Your “Throwing Darts at the Sports Channels” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Proof that the NFL has access to my location: moar Seahawks news  
    • The Seahawks have terminated the contracts of Doug Baldwin & Kam Chancellor due to failed physical designations.
      • Chancellor was expected, as he famously refused to retire, and collected $6 million against the cap last year.
      • Baldwin was a bit of a shock, given that he was one of Russell’s consistent, if not favourite, targets.
  • Jags linebacker Telvin Smith announced he’s taking 2019 off from football for, essentially, some “me time”.
    • Specifically, that,
      • At this time I must take time away from the game & get my world in order. I must give this time back to myself, my family, & my health.
    • The Jags found out Smith’s decision via social media. They responded in kind:

(LOL “Tad Dickman”)

  • Nick Foles is finally safe in Jacksonville – The Jags have released Cody Kessler.
    • While he’s never amounted to much in his short career, he’s not Colin Kaepernick, so he’ll end up a backup somewhere during the season.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: remember, for the snarkiest preview on the internet, check out my prediction post.
    • Carolina at Boston – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
      • Game 6: Raptors up 3-2
    • Nuggets at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
      • Game 6: Nuggets up 3-2
  • MLB:
    • Mariners at Yankees – 6:30PM | Sportsnet360 / MLBN
  • NCAA:
    • College Baseball:
      • LSU at Arkansas – 7:30PM | ESPNU
  • Futbol:
    • Liga MX: Club América vs. Cruz Azul – 9:55PM | UNI
  • Martial Arts:
    • Professional Fighters League: From Uniondale, N.Y. – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2

This is the actual definition of “a lot, yet nothing” on TV tonight. Be sensible.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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BrettFavresColonoscopyUnsurprisedyeah rightballsofsteelandfuryRikki-Tikki-Deadly Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah, peaty scotch, how I’ve missed you so

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, kids. This new Paradise Hotel show… SOMEONE needs to do a post on it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We have to talk about last night’s episode of Paradise Hotel: Chlamydia Stew

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m stealing that title!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good night, sweet Horse Balls.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is the greatest escape from any Buffalo Bills since Catherine Martin was rescued.

yeah right

Her nickname wasn’t Catharine the Great by any chance?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

AT LEAST MY NOSE ISN’T GUSHING BLOOD!

yeah right

Holy shit Chernobyl on HBO is fucking intense.

It’s a good thing that it’s fiction because that would be scary as fuck if it really happened.

/ phone rings

“Yes?”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I get that there are kids who don’t know. I read some kid on reddit saying they didn’t realize 9/11 was real. But there are people in the orbit of our ages who don’t know anything about Chernobyl or at least how truly awful it was (is, I guess) and that’s unforgivable.

yeah right

I remember the weather watch was the most important news on the West Coast for a long time during that.

Some of us were paying attention.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Did they do that after Fukushima too?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This also reminds me that the Gulf is still suffering from the Deepwater Horizon explosion.

yeah right

Dude, we still have shit washing up on our beaches.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dude, when the guys who made Secret Hitler realized how many backers didn’t know who Hitler was, they commissioned a comic to explain who Hitler was. Fucking frightening.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

PSA from the distillery in my neighborhood.

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The Subaru Brat.

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yeah right

Somebody had to hold on to the keg.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Damn straight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can’t embed tweets from mobile, but this is a gem:

https://twitter.com/tsgnews/status/1126534941737738242?s=19

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A banner day for free speech.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

When did I get a pickup?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This week has sucked. Lady BFC has a friend staying with us so opening a bottle of wine for sharing. Will switch to whisky after dinner.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Batman Returns is one of the rare sequels that’s way better than the original.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Terminator?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

T2 is the greatest movie of all time.

WCS

Aliens?

Full disclosure: I can’t tell you which one I like more; they’re simply different styles of film. Alien is more sci-fi/horror; Aliens is more a sci-fi/war movie.

