My diary is filled with various loving tributes to the many, many blades I have in my collection. (Thankfully, no one talks about Knife Control) Much like any artist I’ve felt the need recently to expand my skill set, but how?
The non-profit I visited did so many things for those without a home. They seemed to have an answer for every issue for guys and women trying to get back in the work force. No address? They set up a phone number that prospective employers could leave a message at. Lost ID? They provided assistance to those jumping through the various hoops required to get birth certificates and Social Security cards. Lack of transportation? Temporary bus passes and volunteers to drive the newly-employed to work. I had a Dodge Caravan and this was my way in.
Four guys every day. That was the routine. I’d drop them off in the morning, maybe pick up one or two at night-the rest would get back to whatever passed for shelter one way or another. The organization would subtly lean on me to grab their most promising prospects at night. Giving them a bit more structure than most made their ‘numbers’ look good in the long run. I knew the game-funding doesn’t just bubble up from empty space. Stats matter when the board is making a presentation.
Jason was a likable kid-he was that long-limbed, gawky type that never quite grew into his body. He was-I’m guessing-about 24 or so but looked as though he was 10 years older. Deep down the youngster was an optimist but his back-story was one I’d heard before. When he was 16 he got his 15 year-old girlfriend pregnant. He lived in a small town and his parents were prominent members in the church and business community. His Dad claimed to have sent him off to a boarding school but when they arrived at the bus depot he was handed $200 and a one-way ticket to a city three states away. After the money ran out he was sleeping in parks and hanging out with addicts-“I’d been beaten up so many times, I stopped counting after a month and a half”, he once told me.
After I did a rudimentary calculation I asked him one time, “Did you ever get your driver’s license?” He said that his dad let him drive down some back roads when they went hunting but he was out the door before he was legal. “Tell you what-maybe sometime I can let you behind the wheel and you can see what it’s like to drive again. The way things are going, you’ll have your own car in no time.” His face lit up and his grin stays with me to this day.
Back at the office I’d been letting hints drop to the effect that I had suspicions that my boy was back on drugs but I wasn’t quite sure. Everything was set.
It was a Friday heading into a long weekend and Jason was so excited. He shared with me that he’d recently met and was dating a girl he chatted up at Walmart. She was a cashier and things were going great. “Well, somebody better start practicing their driving”, I said. “I know of a lonely old road about three miles from here but I’m gonna be the passenger in the back seat and you’ll be the chauffeur like I’ve been to you.” He tipped his battered cap-“Yes Sir!” and smiled that smile.
A garrote that you’ve fashioned with your own hands is a thing of beauty in its simplicity. A small length of rope, two pieces of wood with a hole in the center that the rope can loop around and be tied to? Less is indeed more. I asked him to keep his eyes on the road and to slow down as I slipped directly behind him. I had been looking forward to the sound that would be made as I crushed his windpipe but, as I learned after doing a bit of homework online, no air to carry it, no sound. Jason, you let me down…
TO THE GAME!
DACA Killers/Time-Out Squanderers:
[prays to non-existent football gods for result that temporarily brings balance to the world]
You know what you’re here for.
Now we’re talking.
Huh. Ok then.
Finally!
Kelce REALLY wants a chance to show up his brother in a parade
“Ge…get that WALRUS LOOKING mutherfucker up here”
Time to ketchup!
ALRIGHT DO THAT LIKE FOUR MORE TIMES AND I WON’T HATE YOU
Chefs up to 3 good plays!
Make it 4!
Thank you, -15 wind chill, for preventing me from seeking refuge from this game in fast food.
I haven’t seen Mahomes this uncomfortable since Terry Bradshaw said “he’s the best mulatto quarterback I’ve ever seen!”
I forgot that I have a bomber of Karl Strauss’ 30th Anniversary Rye Whiskey Barrel Aged Russian Imperial Stout. It’s over 15%. Let’s see if I can make dinner before passing out!
Seems like your dinner is already right there in the bomber.
Belichick’s Halftime Snack
It kinda looks like shit.
Is that what virgin souls look like?
Cooked walrus.
He’s a cannibal?
Actually, not surprised.
Horse dicks?
The Pats should be up 28-0. There is a slim hope but I think Trump has better odds for reelection.
