I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.
TO THE GAME!
Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:
I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*
*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.
As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.
Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.
Gor the record, my statement on robbie gould was meant to be in response about “letting kickers walk”
Also, this
https://youtu.be/gNOKzjNxecE
Well you have to let kickers walk, cause they sure can’t run.
The bears dared to defy Goa’uld and can no longer use the Field Gate
My new rooting interests
Good Dallas gets to play late on Saturday again.
So at least the ire won’t be directed at Trubisky. That’s good.
Cmon man you know the meatballs will find something.
They’re a dumb, goldfish-brained bunch. They won’t shut up about Parkey until they die.
It’s times like this that I wish they’d interview the kicker who just missed and lost the game.
“How do feel right now? How deep is your despair?”
“Do you still have your shoelaces?”
Are you feeling like a Hernandez or a Seau?
“Would you like us to call the suicide hotline for you?”
Announcer: “Now that you’ve blown the game and ended the season for your teammates and your fans, what are you going to do?”
Kicker: “I’m going to Ben and Jerry’s!”
(cut to the kicker watching next week’s games crying while eating a pint of ice cream)
Designed for a different (though related) use, but may be useful here:
I haven’t seen a guy that frustrated by a Post since Trump’s last Twitter tirade
Robbie gould was missing kicks and demanding more money.
I refuse to entertain this revisionist history where we ignore the two years where gould was playing like shit, and ignore the fact that Gould admitted it was getting cut by Chicago that made him get his shit together
Thank you. Parkey isn’t good but to say cutting Gould was stupid is stupider.
If we can’t be irrational now, when can we be irrational
In his last season for the Bears, Gould hit 85% of his FGs.
Parkey’s hit 77% this year.
Both are bad.
If that kick was 8% better….
LOL at all of you thinking there’s a significant difference between kickers at NFL level
I feel like Ray Finkle’s parents.
Did they get that fake bear from Toys R Us? I guess they blew the effects budget on green body paint.
I can not fucking believe icing the kicker actually worked for once
This just means that every coach for ever will always do it, extending games by millennia according to my calculations.
Someone’s gonna grind that kicker up and make him into a cheap but durable flooring material.
Love that they had the Parker hitting the post montage ready to go
Where’s Robbie Gould
Thank God I’m drunk
Sorry man. This one stings.
Both my ursine teams ate shit early this year. I’ve adapted to it.
What town is Parkey from? Let’s go vandalize the sign!
CLANG CLANG CLANG WENT THE FIELD GOAL
RING RING RING PARKEY’S NECK
Was looking for the next line – nicely done.
Sweet, Dallas gets another home game next week.
Ahem. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA
now you show up.
Good game gratliff.
Maybe hippos prophecy will be half right
Saints gonna win by 95 next week.
Man, that is going in every heartbreak highlights package
Oh fuck you NBC
I was about to say,’that was a fun game’ but ‘elite eight’ NO THIS IS NOT MARCH FUCK YOU
Wow.
…and with that, DOINK became king of the gods.
SHAN’KLHOR WILL BE SERVED!
ICRM on suicide watch now? (I hope not, sincerely.)
He’ll be okay. If I didn’t kill myself after That Wild Card Game, he can survive this.
Parkey is the only kicker you can successfully ice.
unbeeleeeeeeebabble!
I feel like it’s time to start talking about dynasty
Hey, you jinx like how you wanna jinx
Yeah, someone take his car keys.
Time for that “icing the kicker” commercial
Once again, all the Bears had to do was let the Viks win last week.
Stupid Bears
It’s true. Nagy would’ve ate their fucking lunch.
This is why you dont let a great kicker walk. You pay him
In Chicago, yeah.
Robbie Gould is sitting in his La-Z-Boy, both middle fingers extended.
They tried to pay him his weight in Silveur and he was like, “Bitch please,”
What a weird fucking game
Discount Double DONK!
Go birds. Go birds go. *faints*
GODDAMN IT FUCK YOU LAG
He’s getting cut
Hahaha 2 posts and out
God really has it out for the citizens of Chicago
True, but Sinatra sang that it was his kind of town. As between God and the Chairman, I know who I’m going with
Double doink?
Well.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
………………………………
Donklor appearance
BEARISTOCRATS!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
HA! DONG!
WOW THE NFL HATES Y’ALL
HA!