It’s been a busy weekend on the Beerguy front. I turned 51,
we had the extended family over for dinner,
and my brother even popped in for a short visit.
I had such a nice time I even broke out the good whisky from last summer’s trip to Scotland.
And the best part was that WineWife made my favourite dessert & I didn’t let anybody take extras home. “Take all the pulled pork you want, but IT’S MY PARTY AND MY CAKE!!!”
“See you at Christmas.”
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Dodgers at Red Sox – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- Fútbol
- MLS:
- New York Red Bulls vs. New York City FC – 6:30PM | FS1 / TSN
- Liga MX:
- Club América vs. Tigres UANL – 9:00PM | UNI
- MLS:
- NBA Summer League Basketball:
- A semifinal – 6:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- A semifinal – 8:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- World Series of Poker:
- 2019 Main Event Final Table – 10:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
- WNBA Basketball:
- Phoenix at Minnesota – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
Sorry I didn’t let anyone in on it, but I just wanted to keep things quiet. I can’t justify making every year a big deal.
/obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzqmVa6n-es&list=RDAzqmVa6n-es&start_radio=1&t=0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FX5909lrv8&t=14s
Met the neighbors today. They seem nice. Let me know when y’all are in Vegas so we can DRANK*!
(*weed)
Not the best beer I’ve had, but at 9.1% who gives a shit?
I think eggs would be good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fn36l_z3WY
Got some serious Dr. Demento vibe going.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jojuPQXMm44
I wish I still had the stack of cassette tapes that I recorded off KMET and KLSX in LA, when I was a chubby unpopular lad listening to Dr. Demento every Sunday.
Holy shit this chili is good.
It has to sit in the refrigerator overnight to finish, and then be re-heated on the stove (not the microwave) and served with a huge pile of cocaine.
Next day chili is best chili.
It isn’t real chili until it’s been refrigerated overnight.
I’ll take 2 piles of cocaine. Hold the garlicless chili. Thanks.
I’m only going to let you look at the chili.
He’s has two piles of cocaine; he’ll do what he wants.
If he’s lucky.
For real though: flour or corn tortillas?
Welp, I did approximately 30% of the shit I needed to do this weekend. Fuck.
I drank approximately 130% of the vodka I planned. But there is still time.
That’s what the work week is for.
Beats doing zero percent.
Yeah right and Brick Meathook are split personalities. It’s really the same person, and this is him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPoh2OpbyGs
Banana Slugs
When I’m at my absolute best, I’m like Winston Wolf.
When I’m at my absolute worst, I’m like Marvin after getting shot in the face.
If yeah right or brick were swarthier: https://giant.gfycat.com/GreenDeterminedCicada.mp4
I’m a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker. Every time my fingers touch brain, I’m superfly TNT. In fact, what am I doing the back? You the one should be on brain detail. We switching. I’m washing the windows, and you picking up this ninja’s skull.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r7RXWSsEQ4
When my son’s 14-U team played for the LL District championship against the team that had beat them the year before for the regular LL District championship did I lay Jules’s “And you will know my name is the Lord” speech on them? Yes. Yes I did.
And we kicked the shit out of them.
Be careful with all your chili.
Feels staged.
I just read that in Cobra Kai…
… they brought Tommy (“Get him a body bag!”) back just so his character can die due to terminal illness. Way to ruin my 2nd favorite moment of “Karate Kid”, YouTube!”
Fuck all that shit. You don’t have to acknowledge that even exists.
…ah, like the ending of the 2nd Bengals-Steelers Wild Card Game, my first date, and 1995. Got it.
Here’s the pre-game shot of all the ingredients on the “Five Dollar Chili” that is currently simmering here in my command center. It smells pretty good.
Notice that I chose to use generic “blue-collar” ingredients to add to the chili’s authenticity.
But if you look at the stew meat packaging, you see that it cost five dollars, as did the package beneath it. Well! This is actually twelve dollar chili!
I spoke with my mother on the phone about this, and she said I should have used chuck which costs less than that, and she also said that she was ashamed of me and wished that she had had an abortion.
I wasn’t expecting that last part.
Isn’t real garlic cheaper than that canned stuff?
Also, why do you have the same counter as yeah right?
