Silly NFL-related News:
-The Bears are looking for kicker options other than the fella currently on their roster. Take one step forward, Redford Jones-you just might be hoofing footballs for the least amount of money Chicago is willing to pay for a guy that might win them a few close games.
Asked to comment, fellow free agent kicker Bluechevy Smith said, “I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that car show!” (apparently the Bears’ search parameters were very specific…)
-The Raiders are taking a hard look at the pass-rusher offerings in this draft. HC Gruden is being criticized because he’s given highly-regarded South Brooklyn University’s Hind Sight a 6 out of 20 score.
TO THE GAME!
AFC/NFC:
I’m curious as to whether Hippo dropped some cash on the “8 minutes before I change the channel” over/under. Man, that is a real tough one.
Pour one out for the defenders in this game. Imagine if you will, that NHL defensemen had to play with Rhythmic Gymnastics ribbons instead of hockey sticks-that’s the sorta spot that they’re in.
I googled ‘great moments in Pro Bowl games’ and Marc Bulger’s legendary performance in 2004 popped up. Obviously I needn’t go into the details because I’d just be yakking about crap that we as football fans are already aware of.
Also, did you know that each one of Brandon Marshall’s personalities (4) caught a TD in the 2011 game?* Little-known factoid-fellow Pro Bowler Roddy White caught an STD while celebrating after the game.**
*I’m invoking the rarely-used “It Was Sorta Okay To Joke About Mental Health Issues Back Then” rule.
**Almost no hobos were harmed during the crafting of this post.
Raw, unsalted almonds as a snack? There’s gotta be a better way to deal with your dad beating the hell out of you when you were young.
Mahershala has about 1004 different euphemisms for jail rape.
So excited that this bar is replaying some of the Pro Bowl skills challenge so I can share in the wonder.
And Candice LeRae!
Kairi Hojo in the Rumble!
I made several gifs of that Sean Taylor hit LCSS posted below.
Hines Ward Pro Bowel highlight I learned about from Ape.
BIG SMIRE
Something (I dunno, a goddamn…. EVENT), better happen on “True Detective” today or I’m gonna go full hatewatch WITH extra nitpicking. Oh sure, Ali‘s wonderful and Dorff is captivating but this parallel timelines and play on memory and lies is interesting but a story needs stuff happening DAMMIT.
Oh look! It’s Tone and Atmosphere. Hey fellas,
MORE ‘SPLOSIONS!!
MAGA Mom opening the women’s Royal Rumble.
Hate fuck.
She’s basically Betty Gilpin’s character from GLOW.
She looks like someone I know.
When work calls me to tell me I don’t have to come in due to snow:
Only 3 hours of Royal Rumble left!
Ladies Rumble.
Somewhere we had a discussion about the movie Hereditary.
I rented it from Redbox.
Jesus Christ man that movie is Fucked up. I don’t know whether to tell you to never, ever see this movie or you need to rent it immediately.
God damn!
That movie is a really good scary movie
It is recommended you NOT watch that movie after smoking weed. I made the mistake of doing that and those two scenes where they threw something into the fireplace freaked me out. Also those naked coven ppl are freaky as SHIT!!!!!!
I made the mistake of reading spoilers, and now I will not watch it. Which is probably a mistake.
Yes. On all accounts.
It warped my fragile little mind!
Kicking it off with Becky v. Asuka. Fear boners…ENGAGE.
Also, regular ol’ boners
found a funny:
I am not a good hugger. Tonight a friend hugged me and I dropped some crackers I was holding and just gently said “my crackers” while waiting for the hug to end
Mandatory Royal Rumble post:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OHc2C-GIH4
7 pm on a Sunday and they just cancelled school and there’s not a cloud in the sky. Gonna be a “Shoveling three feet of snow at 6 am” kind of morning.
School got canceled, make the kid shovel it
Just a fun day of me staring out my window getting angry at the 3 square feet of drive way that have been half-assedly shoveled an hour into it
Apparently, Sam Neill spends his days doing yoga with his favorite pig. This is a man who knew how he wanted to live out his golden years.
I haven’t seen a trophy get broken that badly since President Turdmouth turned off Melania while she was still installing updates.
Joke’s on him. She’s a covert Kaspersky operative.
Unlike their software, I feel like she might be pro-virus.
k.d. wang starring in “Constant Braining”
Well that certainly involved the use of a football.
I hope my Amazon Echo overhears us watching ice skating instead of the Pro Bowl and lets the NFL know.
Think I must have the Mike Cernovich version, it keeps asking When was the last time you brought a girl up here, f-ggot??
Oh, come on. They should’ve had OL and DL play WR and CB. That would’ve been fun.
surprise appearance buy Morganna the Kissing Bandit?
/am not watching, have been reading and wallowing in depression all day
Sherman burned that defense like it was Atlanta.
Fun? In the Pro Bowl?
Only for the guys playing out of position.
Jesus Christ. I was planning on doing nothing today, but that play just drove me into the gym and onto a treadmill.