Hey, I typed two consecutive sentences using (I think) a proper semi-colon!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes; very different types of movies.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oof. That’s always been a difficult one precisely for that reason. I don’t know. Those two belong in their own grouping.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think Alien is better – the corporate intrigue makes the story more interesting – but that is simply my opinion and I will not fault anyone who disagrees.

Fronkenshteen

I am on all my medication, only 1.5 beers in, and I can honestly say that I hate everyone and everything and I wish I was in a coma.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Seems like a good mix.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Note to self: Gummi Bears are made completely of nitroglycerin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we love you anyway or is that not helpful?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This is why I can’t drink. Now if only I can get the overeating under control I’ll just hate everyone but not want to die.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The 9/11 hijackers became much better once they attended flight school

Sharkbait

Seven Nation Army now? Come on Bruins fans

Horatio Cornblower

At least it’s not Wagner.

Dunstan
Dunstan

WAG-NAH IS THE FACKIN BEST!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Really puts the Honus on the reader to get the joke.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I would expect a bunch of nativist homers from Boston to hate the idea of a seven nation army on principle.

Sharkbait

Mrazek is the only one giving s shit out there. Poor bastard.

scotchnaut

So disappointed in all you guys, what with making me stay up this late. If you could show the least amount of discipline from here on out…

SNOOZY TIME!

theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY!!! I WILL NOT BE TALKED TO THAT WAY!!!!! I ALWAYS SHOW A LACK OF DISCIPLINE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Beer #2.
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Look at the artwork on the can!
And the beer is just as good. Double IPA, all Galaxy hops, (which are probably my favorite), and 7.8% ABV. Also some oats or something. Whatever. What are you, my mother? I don’t have to be in Court tomorrow until 11!

scotchnaut

You’re defending your mother in court again? You must relish the opportunity to get her off one more time.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Relish, onions, sauerkraut. The works.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuuuuuuck I owe you beer. Fucking Monkish keeps doing Friday midday releases. Fingers crossed they do one on Saturday this weekend. (They will definitely do one tomorrow mid-day)

Sharkbait

Come on OT!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Who’s OT and are you sure they won’t mind the dry cleaning bill?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Did Marty Brodeur pull a Curt Schilling and lose all of his money investing in a Rhode Island video game company? That would explain all these commercials he’s in.

scotchnaut

He did lose all his money but it was because he banged his wife’s sister.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I thought it turned out that was just Claude Lemeiux in drag?

Horatio Cornblower

As a Whalers fan I would pay a significant amount of money for Claude Lemieux to get fucked in the ass by a broke and angry goalie.

herodotus450
herodotus450

He, Marchand, and Pronger all star in my Saw 35 spec script. Those cowards in Bollywood won’t make it though.

Horatio Cornblower

Chris Pronger was such a dipshit with the Whalers. He was maybe 19 with a shit-ton of money and about as much sense as he has now after all the concussions.

Sharkbait

You beat me to it. I never miss a chance for a good “Uncle-Daddy” reference.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I thought Curt just lost all of the state’s money.

herodotus450
herodotus450

At least if Carolina loses because of Dougie Hamilton, a former Bruin, it’ll kinda be like Boston losing.

Sharkbait

So Carolina is now just straight up trying to murder people now?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Isn’t that how you score in hockey?

Horatio Cornblower

You’re confusing hockey with Rollerball.
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scotchnaut

[shakes finger] Oh Carolina!

scotchnaut

“There is no such thing as a ‘tasty bean salad’.”

-excerpt from my weight-loss journal

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh man. Nicholson’s Joker is such a fantastic sadistic psychopath.

No wonder everything for the decade after was the exact opposite. The 90s sucked.

Sharkbait

I’m not sure who I want to win the Bruins – Hurricanes series. All of my friends are Bruins fans, so if they lose I’ll hear about it there. But on the other hand, it’s (kind of) Hartford so…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Earth-killing meteor.

