Your “Double-Check Your Listings, There’s Only One Game On” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Fine, there are two other games on the 4pm slate but I maintain they are more theoretical than actual. Sure, I guess ‘players’ will be ‘playing’ and acquiring ‘stats’ that can be used by ‘agents’ to negotiate ‘contracts’ and ‘endorsements’. And yes, the ‘money’ paid to those individuals will be used to acquire ‘cars’ and ‘houses’ that will surely impress ‘females’. Those females will likely get injected with ‘goo’ and go on to form ‘small meat bags’ in their lower ‘torsos’. But you tell me, how do I get my ‘share’?

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Broncs:

The very recent wide receiver past (D. Thomas) doesn’t really collide with the present wide receiver future (Courtland Sutton) when these two squadoos strap on their game corsets. But something will be made of this to a very sparse viewing audience. Both qb’s will be looking at significant pressure being applied and if Keenum has a wee bit of time he should have success against the intramural-level corners the Texans employ. Denver’s 2nd best running attack is going against Houston’s #1 rated ground D so is this a low-scoring one-score tussle?

Chargers/Seahawks:

The original Legion of Boom has gone by the wayside personnel-wise but the same habit of turning the ball over 2+ times per game remains-a vital stat contributing to Seattle winning four of their last five. No slouches themselves, L.A. has won 4 straight and only lost to the Chiefs and Rams.

Rams/Saints:

This is your legit NFC Champeenship game and each side is pretty much 100% healthy-each missing only one starter on D. After a gorgeous start Goff has cooled off and averaged a mere 232 yards passing the last three games. There’s not enough Cooks in the Rams O as far as my fantasy team is concerned. In You Win Some, You Taysom News: Them Rammers best not get themselves in 3rd and short spots on the regular or it all might come crashing down. Here’s a stat that blew what’s left of my noggin-wr Thomas has 58 catches on 64 (64!!!) targets. That’s nuts.

Let’s dream a little dream. Not a big one-those get out of hand.

 

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litre_cola

I am not a stat guy but since their Superb Owl win the Ravens were 44-44. The .500s take umbrage with that.

King Hippo

CHALLENGE THAT SHIT!!

herodotus450

That’s a Hekker of a close call.

litre_cola

Owns Kamara in my money leagues. THAT IS FUCKING FANTASTIC. Sorry to see Ingram go.

King Hippo

playing the Kamara team in money league (the guy 1 game behind me in division). My ass hurts,

rockingdog

boink!

King Hippo

dun dun dun dun dun dun

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

King Hippo

Donks on teh move!! Threw it to the Izod guy

King Hippo

Bradley Chubb is likely Defensive ROY, was a FANTASTIC pick, all 4 rookie QBs look so-so at best, and Donks’ internet is so dumb they can’t stop bitching about passing on a QB.

...

OH HELL YES I GOT MY FIRST TWITTER TIMEOUT LOL

rockingdog

how how? show us how!

...

I think it’s because I called someone “immensely fucking stupid” for agreeing with Dinesh D’Souza but I don’t know because Twitter didn’t tell me.

...

I’d be kinda annoyed if it’s that because I was indirectly defending Nate Silver and I don’t feel great about that.

King Hippo

against D’Sousa? TOTES NOBLE

...

Honestly a Twitter break will do me some good lol

King Hippo

just lose your shit in our nice, SAFE SPACE clubhouse with all your imaginary pals!

...

Honestly I respect the people here enough not to go full Twitter shithead here because I know how obnoxious I can be

Gratliff

Eagles have a 6 game stretch that involves Texans, Saints, and Rams, and it’s gonna be super bad.

...

Losing to a non-existent team will really hurt.

King Hippo

Chris Harris Jr. not guarding Hopkins? Interesting strategery, Donks.

King Hippo

paying Aaron Donald does not seem to have made him “lazy”

yeah right

Nice quick astute observation by our own Mr. Deadly led to a most easy payout by taking the Jets/ Miami under.

That shit felt like free money!
Plus! 3 of my 4 team parlay games covered. Just one left for a big ass payday!

...

LinkedIn: Creepy grim dystopian surveillance state

Facebook: A digital recreation of the sundowning Boomer mind

Twitter: Battle Royale but where the Nazis can post photoshops of you being pushed in a gas chamber but you get killed for telling them to snack on your taint

King Hippo

We’ve got our Chubb on WOO!!

litre_cola

HAI internet friends! We are enjoying this game and hate fucking the night one right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I plan on enjoying both, since I am in the extreme minority here as a Pats fan.

The Maestro

Huzzah!

Doktor Zymm

MEL!

King Hippo

GODDAMN, Todd Gurley can play

Fronkenshteen

Need a 200 burger today

King Hippo

even that won’t suffice for me, but I am enjoying his majesty

herodotus450

Wait I thought they were the Rahms, not Rams.

