I’m late to the party today so we should go straight… TO THE GAMES!
Jets/Bills:
I will get this game on the old TV. I will not celebrate that fact.
Panthers/Browns:
God, wouldn’t a Browns ambush go down smooth today?
Falcons/Packers:
Look for Mr. Rodgers to go nuts today. Now that he’s got McCarthy off his back I figure he’s going all HUAC over Atlanta.
Ravens/Chiefs:
Best tilt of the day? Best tilt of the day. I’m kinda curious to see how Mahomes (once again) handles the sort of sustained pressure the Ravens are capable of bringing.
Pats/Fins:
Oh look, it’s yet another boring New England W. Here’s hoping that Gore runs out of bounds on the Pats sideline and clocks Brady right in his smirkhole.
Saints/Bucs:
Drew Brees is going for the record of how many times announcers will say,”He’s 52 years old and five foot two! This was never supposed to happen.” Unlike the Bucs on again, off again starting qb, those guys never went to Harvard.
Giants/Potato Skins:
Not sure how to feel about this one. As much as I want the Giants to win, I’d like to see the Potato Skins push the Cowboys out of the division title. But then I’d be cheering for a Lil’ Danny Snyder team. Then there’s the fact that the Giants should be tanking at this point so that their draft position is enhanced. Maybe if everyone lost?
Colts/Texans:
Despite the teams involved, this one appears to be interesting. Both squadoos are rolling so we’ll find out what happens when an unremarkable entity meets a non-existent concept.
Two eggs over-easy and a side of tater tots if you’re cooking.
Kamara sucks. I left John Brown on the bench.
Not feeling good about FF this week….
Lamar Jackson was the last of the QBs drafted in 2018 to get a starting gig.
Hmmm. Why could that be? It’s a mystery!
Romo calls the formation penalty! Nothing has surprised me more than his being revealed as a non-moe-ron.
I have the feeling that Tony has trouble with even the simplest, non-football tasks.
“Tony, describe this defensive formation and the offensive options in response to it.”
/Tony launches into 15 minute dissertation accurately describing both
“Tony, pour me a glass of milk”
/Tony turns blue, falls to the floor and starts twitching.
Damn it, Chefs are gonna lose home field to P*ts thanks to the Ratbird veer.
/and that was SO #ThePauls!!
thats so RAVEN!
Such is eternity.
Browns gonna Brown.
“oh is life”
That’ll effectively do it for the Bucs. Eagles gonna make the playoffs via attrition. So many bad teams in teh NFC.
I like the WC race teams this year. If I didn’t have to hear about Hunt’s DV issue in week 11, this would have actually been a pretty palatable NFL season.
That Amazon commercial with the “can you feel it” song but with delivery drivers pissing in bottles and falling over from exhaustion while the boxes frown and report them to corporate.
$10 to whoever starts a Gofundme to make this happen.
2001: A Space Odyssey, but with space warehouses and Elon Musk firing Dave for turning the oxygen back on.
that motherfucker has been inside Claire Boucher (aka Grimes). I was sooooooo disappoint.
Fortunately Musk’s enterprises are all proving themselves to be over-ambitious fantasies so we might be rid of him sooner than expected. At the very least it means that overpriced O’Hare express will never be built.
feels SMRT for starting LAMAR! against bye in my money league
/would nae have had the bollocks otherwise, though I think RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and Bearistocrats! will be low-scoring
Kamara has to be Boss Todd’s fave player.
but it’s INGRAM running over his neighbours!
Yeah. Also, “GODDAMNIT!!!!!!!”
Do they install a negatively charge magnet in the kicking footballs and positively charge the uprights?
40-8 a Scorigami??
(buzzer)
https://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/199410020sfo.htm
The Washington Slurs are singlehandedly ruining the NFL defense in Kaep’s lawsuit.
Because Snyder recorded the meetings where they discussed the conspiracy?
Also, what’s going on with the Dolphins and keeping Tannehill?
I love that the nfl is a winter sport and Miami is like, “fuck this. The dolphins will wear summer colors in every single uni combo!”
Jenny McCarthy in a gameshow where you have to string together clues to find the correct answer? Should have called it “The Neverending Story.”
“Welcome to ‘Pins and Needles’, and here’s your host, Auntie Vaxxer!”
If Kamara throws it to Mike Evans I’m good.
“Actually….that could work!”
