Dearest Elizabeth,
I hope this letter finds you well. I hope that Dolly successfully calved by now. Please give all my love to Bathsheba, Caleb, Horace, Moses, Ruth, Levi, Ambrose, Solomon, Rowland, Little Anna, Hester, Esther, Fester and Mary.
Excuse me for saying so but my beard becomes dewy when recalling that Sunday after church when we walked alone and sat next to the lilac bush by the stream. I praise our dear Lord and Savior that you were in heat that day. I think of your nethers quite often and my pants become strained. These clothes that I wear on this journey are called ‘uniforms’ and aren’t nearly as comfortable as a good cotton undershirt and a dependable wool jacket.
I know that I’ve broken my promise to never engage in war but the sad truth is that we live in a world not of our making. The English now determine our fate. We’ve had success these last weeks and have marched through the cities of Seattle, Nashville, San Francisco and Cincinnatti. (I call it ‘Sinnsinatti’) Please forgive that tasteless joke.
I am consoled by the thought that we are bringing these assorted heathens the word of Jesus as we sack their home places. The captain of our unit says that I can throw the bomb ball the longest of anyone he’s ever seen. I try to remain humble before God.
Now we march on the city of Houston so that we can convert others to our cause. There will be no Compromise as there was in 1850. I’ve grown quite close to a man by the name of Thee Young Hilton. He is a fast runner and leads the way whenever we are under fire. I hope he is fully healed from our last battle. There is no one quite like him in our regiment at leading the way.
I must finish up quickly. (much as I did by the lilac bush) Please forgive my humor. We are on our way to certain victory!
As Always,
Andrew Jebediah Elias Luck
P.S.: Don’t make a cuckhold out of Luck. Please forgive my humor.
Seattle has a pretty good history of winning wild card games, with a specialty in winning wild card games against the NFC East
“50% may not sound like much, but it took less of the electorate than that to put Trump in power!”
GO SLIGHTLY LESS REPREHENSIBLE TEAM!
As my TL’s get more and more full of hot taeks over Rashida Tlaib’s very good opinions of the President, this is how my brain interprets every negative reaction:
MAGA Chud: *clutches pearls* In my days, we didn’t use profanity when talking about impeaching presidents. We used ethnic slurs like good god-fearing adults.
How dare she use profanity while talking about a legal procedure laid out in the Constitution rather than sexual assault!
Once I got bumped from a plane with no explanation, and when I told the ticket agent, “I just want to know what the hell is going on,” she got very offended and said that she doesn’t take kindly to being sworn at.
It took me a few minutes to even figure out when I swore at her.
I can’t wait until Israel denies her entry on an official trip because of her support for BDS.
Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong in the first game re roundtable predictions, so congrats to the cowboys.
Holy Shit, Fox even has creepy generic blonds doing sports. Is there some sort of pouch where they breed them?
California?
So they’re marsupials?
The secret is that none of them are actually blonde.
Anyone else thinking about Indy and the money line against KC?
I’m thinking it real hard.
I think this performance will keep the line around 4 or 4.5, which is probably enough for me to bet the Chefs
I’m going to try and jump on that fucker right away. That could be a fun game.
oh, I surely hope they make that the Saturday night fixture
San Jose, where there are literally DOZENS of sportsball fans!
It pains me to see Ray Wise in those Fansville commercials.
hey, his kids have to buy drugs too
Here’s MOAR of Dok Zymm and her band:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7Ol-YDS4Jc
I don’t know, bunch of white people with shaved heads talking about power…
probably Fulham supporters too if u noe wut I mean
Yes, Fox. Let’s start building the Cowboys up as the new big dog of the NFC so the collapse is that much more hilarious.
Aw, man. That means Buck and Aikman next, doesn’t it?
if it means they can’t ruin Iggles/Bearistocrats! then so be it.
No, we get Collinsworth for that.
I put $60 on Non-Gendered Cowpersons -1/2 to win the first half. Don’t really care if they collapse in the second.
off for dinner, back soon to see the lolboys fuck up
If I’m an interviewer, if an applicant hands me a laminated resume, I’m rejecting him on the spot, because he doesn’t think I’d want to write notes on his resume and expects that I would accept what he says and doesn’t want anyone giving their opinions to his words.
Dude, you can write on a laminated resume, do you not own a dry erase marker?
Or really, any sort of marker if you don’t want to edit
Still its too different. I don’t want someone’s resume to stand out. I want the applicant to stand out.
I get called into HR interviews all the time for two reasons.
1) HR has zero fucking clue what we do as a company and god help us if they tried to find field engineers on their own…
2) We end up with a lot of folks that are ex-military.
I once had a guy from overseas basically put in his resume that he was part of a military unit that committed war crimes during the Yugoslav civil war and he maintained an affiliation with a group that was outlawed by the EU.
I didn’t bring it up during the video interview (he was remote calling from Serbia).
HR: I really like him
Me: No. HARD NO.
HR: Why? He seemed really nice.
Me: Does he realize he will have to leave Serbia to work for us?
HR: I’m sure he knows…
Me: Methinks Interpol is going to get involved the moment he tries to fly to the states.
Litre Cola: I fucking love Interpol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KmIMuLh4Vs
I wonder if terribleness is evenly distributed, and we just see it more in politicians etc because they’re more visible?
that’s mostly it. And their horribleness is kept to themselves less often because of the predominantly extroverted “alpha” personalities they have.
IND-KC? Can I blindly bet the over?
Rembember tho, Playoff Andy Reid Intensifies
Chain was noticeably crooked on that measurement; they got the first down by at least 10*cos(3) more yards.
I was wondering about that, didn’t think it was supposed to be a hypotenuse of at least 10 yards
I tried to actually calculate it once, and the difference was disappointingly negligible. Only a couple inches, even if the spot was off by a full yard.
Wow. Almost 11 yards.
I mean, you called timeout anyway, why not challenge? You can’t do it anymore afterwards.
Buttchinski will challenge the spot, because we ain’t suffered enough
I’m a moron, so I wouldn’t know this except for fantasy football, but Holy Shitbananas, Darius Leonard is amazing! Between that OL from Notre Dame and having the onions to take a LB from fucking South Carolina State (!!!) who turns out to be DROY, I’d say the Colts had a fruitful draft.
Suffice to say, this is all the evidence one would need to know that Ryan Grigson is a complete fucking moron.
yeah, the Irsay Week of Sobriety seems to have paid off
/Hippo pops the day’s 4th pill
GAH