Get a smaller bird in the twelve pound range, preferably one that’s not shot up with a bunch of added moisture. Spatchcock it, and clip the wingtips. If you can dislocate the hip sockets, it’ll make carving a shitload easier and it’ll be flatter. Freeze the backbone, neck and wingtips for future stockmaking. Get a medium-sized mixing bowl and soften some two sticks or about two fingers of that Amish rolled butter in it. Chop up some fresh herbs finely, I go with some thyme and rosemary that I grow on my patio and then add a few sage leaves and some terragon. Add them to the softened butter and a glug of cognac and whisk it all together. You’re going to have to work it pretty good because alcohol and fat doesn’t mix very well but eventually it’ll all come together.

Back to the bird, generously salt and pepper the underside and flip it over on a half sheet pan. Carefully loosen the skin with your hand over the breast and down to the thigh and leg. Be careful not to tear the skin. Do that on both halves. Separate a third of the butter/herb/cognac mixture into its own bowl, cover and put it in the fridge. For the other two thirds, grab handfuls of the butter and massage it over the meat and under the skin all the way down to the leg on both halves. Salt the skin on top, and stow the whole thing on the sheet pan as flat as you can get it overnight on the bottom shelf of your fridge.

Prep a kettle grill with about fifteen unlit pieces of charcoal on the outer edge of one side and fill a chimney and light it. If you have a gas grill fire up the main burner only. Pull your bird out of the fridge, Pat the bottom dry and rub a little canola oil on the skin and give it a few grinds of pepper. Once the chimney coals have all lit and are white put them in a banked pile over the unlit coals and set a drip pan on the other side and put the grate on. You’re looking for a target temperature of 325*. Once your grill gets there adjust your vents to maintain that temperature and put a small handful of soaked fruitwood chips (I prefer cherry, peach, or apple with poultry) on the coals. You’ll have to do a foil pack on the gas grill for the chips. Put a little foil on the ends of the drumsticks and set your bird over the drip pan, wings toward the coals laying as flat as you can. Jam a probe thermometer deep in the breast and put the lid on with the vent over the turkey.

Melt the remaining herb butter in a bowl. Every half hour or so, drizzle some of that melted butter over the skin. An hour into cooking turn the turkey so that the legs are facing the coals. A half hour after that, pull the foil off the ends of the drumsticks for even browning. It should take roughly two hours as long as you maintain that 325* temperature to get that breast meat up to 165*. Evacuate to a carving board and loosely tent with foil for about ten minutes. Dump the contents of the drip pan into a fat separator and serve them as is, or use them in a roux based gravy if you’d like. Carve it up and eat like a king!

I did this twice in the last month, once just to try it out and then once for Momsgiving (the only nice thing about growing up in a broken home is doubling up holiday meals!) And they turned out great both times. No flabby skin, and the butter underneath basted the meat as it cooks. And it has a slight smoky flavor that just ties it all together. It’s a little labor intensive, but even my dad liked it and he fucking hates turkey!