Your Xmas Eve/Monday Night Football Combo Thread

Whine/Rant Alert:

Okay, there’s a bunch of sports-hungry folks that have the day off today. Imagine them (me) sitting down in front of the tube, ready to drink in the puck/football/curling stone/basketball/shuttlecock/sheep’s head/Quaffle and Thunderball action with their oh-so thirsty eyes and there’s…nothing. Hey NBA, college football, college basketball, NHL, EPL, Badminton Super League, Quidditch Juniors Alliance, Central Asia Buzkashi Association and Amalgamated Consortium of Corporate Interests-every one of your sports leagues dropped the damn ball today. There’s no excuse for this. I was raised to be a consumer from Day 1 and I’d like to consume and you’ve all let me down. For Shame!*

*does the word ‘shame’ have any relevance anymore, though?

There’s one other thing that no one has made any mention as far as I know and it’s that ESPN is reporting that Christian McCaffrey has engaged in domestic violence-check it out-

Panthers’ McCaffrey sets NFL mark, beats dad.

It’s right there in the headlines. First things first, I admire this particular christian for thinking outside the box. Most believers would take it right to their spouse/girlfriend but this fella was not looking for an easy way to prove his masculinity. Dude’s hardcore. Best wishes for a speedy recovery to ‘Pops’, btw.

TO THE GAME!

Bronchitis/Poison Oak:

Much as Herr Gruden would deny it, his leadership at this point in the season is modeled after the example of Erwin Rommel and his exceptional tanking strategy. I’m thinking Denver in a walk.

If you’ve got a rant or a whine I’m all ears.

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rockingdog

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Ur doing it wrong.comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pictured here: Balls’ living room on January 1st.

ballsofsteelandfury

Except I can’t play a musical instrument if my life depended on it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo

Stupid sexy Santa

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s so wrong it’s totally right.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t think Gruden is a very good coach.

King Hippo

wait until you see him DRAFT this Spring!

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL…shoulda seen that coming.
(phrasing)

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

The only real query in Donks-land is whether Keenum or Vance Joseph sucks the most.

King Hippo

WHAT A SHITSHOW, Delay of Fucking Game?

King Hippo

The guy who I beat last week would have won the title match. I would be 60/40 to beat the guy the other finalist beat.

Brocky

Is there a site to track other ESPN fantasy leagues?

I wanna know how many idiots cost themselves fantasy championships by not sitting todd Gurley

King Hippo

NAWT me (nor Senor), we both inserted Breida and received ALL 3-ish POINTS OF BOUNTY.

/fuck, I really would have picked up and played CJ Anderson if our League didn’t lock waivers for playoffs (and I DID have Malcolm Brown rostered, who promptly went on IR)

//at least I picked up CJA in DFO-ball, so Senor couldn’t sub him! 😀

King Hippo

As you may recall, Balls and I accurately DFO Scouted that Kolton Miller was goddamned terrible

theeWeeBabySeamus

Please feel free to write in your own joke here.
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King Hippo

just the tip??

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. Simplicity at its finest.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Last time I saw a black rod hit a white girl in the head that hard….

GO!!!!!!!

King Hippo

LUBE UP, here comes Chubb!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

say what you will, but Case tosses the best murder ball in the league

ballsofsteelandfury

Seriously, Oakland DBs must be salivating.

King Hippo

in front of a crowd that wants BLOOD FOAR TEH BLOOD GODS, no less

ballsofsteelandfury

I would have popped him in the ribs. Same 15 yard penalty, probably, but he’ll feel it more.

King Hippo

yeah we gonna have fights

theeWeeBabySeamus

He was moving so fast I thought he was gonna run all the way to Vegas.

King Hippo

if Yiadom’s foot was in end zone? Touchback

King Hippo

GIFT BULLSHIT REVIEW

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s Christmas! Give him the TD!

King Hippo

and the Shield is boning Oakland something fierce

SonOfSpam

That was the coolest thing the Raiders have done since Alzado roided himself into tumors.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t seen a theft in Oakland that bad since….well, last time I was in Oakland.

Petronel

Ok, that was some funny shit (sorry Hippo)

Petronel

And some of the shittiest looking replay video I’ve seen

King Hippo

it’s ok, I semi-admired myself

King Hippo

oh my fucking GOD, you dickless motherfuckers

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy fucking hell.

Did they really not rule that down at the one?

King Hippo

3rd and 21 for Case Keenum is a very sad thing

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

FINALLY, a photo that needed no altering!

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus that’s creepy.

SonOfSpam

/wonders who started playing “Love Will Tear Us Apart”

theeWeeBabySeamus

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ballsofsteelandfury

That Grey Goose commercial was filmed on top of the Pacific Stock Exchange Building in DTLA. It used to house a nightclub but now only has a few offices and a parking structure. It’s used for filming A LOT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

Reminder of the best song of 2018:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-N6jfO5NOQ

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

I chopped up 5 onions for the French Onion Soup and made Rum Balls. (Of course I did. They’re delicious, btw)

No work tomorrow. Time for alcohol.

