Temptation Island Talk – Episode 8

Welcome back to Temptation Island Talk!

This week’s episode is titled “The Beginning of The End”. I don’t think anyone actually said those words during the episode, so my episode-naming theory needs to be reworked.

Before we get started, let us refresh our memories as to what these idiot couples look like.

Karl and Nicole, from Chicago
Evan and Kaci, from LA
Javen and Shari, from San Francisco
John and Kady, from Fort Worth

Episode 8 Recap

We start off with the now-traditional “Previously… on Temptation Island”.

We’re in the Boys’ villa and Evan is talking to Morgan about

Kaci

and how he is hurting the ostrich and he’s really worried about PETA going after him.

Evan does tell Morgan that nothing has changed regarding their budding relationship. Morgan says good and promises to stand by him as the PETA crazies throw blood at him.

Meanwhile, at the Girls’ villa, Nicole starts speaking again about her growth and the lack of depth she’s gotten from Karl and am I the only one that thinks Tyler’s penis is longer than Karl’s?

The Bird speaks. Fast forward…

John is speaking to Brittney about the messages and I love that Brittney speaks her mind. She calls Kady a dick and it’s just as awesome on video as it reads on your screen.

She tells him it’s a blessing that he found out now and that way she couldn’t torture him and she’s 100% right.

John seems to understand and it seems like he’s ready to open up to Katheryn. Her strap-on is, i’m sure, getting lubed up as he speaks.

At the Girls’ villa there are way too many dudes in a small pool. It looks like something Yeah Right would devote a Sunday Gravy post to:

Someone has placed a dare on the Single Boys to strip and jump into the big pool. Carlos removes his swim trunks only to reveal a pair of boxer briefs and jumps in.

I ask you, who the fuck wears underwear underneath a bathing suit? There is something seriously wrong there and I would challenge Carlos’ Latino heritage on the spot if I was there.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on your point of view, Scott decides to bare all and jumps in. As he gets out, everyone can see Lil’ Scotty and, considering he can cover it with one hand, this may not have been his smartest move.

Oh, apparently this was part of a truth or dare game and Kady doesn’t want to play. She’s second-guessing herself and the four girls get away from the boys to talk and I would be annoyed as fuck if I was a Single Boy.

Blah blah blah.

At the Boys villa, Rachel and Erica decide to play scavenger hunt with cellphone pictures and I did this back in the day with Polaroid pictures for my brother’s bachelor party and, let me tell you, those pictures were destroyed after we declared a winner.

Yes, it was THAT kind of scavenger hunt.

On the island, they split up into teams of two and each team is issued a cellphone. I’m guessing those are the Single Girls’ phones and I’m wondering if they forgot to delete the nudes or left them in on purpose.

This was the highlight for me:

Karl

Or maybe this was:

Javen’s titties

John and Hannah ended up winning and everyone had a good time because Katheryn was asleep.

Mark L shows up and he’s got news: There will be more eliminations. Four girls picked, three go home.

The four are: Lindsey, Allie, Kayla, and Jeffri.

Kayla gets to stay.

That leaves 7 single girls. Well, six if you consider that Morgan is Evan’s new girlfriend.

Same thing happens at the Girls’ villa. The four picked are: Jack, James, Wynn, and Carlos.

Jack gets to stay and it’s a sad day for Affirmative Action.

Wynn is pissed.

Now is as good a time as any to present the dating chart. No dates, so no changes:

Dating Chart!

Coupled Boy/GirlDate#1Date#2Date#3Date#4Date #5
KarlSheldynAllieJeffriBrittneyBrittney
JohnHannahRachelTaraLindsayN/A
JavenKaylaEricaAllieHannahErica
EvanBrittneyMorganMorganMorganMorgan
ShariJamesTylerJonJamesJustin
KaciCarlosJustinValJackJon
NicoleTylerJamesJackTylerTyler
KadyJohnWynnCarlosJohnJohn

Justin speaks truth to Shari about how, even if she found someone she was attracted to, she wouldn’t pursue it and she does admit it. So, growth I guess?

To the Boys villa we go and Javen has introduced the Tangerine of Truth. Whoever is holding the ToT must say something nice about someone. Javen begins by saying something nice about Kayla.

Morgan asks Evan what his intentions are with her. Evan then takes the opportunity to, in front of everyone, reveal that he asked Morgan to be his girlfriend last night. Hey, he made it official! Nice!

Nicole talks some more about her “journey” and I would rather she describe, in full detail, the contours of Tyler’s penis. I really would be more interested.

She wraps it up by saying she’s not feeling the love and I’m thinking she’s going to feel it alright later that night. In her ass.

Sure enough, as the rest are playing charades, Nicole asks Tyler to sleep over and says in confessional that she’s ready to put something into action. Anal it is!

Meanwhile,

Karl’s ass

Brittney is also naked and they’re in the jacuzzi. Later, she climbs on top of him in a lounge chair and asks him what he wants to eat. Getting no response, she tells him she’s gonna sit on his face. Karl, to his credit, is trying REALLY hard not to cheat. I don’t know how he’s doing it.

You tell me because I can’t figure it out:

Val is talking to the ostrich. Fast forward.

Kady feels guilty with Johnnie and is still confused.

John and Katheryn go to the pool and talk and then get in and start making out in the rain. Good for John!

Even better for John, he gets her in his bed and makes out with her there and yes, I believe that’s a boob grab!

