Your “Feelin’ Funny, Punk?” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

After talking about music the last few weeks, tonight I’m discussing some of the humour I enjoy.

I tend to avoid overtly political comedians, although I guess I’ll always be a Saturday Night Live stan. (More on that in coming weeks.) I don’t feel the need to sit in an echo chamber, listening to a sermon for the already-converted. I can barely get past the cold open of “SNL” these days. Also, in Canada our politicians & their scandals pale in comparison to average US ones.

As Wakezilla pointed out last week, there are exceptions.

So, I tend to lean towards the more observational comedians. They’ll talk politics, but not so much that it wears me down.

Eddie Izzard has always been a favourite. I think it’s because he mixes in academics with his observations. Appealing to my history degree is always a good way to keep me interested in your efforts.

He’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I find Lewis Black to be more absurdist than political, especially when he goes off into his ‘old man’ rants that echo my own beliefs.

In a way, I find him to be the 21st Century equivalent to Sam Kinison.

Anyway, there’s more insight into the mind of a Beerguy. Next week – who knows?


Tonight’s sports:

  • AAF:
    • Salt Lake at San Diego – 8:00PM | NFLN
  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Oilers – 7:00PM | CBC / NHLN
    • Senators at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
    • Vegas at Canucks – 10:00PM | CBC
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Lakers – 8:30PM | ABC / TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • Duke at *North Carolina – 6:00PM | ESPN
    • Oklahoma at Kansas State – 6:00PM | ESPN2
    • Michigan at Michigan State – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • DePaul at Creighton – 8:00PM | FS1
    • Tulsa at Memphis – 9:30PM | ESPNU
    • Oregon at Washington – 10:00PM | ESPN
  • Fútbol:
    • MLS:
      • Real Salt Lake vs. Whitecaps FC – 6:00PM | TSN
    • Liga MX:
      • Club América vs. Puebla – 7:55PM | UNI
      • Querétaro vs. Guadalajara – 9:55PM | UNI
  • Boxing:
    • PBC Fight Night: Porter-Ugas (welterweights) – 8:00PM | FOX
  • UFC Fight Night: Lewis vs. Dos Santos
    • Prelims – 6:00PM | TSN5 / ESPN+
    • Main Card – 8:00PM | TSN5 / ESPN+
  • SNL:
    • Vintage: Host: Luke Perry; Music: Mick Jagger – 10:00PM | NBC
    • Live show: Host: Idris Elba; Music: Khalid – 11:30PM ET / 8:30PM PT – NBC / Global

HAVE AT IT!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ALXMACBrettFavresColonoscopyBrick MeathookMr. AyoRedshirt Recent comment authors
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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aw shit I drank too much

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

That’s his Raiders!

AB is going to hate life for a while I think.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here’s an interesting way to look at it – the Raiders gave up Amari Cooper and a 3rd and a 5th and got back Antonio Brown and a 1st. That’s not very Raiders at all!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Of course, Amari was only 15mm for 3 years, while AB will be 50mm.

Also, Gruden is picking that 1st.

Redshirt

So, he turned down Buffalo for Oakland/Las Vegas?

BWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

yeah right

During my travels through all of this glorious land the best music, food, soul and culture came from New Orleans.

It’s in my soul.

yeah right

Anyone got a quarter for the jukebox?

Horatio Cornblower

I am hammered.

That is all.

yeah right

Your suggestion of Shake Shack was duly noted and highly praised.

That was a tasty burger.

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

UDub getting punked at home by the Fighting Waterfowl so far.
This is amusing.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

The Conference of Champions is a LIE!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Banish this team to the NIT. Turrible.

theeWeeBabySeamus

yeah right

I moved my clocks ahead just now.

I’m living in the future.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Start up your flying car and come pick me up already!!!!!!

yeah right

I’ve got legal weed! Seriously!

Redshirt

Selfish bastard! I moving my clocks backwards. I have to work those poor fools about the future!

Senor Weaselo

We’re from the future!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fronkenshteen

I read the lyrics to this song are partly about a homemade humidifier (?!?!) exploding in Joey’s face. Apparently he was a weak seed, and was constantly sick. That must’ve been the most miserable van in rock & roll history.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

In the documentary End of the Century Joey Ramone’s brother says he drove their van through the northeast early in their career and once they stopped at a late night diner and a woman was crying because she thought they were retarded.

