Your “You Can’t Do That On Television!” AFC Playoff Game Open Thread

Fallout:

-T.O. opened up his bridge-burner again and to no one’s surprise threw hc Garrett under the bus for having the gall to lose to a superior team. Several wanks were wanked.

-Harvey Dahl awaits his inevitable fine and perhaps a flurry of ‘random’ drug tests(?) for not expressing himself like an Anthony Hopkins in The Remains of The Day during the heat of competition.

-Aqib Talib awaits his inevitable fine and perhaps a flurry of ‘random’ drug tests for not expressing himself like Peter Sellers in Being There during the heat of celebration post-game.

-not exactly fallout but one of the linemen, Bob Kuechenberg from The ’72 Dolphins, passed away. He was one of those classy racists (like Matt Birk and Tim Thomas) that turned down a White House visit back in 2013 because a black fella happened to be running the nation at the time.

TO THE GAME!

Muscle Cars/Tea Party Throwers:

This doesn’t bode well-Rivers has never beaten Brady head-to-head in a game. However, in the man-to-man matchup in The Game of Life he’s way up 9-3. (I’m assuming Tiffany will come through with the deliverable-she’s a seasoned pro in her own right)

If you’re a history nutball like myself you’ll happen to know that the very first time these two met in a championship game (back in January of ’63) the Chargers came away with a 51-10 victory.

Sorta looks like near the end of the line for both Brady (maybe another year?) and Gronk especially after you saw the latter stumble and totter while trying to chase that Fins player during that miracle win.

It’s time for a bloody… Ceasar.

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King Hippo

liking my P*ts -3.5 bet

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not loving the SD +4 part of my parlay at the moment

The Maestro

Sony Michel is a fucking STUD. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Gratliff

That’s good since he’s gonna account for about 90% of their offense next year.

Brocky

Yeah dont hide your excitement when the Pats score

Old School Zero

Chargers D needs to get to Brady, but they’re always double teamed by the o-line and the threat of the refs getting involved.

Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

For the Chargers to win, New England may have to make some mistakes.

Fuck.

Senor Weaselo

Ah yes, the not tackling Edelman defense. It’s worked pretty well over the years.

King Hippo

well u got 2 expect him 2 b slippery ,, imo g-dbless

Redshirt

I don’t own a truck. I’ve never owned a truck. But even I find a tailgate having a step is just…just…wrong!

Viva La Tabula Raza

For young limber people, you are absolutely correct. As someone nearing 60 years of age, I would love to have a tailgate like that, if I was going to buy a new truck.

Gratliff

That’s a fake age. No one is that old.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No one is more surprised of mortified than I am.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Will THE WALL also keep out that marauding horde of truck owners carrying tailgates? Because I may have to rethink my position on that idiotic idea.

Old School Zero

“THOUSANDS of truck owners cross the border EVERY DAY to do terrible, horrible SEXUALLY DEVIANT actions to MULES AND DONKEYS!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are thieves and rapists.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Donkey show is a big tourist attraction in Tijuana, Juarez, Nogales, Piedras Negras, Acuna, & Matamoros.

Brocky

You’re just making words up there

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Woooooo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

FUCK, Gilmore! Jesus.

Brocky

Jesus is pals withrivers. What did you expect?

JustStopDude

Ah the tricky DERP TWO defense…

Redshirt

Um, Pats Secondary? You forgot something.

Brocky

Shhhhh dont tell them that

Old School Zero

It’s the ol’ “Let’s not cover Keenan Allen” gambit by Grumblelord.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“I’d-a been all over his shit.”
—Malcolm Butler

Senor Weaselo

FLOOOOOAT

Old School Zero

That was nice.

Old School Zero

Got a lotta game to go. This game isn’t over until at least mid second quarter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Rivers gonna throw a couple hospital balls after that one.

litre_cola

Floatception coming? Then yelling, much yelling.

Old School Zero

I mean, probably.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

And then a baby.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

DropFloat instead

Viva La Tabula Raza

Encouraging start.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I accidentally made a Mobius strip of bacon

Gratliff

I’ve read this book before

The Maestro

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG

i’m out already

Petronel

no shutout woo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Old School Zero

My breakfast was cake and coffee. Sugar! Caffeine! PARANOIAAAAAAAA!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I know Bowie referenced Major Tom a couple times subsequent to Space Oddity, but I think that Davies beat him to the punch by a couple years.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ashes to Ashes, for sure.

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky
We know Major Tom’s a junkie
Strung out in heaven’s high
Hitting an all-time low

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Can a team make a drive last an entire 4 quarters? Let’s find out!

herodotus450

A lot of false starts followed by a defensive holding, then repeat.

Redshirt

This first drive is why I chuckled to myself when people told me to “Watch out for the Chargers in the Playoffs!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You may want to make sure the Chargers defense is at least aligned with your want

litre_cola

Thems look sleepy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is this a soft zone or are the chargers just blowing assignments like Bibi Jones with a TE?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Everyone always told you dirt bikes were dangerous, but you didn’t listen and now here you are, trampled to death by a stampeding herd.

Gratliff

Yes, don’t cover Edelman. Brady would never throw to the white guy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, my wifi sucks. My illegal stream is going to be even laggier than usual.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Of course the Patriots start by favoring a White

Old School Zero

HAIL SEITAN

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Best version of Philip Rivers:
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Viva La Tabula Raza

As a lifelong Pats fan, I would like “my” team to win, otherwise I guess I wouldn’t be much of a fan. But another part of me wants a Pats win just because it will piss so many people off.

herodotus450

Temperature graphic, drink!

litre_cola

Ok Rivers you Jesus lovin baby factory, do this for your 10th and 11th child.

King Hippo

David De Gea putting on a fookin’ clinic

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just chubbed up a little at the thought of this possibly being Tom Brady’s last game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…chubbed up…

Again, C.J. Anderson?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM BABY JESSICA BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO SPEND A LOT OF TIME GOING TO THE WELL

The Maestro

NAWT HAPPENING

fleshwound_NPG

brady and gronk aint goin nowhere, they got the good shots pre-game

King Hippo

perhaps I shall don my #55 Chubb jersey!

herodotus450

Who’s the guy with two clogged arteries who just used the same coupon for two pizzas when it probably should’ve been limited to one use per order?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

C.J. Anderson?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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More Hippo betting opportunities.

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. I am nervous as shit for this game.

/Also an obligatory FACK YOU YOU FACKIN’ FACKS WE AHH WINNING ANOTHAH ONE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ooh, a negative score! Don’t see those very often.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mention of Anthony Hopkins puts me in mind of one of my favorite lines of his. The Lion in Winter, as Richard (soon to be the Lionheart), having an argument with his whiny little brother John (also a future king, played by Nigel Terry), both sons of Henry II (Peter O’Toole) and Eleanor of Aquitane (Katherine Hepburn).

“John: Poor John. Who says poor John? Don’t everybody sob at once! My God, if I went up in flames there’s not a living soul who’d pee on me to put the fire out!

Richard: Let’s strike a flint and see.”

Fucking brilliant film. Crackling dialog. Highly recommended.

Petronel

The Patrick Stewart / Glenn Close version is fun, but the original is still the best.

One of my all-time favorite movie moments:

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Damn near every line in that is quotable. Kinda like a medieval Big Lebowski or Repo Man.

Petronel

And everybody – everybody – is at the top of their acting game. God, I love that film. Need to watch it again soon.

Gratliff

FFS, can they stop making the Eagles play the last game of the weekend? I want to get this pain over with already.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Goooooooooo Saints! (By 8 or more)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I prefer my racists who weren’t classy

–Donald T.

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