NFL News:
- John Harbaugh wants the challenge rule changed.
- He came to this conclusion after using both, and losing one, in the first 7 minutes of the Ravens loss to the Saints on Sunday.
- Of course, he has no ideas, but doesn’t like that you have to win both to get a third.
- Eli Apple – now a Saint.
- The former first-round pick was shipped off to Breesusville at the cost of a 2019 fourth-rounder & 2020 seventh-rounder.
- The other Eli – the one who couldn’t work a sneak on two tries from the one – remains gainfully employed in The Meadowlands.
- Jason Garrett, talking like a man who thinks he has influence with the owner & more job security than brains, defends trading away a Number One pick to get Amari Cooper.
- He says it’s “the price you have to pay” for a receiver like that.
- The same receiver the Eagles offered a second-rounder for, which led the Cowboys to up their bid.
- Dez Bryant, meanwhile, stares longingly at the phone from his home in DeSoto, Texas.
- He says it’s “the price you have to pay” for a receiver like that.
- Oof – Chad Kelly was arrested Tuesday morning on a charge of first-degree criminal trespass.
- It appears he got a little tipsy at Von Miller’s team Hallowe’en party & might have entered the wrong house with lovin’ on his mind.
- His uncle Jim will have something to say about that, as long as the screws in his jaw hold.
- Worse for Kelly, there’s a buck-toothed monster lurking the stadium & debating his fate:
- It appears he got a little tipsy at Von Miller’s team Hallowe’en party & might have entered the wrong house with lovin’ on his mind.
Elway to @OrangeBlue760: “We’re very, very disappointed in Chad and the situation he put himself into… When the team has a get-together, that’s always a good thing… One person put a dent in it… We take it very seriously and will make decisions as we go.”
— Patrick Smyth (@psmyth12) October 23, 2018
- Derek Carr is likely the next Gruden casualty, as reports are circulating that Carr has “lost the room”.
- PFT derisively refers to it as “what appeared to be Carr crying in the melting-face way that a kid would cry after falling off his bike”.
Courtesy Deadspin, who paid the subscription to The Athletic, comes this quote, “It certainly didn’t help when film showed what looked like him crying after being sacked and injuring his arm. They saw his face. They heard his whimper.”
– Because you can’t call people “soft” anymore.
- Keep your eyes peeled for a future DFO-Con announcement: the Alliance of American Football will be hosting its first two championship games in Las Vegas.
- PFT nailed down the logic in the AAF’s plan:
- “The league nevertheless intends to cater to wagering, especially of the in-game variety. Which makes Las Vegas an ideal locale for the championship game.”
- It will be a Saturday night title match on April 27 on CBS.
- The games will be at Sam Boyd Stadium, and not the monstrosity the Raiders are having built for them.
- PFT nailed down the logic in the AAF’s plan:
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB: World Series
- Game 1: Dodgers at Red Sox – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
- NHL:
- Sharks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- Penguins at Oilers – 9:00PM | Sportsnet1
- NBA:
- 76ers at Pistons – 7:00PM | TSN / NBATV
- NCAA:
- Troy at South Alabama – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
All these sports, and actually very little to want to watch, unless I’ve got other reasons. HAIL GAMBLOR!
Greetings everyone. Today I celebrated my 57th trip around the sun. I had an incredible time yesterday and today.
Insane dinner with my favorite people last night. Easiest round trip drive to San Diego ever and a really fun movie today.
I can do this for another 30 years easy.
Happy birthday!!
Here’s to another year making the Grim Reaper your bitch.
Congrats on your latest lap around Sol.
The movie was Bad Times at The El Royale and for entertainment value I give it high ranks. Really fun. Cool cinematography and long takes. Every actor works their ass off. Probably won’t win an oscar but damn fun stuff.
In the words of the great Herschel Krustovski, I heartily endorse this event or product.
Happy Bday! 57 is my next one too… or would be if I was counting. Here’s to many more!
