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Your “Nobody Likes A Quitter, But Failing Too Often Is Worse” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • In the wake of losing the Defensive Coordinator to becoming head coach in Miami, the Patriots have decided to turn their defense into Schiano men!
    • It helps that Greg Schiano coached Bill Belichick’s son at Rutgers, along with (probably more importantly) current Patriots defensive backs Devin McCourty, Jason McCourty and Duron Harmon.
  • The Falcons released kicker Matt Bryant today.
    • At 44 years old, I look forward to seeing him on the Seahawks sideline this upcoming season.
  • Hours after the Eagles activated the $20 million option on his contract, Nick Foles exercised his opt-out clause.
    • Foles has to pay $2.0 million to get out.
    • The next move is expected to be the Eagles putting a franchise tag on him, so they can keep him from going to the [Redacteds] or the Giants.
      • The franchise tag will pay QBs around $25 million in 2019, so he makes $3 million just for playing this shell game if he stays with the Eagles.

Finally, in news that makes the Browns look competent by comparison, the 49ers refused to waive their territorial rights so now the Raiders can’t play at Giants stadium downtown.

  • Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum continues to have a one-year, $7.5 million rent agreement on the table to host the Raiders for at least one more season.
    • Mark Davis said they won’t play there because the city of Oakland is suing the Raiders.
      • The City is suing because the Raiders are leaving before the renovations they demanded are paid off. They wish to recover costs.
  • Also, the mayor isn’t exactly on board.
    • “As far as I’m concerned, the Oakland Raiders should play in Oakland,” San Francisco Mayor London Breed said.

Canadian non-religious Hanukkah started today.

It lasts 28 days & nights (or until locations run out of cups), you don’t have to be circumcised to participate, and 1 in 6 people receive gifts.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sens at Leafs – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
    • Bruins at Rangers – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Wizards at Bucks – 8:00PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
    • Hornets at Mavericks – 8:30PM | TSN
    • Spurs at Warriors – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Notre Dame at Miami – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Georgetown at Providence – 7:30PM | FS1
    • LSU at Mississippi State – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma State at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU
    • California at Oregon – 9:30PM | FS1

The NHL trade deadline is February 25th. The Leafs got the ball rolling, and the Predators went shopping today. The tracker is here. HOW WILL THE CANUCKS FUCK THIS UP?

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yeah right

Fuck. It’s cold and i’m working 10 hour days and two of those hours are for free.

From now on none of my employees are allowed to get sick.
Ever.

Another one just like it tomorrow.
Fuck.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This week bloooooows

0
Wakezilla

The Vancouver Raiders has a nice ring to it.

BC Place can hold 55-60K people, Vancouver is an event town (meaning, they’ll pay obscene amounts of money) and has a solid football/NFL scene, which doesn’t matter because rich people will buy those tickets just to be seen.

Give BC Liouns ticket holders first dibs and they could see a big boost in ticket sales. Win/Win

3
ballsofsteelandfury

ROAD TRIP!!

2
yeah right

That’s a really inspired idea.

0
Wakezilla

A thought about the media trying to celebrate Pelosi:

The Democrats have become such a garbage party that they have lowered people’s standards to the point that Nancy Pelosi clapping awkwardly at the opposition is seen as a major victory. Similarly to #ThePauls fans celebrating them losing close games, Democrat fans are so accustomed to major losses and capitulations, them framing minor acts as a major symbolic victory to soothe their ego and sense of value is pathetic

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What? Pelosi sarcastically clapping at that turd-brain isn’t a “victory”, it’s just funny. Winning control of the House, and sending all that testimony over for perjury prosecution, and having a mechanism for getting hold of Trump’s tax returns to see just how deep in the shit he is with Russian mobsters, those were all victories.

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m drinking a Blue Moon martini. My working excuse is “but honey, if we don’t drink the blue curacao soon, it’ll go bad!”

5
Brick Meathook

If you don’t drink it the terrorists win

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Careful how many you have.

