Your Tuesday Internet Talk Open Thread – 20210126

Game Time Decision has gracefully offered to take up the weekly comment recap posts that I used to do in Eventual Balls Thoughts! In exchange, and in light of the fact that Temptation Island is returning in February and will be airing on Tuesday nights, I will be taking over the Tuesday Open Threads until BeerGuyRob comes back and Temptation Island finishes.

In today’s installment, Litre-cola and I will take you behind the scenes of Liga MX. We will offer our opinions of each club and provide you fun facts.

Please enjoy and complain in the comments!

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América

Balls: I cannot stand this team and their supporters. They’re the team of the upper class and the pretentious middle and lower classes. They think they can buy success. Their lady fans are hot, though.

Litre: This is a glory boy team and usually win, so hail Gamblor! If the ex Cheeto in charge liked a team it would be these guys.

Atlas

Balls: I have a soft spot for Atlas since they have always been the “2nd” club in Guadalajara. I fondly remember watching their games on Saturday nights in black and white when I was little. They were the last team to have their games air in color on nationwide TV.

Litre: Oh I really don’t like Atlas, they constantly kill my bets and usually play Puebla tough.

Juárez

Balls: On the one hand, it’s nice that Ciudad Juárez has its own team now. On the other, they have no history and, as an expansion club, they haven’t had success to create a history. They’re just sort of there for me.

Litre: I just think this is a dangerous city with a dangerous logo.

Cruz Azul

Balls: This used to be my dad’s favourite club until he realized they were never going to win anything, so he moved on. Their stadium used to be located next to the Plaza De Toros but they moved to Azteca and lost their soul. In a trip to Tokyo, I saw a Cruz Azul ladies’ bag at a shop.

Litre: Blue Cruise! I like this club as they always progress and then get their hearts ripped out! Plus, cool unis.

Guadalajara

Balls: Known for having only Mexican players, Guadalajara is the team of the people. To me, that means that a lot of idiots follow this team. Think of the Raiders in the NFL. They have a lot of cool fans, but they also have a lot of morons. Do not like them as they are very arrogant.

Litre: Chivas. I don’t like them.

Santos

Balls: Santos is in Torreón, Coahila, which is in the north of México. There is nothing around for literally hundreds of miles, so their fanbase stretches across a vast territory. They used to be good and have now settled into being good when you don’t expect them to and fucking up your quinielas.

Litre: These bastards have killed so many of my bets that I 100% avaid any game they are participating in.

Querétaro

Balls: Querétaro is a lovely town with an impressive aqueduct dating from the colonial times. Their stadium is quite nice, at the top of a hill. The team is nicknamed the white roosters or white cocks. Guess which version I prefer. They’re a middle of the table team and will probably be that way until Liga MX reinstates relegation.

Litre: These guys are the Southampton of the league. Why do they even exist?

Monterrey

Balls: For context, there is a BIG rivalry between México City, Guadalajara, and Monterrey as cities. El DF, as México City is called, is, of course, the nation’s capital and thinks the country revolves around it like France does Paris. Guadalajara thinks it is the country’s 2nd city. Monterrey, however, is probably Mexico’s most prosperous and modern city. The team has been a source of pride as it is a perennial contender.

Litre: Don’t have much to say about these fellows, cool logo?

Tigres

Balls: Did you read what I wrote about Monterrey? Copy that for Tigres and add to it the fact that on the pitch Tigres have been far more successful than Monterrey lately. They have a French superstar-cult hero in Andre-Pierre Gignac and will represent CONCACAF in February’s World Club Cup.

Litre: I am in on Tigres because if it is good enoug for Gignac, it is good enough for me!

Toluca

Balls: This is the team that I have supported since I was a wee tiny balls. They like to be called either the red devils or the chorizeros, which means chorizo eaters/makers. Guess which one I prefer? They remodelled their stadium and converted the unused corners into luxury suites, which I thought was a brilliant idea.

Litre: I don’t like em because Balls supports them. Pretty easy that.

León

Balls: This is another team that I’ve had a soft spot for. The city of León is beautiful and I love the team’s green jerseys. They were pretty good last season as they won the whole thing.

Litre: Love their unis, love the way they play and Hippo calls the Kings of Leon.

Necaxa

Balls: This team used to be one of many in México City but they ended up getting relegated and then moving to other cities. They are now based out of Aguascalientes, which means hot waters. They used to be the electricistas (electricians) as they used to be owned by Mexico City’s utility company. Now they are nicknamed the hydroelectricistas to combine the two.

Litre: I have nothing of substance to say about them

Atlético de San Luis

Balls: Atlético de Madrid bought a franchise in Liga MX and rebranded it in the Atlético style with similar colors in the same way that Red Bull has bought clubs throughout the world and branded them in its image. It’s relatively new in Liga MX and are still trying to get some successs.

Litre: By rights I do not like these guys as they are controlled by Athleti Madrid, who also owns Athletico Ottawa here in Canada so I don’t like them.

Mazatlan

Balls: Mazatlan used to be Monarcas de Morelia but then some rich people from Sinaloa (I wonder who they could be…) built a stadium and stole the team. On the bright side, the team is nicknamed the Bucaneros (Buccaneers) and their shiny new stadium is called El Kraken, so that’s kinda cool.

Litre: Balls has changed my mind on this one. I do not like teams moving as that hurts the fan base. They are called the Buccaneers? Purple and Black? Sold.

Pumas UNAM

Balls: Another “team of the people” except these people are the middle class students that go to or went to UNAM. UNAM is knows as a bastion of leftism in México, so I’m sure a lot of the DFOers may want to support this club. Their stadium is on campus and was used for the Olympics in 1968.

Litre: Pumas makes me money, do not trust them.

Puebla

Balls: This is Litre’s favourite team, as he will tell you. Their stadium is cool and just underwent a major renovation. You will find it hard to find better food than in the state of Puebla.

Litre: Yeah baby! Mediocrity is what I need, and what I get here. Cultured city with great food is all I needed to hear and Mrs Cola wants to head down there too. I do follow this team a lot. Balls has sent me jerseys, and I look up articles on them in Espanol and slug my way through it.

Pachuca

Balls: You could say that Mexican football was born in Pachuca as it is the oldest club in México. They used to be good in the 90s and are, to this day, the only Mexican team to win a South American tournament (the Copa Sudamericana).

Litre: I know nothing of them to have an opinion.

Tijuana

Balls: Their mascot is a gnarly dog breed named Xoloitzcuintles. They have cool jerseys and are owned by the Caliente group, which runs horse racing tracks and sports books throughout México. One of these days when the pandemic is over, I’ll head over the border and catch a game at their stadium in TJ.

Litre: I would love to head down to this stadium for a game!!!

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There’s stuff on TV, I’m sure, but I recommend that you focus on commenting. It’s much more rewarding and will rot your brain a lot less.