I’m so tired of this trend of “deconstructed” songs that are slowed down featuring a female vocalist. That version of Harder Better Stronger Faster is a perfect example.
While I’m on the subject I also hate the trend of dopey Asian male characters. Jason on The Good Place is the pinnacle, everyone else sucks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VaOgsRESdmM
Yep, that’s the formula. Guess it’s been going on longer than my “used to be with it, but then they changed what it was” ass realized.
There we go.
Well, it was a good game for the first 3 hours.
Wait, this game is only 3 hours old?!?! Get your shit together dirt ball.
…and like my dreams of having a family, a well paying job, and the power to summon a Flying Monkey Army to crush my enemies and get me beer, the dream of winning the Lottery has come and gone.
Unless no one wins and its jumps to near $3,000,000,000, then dream on!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StdpsdzfpQs&ab_channel=golfingtheball
I left my tix in the car, so I can still fantasize until I hear someone in Idaho, or no one, won.
If it fits the trend of this year, it’s gonna be Eric Trump or Cliven Bundy or some other unspeakably awful person who wins.
My guess is Martin Shkreli.
A collective of 25 Proud Boys.
If it gets him to quit, I’ll accept Donald Trump winning the lotto.
Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman. Kushner bought him a dozen tickets.
Will everybody who has bought a lottery ticket agree to fund DFO operations and an annual gathering for the next five years?
/no, not assuming you win. Just in general. If you have money for lottery tickets you can afford to hook us degenerates up.
Second
That line didn’t work for my ex-wife and its not going to work for you.
I made lasanga tonight. It was goddamned delicious.
If I somehow win the Mega Millions Jackpot, I have to figure out a way to quit tomorrow but in a way that doesn’t make it obvious that I won the lottery.
“Redshirt, can you get some toner?” “I CAN’T WORK IN THESE CONDITIONS!!!!!”
“Redshirt, can you make some coffee?”
“I’M SICK OF YOUR SHIT KAREN! I QUIT!”
[Chants]
Pee in the pot
Pee in the pot
pee in the pot
“No, don’t do that…”
– dispensary workers
Is Karen German?
Redshirt: “Hello, boss? I can’t come in today. Or tomorrow, or ever again actually.”
Redhirt’s boss: “Okay, why?”
Redshirt: “SUCK MY DICK, LOSERS! WOOOOO!”
(hangs up)
How much is your company worth?
“Hey Fred; I OWN you.”
I had a usually stand by in case I needed to quit and didn’t have to bother about a reference or not burning a bridge., but the recent social evolution has taught me that a Fat Guy Strippergram is insensitive for several reasons.
Alternately, leave an upper-decker in every toilet on the floor until they figure out it’s been you the entire time.
Deadspin has a short video on Clint Malarchuk’s throat being slashed during an NHL game in 1989. Probably the most gruesome injury to happen during a game, any game in any sport, that didn’t result in a fatality.
We’ve secretly replaced Madson with famous Pakistani cricket bowler Initkhab Alam. Let’s see if anyone notices.
Maybe a yeah right question but why aren’t knives just graded?
Why hasn’t some struggling department store (Sears) just be like, “Look they’ve all got a grade and we’ve categorized them for a graded purpose. See this listless bastard? Pearing knife. 3” to 5” max blade length. Home use, right? Ok you need the three series. Yeah the 5 is like premium chefs knife but you’re at home so that’s the 2 to 4 series. You got a young kid so you’ll wants the titanium for less weight. And then you can customize your handle with a forged, plastic, or premium opinions. And those are all exchangeable and come with 90 days same as cash financing.”
From Cutco?
I hope like hell that the Dodgers are just having a base case of nerves, because they look like absolute shit right now.
“That’s why you run hard every play.”
–White People
Dracula: dead and loving it FTW.
Ask anyone to name a single actor from the movie Airplane and…after they name Kareem Abdul Jabbar, ask them to name another one and they will all say “Leslie Nielsen”.
Robert Stack!
Jack Palance!