Fronkenshteen

Wonder if Zibanejad is part of the Rangers’ rebuilding plan, or just bait for more draft picks.

Fronkenshteen

Oh hey.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

OUCH, MY AORTA!!!!

(too soon?)

King Hippo

MOAR LIEK to late imo

theeWeeBabySeamus

No shit. I watched a doc about him a coupla days ago. His demise saved his brother’s life. Brother had same thing, got diagnosed, and fixed.

So that’s kinda cool. Well not for him, but cool for the brother.

Fronkenshteen

Better physical comedic performance: Ritter in “Three’s Company” or Hagman in “I Dream Of Jeannie”?

ballsofsteelandfury

Ritter did more falling, but Hagman got more love.

Fronkenshteen

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Redshirt

Another fine actor too good for this Sinful Earth.

King Hippo

Emo? Great voice? Tall? Thin? Small boobies? Deep and soulful? oh, u noes Hippo loves Sharon Van Etten

Beyond me being a creepy old fuck, I think she has the song of 2019 so far:

theeWeeBabySeamus

I cannot disagree. But she needs to get off that fence.

yeah right

That’s good Hippo. Real good.

yeah right

My local guys are headlining a tour.
Headlining the Forum and Red Rocks.

Gratliff

Oh this one’s better

SUmmoning circle, hope this works y'all:

🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯

🕯 IMG_4346.jpeg 🕯

🕯 🕯
🕯 🕯
🕯

— Bobby Lewis (@revrrlewis) March 9, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

yeah right

Serious question folks:

I currently pay an average of 250 bucks a month for Directv. I have the Sunday Ticket for the Vikings and MLB Extra Innings for the Cubbies and I have almost all of the Premier channels.

Anyone else watch that new like D&D show called Game of Thrones?
It’s wild!

I also pay 50 bucks for my ISP and 60 bucks a month for the landline that it jumps through.

Minimum 350 a month for home entertainment.

I only watch movies, food and travel, Better Call Saul and sports. I also stream Netflix and Amazon. SHIT! That’s another 12 bucks.

Is there a better or cheaper way?

Help a brother out.

Gratliff

You find whomever it was that set that TV and internet pricing and you recreate Joe Pesci’s last scene in Casino. For the bullshit expensive highest tier Charter cable TV and internet, I’m paying 170 a month and I want to scalp the fuckers every time I make the payment.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I dropped Sunday Ticket. Fortunately don’t need Extra Innings because I’m barely in the Orioles’ map (which is nothing to brag about these days of course) and also the Nats’ too!!!

I dropped all premium channels (will do HBO Online when Westworld starts up again) and dropped down a level on the channel level.

Only thing I’ve missed is the docs on Military Channel.

Wait sorry, they call it the American Heroes Channel now.

yeah right

This is really fun, I’m in the Dodgers home market and the Angels and shit, they show us a lot of Padres games but there’s this ongoing thing between the Dodgers TV network and Directv and I never see the Dodgers games. It’s like they don’t exist!

Which is OK because fuck the Dodgers.

But I have to see my Cubbies. Set the DVR.

Redshirt

My family told Spectrum to eat shit and die. We replaced them with Amazon Fire Sticks (with Prime) and Hulu and Sling. Not sure of cost, but you’ll need a good internet connection.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Spectrum won’t even run a line down my road because there aren’t enough customers to make it worth it.

So yes, I too have told them to eat shit and die. Usually when they repeatedly accost me at Walmart begging me to sign up.

yeah right

That’s a very North Carolina sentence right there Seamus.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tough, but fair.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t forget to change your clocks tonight.
Except for you Blax.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve got someone that does that for me.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

She can adjust my pendulum anytime.

yeah right

Looks like all of my streaming capabilities are shot for the evening.
Let’s get high and blog!

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Please vote because the 5-12 is currently tied and I don’t want to have to break the ties. NOBODY LIKES THE BETTMAN POINT!

yeah right

Since this isn’t Chicago or New Orleans I can only vote once.