The Maestro

Nope, they haven’t been responsible for widespread inner-city school closures.

Yet.

...

They won’t be Rahms until they quit right before a game where they know they’ll get their asses beat.

King Hippo

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE TITTYFUCK IS A CATCH??

The Maestro

The Aristocatch!

rockingdog

let me take a big drink of water and watch this review….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

come on baby buster!!!! start slinging it!!!

King Hippo

if he throws 7 TDs (NONE to Cooks), and 3 of ’em are to Gurley, I has shot

Mother Puncher

Can someone please tell me if Sony is playing tonight? Fucking Bill

Doktor Zymm

At least once in my life, I want to sit in a place where I can legit slap a football player in the ass. Which stadium is my best chance?

The Maestro

Lambeau, if you can somehow get in position for a Leap.

Doktor Zymm

That’s the classic, but is it the best, from an affordability/accessibility ratio standpoint? It might be, but I would guess those seats are ALL season ticket holders.

The Maestro

Just kill them and wear their skin?

Or are we sticking to more ethical options?

Doktor Zymm

This sounds good, I’ll need the warmth

herodotus450

Just find out where the local Pop Warner games are being played, and then brush up on Megan’s Law.

Gratliff

Just have to choose between a mitten’d ass slap and frostbite.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

scotchnaut: says that Rams can’t get into 3rd and short situations lest they get wrecked by Taysom Hill

Rams: get into 3rd and 1

Hill: gains 9 yards on a QB keeper

Can’t say they weren’t warned, after all.

...

LinkedIn is a creepy as fuck website but sometimes its creepiness tells you an ex-girlfriend was looking at your profile lol.

...

“What if we made a social network based on continually projecting a bullshit image of ourselves as successful cogs in the capitalist machine BUT ALSO made it feel like a dystopian surveillance state?”

Doktor Zymm

I approve everyone who connects with me on linkedin. Something like 80% of my connections are international, with the majority being Muslim.

King Hippo

Stupid sexy Taysom!

herodotus450

A Drew Brees keeper, they’ll never see it coming! Literally!

blaxabbath

The White unis are the Chargers’ worst unis.

Gratliff

Eagles bye week strategy should be hoping for a body bag game in Louisiana

Doktor Zymm

NOPE YOU ARE NEITHER PLAYING NIRVANA, NOR TALKING ABOUT TEENS, NOTHING SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

blaxabbath

Are the Saints helmets a matte finish? They looked dull a week or two ago but they look pretty shiny today.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wait, the guy God friended on the TV show is an atheist? What an edgy twist!

herodotus450

Joe, Troi, AND Erin seem to have spent a little too much time in the head-tallener machine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Its just me, my escapist tendencies,
and these tits.”
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ArmedandHammered

Everything I ever looked for in a woman.

The Maestro

As far as piss beer goes, PBR 5.9% is honestly some pretty good shit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

For an extra jolt, pour in a shot of Everclear.

The Maestro

Ah yes, the “Death Wish”, a Midwest classic order!

...

Ride the Brown River, baby!

Doktor Zymm

The Blue Wave didn’t always mean Democrats…but I guess the Seahawks did do a thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-9AdWthjfU

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe for Military Month the NFL can throw an event where they send some NFL players to the border with the troops to protect us from the Killer Karavans. Viva la Operation Frightful idiot, err, Faithful Patriot!

blaxabbath

Featuring Middle Easterners!

King Hippo

if you do wants $50 free, my book had Debbie Stabenow at only like -530 to win Tuesday. This will be an absolute blowout under any possible circumstances.

King Hippo

$40 on Donks WOO! and when I saw that was a jinx, I put $40 on N’Awlins.

ah LOVVVVVE 2 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

Brick Meathook

When I think of BLATHERING I think of Terry Bradshaw

Viva La Tabula Raza

No mention yet by announcers of how badly Keenum sucked when he played for the Texans.

Brocky

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herodotus450

If a troop ever had breast cancer, do you think the nfl would tell us about it?

King Hippo

not in the same goddamned week we won’t! – Roger G., 7th circle of hell

Viva La Tabula Raza

Gonna be weird having two games to flip between on the late card. Doesn’t happen very often down here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wasn’t going to starting drinking yet, but…..

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Doktor Zymm

I don’t remember that from Bewitched, but if anyone deserves it, it’s her.

Doktor Zymm

Lest we forget where RAM IT comes from.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxkKlzInR4Y

King Hippo

#Yeah!

Brocky

The most enduring legacy of the superbowl shuffle is the absurdly high number of limitations

...

Just so you know, cats do not like being sneezed on.

Spur

RAAMMMMIITTTTTTT

rockingdog

im betting russel wilson gets his leg torn off…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Time to have exactly one beer and call Nagy a dumbfuck for using his starters to run up a score and get one of them injured.

Brocky

Puppy

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