/is not in the movie
/still shat bigger than you
Lloyd Bridges!
Barbara Billingsly as The Jive Beaver!
Robert Hays.
Jim Phelps?
Julie Hagerty! Rip Torn!
A horse!
OTTO!
And Stephen Stucker as Johnny! (Yeah, had to look him up)
He’s an real person? I thought the collective genius of everyone in that movie just condensed into that bit part.
What happens when Leslie Nielsen is the first name?
Johnathon Banks (Mike from Breaking Bad and Saul)
The guy who played Joe Isuzu in the commercials was one of the Hari Krishnas. David Leisure.
The guy who played Lo Pan was one of the protagonist’s seatmates who kills himself (dressed as a WW2 Japanese soldier).
The original white-haired pilot with Kareen was Jim Phelps on Mission: Impossible.
Underratedly good.
Her facial expressions at the end screamed “Should I use my taser? Nah, he’s harmless and I have witnesses.”
That guy is defintely a member of the Cobra Kai dojo.
Nice photo
h
ttps://i.pixxxels.cc/KFbTTsz0/yi-DWG3s-Y-o.jpg
I like that there’s plenty of time to anticipate the nutshot.
It’s almost like it’s in slow motion.
Tough but fair.
so am watching baseball, what do i do with my hands?
Load the pipe, or mix a drink.
This guy gets it!
Actually doing both right now.
Or clear the pipe.
Fuck yeah Ice Giants
“Um, they’re called Frost Giants…”
– 7th level Paladin
The Cowboys should have traded that 1st round pick for Carr.
Having three teams to keep track of in terms of rooting for them to lose for draft position purposes is like owning three fantasy teams.
Looks like Willa is going to dump rain on South Texas for the next 24-30 hours. Boss already gave her blessing for me to work from home rather than make the 35 mile drive in shit weather. So, since I don’t have to get up at 0415 to drive in, some rum will be punished this evening.
Oh, there’s *another* hurricane? Yeah, this is totally normal.
God aimed this one at the asylum-seeker caravan that has all the Fox watchers shitting their pants, so it’s all good.
Remember in 2005 when they ran out of alphabet names?
Suck it Libs!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gcb84qn3mU
Up yours, Obama!
It kills me that these losers are happier, more productive, more social, and basically better off than me in every regard while being proud of their shittiness.
Anyone need a job in Sac? You have to open at 5:30 but leave at 2:30pm.
Leaving early from the Sac is my specialty…
Folks.
Scott Pruitt’s inspiration.
Oh, God. The smell.
And then a fire, to boot!
Which one’s the top?
The fabric sales person.
I hope everyone else feels better than I do. I hope this is just a cold.
h
ttps://pixxxels.cc/yDvK7ndj
So I was supposed to be in Edmonton right now. I normally hate that place but I had procured a ticket to Ice Stillers v Ice Eskimos and I was jacked. Then the union for the company I work for goes on rolling strikes and chooses Edmonton to start the week and my trip was cancelled, I am not at the game and took a bath on the cost. Bitching done.
Eulers with McDavid are like a mule with a spinning wheel
…They stink!
Another casualty of Big Union.
Just unlucky that of all the sites they chose that one. I think it is here tomorrow so I will work from home while watching futbol. Work, now with weed!
What’s a union?
Boss just emailed me….
“JSD…are you going to be in the office tomorrow?”
I email back “I’m back, but I literally touched down like 3 hours ago. The time zone change is going to be tough”
He emailed back “Then you should be asleep right now. But you are awake. We both know why you are awake. Shoot for 10am”.
I forget that my boss used to be a field engineer…so he knows…the best way to flip you sleep schedule is to just get fast ripping drunk. So he knows I am just drinking like a fish until I pass out…
Good work
Why did you answer your email? “Oh, sorry. I was in Airport Security so I couldn’t check my email.”
Watching Archer, season 9. I’d rather go drinking with Pam than Sterling
She’d actually have your back in a bar fight.
