I just recently had a curious experience that I’d thought I’d share. I had two glasses next to each t’udder, (I type that word more often than I would regularly in the hope that spellcheck will finally red-line it but, nope-not this time either. Yet try sneaking ‘rumour’ past this arbitrary-as-hell program though…) one had beer and the other contained scotch. I absentmindedly grabbed the latter and took a swig of what I thought was beer. Wah! I thought to myself, “I finally understand what Peter Gabriel was jabbering on about in ‘Shock The Monkey’!” I love me the scotch (username checks out) but I almost retched because I was anticipating the taste sensations of a different oh-so-sweet nectar. This is the most interesting moment in the last three days of my existence. I wish someone would cut me from this practice squad life…. TO THE GAME!
Saints/Cowboys:
New Orleans qb Breezy is having himself one hell of a year but I sure do wish sportsfarters would drop the trope of, “He’s Almost 40!!!!”. My extraordinarily thorough research into signal-callers that did their thing into the fourth decade of their life (it took about 45 seconds) tells me that 20 have done so. As a percentage of the whole that’s… whatever but let’s not think that it’s some sort of radical achievement. Speaking of math and stats, boy, the abacuses are stacked up against them Cowboys. The Saints have averaged 44 points over their last 4 tilts and Dallas has scored over 30 twice all season. It only gets worse from there. Suffice to say that Zeke has to run wild over the Saints #1 run defense in order for the Cowboys to squeak out the W.
[thinks about playing some tunes from The Cowboy Junkies live album]
I can not fathom why the Mets want to pay for Cano’s age 36-41 seasons AND give up good prospects to do it but LOL Mets.
Benny Hill would be proud.
And I”m doing the paleo diet and so far so good. at night i dream about bread. and Marion Ross.
I completely barreled over two millenials this week at work – not literally – figuratively. I tasted blood and I wanted to go back and physically fuck them up. Luckily I’m a professional.
Tonight’s superstar is KATON, thanks very much. Oh, she’s so delightfully cute. And a reader!!
Namesake mention drinking is fun.
Also LOLMETS
found a funny:
If I don’t eat a full meal after 11pm, I consider that going to the gym
“Don’t fucking touch me, Buck.”
Uhhhhh, have we slipped into the darkest timeline again here?
Yes.
Saints blowing dead dogs in DFW.
Aikman wears no pants in the booth.
Jesus, I fucking hate the Cowboys.
I’m with you, pal.
I wonder if North Korea or Putin just killed Directv’s satellites. Lost signal on home receiver and phone doesn’t seem to pick it up either.
Deepak Chopra with the power of his conniving brain.
Troy licking all the Cowboys footballs…
Gently rolling the sensitive balls in his mouth, one at a time.
“Forget it, Jake. Its Jerry World.”
So it is going to be one of these games eh?
What about helmet to helmet?
Not gay if you don’t cum.
WAS THERE A FOOTBALL MOVE???
“Yes.”
-The Irsays, The Davis’
I would have assumed the Saints would have tossed beads in the kettle
You had a good run, there, Dallas
Switched over to hoc-key during commercial (Kings-Oilers in Edmonton) and holy shit does the Canuck national anthem kick the shit out of ours.
This was better then expected. I assume the halftime adjustments will doom Dallas because Dallas makes none
Sounds good to me.
The Ol’ Double J gets his crotch adjusted at halftime by some Tijuana hookers.
Dallas has done nothing to deserve a high profile win. I hope Zeke breaks his fucking femur.
Your hate feeds Zeke
The four food groups: Yards, TDs, Hate, and battered women.
Dallas is ahead? What the fuck, over?
Individual-1’s first appearance on DFO.
Amazing how quick the President’s illegitimate child has been forgotten.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/08/27/blood-is-thicker/
What kind of world do we live in where the Emergency Quarterback is the impact player of an NFL team?
It’s much more entertaining when it’s a hockey team’s emergency goalie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Railj7OcTo&ab_channel=NASCARFAN160
Good evening commentists, has BFC asked Maestro to change his lineup yet?
Last I heard Maestro was refusing to give up his woodwinds.
Evening, have you heard about our Lord and Savior, inane distraction from work?
