2019 [DFO] Banner Tournament: Second Round! Day 1

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo

Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn’t doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn’t happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Senor Weaselo

Welcome to the second round! The 32 winners from the first round move on to this one, you know, like regular March Madness. And like regular March Madness, the winners now get into actual named rounds, and not just the “n+1th” round. We call it the Saucy 16 because, well,

Valentine’s Hector has my third-favorite special trigger from Fire Emblem Heroes, behind Exalted Chrom’s “I’m being helpful!” (2nd) and Nino’s “Ahhhhhhh!” (1st), partially because then my Nino does like 85 damage and gets the kill.

(I guarantee at most two other people actually got what I said in the caption.)

I won’t release the names of the other rounds juuuuust yet, but the naming committee has approved them. Anyway, since we’ve made a full circuit in the first round, we delve back into the BLEERGH Regional and get a reminder of the round’s region results. Today’s polls’ll cover the top half of the region, making up half of the BLEERGH What the Hell are Regional Semifinals. Higher seeds will remain the upper option, for organization’s sake.

Second Round, BLEERGH Region

  • 1. “Aaron Hernandez (neck) out indefinitely” (73%, 27 Votes)
  • 9. “If Tampa Bay has any more abortions on this series of plays, they’ll have the RNC clamoring to defund them.” (27%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 37

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Second Round, BLEERGH Region

  • 4. “These Georgia Bulldogs, I call him [sic] David Carradine because last night on their way to a successful climax, they choked to death and died.” (62%, 24 Votes)
  • 5. “Spotlight wins the Oscar for Best Picture! Way to come from behind! Which coincidentally is pretty much what Spotlight is about.” (38%, 15 Votes)

Total Voters: 39

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Since this 1 seed escaped the infamy that others did not, it gets this dance song THAT WE ALL KNEW WAS COMING EVENTUALLY.

But still NO DANCING QUEEN!

Images from Reddit and YouTube.

Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
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Moose -The End Is Well NighLemonJelloKing HippoWakezillaUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello
LemonJello

Kids sharing cream pies…in Canadia!?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Not all heroes wear capes

King Hippo

coocoo ka-choo!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That first one is neck and neck, err, maybe Sophie’s choice……. let’s just say it was too close for me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

PLUTONIUM GRADE BANANACAKES

King Hippo

poor Swans, that’ll leave a mark

scotchnaut

Yipes! Auburn is on fire!

King Hippo

this could help Shitty Wolves, as our best win is v. Aubie.

scotchnaut

There’s your bump.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s just for the insurance.

King Hippo

I really think City are about to depart the FA Cup. No first-ever quadruple.

scotchnaut

With no Kevin The Broom, how could they possibly sweep all them titles?

scotchnaut

“Leveraged Buy-out! Leveraged Buy-out! Damnit! TIMEOUT! TIMEOUT!”

-Tommy Amaker, Harvard Basketball coach

scotchnaut

Really surprised that Neal deGrasse Tyson didn’t travel back in time to quell these sexual assault rumours.

King Hippo

who has 2 thumbs and a bet on Swans to win the half WOO!

King Hippo

2-nil Bananacakes!!

yeah right

Another fucking draw.
Fuck the bloody barcodes.

Wakezilla

Here’s a story about why kids are the worst, for all you non-parents out there:

Last night, Mrs. Wakezilla was giving me a hummer so incredible, I was about to speak in Ara fucking maic. But then ToddlerZilla enters the room screaming like a lunatic. So I stay up and get my stuff all ready for work while Mrs. Zilla puts down ToddlerZilla. So, round 2 begins and ToddlerZilla comes screaming again! Fuck.

To make a long story short, we were woken up a handful of times since 330am and kids continue to be the worst cock blocks ever.

King Hippo

you ain’t shitting me, chuh chuh

herodotus450
herodotus450

So kids are the perfect premature ejaculation tonic?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

“Nah.”
— Catholic Church

King Hippo

Teh timing was perfect FOAR ME!! – Father Flanagan

litre_cola

Only been interrupted twice. Both times we were able to resume.

scotchnaut

/later, putting young son to sleep

Me: “We were wrestling. And I was winning, btw.”

Son: “But Mommy was on top of you?”

Me: “YOU CAN SHUT THE FUC… umm… I was letting her win?”

Son: [rolls eyes] “You never win against Mommy.”

Me: “Man, that’s tough but fair. What am I doing wrong?”

Son: “When was the last time you bought her a card?”

Me: “…”

Son: “Exactly!”

Me: “I’m glad we had this talk.”

Son: “You bore me. Tuck me in and get the hell out of here.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Don T

That #9 Tampa Bay one was a 13-3 Wild Card. Woof.

Wakezilla

Leicester down a man early against Burnley. It feels like Burnley always get these weird breaks fin favor of them over the past 5 games

Fronkenshteen

And West Ham allows Huddle House to equalize. Balls.

King Hippo

is y’all safe from the drop, you reckon?

Fronkenshteen

Oh yeah. It’s frustrating that they don’t gobble up these bottom table teams, though. They play down to their competition. I’m glad Lanzini is back.

Fronkenshteen

See?
Huddle House has scored 15 goals ALL SEASON. They have 2 today @ West Ham in the FIRST FUCKING HALF!!

King Hippo

Huddle House was only like +267 to win this, I was flabbergasted

King Hippo

Foxes get a man sent off in the 4th minute. Looking like a Cherries kind of day.

King Hippo

merde, meant Burnley kind of day

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That 1-9 matchup is tough.

King Hippo

That #5 seed is comin’ from behind yet again! 😀

King Hippo

This is the 3rd match between the sides this season, Moose Hornets won 2-1 each time

King Hippo

all ex-Evertonians, as Tom Cleverley replaces Gerard Delofeu

King Hippo

thinking meta, what would be MOAR terrifying, a moose-sized hornet or a hornet-sized moose?

litre_cola

Moose sized hornet. Fuck that.

King Hippo

even if they didn’t really fly, I’d still piss myself and drop ded if I saw one

rockingdog
rockingdog

no soccer.
how about some funnies?

King Hippo

FA Cup is on ESPN+ and the Palace cunts have gone level at Watford.

King Hippo

cracker of a goal, Moose Hornets back up 2-1

rockingdog
rockingdog

morning funny:

GUY: I think I’m done eating

ME: did you need a to-go box?

DEATH ROW EXECUTIONER: again, stop asking them that

Don T

STOP RIPPING OFF MAH LIFE, FIRE EMBLEM HEROES!!11!!

Fun demographic project – Which set is bigger: Puerto Ricans named Héctor, or Irish named Michael Patrick?

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s been more than nine months since Maria, aren’t there more Donalds than Hectors by now?

Beerguyrob

Krafty.

Don T

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rockingdog
rockingdog

I’d go with more Hectors

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Go to any Irish gathering and ask for Matt Kelly.

yeah right

One of my god sons is named… Matt Kelley.

herodotus450
herodotus450

A second round? What is this, cheating at Russian Roulette?

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

I got it in on Request Line yesterday. Did you really think I wouldn’t post it again here?????

litre_cola

Abba is evil.

rockingdog
rockingdog

I want to see a highlight reel of The Bride from Kill Bill killing all those people with this song in the background.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like that would work in a zombie movie kill montage too.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised