Your “The Cavalcade of Sports Continues” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s go directly, TO THE GAMES!

Jags/Bills:

Had I told you at the birth of the season that the Bills would be matching the Jags win for win after 10 games in you’d most likely say, “I know you’re fucking with me but I don’t know exactly how.” Each team has but three wins but Buffalo has rook qb Josh Allen back but he’ll be in tough against cb’s Ramsey and Bouye and his own 54% completion rate. Bortles doesn’t have it any better though-the Bills d-line gets things done. So I figure this’ll be a sloppy game that will be determined by who profits most on turnovers.

Browns/Bengals:

Shefter is reporting that A.J. Green is a no-go but I’m leaving Tyler “Can’t Play Against #1 CB’s Yet” Boyd on my bench. (watch him go off) Browns players are giving short shrift to the notion that Hue Jackson joining the ‘enemy’ gives the Bengalis an advantage. “We didn’t respect him when he was coaching us, why would we start now?”, I imagine one player saying. Cincy’s lb’s can’t cover and their interior d-line has been decimated by injury so the Browns will be able to score. But when all is said and done, this will be a sloppy game decided by who most profits from turnovers.

Pats/Jets:

The New Englanders have the New Jerseyers number these days. Here’s hoping that the game will be a sloppy, turnover-heavy affair.

Giants/Eagles:

Them Giants won last week by introducing Saquon to the ball early and often. This week they’d be dumb as hell to do the same thing because 4 of the Eagles 5 top cb’s are out and the 5th is questionable. (gently kicks Gronk to the curb, inserts Engram into lineup) Philly is so short of players (How short are they?) that wr’s were filling out the secondary during practice this past week. More good news? That D of theirs ranks dead-last in defending the big play and (somehow) the Giants are 5th in generating big plays.

Niners/Bucs:

Weapons charges, possession of pot and now domestic abuse-“the million dollar body with the .10 brain”, Reuben Foster hit the trifecta last night and won a night in jail.  If this isn’t a dead giveaway for a sloppily-played game filled with turnovers, I don’t know what is.

Seahawks/Panthers:

Which Carolina team will show? Will it be the one that tarred and de-feathered the Ravens or the one that rolled over vs. the Steelers? Asked to comment, Riverboat Ron Rivera exclaimed, “Well, we’re 5-0 at home this year with a +10 turnover differential so I’ll take my chances with a sloppy game that’s filled with turnovers”.

Raiders/Ravens:

Baltimore is only a .500 team but one can’t help thinking they’re going to whup the snotgiving out of pre-Vegas. What’s left of Gruden’s Grinded Gears have to be looking at Mack leading a killer D and Cooper going off just a few days ago and questioning their Dear Leader’s cognitive abilities. All in all, I think this game will be a.) sloppy and b.) filled with turnovers.

Who smells burnt toast?

 

 

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Petronel

…aaand the next thread is over before it started.

Gratliff

Giants are fucking awful

Brick Meathook

Chris Spielman is drunk.

Dunstan

Shan’klor makes Her presence felt in Charlotte…

...

More like Graham Ganogood, amirite?

Doktor Zymm

Some adorable and well fed stray cats around here, that’s one of the best things about southern Europe

Brick Meathook

How are the street urchins?

ArmedandHammered

Probably not many of them around, she did say the stray cats were well fed, the cats must keep the numbers down. Circle of life and all that.

Petronel

comment image

herodotus450

Check it, daddyo.

Dunstan

Regular sweat means you risk getting dehydrated, and should drink water.

Ergo, meat sweats means your body’s meat levels are dropping, and you should eat more meat to replenish.

Dunstan

Oh, Raiders.

Gratliff

I SAW NO HOLDING

rockingdog

come on brady. throw it to josh gordon for a TD!!!!!!

Brocky

So I would make a joke implying hue Jackson was a mole sent by the browns, but I refuse to believe anyone stupid enough to hire todd haley has that much intelligence, feigned or not

Col. Duke LaCross

Hue Jackson is going to be the first coach fired and the second coach fired.

Gratliff

Gints gon’ Gint

...

Bad news folks: I have a terminal case of online poisoning. A few nights ago a I dreamed that I was ratioed for making bad tweets. I was tweeting through it. That’ll be my epitaph.

blaxabbath

How many of you are actually just accounts run by Jacob Wohl?

...

His uncanny valley face is the purest nightmare fuel I can imagine.

Dunstan

Not me. I’m too busy being QAnon.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I like how, according to the signage in MetLife, Dunkin’ is the Official Coffee of the NY Jets.

Horatio Cornblower

A Jets player just shoved another Jets defender across the line for an encroachment penalty.

I mean, what the fuck?

