Your “God’s Flashlight” Sunday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

So, against my better judgement, I tied one on last night after the family left. After all, I was already part-way there, so why not finish the job right?

A good time? Of course. Worth it? Debatable. At least there are no visible bruises or scars, and to the best of my knowledge no reputations were further maligned. But boy, was I shaky whilst taking stock & trying to brush my teeth.

It’s been about a decade since I tied one on to the point that people considered an intervention.

Of course, I answer to a woman who is used to this occasional behaviour, and since I wasn’t going on about life or ex-girlfriends, she seemed quite willing to leave me on the couch.

   

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • no game scheduled; Gary Butthole though a 3:00PM start was a better idea
  • NBA:
    • 76ers at Raptors – 7:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet
  • MLB:
    • Brewers at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLS Soccer:
    • D.C. United vs. Sporting KC – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN2
  • NCAA:
    • College Lacrosse: Johns Hopkins at Notre Dame – 8:00PM | ESPNU

I’m totally doing it again,

just not anytime soon.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ThurberHerderUnsurprisedALXMACtheeWeeBabySeamusBeerguyrob Recent comment authors
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yeah, well Farmers did see this one.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

So close

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

2 rooms harbor view. Fixer upper. Some slight dragon damage. Willing to negotiate.

Prime King’s Landing neighborhood.
Near schools.
Ample parking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Food: Eat original bacon-inspired dishes from local greats like Wynkoop Brewing Company, Tap Fourteen Uptown, Steuben’s, Flying Pig Bacon Co., Burnt End BBQ, and, Tilford’s Wood Fired Pizza.
Brews: Drink over 100 craft beers from breweries such as Odell Brewing Co., Twisted Pine Brewing Co., Holidaily Brewing Co., Crazy Mountain Brewery, and Strange Craft.
That’s right; it’s the Denver Bacon and Beer Classic

All you need in one stop.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

What in the hell did I just watch?

Is it possible to love a show and hate every character on it?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Yes

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I want to say … every series I’ve watched since moving here? So Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Archer, The Americans, GoT, Westworld, Counterpart, The Leftovers, American Gods, Taboo, Brockmire, True Detective, uh …

It’s easy to just say the only characters I don’t hate are Richard Splett from Veep, Mary Berry from The Great British Baking Show, and oddly enough, almost everyone on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I don’t really watch much TV. I also haven’t watched Barry since I’m waiting to binge it after season 2 ends in two weeks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

More people are killed annually by vending machines than by wolves

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MANY more.

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

Is that a threat?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m dead.

Today is the day all the "just wait for it" from Kate and I regarding parents naming their kid "Khaleesi" paid off

— Marc Normandin 🍞🌹 (@Marc_Normandin) May 13, 2019

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are all y’all motherfuckers tucked in early with aforementioned mothers tonight?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

I’m just now d/l tonight’s GoT while playing NHL 19 on Xbox. I will add to these spoilers/opinions when I get done watching it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m here. I’m just boring.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I was hoping for “Sic balls!” but this is also great.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s this about God’s Fleshlight?

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

I said the same and just figured we switched to sponsored #content like adam and eve dot com

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, I saw and tipped my Fleshlight to you

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What came out of i……. never mind.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Even Jim Morrison was a fan of the Shockers!
TRIPLE TRIPLE TRIPLE!!!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!!!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

FIRED FIRED FIRED!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Automatic +1 for any and all Doors references.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I started writing that email I mentioned in Sunday Gravy. It is super long and now I’m trying to edit it down into something coherent.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s five pages, 2,900 words, long. I wasn’t even done. I just put it away for GoT. I am wordy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, the weirdest part is that this is a positive email. I’ve just been in a real funk whenever I sit down to write it because I’m weird.

yeah right

2900 words is Sunday Gravy appropriate.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

In this case, it’s at least 2,000 words too long.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Honest to God, you have to be inhuman trash to be on the same side of any argument as John Bolton and Elliot Motherfucking Abrams. They are demons.

Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely vicious fight on FS1 right now if you like boxing.

And if you don’t like boxing, it’s still on.

Horatio Cornblower

Cracked open another beer and I am going full in on Games of Throne twitter.

My client meeting tomorrow morning is going to be hellacious.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Lame-ass basics

Horatio Cornblower

Drinking this, if’n you care.comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation #GameOfThrones pic.twitter.com/p0dD4lLkc4

— Ashley Morgan (@Ash_morg6) May 13, 2019

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yeah right

Holy fuck.
Chip off the old block that Dany is.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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yeah right

This needs more plus ones.

Horatio Cornblower

Agreed. Very well-played.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

I read that headline as “God’s Fleshlight” and was afraid to read tonight’s post because that really was not a good way to refer to the “Virgin” Mary.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guess I was late to the cockparty

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit. I’m not sure how GoT can get any worse this season, but I am sure as shit tuning in next week to find out!

Ned Stark comes back with a scar on his neck and complaining about a headache? Sure, what the hell!

Dany realizes the error of her ways and hangs herself? I mean, they ripped off the bit in the Bible about the pale horse, so why not the Aaron Hernandez biography while they’re at it?

Dany is visited by three ghosts, all of whom are Joran Mormont begging her to let him out of the past, present, and future friend zones? I am all in at this point fuckers; do your absolute worst.