And I voted.

yeah right

Have any of you watched Chef’s Table on Netflix? I just watched the episode with Niki Nakayama about her restaurant here in LA called N/Naka and it was astounding. Her dedication to craft, precision and what foods are at their perfect tastes is fucking inspirational.

It was a brilliant episode.

I really hope she reads my post about Shit On A Shingle that’s going up next weekend.

Maybe it will bring her to tears too.

Gratliff

Always brought me to tears when I had to eat it. Creamed chipped beef is like that garbage you see in magazine adds from the 40’s where they’re trying to trick white people into eating hotdog jello molds and shit, except people keep making it for some fucking reason.

yeah right

But this one is ELEVATED!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, if you’ll excuse me for a bit I have to go have a fight via text msg for like the 23rd consecutive day.
(this shit is getting really old)

rockingdog
rockingdog

Cheesin….

herodotus450
herodotus450

The Kuch is lose in Tampa, puts the Bay up 3-1 with his second of the night.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, it took all day but I’m finally done with our taxes. I’m gonna go get so stoned that I can’t get up from the couch for the next 16 hours.

theeWeeBabySeamus

How much are we getting back, honey?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We owe $600. It’s not as bad as I’d feared, but still a pain in the ass.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, well in that case I want a divorce.

yeah right

One of my guys at work who has a wife that’s a Level 5 at Boeing, hint: that’s really high level, had the same thing happen to him. I’m single, kids are grown, super fucking easy return and I was about the same as usual for my tax return.

Herr Cheeto really did some goodness with those tax breaks, ja?

rockingdog
rockingdog

last funny:

[Eulogy]
I can still hear his last words. “I’m *chokes back tears* I’m gonna try and put my hat on that bear.

theeWeeBabySeamus

This one goes out to the lovely and talented Brick Meathook…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Except for the part about being a girlfriend that song is about how I’m going to be in about an hour.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Two stoners drive into a Colorado avalanche last week:

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t remember that scene from Up In Smoke .

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

How on earth does anybody get sexually harassed by a fat paraplegic in a wheelchair?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Maybe it’s got a kickass motor in it and he can run them down.

Redshirt

Its the words, not the action.

Gratliff

Tom Greiss with a solid .667 sv% so far tonight

Gratliff

Feeling too good about humanity right now. Time to watch Leaving Neverland.

Gratliff

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

In a little while I’m going to pick up my dead ex-girlfriend at LAX. They’re flying her corpse in from Jackson Hole, WY. I’ll have the red caps slide her casket into the back of my SUV and then it’s off to dinner in Beverly Hills, which I will bill to her estate. The best part is that I can say anything I want and she can’t get mad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m really hoping you’re joking, because I really want to make a shitload of jokes.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cheap date.
You won’t have to go Dutch.
She can’t eat dinner and then say “no” to sex.

Shit, what else?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Why on earth would I joke about something so very very tragic? I just hope the valet guys don’t try to fuck her while I’m in the restaurant.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She can’t order the lobster and then say she’s full after eating the bread and salad.
She won’t disappear into the ladies’ room for 20 minutes.

Shit, what else?

theeWeeBabySeamus

You won’t have to worry about a fly in your soup, because they’ll all be on her.

Shit, what else?

theeWeeBabySeamus

GODDAMMIT THERE’S GOT TO BE A JACKSON HOLE JOKE BUT I CAN’T CRAFT IT!!!!

Time for a beer.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh oh….

Why didn’t she just stay in the hole?

Nailed it!!!!! I’ve earned that beer now.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m glad that you are amused by my tragic situation.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If you’re actually serious, I’m just trying to lighten the mood and do certainly feel for you.

But you started it!!!!!!!!

(My dead ex wife concurs)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t think there’s anything funny about me having to drive from the airport to a Beverly Hills restaurant with a casket sticking out of the back of my Explorer.

Gratliff

But there could be if you wrote Just Married on the end of it

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehe

ballsofsteelandfury

In this traffic?!? That’s insane!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know I love ya.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got America-Puebla in TV1 and the Clásico Regio in TV2. Both are ye ole TWBS at the moment, but we’re only 24 minutes in.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/gets nervous
Wait what did I do in Mexico?