Katheryn presents her ass for entry

(Last) Bonfire Time!

The Girls will go first.

Nicole blah blah blahs about growth and depth and Tyler must be the second coming of Lexington Steele.

Mark L wants to know what’s going on with Kady and reveals this is the last bonfire.

Kaci goes first and elects to watch by herself and this time keeps her eyes open. She sees Evan revealing to the group that he asked Morgan to be his girlfriend. DAGGER!

She says he’s back to Old Evan.

Balls: SHUT UP, BIRD!

She’s “numb”. I guess it’s finally sinking in?

Nicole and the group see Karl’s ass,

a little bit of Brittney’s ass, and they all giggle. Nicole turns it around and says it’s Karl that’s not ready for a deep relationship and that’s what she wants now.

Mark L, reading the situation expertly, is so giddy he can barely contain his excitement when he has this exchange with Nicole:

Mark L: Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s been a pretty thick one, huh?

Nicole: Oh, yeah!

So that answers that question!

Shari and team see Javen during the scavenger hunt getting lashes put on him. She’s glad to see Fun Javen.

Mark L asks if it’s true that Javen has no girls on his phone and Shari has no guys. Shari admits it’s true. He asked if this can change now and she says yes. Progress?

Kady goes last and sees John making out with Katheryn in the rain. She’s surprised. It hurts to see him moving on.

As they walk back, Kaci continues to blame Evan and really she needs to look in the mirror. It was HER idea to go to Temptation Island!

Now it’s the boys’ turn.

Have I mentioned how much I like Javen?

We start out with Karl and they all see Nicole inviting Tyler to her bed/ass. Karl says there needs to be a conversation. He’s pretty sure she’s cheated.

John sees Kady kissing Johnnie. He doesn’t feel as bad as last time. He too will have a conversation. He will be more open to Katheryn’s strap-on.

Javen sees Shari admitting that it’s ok for Javen to have female friends while she has male friends. He sees her growing, which is a good thing.

Finally, Evan sees the ostrich cry and saying that if he’s had sex with someone, that’s it. Evan wants to have a conversation with her.

***

Updated Predicciones

Here’s the way I see it after this episode:

  • John and Kady: Breakup conversation
  • Nicole and Karl: Breakup conversation
  • Shari and Javen: All good
  • Kaci and Evan: Breakup conversation

Apparently, Evan is done with Kaci. He, mysteriously, says he knows what he has to do.

If it’s throwing Kaci into a volcano, I’m all for it!

***

Remember that I’ll be writing recaps of every episode and publishing on the Tuesday the next episode airs. This was episode 8 and, according to the preview for next week,

there are only three episodes left! From what I’ve heard, it’s tonight’s episode (9) and a two-part episode 10. Alls I know is if they spread out that last episode over two weeks, I’ll be pissed. I would prefer a two-hour finale.

Temptation Island airs every Tuesday on USA Network at 10 PM Eastern, 9 PM Central. You can catch up on prior episodes (if you sign in with a cable or satellite account although it seems the first two episodes are available for free) and see behind the scene clips on the USA Network website: https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland

Also, thanks to all of you drinking that Maui vodka, TEMPTATION ISLAND HAS BEEN RENEWED FOR SEASON TWO!!

Even more exciting, have you ever wanted to flush your shitty relationship down the crapper? Have you ever wanted to stir shit up and fuck with people’s lives? Now you can do it in front of the whole country! You too can apply to be either a single or a couple next season! Apply here:

https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland/casting

You need to be available from mid-June to mid-July. Now that’s what I call a bitchen summer!

Let me know what you think in the comments.

(35/69)

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Wakezilla

Evan is the male equivalent of a Butter Face. John reminds me of the love interest in Cougar Town.

These people are insane.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s from Zach Stone is Gonna Be Famous, right? The guy on the left is my neighbor. I am 100% serious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Reinforce that anal won’t hurt if done right; we know he is afraid, but I’m sure the angry part of the pegging will have to build up. It won’t begin that way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When you see him next, anyway.

Game Time Decision

The ostrich is smrter than Kaci. And better looking

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[blushes]

“Aw…thanks!”
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Horatio Cornblower

“Oh, hi Dee.”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The peopie on this show who waited until near the end to cheat are absolute morons (the rest of them are morons too, but still). If I were on this show I’d be trying to arrange a threesome on the very first night.

Actually, this kind of reminds me of my own personal Temptation Island trip to Mozambique, when i tried and failed to arrange a threesome. But that wasn’t until the 7th night or so.

SonOfSpam

A Mozambique Threesome is also known as The HIVe Mind.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It actually would have been with South African (a rich girl from Cape Town) and an American (also rich).

Wakezilla

You cannot have a Mozambique threesome without AIDS.

yeah right

It’s amazing how Rikki has evolved into a fully realized Robert Evans.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

What the hell is with her neck? Is she the exorcist girl all grown up and slutty?
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s the same exact thing I said! The instant I saw that image I copied the source to my clipboard so I could paste it down here.

Wakezilla

But what you pasted the image with is a sticky situation

SonOfSpam

“YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL! AND SO WILL I, LIKE, ANY TIME.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The first part of that quote sounds like something Jeff Ireland would say if he got drunk and disrupted a funeral

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that is magnificent.

Horatio Cornblower

That storm wanted it. You can tell by the multi-colored dye job.