Real garlic is a hassle. I’m not going to slice it with a razor like Paulie when he was in prison on a contempt charge, because Paulie had nothing but time on his hands to slice garlic with a razor.
All kitchen counters in this part of California are the same. One guy built them all. He had a very good work ethic.
“Hmmm, how can I make kitchen counters better… I know! I’ll make 10% of the surface area a miserable nightmare of perpetually stained and uncleanable grout. Genius!”
Yes but the weather is nicer here.
Jarlic does last longer though, and mostly keeps the same flavor throughout.
TRUE STORY: Julia Child once cooked for me in her home kitchen in Montecito CA and she used garlic from a jar.
WTF. I just tossed out all DVDs with her.
I still have, uh, that one DVD of her…
Yeah, it’s what you think.
She did a cooking show? With fake garlic? Wild.
It’s real garlic, straight out of the soil of Gilroy California. Those cloves you see at your “grocery store”? Those have been sitting in trucks for weeks, and are probably from China.
Was real garlic you mean.
I will sell you a small sample of this outstanding chili. Fitty bucks.
5 bucks and you got a deal.
Give me your FedEx number and I’ll have my guys work on it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSxv6IGBgFQ
That might be my all-time favorite thing Akroyd ever did. Rumor was that Julia loved it. “Oh I’ve cut the dickens out of my finger!”
He had to nail it. She could’ve kicked his ass if she wanted.
“Finished”
Your mom wished she had “finished” that abortion.
I think you’re right. I still have a small piece of coat hanger lodged in my jaw.
Yeah right would take that coat hanger and cane you silly for using pre-ground black pepper.
I did that on purpose! I have a kick-ass pepper grinder loaded with quality fresh peppercorns, but I opted for the canned ground pepper instead. It was an artistic choice and I stand by it fully. On hard boiled eggs I will only use canned ground pepper, because that’s what belongs on them and makes them great.
I really should have used pepper that comes in little paper packets.
Oh goddamnit.
Agree with Mom.
Should have used chuck.
Knorr is the secret to all good things.
Knorr is a bullion cube.
Just like Lipton soup mix.
The workingman’s beef stock. I think my Knorr beef bouillon cubes were fifteen years old. Did they work? YOU BET.
They could survive a nuclear winter.
That’s a pretty solid selling point.
Boil Knorr with your man or ox bones!
Make a roux.
Also Lipton Onion Soup mix is a crazy secret ingredient to fancier dishes, and all you have to do is open the packet. That’s Apollo XI shit right there.
So is Jimmy Dean sausage.
I don’t know anyone firsthand (who will talk of it) but abortions don’t seem pleasant.
Then again, I’m not one to have a man ejaculate inside me either.
Not yet
The pub I’m at just played The Cure’s A Forest.
I love this place.
I have no opinion on anything.
Don’t shoot Marvin in the face.
What a shit character.
Jules hit a bump.
Been on a 2 month WoW bender. Fortunately, G1 Climax is here to give me something else to obsess over instead. My life is just an endless series of replacing obsessions.
So I’m about an hour into a three hour chili simmer, and my household is fragrant with spices slowly maturing. The aroma right now is much different than an hour ago. Similar, but better.
And way better than the time you tried to make hooker stew.
The problem is, most people misinterpret “adding cumin”
I’ve jerked off three times in the last half-hour
Okay, maybe this guy does.
[hisses]
Nobody upstages Little Rikki!
fappa fappa fappa
One of the many reasons why I prefer the slow cook method versus the Instant Pot version is the hours of aroma. Plus you can season as you go. But that incredible smell that you’ve endured for 3 hours sure as shit makes the final dish almost irresistible.
Happy birthday old man!
(You are about 9 months older than I am. I WILL NEVER CATCH UP!)
Well, there is one way…
LOL I’m gonna die long before any the rest of you.
/checks calendar
Yep, long before.
Pfft.
BRICK MEATHOOK WILL OUTLIVE YOU ALL AND URINATE ON YOUR GRAVES AND DIE ALONE
Do I gotta pay extra for that?
YES. IN ADVANCE PLEASE.
WOULD YOU LIKE THE STANDARD URINATION OR THE PERPETUAL URINATION? BOTH ARE IN THE MIDDLE PRICE RANGE.
Perpetual Rainbird motion please.
Currently lying in bed with a thrown out back. This is some bullshit.
You have my sympathy.