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1
Unsurprised

Once the bottle’s open, you know.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Eat my ass, Pope!
— Dalai Lama

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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-1
Wakezilla

That guy needs to be arrested because he’s clearly a terrorist

2
Brick Meathook

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3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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If you have a casual routine after getting home from a hard day at work, make sure you are in the right house. My neighbor still gives me dirty looks.

5
Wakezilla

TBF if you looked like that woman, you wouldn’t be given dirty looks

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I thought it was a better example.

0
Unsurprised

Make the Raiders play out in international waters.

5
blaxabbath

LA Raiders!

1
Mr. Ayo

Make them the London guinea pig. They’re going to suck anyway.

4
Sharkbait

This. I like this idea

2
Redshirt

Why risk starting up a third war with England?

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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9
litre_cola

Also accepted would be the monkey fight.

5
Unsurprised

OH, HE AIN’T PRETTY NO MORE!
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3
Senor Weaselo

Actually, I love this idea.

2
Unsurprised

I am a genius.

0
Brick Meathook

Give them no other choice but to play in Oakland. Alameda County then charges the following rent:
a) $10 million base fee for the season;
b) County keeps all gate receipts, parking and concession revenue;
c) Raiders pay the remaining balance of stadium renovations;
d) Mark Davis banned from stadium

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Wakezilla

Ew, Strawberry

6
Unsurprised

I don’t want to know what’s in their Dark Chocolate.

0
blaxabbath

My wife gave me a melatonin.

I feel like I’ve been partying with O’Kavs and Squee.

6
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WASTED.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Us old people take it every night.

-1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you really? I heard that fucks up your sleep cycle.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Your body naturally produces melatonin, most people produce much less as they get older. If I don’t take it it makes them much more fucked up. All it does is make you slightly more sleepy, to be able to GO to sleep. If it does more than that to you you, you have a very vivid imagination.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why the fuck would that get a down vote?

0
Redshirt

If you haven’t taken Melatonin before, you’re going to have fun.

Your dreams will be more vivid and you might be able to fully remember them.

1
blaxabbath

1st time. I’ve been getting up at 2-3am for the last couple months and not able to sleep. I hope this just does that trick.

1
Redshirt

It should. Melatonin is what keeps you asleep.

2
Redshirt

If it doesn’t work, consider Unisom. I take it when my Insomnia kicks in or if I’m sleeping away from home.

1
blaxabbath

I’m not really into music all big or whatever but I do like Silversun Pickups.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re a pretty good band. I should post more of their stuff on Request Line.

2
yeah right

Does that help make you whiter? I have no idea.

0
litre_cola

Basically they did LitreMr Coa and the border folks don’t take kindly to errors. As ciderfellowrick pointed out we cross your border here before we get on the plane. Wrong name, no flight.

0
Sharkbait

Urge to kill…rising?

0
litre_cola

Someone answered me on of all platforms, twitter. She said to call at 7 am tomorrow and all fixed. Sweet. Their live chat was still going and twitter got back to me in 3 minutes. Quite pleased now.

3
Redshirt

Good job, Mr. Coa!

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

litre_cola’s predicament (artist’s conception)
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Unsurprised

Fuck.

0
Unsurprised

Paul grew into his nose. It’s interesting how much different he looks while the other two just look more aged.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I didn’t want to bang Danica McKellar back then. Of course Jared did, but that is a different story.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seriously though; she did the complete opposite of a lot of child stars; props to that.

0
Redshirt

She one of the voice actors on “Young Justice”. She’s pretty good. She’s not just adjusting her voice to fit a role; she’s brings depth to her character.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was referring more to being an intelligent, non-drug-addict who is still alive. But yeah.

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whatchu talking about, Willis?

1
Ian Scott McCormick

It’s official: The Brooklyn Nets complete the season sweep over the Denver Nuggets. You heard it here first, the Nuggets are trash. A very hollow 37-17 record in my opinion.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The worst 37-17 team in the NBA.

0
Ian Scott McCormick

Word

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

While the Nets are obviously the best 28-27 team.

1
litre_cola

YOU ARE GOD DAMN RIGHT THIS IS A NITS HOUSE!!!!

5
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

PICKERS!

0
Ian Scott McCormick

My friend, they are a 29-27 team

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, THAT is different.