Heehee, the amazon thing just has the announcer combos on a button, switching back and forth between “Storm Kremer” and “Buck Aikman.” One’s a gay porn star, the other is a massive late autumn tropical storm caused by teh gayz.
Storm Kremer is better than Buck Aikman, even when Kremer thinks she’s doing a newscast.
I miss Romo
-Julietto
Wait, did they just play NEW ORDER?!?
How do you feel… about that?
Now? I stand here waiting.
“We heard New World Order.”
-The Rothschild’s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imqvLToWH7k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzFnWAB2qEg&ab_channel=LegendDeadman
https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/celebrity/lindsay-lohan-responds-to-ariana-grandes-mean-girls-inspired-video-after-shading-her-makeup/ar-BBQdbl5?ocid=spartanntp
Lindsay Lohan is mad at Ariana Grande, or something, I don’t know. I started reading, but my brain was imagining several scenarios involving those two. After I saw Elizabeth Gillies’ name, I stopped reading, because no possible story can top what my brain was imaging involving those three.
Apparently on Amazon you can get Hannah Storm and Andrea Kramer doing commentary instead of Buck and Aikman. I very strongly encourage anyone who has this option to take advantage of it. Or else do the Spanish version, like me.
OOOh support Jeff Bezos or Fox? Man I wish I got the game in French. With Scotchy’s cable package I am sure he gets the game in Urdu as well.
When the chronic kicks in.
WHAT!?
Do they, like, do stuff to each other? Because that would be a tiebreaker.
I’m watching on The Nile, they have Pat Summerall and the head of Knute Rockne in a jar.
Are these guys there, too? Nixon loved football.
I heard it from a padcost the other day that Nixon couldn’t cut it as a college football player, too small, so he started some kinda social club that basically led him into politics.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/more-sports/on-your-marks-get-set-cheat-marathon-race-ends-in-chaos-after-dozens-of-runners-were-caught-taking-shortcuts/ar-BBQgxv5?ocid=spartanntp
BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Troy fat shamming
Am at the nudie bar, silently doing the same.
How are Crystal, Chanel, Sapphire, Onyx, Sunny, Porsche, Sunflower and Big Ben’s Next Victim doing?
Don’t forget Jade. Summer, and Destiny.
Sherri, Terrie, Suede, Ocean and River say hi!
Erin looking good tonight.
Did anyone here actually see the video? I did not because it seemed a bit icky. (Ok, afraid of getting caught somehow. Whatever.)
I’m not tech savvy enough to find it, but if someone had provided me an easy way to see it, I would have seen it.
You know, so I could judge and condemn the person that filmed it…
Yes, they should be condemned right after I finish.
I enjoyed the today.
I have thoroughly enjoyed the rain today!
Once again, thanks so much for finding my xmas post somewhere in the detritus of WordPress.
Ha ha! No worries. Just promise me you’ll write at least one more of those posts. Love them!
Done!*
*not yet though
Seriously, where did the Sun God go?! Its it angry?! Does it need an offering?!
I saw it several times over DTLA.
There were so many helicopters over the I-5 near me this morning it felt like a Vietnam war movie.
“If I’m not mistaken, ESPN is telling me to donate to a cause that will bring Jim Valvano back to life? Back to reality?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB54dZkzZOY
Next V-Week will feature holographic Jimmy V. dancing next to holographic 2-Pac.
Ah am most ready for Glorious Zombie Apocalypse if said event brings me back Jimmy V?
V to Lenny Wirtz: “can I get a technical for what I think?”
LW: “Of course not, Jim”
V: “Good, because I think you suck.”
V to audience: “and he gave me a technical! Ya can’t trust ’em”
I’ve been in vacation all week. I’ve done nothing but sleep and play BF5 and HOTS. I think the dogs are getting sick of me. I’ve worn the same shorts for three days.
If Dallas only loses by 10, it will be a good showing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3flv5nWZgII
Fuck off, some of us have two thumbs and moneys on the Non-gendered Cowpersons
Some of us have apparently lost their minds.
And soon their money.
So Pelosi is going to be Speaker again? I thought you guys were the party of change. My estranged party is supposed to be the party of cronyism, favoritism, and backroom deals, not you guys!