Doktor Zymm

Yup, that’s the Jets alright

Gratliff

Apparently the fight worked

Dolph Ucker

How does Pete Carroll not have a gum endorsement contract?

Dunstan

It’s a conspiracy.

Horatio Cornblower

“Because that’s what they expect me to do! It’s all explained in ‘The Protocols of the Elders of Zion’. Oh, here, take my copy; just kind of work around all the notes in the margins.”
-Pete Carroll

Fronkenshteen

Since it’s a Bills home game, does Shaq Lawson also get hit with a domestic violence suspension?

ballsofsteelandfury

Guys, Andre Agassi is bald now. Is this common knowledge? He also tried pickleball.

My mind is being blown.
comment image

Doktor Zymm

Baldness is a well known side-effect of ever having a mullet

Sharkbait

That picture best sums up 1990.

Horatio Cornblower

Sony Michel got better.

Petronel

Turned him on his side and let him cool off for a while.

litre_cola

This is very good.

Dunstan

Two players were just kicked out of the Bills-Jags game. The others are all jealous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Who has two thumbs and is well on his way to his 10 straight week of FF underachieving and the losing which comes from it? And this time it’s to Sharkbait FFS!!!!!!!!

I have at least solidified myself as being the best at sucking at FF Football. Yay me.

Sharkbait

It’s not over yet. I fully expect my team to somehow implode.

theeWeeBabySeamus

AB would have to go for 30+ for you to lose at this point.

blaxabbath

Chiefs’ Hill fined $10K by NFL for peace sign gesture

Just when I got up my hopes that the NFL was no longer trying to compete with Trump for most despicable headline each week.

Doktor Zymm

Wait…for reals? You’re not an onion headline, are you?

Dolph Ucker

The ground can’t cause a fumble but it can cause another commercial break.

Dunstan

An ant crossing the field can cause a commercial break in the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE

blaxabbath

It’s a business.

Dolph Ucker

A tax-exempt, collusive, corrupt business.

litre_cola

Scientology?

blaxabbath

Uhhhh….what’s with the Bengals?

Gratliff

Some fucking shenanigans in Buffalo

rockingdog

buff fans yelling bullship is THATS GOOD SPORTS!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Confirmed no NFL on hotel tv. BBC world news, or german ballroom dancing?

blaxabbath

Dancing with the Reich!

Doktor Zymm

Ooh! A detective show in Greek and Macedonian psychic commercials!

blaxabbath

I bought a gas grill on OfferUp. I’ve never cooked with gas before. Looking forward to tasting the meat, not the heat.

Doktor Zymm

I chose well. Mixed grill including chicken, pork cutlet, sausage, kefta, fried cheese, saganaki, and a pile of fries, garnished with some tomatoes, along with a jug of drinkable red and a free shot of mastika for dessert. And I doubt the irish pub would have had NFL on anyway, as there’s EPL on too

ArmedandHammered

Damn that sounds good, may have to order greek food for supper.

Horatio Cornblower

Leftover turkey really perks up when you sprinkle leftover bacon over it.

Dunstan

I understand “leftover” and I understand “bacon,” but I don’t see how those two words fit together

Dolph Ucker

Cheap sushi
Jumbo shrimp
Student athlete
Microsoft works
Government ethics

Horatio Cornblower

My wife made French toast out of the left over rolls and made a bacon for four, but then my son and his GF bolted without eating breakfast and, well, here we are.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Leftover” bacon? What is that?

ballsofsteelandfury

One question:

WTF IS PICKLEBALL?!?

it’s on ESPNews. I’m amazed.

Dunstan

Is that the one that’s sort of like paddle tennis?

litre_cola

Old people in Phoenix have the courts in their communities.

blaxabbath

It’s half court tennis with paddles, not rackets. They’re building them all over the place in the old people communities around here.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, they have that in my gym/community center. It’s old people tennis.

rockingdog

it looks like its made for old people in florida

herodotus450

Pickleball is usually $100 extra, if you can find a girl who’s even willing.
I mean wait, what?

rockingdog

yikes….
patriots need to get this thing going……comment image

Dunstan

Meh. Seen this tease before.

Petronel

We do NOT deserve to win this game. Holy shit.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Pats would be getting their asses kicked if they were playing a halfway-decent team.

Petronel

That too, but the Niners’ Keystone Kops red-zone routine was just ridiculous.

blaxabbath

McCown just rushed for a first down and gave the nerdiest hand gesture to celebrate.

rockingdog

live long and prosper?

litre_cola

He is no Travis Kelce

Petronel

SERIOUSLY?!?

King Hippo

should have challenged the Breida play, you fuck

WCS

Hue Jackson is actually a cursed idol, isn’t he?

blaxabbath

Hue and Scott Pruitt.

King Hippo

let Breida have it, dickholes