-NFL Rules Committee
How is 18-14 not a Scorigami? 18 looks like a weird number to get when the other guy has two touchdowns.
Someone, somewhere, has kicked 6 FGs before.
Mike McCarthy was probably the coach.
Well, there goes the Potatoes getting shut out. THANKS JOSH JOHNSON!
For a jets fan, that play by Darnold was good enough to give you hope for 3-4 years. And that’s just really very sad.
I wish we had a larger Jets fan contingency here. But I also know it would require us to provide some seriously depraved #content to get said contingency.
More Hades? Got it!
My favorite contingent of fans on here are the Jets fans because they have a deep understanding of the horror that is existence.
this is evergreen!
Gat damn Mahomes throws a sweet pass.
he’s remarkably good
Josh Allen is part of Q Anon right?
oh, Brokeback QB can show you some things on the internet, learn you about white genocide
Just doodling Qs all over the telestrator and pretending fans are JFK Jr. in disguise
I just took a nap and it was everything I though it would be.
How’s the Early Slate of games?
I’ll let you know in 8 minutes and 35 seconds.
34
33
32
31
Come on Ratbirds, stop fucking around!!!!!!!
Bucs/NO don’t seem too bad.
Then again, I’ve seen one play.
Just bcuz this thread needs moar Alexa…
Is that what the lady who lives inside my Echo looks like?
DON’T YOU TEASE ME!!!!!
(will buy your echo for whatever price you name)
See lives inside tWBS’s heads.
The resident voices are very upset with you saying that.
I notice they’re not denying it.
They always conspire against me.
Jerks.
know how I said back in pre-game that Alison Mosshart was the perfect amount of trashy? Well, this is wha’ happen when getting trashy goes WRONG.
It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
Future Ex-Mrs. Donald Trump, Jr. right there.
YUUUUUUPPPPP
she a Shitty Clipper fan or sommet?
Stupid WWE either deleted or monochrome’d all the official images of her bleeding all over Sasha Banks after she broke her nose back in their nxt days.
Getting to and from the airport is my least favorite part of travel
FOAR me, it’s the peoples
What Hippo said.
For me it’s the airplanes. “You mean I get to spend 7 hours in a flying bus!? How can I say no!”
plus do YOU fully understand Bernoulli’s Principle? I sure as fuck don’t, and have an engineering degree
“Buoyancy and shit” – Me explaining it in high school physics, also now
“Because it’s all bullshit conspiracy nonsense!”
-Flat Earthers
Hollow Earthers are a way cooler conspiracy group
Even the long distance bus industry doesn’t ruthlessly try to monetize and dehumanize every aspect of the experience
I like Amtrak.
Trains are pretty excellent, I wish we would put in a kickass high speed rail system
I weirdly like flying, no matter how many times I experience it, takeoff is a moment of wonder for me
That a tin can with wings that weighs 10’s or more tones can Get off the ground is mind blowing
The food (ave associated prices) yo.
Tyreek will be beating himself up over that one I bet
For a change.
Kyle Power!
Hrm. I forgot that a young Dean Ambrose once let a dude drag a running sawzall across his forehead. Probably not something to post on here.
Or, like, anywhere.
All you have to do is subject yourself to intense body gore in your early 20’s and you too can pull Renee Young.
Not unattractive, but I’m not running a sawzall over my head for her.
Or anyone, because running a sawzall over your head is fucking insane.
To be fair, he used to look like this, so he largely deserved it.
A friend of mine just moved to Switzerland and I tried to gift her a Kindle book and she can’t download it because of region restrictions, such BS!
Sad!
Fucking trade wars, amirite?
Switzerland continues to operate as a national security threAt.
Was the book called “The Search for Lost Nazi Gold” or something?
I wish! It was ‘Swisswatching: Inside the Land of Milk and Honey’
Has anyone mentioned that Taysom? Hill is Mormon Tebow?
hey now, he seems to have at least moderate athleticism and lacks fascination with third world penises
No interest in HAWT TAEK tweets, RedZone Channel.
is we supposed to be rising again, y’all?
https://www.theonion.com/south-postpones-rising-again-for-yet-another-year-1819565548
one of my all-time favourite Onions
“The way things stand, things in the Deep South almost have to get better. Otherwise, the people who live there will devolve into preverbal, overall-wearing sub-morons within a century,” said Professor Dennis Lassiter of Princeton University. “Either Southerners will start improving themselves, or they’ll be sold to middle-class Asians as pets.”