0
JustStopDude

Too drunk on a workday to explain how fucked up my work is….

1
JustStopDude

I am ordering delivery pizza…that is how drunk I am….it will be bad…

4
litre_cola

Yes but hungover you will be really happy tomorrow morning with some grease wheel left over.

3
Redshirt

Sorry to hear that and what kind of pizza?

2
JustStopDude

too drunk to remember…

2
Redshirt

Ah. Just remember when you reach the cardboard, you’ve gone too far.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your next Republican nominee for the Supreme Court.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If it makes you feel better I wanted to go out and get Burger King tonight (because I have coupons) but was too lazy to move the trash cans out of the way so I could pull my car out.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait……I wanted to go out and get Burger King???

Coupons can make you fucking crazy, man.

4
Redshirt

I’d say something too, but I once took two subway stops and a two mile walk to get Taco Bell and walked five miles for Arbys so I’m permanently disqualified for making fun of other peoples dinning choices.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I eat fast food, but wanted is seldom in the equation.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I told you, I HAVE COUPONS.

6
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Lucky you don’t gambol.

1
litre_cola

3rd party misspelled my Last name on my ticket to Colorado tomorrow. Can Delta fix it? No. Can anyone be reached at the 3rd party who supposedly has a live chat until midnight? No. Rage rising.

2
Redshirt

Hang in there, litre_coke. It’ll get better.

8
Unsurprised

The good news is, you might not have to fly Delta.

5
Mr. Ayo

It’ll make for a great story, litre_coda

7
Ian Scott McCormick

Give em hell, Liter.

6
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Alright, fine; I’ll pile on with what they do with my RL name. We’ll help you where we can Cola_litres.

5
Senor Weaselo

That sounds rough, litre/cola.

5
Unsurprised

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3
Redshirt

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/nc-mayor-praises-10-year-old-who-took-knee-during-pledge-of-allegiance-at-city-council-meeting/ar-BBTgraO?ocid=spartanntp

https://www.scoutbook.com/mobile/forums/cub-scouting/159663/pledge-of-allegiance-/

I don’t blame the Cub Scout. I blame the parents and Pack Leader for not teaching basic flag etiquette. In the name of Akela, he’s practically a Webelos!!!

0
Unsurprised

To the rim, eh? So is there a Canadian tradition to give rimjobs?
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4
herodotus450

Hippo and Dok would love for Canaudiuns to give more RIM jobscomment image

6
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Tim Hortons sucks. The coffee should only be given as part of a prison sentence.

1
litre_cola

You sir, are absolutely correct. I prefer gas station coffee to Tim’s.

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

North of Edmonton I shut one down when I asked for hot sauce.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yet again I’m stuck eating the brie that my wife buys and then forgets about completely until it’s 80% mold.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s more mold than cheese at this point.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And brie mold is GROSS mold, it’s not playful and fun and easily removed like regular cheese mold.

1
Redshirt

Your Typical Cincinnati February Weather Forecast: 1-2″ of rain, and then freezing temperatures. Its going to flood, and then the flood waters are going to freeze because why the hell not?

1
herodotus450

Now who wishes they lived in Pennsylvaniacomment image

2
WCS

That’s actually in Maryland. The church that built it went bankrupt trying to build it.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did they not try asking God for more money?

4
Redshirt

They did, but then He said they were supposed to clothe the naked and feed the hungry and care for the sick, and then they told Him to shut up and mind His own business.

5
Mr. Ayo

They should have consulted with PETA. They’ve figured out how to make money off saving the animals.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They don’t make money from saving animals; they make money by advertising that they save animals.

3
Mr. Ayo

See?!?! That’s why they needed ’em! Put up the sign and do NOTHING else.

1
herodotus450

I drove by it once and can only assume that I died in a fiery car crash that day and everything since is some kind of Jacob’s Ladder scenario.
/Also, makes sense that it’s in Maryland since Mary was one of the two people on the ark god bless

3
Petronel

We drive past it every time we have to go across the state. At this rate, if it were still actively being worked on, it would take so long to complete that we’d all need starships instead (to escape the Sun swallowing the Earth when it red-giants up) by the time it was done.

