogs are gonna give us many reasons to laugh and joke and cry (that’d be me, mostly). TO THE GAME!

Schmeagles/Jizzants:

Both these squadoos are looking to TURN THEIR SEASON AROUND! according to all the narratives out there. The return of qb Wentz was supposed to have given the Philly side a B12-like shot in the arm but he’s 1-2 as a starter and now he’s without rb Ajayi who is on the IR with the old torn ACL. Will Smallwood or Clement pick up the enormous amount of slack? Remains to be seen. Rumours abound that the front office will be trading for Bell or McCoy or perhaps re-animating the corpse of Wilbert Montgomery. When reached for comment Montgomery said, “I’m not dead yet!” He was promptly clubbed over the head by someone that had an eerie resemblance to Howie Roseman, general manger/necromancer of the Eagles. Philly must have this one because out of division the likes of the Panthers, Saints, Rams and Jags lie in wait. Not pretty. The good old ESPN ran a hit piece on old (so very old) Eli that pointed out that he sucks. The immobile weird face-maker is on pace to  be sacked 51 times and his QBR the last two seasons averages out to a paltry 46.5. (that’s really bad) Let’s hope the Giants take this one so that the NFC East will resemble a logjamclusterfuck for many weeks to come.

Have at it, kiddos.

 

 

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Guns Up!! is gonna fuck me over. Fuck nuggets.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur
Spur

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

So I watched the first season of Bojack Horseman a year or so ago expecting a comedy and I hated it. I was then told that you have watch it not as a comedy with serious moments but a serious show with funny moments. So I started watching it again.

I still don’t get it.

herodotus450
herodotus450

So I started watching it again.

Well there’s your mistake

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Don’t worry, it has since been rectified.

King Hippo

it’s fucking hilarious!! You just have to lean into the depression parts.

King Hippo

and boy howdy, does it dig deeper into the depression well – much like life itself – every year!

Spur
Spur

spot on.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sometime there is some good GIFs from it……

King Hippo

After the end of Q3, Guns Up!! 10, Bloodeyes 7. No weather issues at all. This is some Twilight Zone shit.

King Hippo

/this is why Hippo no bet the over/under, after going like 1 for 10 (last year) trying to figure it out

King Hippo

Now Guns Up!! is trying to control the clock by running the footbaw.

/No, REALLY they IS!!

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Ice Giants won a game!

King Hippo

and you had carnal relations during 2nd intermission, yes??

Senor Weaselo

Does practicing the Sibelius Violin Concerto count? No? Then no.

Spur
Spur

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Argentina played Iraq, and Spain played Wales today.

Don’t seem very friendly to this here rebel mammal.

King Hippo

Hippo now returns to Guns Up!! as they try to hang on and win this defensing struggle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

they signed they X, Manhattan is ours fair and square ,, smh

Spur
Spur

– Benjamin Cadbury Trump

Redshirt

Five bucks says Odell Beckham Jr. passes the Locker Room, leaves the stadium and wonders the Earth for the rest of his life in full Giants uniform and pads.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m going with he passes gas in the locker room….. still in full Giants uniform and pads.

Redshirt

Right into Eli’s bathtowel.

Spur
Spur

Giants locker room is like Lord of the Flies.

Eli has the conch….

Redshirt

As a kid, that novel didn’t make sense to me.

As an adult, the fact I didn’t makes sense of that novel as a kid makes perfect sense to me.

jjfozz

Adjustments in the Giant’s locker room: “Look Eli, if you want the Batman lego playset, you gotta play better.”

King Hippo

Double shot of moron there. At least run a trap play or quick slant, get 5 or 6 yards. 7 seconds is an eternity.

Gratliff

STILL TIME FOR PICKSIXKAKKE

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

shanklor is pleased

Spur
Spur

Can the Cowboys have Beckham? Double JJ will give NY two 1st rounders, vintage transformers and a case of coke.
No way Dak can over throw Beckham

Horatio Cornblower

No, but he can certainly underthrow him.

King Hippo

You have a timeout. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO USE THE SIDELINE??

King Hippo

LOLGigantes

jjfozz

PI? seriously? oh fuck you NFL

Spur
Spur

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Spur
Spur

McAdoo was right to bench Manning

litre_cola

We want Geno!

King Hippo

SHORT? From 52?

Gratliff

Ol’ Baby Leg Rosas

litre_cola

15 straight 3rd down tries not successful by the Giants. That is a crazy stat.

jjfozz

Conundrum: OBJ is obviously the capstone of human evolution. He is the complete package. Watching him perform would be akin to listening to Socrates espouse his thoughts to a captive audience.

But he’s an asshole who should be fed face first into a wood chipper. And I would pay money to see that happen.

Gratliff

Especially if he’s catching a ball as he goes in

Spur
Spur

Does Eli retire at halftime and the Shaq runs the wildcat?

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

“Hulk Hogan!”

Spur
Spur

Where??? – Eli

Spur
Spur

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litre_cola

Mesmerizing

LemonJello
LemonJello

Her hills are alive…with the sound of pants unzipping.

Gratliff

LEaving Eli with enough time to throw a backbreaking pick-6

King Hippo

Feed Smallwood! Keep Saquon off the pitch while y’all at it.

jjfozz

Flashback

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King Hippo

I got my last 2 lime alkie fizzy waters from the fridge, because I am too lazy to get them 1 at a time. I am such a worthless piece of shit.

LemonJello
LemonJello

That’s just good planning. May as well enjoy the full use of both hands before “the boys” come for your thumbs.

King Hippo

time is indeed running out!

Gratliff

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Genuinely shocked they didn’t get a white guy to play Aladdin.

Redshirt

How in the hell are we not getting a CGI Robin Williams as the Genie?! We have the technology!

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

not enough CGI coke

Spur
Spur

it’s hard to make that rope fiber look realistic.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

At least the Giants will get another shot at drafting a QB with the 2nd overall pick.

jjfozz

And you thought New Jerseyites were pissed about The Situation getting nabbed for tax evasion . .

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Ice Giants win Woohoo!

Spur
Spur

Aladdin is from the banned flying list, that movie shouldn’t be here.

Gratliff

Disney’s hollowness has gotten to the point that they’re stealing ideas from the ideas they stole

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Lawd, do the Oilers suck balls.

litre_cola

This makes me happy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The trick to playing pass defense is to find the ball in the air, and then keep looking at it while you physically assault the receiver.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

he tried so hard for that roughing penalty too

litre_cola

Give some more Clement.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Fuck this game. I’m going back to playing my Dark Souls clone.

Spur
Spur

BFV 1 month. look me up.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Got this going, with some dota in the background, playing total warhammer in the other window and a long island in the hand. can’t let this poofest get me down especially when i dont have any fantasy skin in the game

Gratliff

What’s the point of multi-display setups if there isn’t fantasy skin somewhere on them?

Spur
Spur

HOTS? I play some HOTS. Always looking to group up.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

have it but havent played in 6 months or more.

Spur
Spur

it’s OK. i get usually get drunk and is late to team-fights.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

GreenPowrVan 1229

Gratliff

Gonna be a bloodbath

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Go on…” – Elizabeth Bathory

Spur
Spur

they can’t all be Kanye’s, right Gratliff?

Spur
Spur

Eli is going to wreck the guys on Fortnite, work off that anger.