Horatio Cornblower

Bruins, then root like hell for the West in the finals.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

All the adults in Batman (1989) except for Kim Basinger look old as Hell.

scotchnaut

/watching ‘Boss Baby’ muted

This movie just might have skooched “Black Christmas” out of my personal top ten “Scariest Movies I’ve Ever Watched”.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everyone involved in making that belongs in prison forever.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’ve gotta make a long story short here but I’m listening to some guy tell his buddy about his unpublished novel about a guy who’s obsessed with pirates who discovers he was a pirate in a previous life who goes back in time and meets his previous pirate. That’s as much as I heard. I wanted to lie and tell him I would read the shit out of that novel, if only that were possible, which it is not.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pirate meets Anti-pirate? Wouldn’t that make the universe implode?

ballsofsteelandfury

I really hope you’re at a bar.

Horatio Cornblower

Orchids of Asia

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

LACMA!

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like Season 8 of Fortnite.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Dunstan
Dunstan

Back in the earlier versions of Civilization, when you got to pick your leader name, this was my go-to when playing as Rome.

Gratliff

Are the Raptors really good or really bad?

Horatio Cornblower

Drinking this beauty tonight. It’s a new one, and my kids give me shit about my shoes as well. Jerks.
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LemonJello
LemonJello

More information, por favor.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, I wear New Balance 619s to the gym and around the yard, and apparently that’s a classic Dad shoe, so my son makes fun of m…Oh the beer! From the label:

“An Imperial Milk Stout…with chocolate, coffee, graham crackers, marshmallows, toasted coconut, coconut milk powder, dutch cocoa powder, vanilla salt water taffy, salted caramel….” and then the usual hops, water, malt, yeast.

Frankly I bought it for the can and the jokes and had my suspicions, but it works. Possibly because it’s 8.2% ABV, but it works.

Horatio Cornblower

If Carolina gets past this round I am going to channel my inner Sherman and burn Raleigh to the ground, then sow the earth with salt.

Apologies to our Carolinians in advance, and go Whalers! Never forget!

LemonJello
LemonJello

Horatio’s inner Sherman, artist’s rendition:
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Horatio Cornblower

I do look good in aqua.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Your dancing could improve though

Senor Weaselo

The other option is Boston. I’ll allow it.

Horatio Cornblower

I will happily root for either San Jose or St. Louis in the next round, regardless of the Eastern winner.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I don’t know, is there an Imagine Dragons cover I can listen to?

WCS

OH HELL YES

Horatio Cornblower

The first one was disappointing, but that might be because some guy in the theater wouldn’t stop talking until I yelled “Hey shut the fuck up” and the rest of the theater applauded.

At the end of the film I turned around, figuring we were going to fight, and it turned out it was a 12-year old with his family.

Anyhoo, now I wait for films to come out on Netflix.

scotchnaut

You know how I know how you never lived life? You never dropped a pepperoncini pepper into your Bloody Mary/Bloody Ceasar drinky-poo.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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rockingdog
rockingdog

LOLcomment image

LemonJello
LemonJello

What are his feelings regarding pledge pins on uniforms?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, he’s gotta do *something* now that he’s solved the opioid crisis and brought peace to the Middle East.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I don’t think his human skin was made properly, I guess since the reptilians think they now have control they don’t have tobtry as hard.

LemonJello
LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

I, for one, am prepared to skin Ted Cruz and wear his face on my own, for the good of all humanity.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’d do it for a large supreme pizza

scotchnaut

Arbitrary Shout-out Time-The ’99 Rams are darlings because ‘Kurt Warner Story’. That unstoppable O was stopped dead cold by a Tampa D in the conference championship game. The only reason they made it to the Super Bowl was Ricky Proehl making an insane catch against double coverage. The final score of that game was 11-6. Eleven. Six.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Canes tie it up. yooooo

rockingdog
rockingdog

Bruins score first with a sweeeetttt goal…. yoooo

Ian Scott McCormick

Aaron Hicks on his 3 game rehab assignment in Tampa: “I’ve spent way too much time in Tampa. I’m definitely tired of Tampa now.”
Yeah man. I get it.