0
Redshirt

We already have an Ark in Kentucky. Its next to the Creation Museum.

You cannot comprehend how much I wish I can say I made those previous two sentences up.

5
nomonkeyfun

At least with them next to each other, you can keep all the idiots on Kentuc-

Never mind, too many idiots there to keep in one place. It will throw off the Earth’s rotation.

0
litre_cola

I saw a documentary on it. I laughed and laughed.

1
Senor Weaselo

Might’ve been the craziest thing when we missed our connection from Cincinnati and stayed at some hotel, pamphlets for the Creation Museum.

2
Sharkbait

I love the fact that Oakland is telling the Raiders to go fuck themselves since they want out so bad.

4
Redshirt

And when Oakland tell you to go fuck yourself, that’s when it time to look into the mirror and reassess your life.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, there are like forty attorneys here, if we notify our landlord of termites and he drags his feet and then the super confirms it’s termites but leaves infected wood in our apartment, are we legally entitled to seize his assets and defecate into most of them?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But seriously, document any health issues that you have experienced that may even be *potentially* related to the problem.

6
Redshirt

I’m not a lawyer, but I’m pretty certain his brake lines are cutable.

6
Brick Meathook

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1
rockingdog

found a funny:

*during a magnitude 1 earthquake*

Owner of the Etch-a-sketch museum: no no No NO!

10
Redshirt

What the hell is happening with the elected leaders in Virginia? Does it have to get downgraded back to First Military District so the state government get it shit back together, yet again?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Military_District

1
herodotus450

Governors of Virginia and black Americans, name a more iconic duo
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Jefferson

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m expecting the fourth guy in the line of succession to have actually been *in* the KKK by this point, and then started a KKK version of the boy scouts and then molested the kids.

1
Redshirt

Well the 4th guy is a Republican, so there’s a good chance you’re right.

That’s why Democrats are nervous. If they stick to their morals, they hand Virginia to the GOP.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think they’ll turn over control; they will just cynically stagger resignations to ensure an untainted Democrat is in a position to step into the governorship. Given that with two of them it’s a moral issue (rather than a legal one) it would be difficult for Republicans to make any kind of legal challenge to it.

1
Redshirt

That political corruption!!!!!

(instantly mentally reexperiences Trumps entire political career like Trinity learning how to fly a helicopter in five seconds in Matrix)

I withdraw that statement. Please proceed.

Plus I like the fact there’s different levels of F’d Up. Blackface? Yeah, your career is done, but you at least get to go home. Lt.Gov.? That’s what you get for running past the Stop Sign and turning a Single into a Triple.

1
Unsurprised

Wait. I lost track. Isn’t the Lt. Gov. black?

0
Unsurprised

Gee, maybe the Democratic establishment should’ve supported the actual progressive Democrat and not this dickhead who was a Republican until election season. Nah … That’s crazy talk.

0
SonOfSpam

NL gets the designated hitter, but DH must use penis instead of bat.

5
Mr. Ayo

I like that it’s a “radical” idea to MLB to have both leagues play by the same rules.

2
Ian Scott McCormick

If anybody was curious (they weren’t) I am absolutely all in on the NL using the DH. Watching pitchers hit is boring and shitty, and I can’t wait to see the practice ended. Also the “strategy” element is overrated crap. How do I know this? Because the American League teams can visit a National League stadium and kick the shit out of them and the “strategy” they’ve honed for years. Holy shit, you’re doing a double switch? Slow down, Belichick. I have to study your beautiful mind.
Also Madison Bumgarner is a pretty shitty hitter when you actually look at his stats. And before Ohtani came over he was the gold standard for hitting pitchers. Put hitting pitchers into the trash yesterday.

2
herodotus450

What if instead of a DH the pitchers get to use an aluminium bat?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or the pitchers have to use a special, softball-sized ball.

0
herodotus450

Or what if they [Baseketball Reference Not Found]
/Never saw that movie, I’m no moran

0
Redshirt

I beg your pardon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V380-P-YyaQ

0
Mr. Ayo

I was hoping for a Bartolo Colon highlight video.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can we have just ONE THREAD where Mr. Ayo doesn’t start asking for colon highlight videos?

