[looks at entire slate of games] “Jesus! I guess the bye weeks are all over and done with.”
Shall we? TO THE GAMES!
Bal/Atl:
On the outside looking in it appears that the Falcons have had a disappointing year as they sit at 4-7. However it’s important to note that 6 starters have been sent to the IR. There’s only so many times you can yell, ‘next man up!’.
Den/Cincy:
Who has two working thumbs and is starting for the Bengalis? Not Dandy Andy Dalton, that’s for sure. Third year fella Jeff Driskell out of Florida or Louisiana Tech or both gets the start. What does he bring to the table for the last five games of the year? He can run on designed plays or to escape pressure and according to one observer, is willing to throw the old pig bladder into risky spots that Dalton wouldn’t dare consider. That might be fun to watch or he might go down in flames against a D the likes of the Broncos.
LAR/Det:
Tate is gone and Jones is out so Golladay gets to go up against a returning Aquib Talib. Ouch. Speaking of cb’s, the Lions Teez Tabor is the 114th ranked guy at his position so feel free to start Woods or Reynolds if you have them.
Ari/GB:
This is the kind of blah game that not even Rodgers can make watchable. Much like him, I’ll pass.
Buf/Mia:
The starting qb’s in this one have a combined 9/9 TD/Int. ratio. The starting rb’s have a combined 2 TD’s. The top receivers for each team have totaled 862 yards and 3 six-pointers. No thanks.
Chi/NYG:
Truth Biscuit was throwing this week but you don’t need that much to get the W vs. the Giants so we’ll be treated to at least one more Chase Daniel Experience.
Car/TB:
If you throw out the first 4 weeks of the season when he was finding his footing, the first wr selected this year in the draft has put up some quality numbers. D.J. Moore leads all rooks in yards after catch, yards after contact and yards per catch.
Indy/Jax:
The Colts have put together 5 straight W’s and are ready to take on Tom Coughlin’s Unguents. Man, Jax is in a lousy free fall, aren’t they?-Fournette is suspended for this one and is definitely unhappy. Norwell, their best lineman is on the IR and the team is moving on from Bortles. Here’s your (second? third?) chance, Kessler.
Cle/Hou:
Is this here a trap game? Them Brownies have all those young playmakers at the skill positions and sport a league-leading +14 turnover differential with 27 in total.
Talk away.
GODDAMN IT ELI THROW A CRIPPLING INT YOU DOPEY FUCK
I nearly fainted
The Annexation of Puerto Rico!
NEVE—oh wait.
Coolness.
/spits toward sidewalj
HOW DOES THIS TEAM NOT LOSE
TRICKERATION agin
no good!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. Suck it Rodgers!
–Blair Walsh
Giants gonna giant
Howard Cross’s reactions are fantastic.
Cowboys still won this week. Any loses by Green Bay, Steelers, Pats, Philly or Seattle is a bonus.
Go Birdcano!
the Bucs have Cam’s number.
1.
Even Jameis knows that number.
69
Time for some Mike McCarthy Magic!
BRING BACK DAVE SHULA!
Cincinnati really needs to fire this new Defensive Coordinator.
You know we could call this a trap game but fuck If I dont wanna blame the refs and nagy more than anything else
BREAKING!!!
https://sports.yahoo.com/news/latest-houston-highlights-bush-tributes-across-nfl-182332002–nfl.html
No surprise that the NFL loves to wash the dead balls of a traitor and war criminal.
What did HW do?
Fitz is an absolute beast.
If the NFL is going to outlaw hits to receivers to separate them from the ball, they should go back through the games and throw out from the Hall of Fame all the safeties, linebackers and cornerbacks who make a career being hardhitters and headhunters.
Can’t rewrite history. MOAR CONFEDERATE STATUES NEEDED!
Fuck this game with a rusty barbed-wire wrapped pool cue.
I see you have any AM game on.
Feels like GB can’t decide if they’re ready to throw away the rest of the season or actually bear down and try to win-out.
Please let it be the former.
I have been watching RedZone all day and legitimately did not know the Dolphins and Bills were playing.
Neither did they.
Saquon ded?
He had a good run this year
The Bengals performance motivated me to clean up my family’s cat shit box. I see the Bengals still haven’t done that.
1. I may be drunk.
2. Okay. I’m drunk.
3. I told everyone the Bears would lay an egg against a terrible team this year.
4. Really though it would be the Bills.
Come on. You’re putting your faith in a Mitch?
Sad Cam Newton, will he look like The Crow at his presser?
Even after he gets murdered on the field (no penalty!) his estate will be fined for some bullshit.
I would be very, very happy if tomorrow’s physical bloodwork showed I was dropping ded. But I never get a solid like that. Fuck everything.
King HW Hippo?
Hey, so remember on Thanksgiving when I said the joke if the bears defense scores a td my no nut November is over?
Is there like, a December version of that?
hold the phone, Donks can still fuck the chicken, without Beatie Mixon getting any fantasy points obvs
Come on, Denver. You know you want to.
Edmonds missing the opportunity to celebrate Josh Rosen by using the ball as a prop in a dradle celebration.
David Johnson starting in BOTH my leagues. That is seriously what my day is.
This coaching staff is hellbent on not utilizing Johnson appropriately.
Good on Lindsay there. At least one Bluth sibling came good today.
in Rosen’s defense, someone mentioned the Fed might be raising rates as he broke into the open field there.
double fantasy loss, costing bye weeks in each. Only thing left is Donks gacking up their lead
And Trump cracking down on opioids!
thanks, the Seppuku ledger just gets more and more unassailable
Detroit fat guy down??
He’s the quarterback.
It’s officially FAT GUY SUNDAY folks. Lions feed the beast this time.
Aaron Rodgers agent seems like a dick.
#ThePauls are back
2020. You’ll see.
I’ve been reading q anon tweets instead of really paying attention to GB/ARI.
I think this was the right move.
today is bad enough that I likely lose 2nd in total points prize money, too. THANKS, RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
They will also not be SB champs.
no, it will be goddamned Saints and P*ts
HOU
RG3 is the QB now! whatever
This is just like that fucking Miami game.
BECKHAMDOWN!!!!
OF COURSE it’s OBJ, from the 1, godfuckingdamnit
Chicago really going to fuck this up, huh?
Appears to be
allowing Balls to make maximum fun of me in the morning!
I don’t get the love for CHI this year. They trailed ARI entering the 4th quarter BEFORE the Cards started making changes.
found a funny:
welcome to backhanded compliment club, u look so good for being 40
Saquon doing his best Renaldo Nehamayhahaha.
Giants up? I should go to the beer store more often.
“Russell” Shepard? Russell!?
Giants down? Go to the beer store more often anyway.
this day can eat diseased rhinoceros dick
Where the fuck is East Ruthorford? I don’t even know where regular Ruthorford is.
Near Newark. You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy
AH. I’ve been to Ewwwark.