Oh. My dude. I don’t want to be the one to break it to you, but he’s virtually assured to be re-elected.
Holy fuck. https://twitter.com/classiclib3ral/status/1086925814619406336
A good reminder that this is the best bar in Chicago.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Plus popcorn, Mickey’s grenades and real darts made of metal!
It’s also one of the last vestiges of the neighborhood’s period as Chicago’s Japantown
Good to know. Going to Chicago in April for a wedding. Will be polling all of you for places
I was there last night and no football was one but multiple people were all about “fuck Tom Brady.”
Also the ceiling is still decorated with a whole attic’s worth of Christmas kitsch.
Well, this thing’s done. I’m going out for dinner, to a place with no tv.
‘Hmmmm, maybe if I call a timeout DURING halftime we can turn it around!’
-Andy Reid
“Can I challenge that it’s halftime?”
-Also Andy Reid
This is fucking impossible. The Chiefs have to come back, I can’t make sense of this otherwise.
The only adjustments Andy has ever made at halftime involved loosening his belt
Broke out the coffee barleywine because God is dead and no one cares.
If there’s a hell I’ll see you there.
Andy Reid should be fired at halftime. Let Mahomes call his own plays.
Good half!!
Don’t sweat, everyone. Now’s the time for Andy Reid’s patented second-half playoff adjustments!
maybe he got his bedshitting done in 1st half?
Reid should call his tailor for advice in making alot of adjustments
https://gfycat.com/opulenttautgalapagossealion
I swear if I ever find out who changed how gfycat embeds i will drive to their house and carve a tapout logo in their lawn
You have to click the little triangle and then click gifs and then pick a size. Super easy!
Stupid question…. which triangle? I’m on mobile
In the browser? It’s at the bottom right below the video. I think it’s supposed to be a paper plane or something.
That gives you this screen
Finally, this screen. You usually want to pick the Large GIF:
In the Gfycat app, you have to get the link, open it in the browser, and then select the gif.
Game reminds me of the heat death of the universe in so many ways
The P*ts D isn’t even good. And yet they still held Mahomes-y to NIL in the half.
I haven’t seen Kermit do this much stupid shit since taking back Miss Piggy.
So yeah, I’m fairly sure before P*ts games defenses get lobotomies because it shouldn’t be that hard to turn around, or have one of six guys make a tackle.
Welp, time to switch to whiskey.
Tequila makes a great mixer for whiskey
Jeebus, if you’re going to commit PI, at least stop the catch ffs.
No halftime lunch for Andy.
What about halftime second-lunch?
god is dead
NFL refs betrayed his son Breesus and he hath now forsaken us
That warranted a flag, too.
We’re getting another Boston-Los Angeles championship because everything fucking sucks.
But, it isn’t Celtics-Lakers, so Bill Simmons doesn’t think it’s a REAL championship.
Someone need to drown Simmons and the rest of Gen X.
Hey!
Wait.
Nope. Fuck it. I’m not part of any generation. Kill away.
LUCKY THIRTEEN BABY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OH HELL YEAH
I prefer her other bathroom video.
am not allowed to share that one
I know
You can use clear nail polish to stop a run in a stocking. Maybe the KC D needs some goddamn manicures, cause they sure as hell can’t stop any sort of run
Banner
Seconded
I swear Doc Rivers only bothers to wakeup for Spurs games.
lol
Follow up haiku:
I see no hope here
Time to get back to playing
Final Fantasy
.
“Everything but the katchen sink”
Kitties!
Kittehs!
“Sir, your faucet is leaking cats.”
Oh no. I guess I’ll just have to let it leak.
— Charlie Kelly, amateur plumber
Firing blindly into crowds of peasants…so I guess those people on the battlements are the Bud Light kingdom’s version of cops?
OK, guess maybe I have to zone out on the game completely? See y’all later, back to booky-book.
/in this timeline, the Nazi Party rising pretty much happens in the CSA instead of Germany
Nonfiction, eh?
Title, please?
Is it Turtledove’s series?
just about to ask that
I don’t think so, but I did read about it in one AU book
I think Turtledove has them winning, thriving and losing to USA around the time of WW1.