Is it because like my Cincinnati Reds you guys have nobody in the farm system so you have no choice?
More like the Edmonton Oilers: lots of young talent that is continuously wasted because upper management continues to be a complete shitshow, and never learns from their mistakes. Ever.
Also, the Dallas Cowboys.
“The Democrats are the party of loose change!”
-Pete C., Seattle
Wouldn’t matter who got elected speaker, Republicans are not compromising. Nancy needs to elect the Newer Progressive Dems to committee chairs
There’s a better chance of Lil’ WCS learning advanced calculus at her current age (two-and-half years) than that happening.
Use your power to investigate the Trumps, but don’t do impeachment unless you have the “smoking gun”. Don’t reach like the GOP did in ’90s. Try to promote your agenda but without going too extreme to scare away any anti-Trumpers or moderate GOPs voters glancing left. If you go too far left, they’ll stay home and we’ll get another four years of this crap.
Nothing wrong with taking things one step at a time. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
This is the last 2 years. Without any real levels of legislative power, it ain’t the time to swap out horses/donkeys. Come 2020, new blood, absolutely.
Just don’t pull a Dewey in ’48 and assume your gonna win. You gotta at least try.
I thought that was a Clinton 2016…
Part of me wants to be alive in 30 years, so I can watch experts compare those two elections to see which was a worse upset.
Nancy is effective as hell in that role. Newbies need to hush for now.
Evening Folks
Okay sky, that’s enough rain for today.
Better rain than snow
Seconded
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUmIiWLoEuo
I miss the Big Yellow Ball of Heat. Is it angry? Do it require a sacrifice?
I’m joining the Little Drummer Boy Challenge because, well, let me illustrate-
Me, at work: “Hey guys, you ever heard of The Little Drummer Boy Challenge?”
Everyone, I mean everyone, at work: “Wah?”
Me: “It’s this thing where you try to avoid the song.”
Everyone “Why?”
Me: “Umm, [timidly] it’s a thing?”
Everyone: ……
Me: [wishing I had a smoke bomb]
Wondering how long this goes until we start to try to rickroll each other
Don’t feel bad. They’re too busy participating in No nut November
Fucking hell Simply Having a Wonderful christmas time is playing fucking everywhere. Hey Paul Cartney I am going to shiv you with your exes leg!
When I am elected dictator of the world for Life, all persons found to use the phrase “trust me” before spouting off an ill informed opinion will be sentenced to 300 years hard labor in their choice of Hollow World Lizard People work camp.
“I do like this aspect of your thinking but your “KILL EVERYONE ELSE AT MY SOLE DISCRETION” policy is a bit vague.”
-Undecided Voter
?cid=3640f6095bf1d1d67470704e324da2bf
They have a choice of “Hollow World Lizard People work camp”?! YOU’VE HAD GROWN WEAK IN THE ZERO SECONDS YOU’VE BEEN POWER, YOUR EMINANCE!!!!
All music with “Cowboy” in the title has to sound similar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0V-WGwJJj58
Drew Brees is playing and he’s almost 40? Aren’t people as small as him supposed to die around that age?
Drew Brees’ days of chasing Woolly Mammoths over cliffs should have been long over by now. I wonder who his shaman is?
Deep cut with the Clan of the Cave Bear joke.
Db9> tb12
“I say, don’t be ridiculous.” – Jeff Sessions
Adventures with Wakezilla:
Starbucks Lady: Spinach and Feta breakfast wrap for Megan!
/Woman 1 reaches for wrap with a confused look
Woman 2, genuinely ready to accept that the universe is magical and far greater than anything she could ever grasp: “Is your name also Megan and you also ordered the spinach and feta breakfast wrap?”
Woman 1: No. . . I ordered the sausage breakfast sandwich, but my daughter is named Megan.
Megan: . . . .
Starbucks Lady:. . . .
Wakezilla: . . . .
/fin
I’m confused. Who ordered the fin?
(Chinese) Woman 3: “Oh that’s mine.”
“I already told you, Armitage said to bring him in.” – Case
/that’s a Neuromancer joke, for those who are triff deff to get it.
Soooo, how was the sandwich?
Such a great take on an old tune-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XikRDErgbW0