King Hippo

oh man, your toilet gon’ have a MERRY fucking Christmas!!

ballsofsteelandfury

My work buddy is having 12 people over tonight and his toilet backed up this morning. He left work early to attend to it…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think Rum Balls should be your new name.

ballsofsteelandfury

But I do Bourbon Balls too! And Whiskey Balls. And Tequila Balls.

Actually, Tequila Balls works.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Viva La Tabula Raza

Howza about covering all the bases—Booze Balls.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am so fucking tired. Cooked dinner for 15 last night and now I have to go to Pasadena to watch my father-in-law and his brother bitch at each other.

King Hippo

I know what you mean, have been sitting in sweats all day researching MLB rookies for upcoming dynasty draft.

/am being a dick, sorry

//flip side of divorce, haven’t had sex with a non-courtesan in like 5 years 😀

King Hippo

also, does this mean you won’t be around to talk shit with me during tonight’s DERP war?

ballsofsteelandfury

Pop by my place if you need a break.

King Hippo

ok, maybe not a Christmas film, but nothing ever makes me smile as regularly as mah favourite Parker Posey (such a crush, you just have no idea b/c it can’t be put into words) scene from an all-time Top 5 comedic movie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVkChL4BfFE

SonOfSpam

I will fight you. Or share, whatevs. Not at the same time. Unless you wear a wig.

King Hippo

Indeed! Tis the kind of woman who will break necks when she’s 60.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Three Wise Men walk into the manger bearing gifts in order to praise the infant Messiah.

Wise man steps on a rake, rake handle flies up and smacks him right in the face.

Wise man puts hands over face in teary-eyed pain, hollers “JESUS CHRIST!”

Mary looks up at Joseph and says, “Oh, Joseph, I like that so much better than Murray!”

(YMMV, Substitute your favorite stereotypical Jewish first name as the situation requires)

Don T

Mary: The child needs shoes.

Joseph: Have the Holy Spirit buy them.

Mary: Ay Joseph! Please get over it!
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s even funnier in Spanish.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Off to my first III Forks. I look forward to not being able to move after dinner.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Mrs. Clause checking her arm and core strength for when Santa returns.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you know that the pole itself spins? I did not know that until recently.

King Hippo

puts a new twist on the term spinner

Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Neigh, I’d not have him. I’d not have him ALL NIGHT…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

going out on a limb here, but I think racism really kinda sucks

Viva La Tabula Raza

SNAP!
(limb breaks)

King Hippo

knew I shouldn’t have had ALL FOUR frozen Greek yogurt bars…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It must have been a Dutch Elm.

/tree racism is funny, though

SonOfSpam

Ok, but what about when the little Dutch boy stuck his finger in a wet dyke…

/fills whiteboard with equations

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m assuming you didn’t marry this woman. That is a special kind of AWKWARD for the rest of your lives.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t see the lines, can ya Russ?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_yQhALyAx0

Unsurprised

It’s nipply in here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Great scene.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

SonOfSpam

LOCK GRUDEN UP

LOCK GRUDEN UP

Unsurprised

Thanks to Ape, this is the only other play I know of this weekend along with the Landry 63-yard pass.
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Unsurprised

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Wakezilla

Landry, another Ex-LOLphins player who was better than Tannehill at QB

Wakezilla

Last night’s story with racist family:

Racist family member: I wish illegals would stop coming to America.

Me: Well, they wouldn’t need to come to America if it wasn’t for American intervention. Most notably, Honduras, Haiti, Nicaragua, Guatemala, Paraguay and pretty soon, Brazil.

RFM: . . . Maybe the families shouldn’t be split apart.

/Wakezilla downs another bottle of dessert wine. Six. Days. To. Go.

Unsurprised

Mmm. Dessert.

Horatio Cornblower

mmm. Racism.

Redshirt

I don’t have a TV. Are the Oakland Raiders fans burning down the stadium yet?

Unsurprised

If they were, you wouldn’t need a TV to find out.

Wakezilla

I see that Derek Carr has a tattoo on the wrist of his throwing hand. I have to say, knowing he crosses the street and doesn’t go down the highway is a little disappointing. No wonder Gruden hates him so much.

WCS

I will be posting my annual Die Hard watching sometime later. I’ve been doing this on Twitter the last five years or so, but, Twitter is a cesspool. I’ll be making a live thread, and all of you chuckledicks are invited to the party.

Wakezilla

Only if you acknowledge it’s not a Christmas movie

WCS

Uh, it’s the greatest Christmas movie.

Wakezilla

Rocky IV is more of a Christmas movie, and nobody ever considers that movie a Christmas movie

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Russian Orthodox Christmas?

King Hippo

Bad Santa would like a word.

Brick Meathook

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is played on several large screens inside St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican during Midnight Mass every Christmas Eve.

ballsofsteelandfury

Absofuckinglutely it’s a Christmas movie!

Redshirt

It’s a Festivus movie. The Exceptional Thieves wanted to rob the place and kill the hostages, and John McClane expressed his grievances about that.

Horatio Cornblower

Lethal Weapon is the better Xmas movie.

King Hippo

Mel Gibson disagrees, because the dialogue wasn’t in Latin

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I like the cut of that McCaffrey’s jib
–Oedipus

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