Jon puts together an army of wererabbits who can multiply faster than the Dothraki apparently did after all but 7 of them disappeared in that charge into the army of the undead? FUCKING GO FOR IT YOU ASSHOLES!!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

It’s like the Trump of tv show seasons. There’s no depth of insanity you can come up with that also doesn’t seem very likely to happen.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Let the hate flow through you.

Gratliff

Nice use of the Trial theme from season 6 finale

Gratliff

45 minutes of war criming seems excessive

WCS

“You fucking pansy.”

— Dick Cheney

blaxabbath

Ain’t no spot for you in the Bolton advisory circle.

Wakezilla

If anyone thinks there’s no physicality in today’s NBA, they should watch Game 7 between the hardcourt Argos and Hardcourt Eagles. I haven’t seen that many fouls not get called since the famous Looney Tunes/Mon-Stars game back in ’96.

nomonkeyfun

/1980’s Big East knocks player into next state and stares off into the distance looking innocent.

The Maestro

C L E G A N E B O W L

Col. Duke LaCross

The Qyburn scene made me laugh like a maniac though.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is it Game Of Thrones time yet?

Game Time Decision

Is that dragon o’clock or killin time?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

KILLIN’ TIIIIIME

Gratliff

Fuck core character traits, amirite

Horatio Cornblower

“My nephew won’t fuck me so I’mma kill thousands of innocents with fire to get off, I guess.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Perfectly normal. Perfectly healthy.

The Maestro

Between Kawhi Leonard and dragonfire, I’m not sure there’s ever been a more dramatic Sunday.

ballsofsteelandfury

So… that was a finish…

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

— Mr. Hands

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Unfuckingbelievable.

Gratliff

Now balanced from the double doink missed FG

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously, I guess DOINK was bored during the NFL offseason.

Senor Weaselo

Bolts are out, remember he’s a big Stamkos fan?

Senor Weaselo

As all things must be.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Just saw this.

QUADRUPLE HAPPY DOINK

herodotus450
herodotus450

Looking like this week’s worth of “Here’s what sucked about this episode of GoT” posts will be even better than last weeks.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I have no strong opinion about GoT and no interest in watching the show, but I’m rooting for a terrible finale just to see the takes.

herodotus450
herodotus450

There were some leaks a while back which outlined the rest the season, and they are hilariously bad. And now it seems like they are all coming true. Soap operas have more coherent and believable plots. Spanish soap operas that you only watch through subtitles which have been translated through 14 other languages to get to english.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’m pretty sure D&D wrote this season to fuck with HBO, the fans, and the world

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I think when HBO told them they were pulling the plug D&D made a suicide pact with the devil to come up with the worst ever ending for a series.

Gratliff

The Toronto Kawhi Leonards pull it off

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts are terrible because its producer assume everyone watching thinks baseball is boring and insists upon packing the broadcast with bullshit to compensate.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

All the “let’s be serious for a moment about Venezuela” segment was awful and despite being overtly political won’t be considered as such by the masses of “buhhh I don’t wanna have politics in muh sports” crowd because it catered to every preconception they hold.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Wait what’s wrong with Fernando?

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Folks, Fernando is good and ESPN agrees

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am not well-informed about Venezuela. Is there actually any faction worth rooting for?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, the people.

Senor Weaselo

Well what have the people ever done for ‘Murica?

nomonkeyfun

Well what have the people ever done for ‘Murica?

Well, they gave us former Cincinnati Reds Co-Captain Dave Concepcionm

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Like any aspect of international politics, it’s complicated but whatever the American take is isn’t the whole story and you’ll be hard pressed to find anything else on any major news outlets to refute it.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Depends. Are you a fan of hyperinflation or a fan of oil?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Trick Question! Those are both the same side! I think!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I LOVE OIL

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I don’t want to judge people based on one incident (or) two incidents,

Flores said.

About a guy arrested three (3) times just this year. The NFL continues to deliver.

Senor Weaselo

That, by math, is more than one or two!

Gratliff

Kawhi Leonard is the only reason this series didn’t end in 4 games

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am rooting for Philadelphia to win, because it will be funny to see the Raptors flame out of the playoffs yet again. It would also be funny if the 76ers were then swept by the Bucks, who were in turn swept by the Warriors.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“All right, time for the second half.”

a.) me, getting ready to watch 76ers-Raptors.
b.) Andy Reid, thirty seconds after his pizza has arrived.

Senor Weaselo

You mean after his second pizza arrived.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I got that brunch with Hitler, I can’t miss that.

WCS

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King Hippo

Age is a bitch. The more I really need booze to cloud my problems up, the more it hurts to even get a buzz.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I’m trying to be all “silver linings” about it and find other ways to deal with said problems.

Pot. It’s going to be pot.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I’ve managed to cut myself off from the outside world for about a week, pot is great. If not, some less-than-pleasant thoughts always seem to creep up on me if I get too high.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

That would be a Jesburger.

Redshirt

Hope every mother in the Commentistry and (mothers and wifes thereof) has had a great Mother’s Day. Thanks for putting up with us.

ballsofsteelandfury

Larry Miller’s routine is one of the best ever.