Oh you’re talking about fútbol. You silly boy.

ballsofsteelandfury

You know exactly what you did.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I know at least some of the things I did. Some, not so much.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tom Izzo looks a little stressed.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Meanwhile in Jupiter

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Can you imagine the gravity around Mark Davis’ head? It’s the only thing which explains the haircut.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s gotta be a fucking wig.

Gratliff

Flyers now beating the shit out of the Islanders, as is tradition. There exists a scenario where the Flyers hit 100 points and don’t make the playoffs. I hope this year makes the NHL change its shitty playoff format.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good pick.

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Gratliff

Nostalgic for breakout ska performer Gwen Stefani today

theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny you should say that.

Gratliff

Tragic Kingdom was such a good fucking album, and they had some good songs after that, but her shit after 2005ish is basically unrecognizable from the No Doubt years. It’s crazy how the thing everybody was supposed to be sad about in the Don’t Speak video is exactly what she went ahead and did.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. But she’s still hot. And psssst… (she’s next week’s special Princess for Sexy Friday).

Gratliff

50 in October. Time is a mother fucker.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, tell me about it.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

When I worked in Vancouver back in 2006 they had a crippled mayor in a wheelchair.

It was the most Vancouver thing ever. I’m pretty sure that’s why he got elected.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Vancouver got Garkle’d.

yeah right

That Eddie Izzard “Dressed to Kill” act was one of the best routines I’ve ever seen. Had my stoned ass rolling.

Redshirt

This morning’s new DuckTales episode had Paget Brewster’s character speaking for the majority of 20 minutes. She has a very attractive voice, but coming from a duck, it was getting weird.

Thankfully any weird feeling were cancelled out by the awesomeness of the “Moon Theme” from the 1989 DuckTales game being used as both music and be given actual lyrics in a heartwarming and tear jerking way.

I have been triggered by so many emotions since the 1:13 mark of the “How It Should Have Ended: Avengers: Endgame Trailer” video.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whut’s up mah bitches?

theeWeeBabySeamus

And great thanks once again to BeerGuyRob for the asterisk.
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herodotus450
herodotus450

Red Wings at Tampa tonight is like Rutgers playing the Patriots the day after Belichick got shot down by Linda from accounting. And every Rutgers player has been replaced by a sack of potatoes.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Marinating some salmon right now. Gonna fire up the grill in an hour and keep watching Game of Thrones. It’s funny how no one ever talks about how good that show is.

herodotus450
herodotus450

[LCSS starts singing “Reynes of Castamere”]
Salmon: [Marinading intensifies]

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Game of Thrones is the most under-rated TV show ever. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who’s ever seen it.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

Requiring everyone’s clocks to be the same is communism. Let the free market decide what time it is.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it March madness yet? Things don’t feel mad yet.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

This. Is. March.

Hope the [DFO] lawyers can keep Rothstein at bay for this.

yeah right

I made my burger decision today and went with…
Shake Shack.

Good god that was delicious!

I had the double smoke shack, some chicken bites and fries. Did the carry out so I could drink beers with it.
Lemme tell ya. That burger is a fucking contender. I like the crinkle cut fries but I still think Five Guys Cajun fries are a little better. That burger though? I’ll do that again.
Maybe I’ll try Five Guys next week and In-n-out after that.

This place is rock solid.

rockingdog
rockingdog

does shake shack have milk shakes too?

ballsofsteelandfury

Isn’t it frozen custard?

yeah right

And something called a “concrete”.

Beer for me thank you.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I have friends going to the Fleet game tonight, whereas I have other plans. Looking at the remaining schedule, there’s a game next Sunday on Irish X-mas which I think it would be fun to take my Dad to, provided I don’t drink a case of Guinness prior to that.

litre_cola

The scumbag in the wheelchair is my Minister of Parliament. He is an utter douchebag.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Will you trade him straight up for a Mitch McConnell or do we have to throw in a first round pick to sweeten the deal?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ll kick in the ingredients for turtle soup.

yeah right

I’ll start the soup by building a nice dark roux.