Gazing Into Balls’ Crystal Balls – Week 16

This is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs,  who won’t,  who will win,  and who won’t.

As promised,  I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. At the end of the season,  I’ll recap and highlight in green any predictions I got right.

If any.

Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!

AFC

 

So, I guess Baltimore is the real deal, huh?

The Ravens strolled into Carson on Saturday night like John Travolta

Rock out with your cock out

and took the game from the Chargers, the Division from Pittsburgh, and the need for Viagra away from JJ Fozz and tWBS in one magical Southern California balmy winter evening.

 

I now DO ABSOLUTELY see Baltimore overtaking the Steelers for the AFC North (even though it would be really fun if the Browns spoiled things but they won’t because they’re the Browns) and possibly making some noise in the playoffs.

 

Houston, as I thought, did not beat Philly, so that gives New England back the #2 spot and first round bye. Given this week’s results, here are the scenarios for next week:

Baltimore: Win = #4 seed. Loss = Season Over

Pittsburgh: Win and Browns win = #4 seed. Anything else = Season Over

Indianapolis and Tennessee will effectively play a playoff game on Sunday with the winner getting the #6 seed.

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

  1. Kansas City
  2. New England
  3. Houston
  4. Baltimore
  5. San Diego
  6. Indianapolis

 

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

# 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Actual
1 KC KC KC  KC KC KC    
2 NE NE NE  NE NE NE    
3 PIT HOU HOU  HOU HOU HOU    
4 HOU PIT PIT  BAL PIT BAL    
5 LAC LAC LAC  LAC LAC LAC    
6 BAL BAL BAL  PIT BAL IND    

 

AFC Playoffs

  11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Actual
WC1 PIT>BAL PIT>LAC PIT>LAC  PIT>HOU PIT>LAC HOU>IND    
WC2 HOU>LAC HOU>BAL HOU>BAL  BAL>LAC BAL>HOU BAL>LAC    
D1 NE>PIT NE>HOU NE>HOU  NE>BAL NE>PIT NE>HOU    
D2 KC>HOU PIT>KC KC>PIT  KC>PIT KC>BAL KC>BAL    
C NE>KC NE>PIT NE>KC  NE>KC NE>KC NE>KC    

 

The matchups have changed yet again,  but the results will be the same.  In a magical world,  we could get a Houston-Baltimore matchup instead of New England-Kansas City in the AFC Championship. 

It would certainly be nice,  but I just don’t think it will happen. 

NFC

 

The Cowboys were able to wrap up the division thanks to the Buccaneers sucking big sweaty pirate balls. The Eagles are still hot though and all they need to sneak in is a Chicago Bear victory over the Vikings in the last week!

The Seahawks are solidly in the #5 spot and in Sunday Night showed they can beat anyone.  They will be tough come playoff time. 

Meanwhile, the Saints took the #1 seed by beating the Steelers in a game that I thought was actually closer than expected. Too bad the Steelers could never figure out how to be consistent this season. 

The race for the last Wild Card spot is down to the Eagles and Vikings. If the Vikings beat the Bears,  they are in.  If not, and the Eagles beat the Potato Skins,  then the Eagles are in. 

I think the Eagles will win out and the Bears will beat the Vikings on the last weekend of the regular season.

Here is how I see them finishing this week:

  1. Saints
  2. Rams
  3. Bears
  4. Cowboys
  5. Seahawks
  6. Eagles

Here is the comparison to previous weeks:

# 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Actual
1 LAR LAR LAR  NO NO NO    
2 NO NO NO  LAR LAR LAR    
3 CHI CHI CHI  CHI CHI CHI    
4 DAL DAL DAL  DAL DAL DAL    
5 CAR SEA SEA  SEA SEA SEA    
6 SEA CAR PHI  PHI PHI PHI    

 

NFC Playoffs

  11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Actual
W1 SEA>CHI CHI>CAR PHI>CHI  CHI>PHI PHI>CHI PHI>CHI    
W2 CAR>DAL SEA>DAL SEA>DAL  DAL>SEA SEA>DAL SEA>DAL    
D1 SEA>LAR SEA>LAR LAR>PHI  CHI>LAR SEA>LAR SEA>LAR    
D2 NO>CAR NO>CHI NO>SEA  NO>DAL NO>PHI NO>PHI    
C NO>SEA NO>SEA NO>LAR  NO>CHI NO>SEA NO>SEA    

 

I continue to think that the Cowboys,  Bears,  and Rams make too many mistakes at critical times. That really only leaves Philly, Seattle, and the Saints as veteran teams that can go all the way. 

I still say that the NFC Championship will be the real Super Bowl as the winner will handle New England in The Asshole.

Superb Owl

Saints beat New England.

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 Actual
NO>NE NO>NE NO>NE  NO>NE NO>NE NO>NE    

 

***

 

Go ahead and tell me I’m stupid!

 

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Wakezilla

The way the season has unfolded, I don’t think KC is getting by Houston in the divisional round.

Also, I think the C-Hox are going to blow out the Cowboys so bad, Jerral is going to have a double heart attack

King Hippo

Interesting that you have Chi**** beating Minny on the road (in a game where the Vikes will go balls out and Bearistocrats! have nothing to realistically play for – plus do nae want to tip their hand scheme-wise ahead of a likely rematch the following week), but losing at home at full strength the following week.

I see WC as CHI > MN, DAL > SEA.

Divisional: DAL > NO, CHI > LAR

Title: CHI > DAL

Bearistocrats! only road matchup is against RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, and they have a serious matchup advantage there. Nobody is going into Soldier Field in January and coming out alive.

AFC WC: BAL > CdM, TN > HOU

Divisional: BAL > NE, KC > TN

Title: True tossup.

Superb Owl: CHI > BAL or KC > CHI

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Having been to soldier field for playoff games, I don’t fully agree with your assessment of their advantage there. But I like your optimism/faith in the prophesy.

King Hippo

everything changes in the Land of Prophecy. Plus that defense is a PERFECT match for January in Chi****. Plus it won’t impact Leonard Cohen’s game, and Bollo is inaccurate no matter what (and can scramble).

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Too bad the Steelers could never figure out how to be consistent this season

They totally didn’t need LeVeon Bell

King Hippo

pwning the Union >>> competing for Superb Owl ,, obvs!

blaxabbath

That’s true to nfl owners.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I still think you’re stupid.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Da Bears have nothing to play for and would be wonderfully stupid to not rest their starters. Vikes should be in, provided they don’t piss it away.

This indoctrination brought to you by spending Xmas Eve Eve at Casa de Right.

yeah right

That’s good logicking.

rockingdog
rockingdog

kind of psyched to see if Baltimore Ratbirds play BALLS TO THE WALL to get the win +4 seed…..

blaxabbath

HOU

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

WHO?

Ian Scott McCormick

They laughed at me at the office when I said Baker Mayfield would win RoY. Saquon still may be in the drivers seat, but it’s getting damn close. If the Browns go 8-7-1 (and really a win would be 8-6 in games Baker actually played in)…it’d be hard to deny him.

Really, if they’d just fired Hue Jackson after going 1-31, he might have won this in a boat race.

blaxabbath

Especially considering his exceptional skin pigmentation.

Ian Scott McCormick

I dock Saquon points for going to Penn State. If it costs him RoY, we’re good.

litre_cola

The ass eating that will go on for Brees v Brady will be unbearable.

King Hippo

THIS. The key to everything is having Tits or Humps beat 500s in WC, so they don’t get an easy home matchup in Divisional Round.