Did someone mention joining a cult?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g6h1vI4Xv0
That reminds me…
/Adds “start a cult” to to-do list
But that’s so much work.
/Crosses off “start a cult”
//Adds “join an existing cult”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AopWqv-eQFM&ab_channel=cdngrl99
I just want to get laid, dude.
That doesn’t strike me as an effective batting stance.
A live look in to the qb room at Raiders headquarters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2_W-BCppQY
What’s fer dinner?
Heh all you chumps buying lottery tickets, meanwhile genius me over here just got his ticket to the binary lottery. 50-50 chance to win!
Too bad your ticket number is 0000 0000 0000 0000
Did you get 1111 1111 1111 1111? I’ll give you 5 bucks for it.
The Mayor: Intent? How’d you establish that?
Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through a dark alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he isn’t out collecting for the Red Cross.
What about a naked woman trying to call a taxi in a real hurry?
Shoulda used her Uber app.
Her phone is sticky.
It was the only place to put it.
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/a3pmeg/canadian-stunt-rapper-dies-trying-to-rap-on-wing-of-plane
Everything wrong with the modern world…
Or, proof that Darwin & Malthus are correct & that the herd thins itself.
Did Smoltz just call Matt Kemp, Matt Cunt?
I hope this is a sweep. Of course I would like to see Sox win it, but would not burst into tears if LAD win. Just 4 games, no more, of having to listen to fucking Joe Buck.
Sometimes I think you are sending me messages that I just can’t translate.
Me either; they are from outer space.
Unrelated; why someone hasn’t used that GIF with the “Deal With It” meme is beyong me.
My team lead is in town so I actually go into the office as I am lucky enough to mostly work from home. My team goes out for dinner on the company dime. Dinner and drinks are now over so trying to go home. I take public transit in and out of the city. Miss my train by 2 minutes and need to catch the next one 25 minutes later only for that one now to be delayed. Why could it have been the earlier train delayed.
/whining over
How does Wisconsin/Minnesota have two basketball teams but only one hockey team?
Because everyone in Wisconsin is too busy bandwagoning the blackhawks?
In four and a half years in the NFL, Derek Carr has missed a total of three games.
January 1, 2017: Broken leg.
January 7, 2017: Broken leg.
October 8, 2017: Transverse process fracture.
Fuck this “soft” noise.
But can he handle the Gruden Grinder???
No. Apparently not.
It is bullshit; people sitting at desks calling a pro athlete in a contact sport ‘soft.”
Also; his mascara didn’t even run.
Seriously. Brady is hard and tough because he yells at refs and gets all passive aggressive with his wide outs. Carr is quarterback for the Raiders and after six weeks and three hours of physical torture that would make even Gina Haspel blush (after rolling waves of dusty orgasms), Carr breaks character when there is no towel to throw over his head — so he’s the bitch?
The ability for the US populace to live in two absolutely contesting realities at any given moment is the heart of all our non drinking water problems.
So not only did I dislocate my shoulder, I also apparently fractured the ball joint. Hoping it doesnt require surgery.
Steve McNair would play through that.
Well fuck, sorry. On another note; isn’t The Ball Joint a predominately gay bar in west LA, or am I thinking of the bowling alley?
The Balls Joint is my soul food/ strip club concept.
BBQ sauce under the black light would give away inappropriate touching.
Whose in the World Series this year? I honestly don’t know.
I’m back in the US. My flight from Amsterdam to Dulles was surreal. It seemed like two thirds of the plane was made up of retired Americans.
So incredibly loud and obnoxious. The entire flight, I had an old lady telling me everything she found wrong with “you Europeans”. I think she thought I was from Europe or something.
