Your “The Cavalcade of Sports Continues” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Let’s go directly, TO THE GAMES!

Jags/Bills:

Had I told you at the birth of the season that the Bills would be matching the Jags win for win after 10 games in you’d most likely say, “I know you’re fucking with me but I don’t know exactly how.” Each team has but three wins but Buffalo has rook qb Josh Allen back but he’ll be in tough against cb’s Ramsey and Bouye and his own 54% completion rate. Bortles doesn’t have it any better though-the Bills d-line gets things done. So I figure this’ll be a sloppy game that will be determined by who profits most on turnovers.

Browns/Bengals:

Shefter is reporting that A.J. Green is a no-go but I’m leaving Tyler “Can’t Play Against #1 CB’s Yet” Boyd on my bench. (watch him go off) Browns players are giving short shrift to the notion that Hue Jackson joining the ‘enemy’ gives the Bengalis an advantage. “We didn’t respect him when he was coaching us, why would we start now?”, I imagine one player saying. Cincy’s lb’s can’t cover and their interior d-line has been decimated by injury so the Browns will be able to score. But when all is said and done, this will be a sloppy game decided by who most profits from turnovers.

Pats/Jets:

The New Englanders have the New Jerseyers number these days. Here’s hoping that the game will be a sloppy, turnover-heavy affair.

Giants/Eagles:

Them Giants won last week by introducing Saquon to the ball early and often. This week they’d be dumb as hell to do the same thing because 4 of the Eagles 5 top cb’s are out and the 5th is questionable. (gently kicks Gronk to the curb, inserts Engram into lineup) Philly is so short of players (How short are they?) that wr’s were filling out the secondary during practice this past week. More good news? That D of theirs ranks dead-last in defending the big play and (somehow) the Giants are 5th in generating big plays.

Niners/Bucs:

Weapons charges, possession of pot and now domestic abuse-“the million dollar body with the .10 brain”, Reuben Foster hit the trifecta last night and won a night in jail.  If this isn’t a dead giveaway for a sloppily-played game filled with turnovers, I don’t know what is.

Seahawks/Panthers:

Which Carolina team will show? Will it be the one that tarred and de-feathered the Ravens or the one that rolled over vs. the Steelers? Asked to comment, Riverboat Ron Rivera exclaimed, “Well, we’re 5-0 at home this year with a +10 turnover differential so I’ll take my chances with a sloppy game that’s filled with turnovers”.

Raiders/Ravens:

Baltimore is only a .500 team but one can’t help thinking they’re going to whup the snotgiving out of pre-Vegas. What’s left of Gruden’s Grinded Gears have to be looking at Mack leading a killer D and Cooper going off just a few days ago and questioning their Dear Leader’s cognitive abilities. All in all, I think this game will be a.) sloppy and b.) filled with turnovers.

Who smells burnt toast?