Barkley would be the best db on the Eagles roster.
Remember that raw almonds is where cyanide comes from…
Forgot this was on. Hippo what was the line?
This is the least effective offense Saquon has ever played in.
All l’m thinking is “No (healthy) Bengals player was good enough for this game.”
“Shooter” is playing on the Gusto cooking channel right now for the same reason that The Godfather plays on The Mobius Strip channel on an on-going basis.
A bar near me does this annual event called Super Stout Sunday on Super Bowl Sunday where they tap about three dozen really good and often rare barrel-aged stouts. Since this Super Bowl matchup turns my stomach, I may just go there and sip beers in a mostly empty bar and as the rest of the world grinds their teeth to dust as the Patriots somehow overcome a four touchdown deficit to win.
That’s not Christy Carlson Romano. Get your shit together, ESPN!!!!!!
Can’t believe they aren’t able to identify parmigiano reggiano!
Can’t believe we’re voluntarily watching the Pro Bowl…
Yeah, Christy has wonderful bolt-on tits as I saw in Mirrors 2!
I just got a commercial for the AFC Championship game between the Patriots and Chiefs. Was that a replay of the game or did our collective will force a redo to avoid another Pats Superb Owl?
Sounds like a Tales From The Meteor story!
Smith-Schuster got hurt in a Pro Bowl? This game’s cancelled.
If a Bengal or a Jet star gets hurt, no big deal. But a Steeler? Oh, hell no!
So what? It’s a Steeler – it’s not like they’ll be in the playoffs next year if they retain the cheerleader so with or without ‘im they’ll still be shite
ESPN calling the Pro Bowl the “NFL All-Star Game” is an insult to every All-Star Game in existence.
And to games in general? I think we had more effort in our Sunday league and we had 2 matches abandoned last year, because us and another team decided drinking beer on the sideline was better….
Not knowing very much about other tight ends, a lot of Pats are calling Kittle black.
some NFL funnies:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHSY1w_fbR0
Not that I blame him, but Pete Morelli doesn’t even want to be there.
Pete Morelli’s cousin Pete LessEli has been flooding New York Giants commenting sites quite a bit recently.
Bellichick’s Pats have a long, long history of taking out the opposing team’s best offensive weapon and forcing them to adjust.
Pro Bowl Announcer: “Tyreek Hill only caught one pass in the game against the Patriots. What’s up with that???”
Coincidence or consequence to the obligatory post-season Andy Reid choke job?
Gentlemen.
I figured that a dude that does movie related stuff would know his audience. smgdh
“This game won’t be entertaining at all.”
-Tony Romo’s Foresight*
*I’m smelling a DFO meme. You?
You may just be smelling Tony Romo’s foreskin
Mahomies with the F-bomb. Always good.
[Peter King scratches another name off his “One of the Good Ones” list]
Good thing he woulda only counted as 0.5 anyway ,, sigh
Or 3/5ths.
Not sure about my ‘Murican bros but I’m getting an ad that involves bags of concrete on chairs.
Hey who you calling a sack of wet concrete?
Great moment in Pro Bowl history or greatest moment in Pro Bowl history?
(Bill Parcels HATES the second half of this clip.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgHorq5gMiw
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP YOU LECHEROUS MISCREANTS
Pro bowel box score must be fucked up, because it has someone or something named Harrison Smith playing qb for the nfc, and he’s 2 for 2.
There’s a thing on NBATV with Pete Maravich showing the drills he did to improve his dribbling. I’ve come across stories of him dribbling the ball to school and insisting on an aisle seat at the movie theater so that he could dribble with one hand and switching seats half-way so he could dribble with the other hand.
Next thing up was Bill Russell and his ability to block shots. tl:dr He was left-handed so he didn’t have to reach across his body to block his opponent. I was only six-foot and not much of a leaper and could block guys quite a bit taller than I was because I was always jumping straight up as opposed to jumping at an angle.
I’d be calling the manager of the theater and complaining about some motherfucker dribbling a basketball in the aisle while I was trying to watch a movie.
There are columns already coming out of Chicago about how it’s time to make peace with Robbie Gould and have him be the Bears’ version of Gostkowski or non-Pats Vinatieri or something. Idiots.
Sorta Odd Side Dish That Always Shows Up At Your In-Law’s Get-Togethers-
Broccoli Salad-it’s a mayo-drenched cheese, broccoli and bacon assemblage that has no (or very little) acid/spice component that would “brighten” it up.
This sounds like the kind of hellish eternal torment served to rapists and non-hobo murderers.
Prosecution: “Tell us where the bodies are buried or it’s broccoli salad every day for the next 25-30 years.”
Defendant: “Give me a map.”
My in laws do it with raw broccoli, raisins,sunflower seeds and some mayo dressing. It’s actually worse than it sounds
Fun Fact: “Hind Sight” is the audible that Rex instructed Mark Sanchez to call out when a hot dish walked by the Jets practices.
Unfortunately Mark took the “hind” part too literally in a game that one time.