So we land. One of the old people demand that everyone wait in their seats until they get off because they have a connecting flight. I couldn’t help myself. “Sir…its Dulles…no one intentionally comes to Dulles…we all have connecting flights” to which the old lady that was sitting next to me turns to her friend and says “See Barb? Every single one of these people are rude. They forget we won the war for them”
So we hit customs. Everyone is waiting for their luggage. Every other fucking thing coming out of the back is a walker. I get my luggage. One of the old ladies is complaining that the person pushing them in a wheel chair is not bowling over people. We get to the part where people with global entry and everyone else gets separated. I have global entry. One of the ladies just blurts out “Why does he get in the short line?!? He shouldn’t even be allowed into the US”
Ten minutes later, I am near my gate, eating a hamburger that isn’t fit to be fed to a dog, while CNN is shown in the background and apparently Trump was doing his moronic daily act.
I fucking should have stayed in the Netherlands….
But you’re in America, where you have the god-given right to sue for 80 bajillion dollars if that burger makes you sick, unlike Europe where damages are capped.
We need more ice floes
What really pissed me off is none of these people were old enough to serve or even be adults during WWII. At best, they were alive when the Korean and the Vietnam Wars happened. Now I will take a lot of shit from the WWII generation.
But some fucking housewife from Minnesota…its a bit irritating to be stuck in a metal tube for 9 hours with a bunch of Trump voters.
I was praying that the plane would just slam into the Atlantic…
When I’m overseas I try to be extra polite (very difficult for me) to try and counterbalance a tiny bit of these fucking US assholes. A guy I have to travel with a lot, our client PM, is one of those, albeit young, I cringe, roll my eyes, and try to be nice to the people this fucking cunt is being rude to. He is a fucking picky whiny cunt which the rudeness profound.
Fuck those people.
This would be a great planet if not for the people.
You really should have made a point to go up to the woman bitching about the short line and laughed right in her face.
I suspect that this would result in somehow me getting violently arrested.
Its amazing…I ALWAYS get randomly selected for further TSA screening…
You have the patience of Job.
::Patoently waits for a job::
-C Kaepernick
I remain utterly astonished by the degrees of incompetence in the business world. Lotto me.
When I win me my $1.6 billion I’m gonna get me a whole mess of eggplants and squash em all over my face.
I’m one of those pricks that never play the lotto, but I have a fully fleshed out 35 step plan on how I would spend the money.
It involves ghosting pretty much everyone I know…
What number are the hookers under?
Step 1B…1C…12 through…28…
That adds up; you are using the same formula as I am.
Fyi Canadians dont pay tax on lottery winnings. And get most of the state tax back. If you win, let me cash the ticket. I’ll give you 75% and keep the rest. Both ahead.
A Canadian Prince just emailed me.
But capitalism is the best possible system.
So, who is DFO rooting for in the World Series?
My zip code obligates me to root for Los Doyers even though I find a couple of them to be complete assholes.
Meteor.
Meteor
Feces Pile Donation.
I think as long as the Sawx aren’t playing the Yankees, it’s safe to root against them.
I just want to see exciting game. But it’s baseball, so I’m prepared to be disappointed.
I hate Boston, but would like something a bit different…. maybe really bad food poisoning for everybody on both teams os some…. shit like that.
“But I didn’t have the salmon mousse!”
Who is this unkempt youngster?
Fuck the Sawx with a rusty pick-axe.
After a long and stressful day at work, I just wanted to go unwind, decompress and relax.
Instead I went home.
There’s always Smackdown, and what plot twists involve Daniel Bryan, given he’s allegedly refusing to go to Saudi Arabia.
Also, John Cena.
Has DFO Con dates for this year been determined? I was thinking about trying to attend.
Not officially. Last I heard, we were discussing between going to New Orleans, Vegas or possibly even Puerto Rico in mid-November or early December. I’ll see if we can get a decision shortly.
I would like to suggest Playa del Rey, a delightful beach community in glamorous Los Angeles, where the legal marijuana is piled up like bales of hay on every street corner and the free booze flows freely in every bar if you know the secret password.
I support this brilliant suggestion.
I want to go, but I’m on a budget. How much does FedEx Ground cost to send a 250 pound package?
This brick fellow is going places
Through a window with a note.