Tough but fair.
Wow. They all look really thrilled to be there.
They had reservations about…
/giant hook hauls Horatio offstage
You don’t get no respect!
Well, it was a long trail to get there,
Brings me to tears just thinking about it.
Because they’re old and they lost. They were among the last Confederates to surrender and they had to free their slaves (yes the Cherokees had slaves).
Far from the only tribe to do that. Humanity in general doesn’t have a great track record.
“Mustache Riders, Mount Up!”
They want to finish drinking their craft beers first.
Despite the strong start, Redacteds look like they might fulfill my preview prediction of third in the NFC East!
14-11 in MRSA-land, can those Jizzmoppers hold on?
If these advertisers don’t tone it down with the interracial families they’re going to lose the crucial #whitegenocide demographic.
WHICH retailer will show there commitment to building a future FOAR white childrens ,, smh
Bayer? VW? Ford? Disney?
My money’s on BMW.
“That’s why we changed.”
–GOP
It’s been creeping down from The Canada. Wasn’t there some big hubbub about an interracial couple ad last year?
/ad dudes up here actually realize that minorities of all kinds earn money and want to spend it.
and teh gays, don’t forget teh gays!!
One of the jewelry companies has an interracial gay couple in it. I’m neither gay, (not that there’s anything wrong with that), nor in the market for rings, but I still love that commercial just because of the apocalyptic shit-fits it must cause in some of the more conservative regions of the world.
Campbell’s soup had a spot in a commercial with two dudes feed their kid. Outrage ensued.
I know, right? I mean, who feeds their kids?
I think there was, maybe for a car commercial?
I suspect they do it because they figure they can get exposure for two groups in one commercial.
White genocide is good
That Taysom and his magical undies!
what’s going on in KC, thought Army/Navy was yesterday??
this chiefs vs rat birds game is good!!!
I haven’t seen the [redacted] take a beating like this since Wounded Knee.
“POTATO SKINS ARE DONE!”
-me, yelling from the kitchen
I can’t believe Fox is still making us watch the Landover blowout. Yeah, Texas is interested because Dallas and NFC East. Fuck you, I want to see a competitive game.
I’ll just switch to early CZW stupidity while waiting for the important games.
MAXIMUM SANCHEZ: He gets both his legs broken, by his own linemen.
Butt Fumble part 2: Leg Breaking Bugaloo!
Ah fuck it all. Mahomes ded, I’m ded.
Jesus, the turf in Miami is looking awesome.
They might find Ponce de Leon’s bones before they fix that hole.
is that the indian burial ground?
Its Florida, probably the start of a sinkhole.
Pet Sematary III.
On my way to the airport. Visiting Chicago is such a hatefuck
At least you get off.
Sweet Jesus let Mahomes to Conley have a half for the ages.
Don’t be a pussy, Harbaugh. You have to go for it here.
Good call.
Bad spot.
Meh.
OK, no shit, Tony Romo needs to check hizzself. He was going on and on (just like me) that Baltimore needed to go for it on 4th and short. When they didn’t get the spot he says….
“I can’t believe they went for it”
This is why I want to punch most people. Stand by your convictions you pussy.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug
No wonder Jessica Simpson wrecked him.
It was because she got fat.
Imma stop talking now.
She’s still yummy, though.
“Since when is a size 6 fat??!!
-Adolf Hitler
xmas ape knows whats up:
If the Giants score five touchdowns in the second half, the ‘Skins lose 69-0 and Mark Sanchez should be forced to retire for attaining brand perfection
That would be a nice score.
Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast
U.S. Army: Shit on a Shingle (a.k.a. S.O.S.)
U.S. Navy: Creamed Foreskins
U.S. Marines: Made completely different and it’s pretty damn good
U.S. Air Force: I dunno they probably go to McDonalds
The single worst breakfast item west of England
Eggs scrambled with canned pig brains would like a word. My grandfather would eat the nastiest stuff.
Canned pigs brains are an actual thing that people make and buy?
Yep, haven’t seen them in awhile, though. Were usually in the same area as the pickled pigs feet and snouts.
“They list what’s in it? Pussies.” – Scrapple
‘And various other pig parts’
“etc.”
Saints have this amazing ability to lose only the games I want them to win