Senor Weaselo

Well the other option is meeting the Yankees… in Tampa. At the Trop.

Senor Weaselo

Well, I saw Endgame. Honestly…

Spoiler
I preferred Infinity War, I guess because in this one we knew the Avengers were gonna win, we just had to see how. Still a question or two regarding time streams and multiverses, maybe being allowed to watch the Far From Home trailer will help.

However, I liked the credits, especially for the original Avengers as their send-off film with their theme in the background.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Fair enough. As a Marvel comic nerd, I thought Endgame wrapped up the story neatly.

Now, give me the 1984 Jim Shooter version of Secret Wars on the big screen.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sam Adams is merging with Dogfish Head for a lot of cash-esh:

https://www.brewbound.com/news/boston-beer-company-and-dogfish-head-agree-to-merge-in-300-million-deal

While they’re staying technically “independent,” there’s only one good thing that came out of this, which is that Dogfish is likely to be made more widely available through distribution. There is a lotttttt of bad that can come out of this too though.

WCS

OWAH SHITTY BEEAH IS BETTAH NO ONE DENIES THIS

scotchnaut

Sam Adams is merging with Dogfish Head

I thought I was the only one that had access to Moose’s browser history. Huh.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh that is sublime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, I remember when I bought stock in Sam Adams at around 40 and turned it around in a year or so at 50 for a nice tidy profit of 25%. Wonder how it’s doing these days…

[checks stock price]

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Jim Koch gets to pretend he’s making cool craft beer again. Good for him.

Horatio Cornblower

Dogfish makes one good beer, their 90 minute, and otherwise has been passed by so many breweries that they’re not worth checking out any more. The guy that runs Sam Adams thanked Trump for the tax cut for billionaires, so fuck him too.

Redshirt

Ah, Cincinnati weather. Where it alternates between periods of not raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you….

scotchnaut

OC/DC

“I’ll take “What is Redshirt’s favourite classic rock band for $600, Alex.”

LemonJello
LemonJello

Redshirt is the Ohio Jack Torrance?
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Redshirt

Well I have been staring at a closed, winterized pool for nearly nine months.

scotchnaut

Dude, go up to the pool and say something. Try to find some common interests. “You into chlorine?” or “Are you into the ‘Above Ground’ movement?” Something like that.

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Are you poor black communities in the 70s? Cause that’s a lot of crack you got.”

scotchnaut

herodotus with the desperate “Last Call” approach. smh.

SonOfSpam

Apparently, Baldwin is gonna retire but for financial reasons the C-Hox needed to release him first or something.

Also, thank you for laughing at “Tad Dickman” so I don’t feel so alone.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate coming in early because I’m always online. This place is emptier than the L.A. Coliseum during a Chargers-Rams game.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Equally Empty:

  1. Roger Goodell Is A National Disgrace: Heart
  2. Ol’ Double J Jerrah: Brain
  3. Jim Irsay: Sinus cavity
  4. Andy Reid: Food trough
  5. Spanos Clan: bottomless pit where souls would be
  6. Pete Carroll: Trust in the government
  7. Robert Kraft: Lube bottle
  8. Russell Wilson: Sense of shame
  9. Richie Incognito: Empathy
  10. Tom Brady: FUCK TOM BRADY
  11. Bill Belichik: Technically, a black hole of evil is the opposite of ’empty’
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Warren Sapp: Checking account

Redshirt

Cincinnati Bengals Scouting Dept.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Mark Davis: Fashion Sense

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Ha, the Spanos clan never had a place for a soul to reside, that would imply they were supposed to have one to begin with.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Trent Green: Purple monkey dishwasher