8
Mr. Ayo

This would have been the worst way to make the banner.

1
Senor Weaselo

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2
Ian Scott McCormick

It was close to 60 degrees in the city yesterday, but all told, I still think NYC is pretty cold in January and February.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Those changes don’t sound “radical” at all!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXSUKNCNCMo

1
Wakezilla

10 second pitch count. 20 is too long

0
scotchnaut

“Why?”

-MCA

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Something that got lost in the news (at least to me) was that Goodell said during his “State of the League” screed that the Raiders cannot move to San Diego for the 2019 season. I didn’t see any more explanation than that, but it sounds to me like ol’ Fredo Spanos whined to Goodell about his “territorial rights,” of which he has none, to nix that deal.

It’s a shame, because I was really looking forward to embracing the Raiders for a season, even if it meant getting stabbed multiple times.

2
Redshirt

I think they want to keep San Diego as Move Bait. If the existing stadium is good for a Journeyman Team, the city won’t build them a stadium for the next team whose lease is up.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

SDCCU Stadium (then Qualcomm) is set to be demolished for an expansion for SDSU, including a smaller stadium for the football team, sometime this or next year. That’s not going to be a viable option beyond 2019, so that reasoning doesn’t quite work. Further, if the city wasn’t willing to pay for a stadium for the team we already had, they’re definitely not paying to attract one.

1
Redshirt

They should be a barnstorming team for 2019.

2
SonOfSpam

Just got a presale notification that Lynyrd Skynyrd is playing locally. Um, who exactly is in Lynyrd Skynyrd now? Is it like Cletus Van Zant !V and Kid Rock’s cousin Blaine?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus with what happened in your neighborhood I would make a point of avoiding that show. Like, maybe you want to even think about leaving town for a bit.

4
SonOfSpam

Holy shit. Should probably avoid the Buddy Holly Tribute act comin to town next month too.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh look, honey! The Orange County orchestra* is doing the music of John Denver!”

*assumes Orange County has some kind of orchestra and does not solely consist of Dave & Buster’s franchises and BMW dealerships.

5
SonOfSpam

The Orange County Orchestra is mostly Real Housewives’ queefs (queeves?)

2
scotchnaut

As far as my fave Southern Rock cover band are concerned, “Sometimes Y” has crashed and burned quality-wise over the last few years…

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For those of you who are wondering how my back is doing, it hurts.

I climbed onto my roof, which involved actually going out through a window, to inspect and make sure there was no standing water remaining after SUPERSTORMPOCALYPSE. Thankfully, there is not. One of my neighbors had their roof fail and basically the whole front half of their house is completely fucked. I feel really bad for them.

I am glad for the piece of mind that my roof seems to be okay. A fairly large group of us are currently looking at suing the builder. Just as my wife thought she was getting out of the legal game they pull her right back in.

1
SonOfSpam

/looks around

(hey…were we supposed to be wondering how Rikki’s back was doing?)

/sees general confusion among the group

Um, hey! Hope your back feels better soon!

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, I just assumed everybody was interested in the mundane details of my life.

/it’s not my fault, none of the details are anything but mundane! It’s all I have!

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Handsome Rikki became Mundane Rikki so quickly…

5
SonOfSpam

More mundane Dayne…Ron or Taylor?

0
Redshirt

Oh, sorry. I misheard and thought you meant “we should be considered that Rikki’s back”. My bad.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“London Breed” as a name sounds like it belongs in the AVN post and not here.

5
herodotus450

I loved his/her scene with Paris Cox.

3
scotchnaut

“The scene was directed by Stan Bull-not Constance Nobel, as so many people want to believe.”

-They Might Be Giants

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[debates whether to +1 this so people will think I actually understood the reference]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1whXMdsHOio?t=1m21s

4
SonOfSpam

What kind of Turkey wouldn’t get

/punches self in face out of principle

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, damnit, I get it now. I am shame.

0
SonOfSpam

Only solution is Hari Kari. Drink a lot of Bud and announce a Cubs game.

3
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