Yeah man. That sucks. Feel better.
Is anyone else picturing Wakezilla romancing a torso he fished out of a dumpster?
Well, I am NOW!!!!!!
Thanks a lot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torso_(Image_Comics)
I’m in the same boat. First time for me so I’m majorly on the strugglebus
Want some chili? It has the best garlic but will probably have to clear customs.
Happy Birthday, BGR!!!
My old carniceria in Carson shuttered their doors but I had tried another place much closer to home and 2 frightful freeway interchanges fewer. It’s in Hawthorne on Marine. It’s definitely ghetto but they have the full service shit with a grill, hot food, butcher counter and a panaderia.
That’s my new place and it’s rock fucking solid.
Damn good to be home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt-tG6ufH90
Come on man, that was a softball ;oP
God fucking damn it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzSWNEBdsVg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFgY7EcdUJY
Reddit is generally regarded as a cesspool of racism and hate and that’s mostly accurate but every once in a while wading through all that becomes worth it when you run into a thread about how Ryan Leaf is making a comeback as an analyst for ESPN and there’s a guy there talking about how despite the scandal it’s actually really inspiring the way Ryan won all those medals swimming for the USA in the Olympics.
To be fair, he has spent a lot of time lying on his back, soaked, flailing rhythmically at the ceiling.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_09nBd4vLKk
Beerguyrob (artist’s conception)
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dTbfxg65Ao
Apparently my policy of total warfare against insects in my garden has resulted in poor pollination of my zuchinni plants! This means I will have to hand-pollinate them. I expect this to go well, because I have a lot of practice using my hand as a replacement for natural fertilization processes.
So many jokes, so little time.
I don’t think your neighbors will appreciate you jerking off in your garden.
They won’t know about it because it’s fenced in! I’ve gone out there naked before with zero fear.
Not that I’m particularly afraid of being seen naked. I am 100% on board with the MeToo movement but if streaking ever comes under fire I will declare that things have gone too far.
For me, streaking died the day I discovered dark colored underwear.
tl;dr
Rikki’s has to f*** some zuchinnis.
Give the shape and size, maybe the Zucchini’s have to fuck him?
He’s an unselfish and generous lover, so yes.
WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT BIGGER ZUCCHINIS?
Try to control your shock, but the Baltimore Orioles lost today. But only be three runs.
You may now be shocked.
found a funny:
[doctor to some parents] im turning on your baby’s cochlear implant and he’ll hear his very first words
[me walkin with a friend by the door at the exact same time] do twix have nuts?
With all your funny comments, I’ll share a honest funny moment:
When I was 8 years old, my mom and I were at a department store when we saw a shirt that had a vacuum and a fan on it. The vacuum told the fan “Blow me.” and the fan told the vacuum “Suck me.” I saw the shirt and laughed. My mom, aghast at my laughing at the dirty jokes, dragged me out of the store.
At home, my now frazzled mom said, “Redshirt, where did you learn about the meaning of that shirt?” I replied, “A vacuum sucks and a fan blows.” My mom relaxes, content that I didn’t know the dirty jokes behind the shirt. Which of course shortly led to…
“What did the shirt mean, Mom?”
I have never seen my mother so aghast as when my brother and I started calling each other “dildos”.
I turned 29 two weeks ago.
Still suspended on Twitter, most likely permanently.
Since they eventually allowed Nick Mullen back on I’m sure you’ll get it back. In a year or two.
congrats dude!
I went and got my niece today and brought her here to stay for a couple of days. I didn’t want Mom to have to feel like she had to cook, so I asked niece and Mom what they wanted to eat, I’ll go get it. It took a couple hours for them to decide, because they’re females. But off I go to two different fast food drive thru’s.
Both of them screwed up the orders. At the KFC/Taco Bell (and btw why combine those two into one location to begin with??????) they put taco bell in the bag instead of KFC.
At the Hardee’s (wtf I wanted hardee’s I have no freaking clue), they gave me only one burger, put the wrong stuff on it, and no fries.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9upvWNN3P8
smh that’s why I say lower the minimum wage
That’s exactly my argument against $15/hr. Some people really need it but some people really don’t deserve it.
Eh, you get what you pay for
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ8ViYIeH04
There’s only one way to finish a San Diego weekend.
I’m grilling some damn carne asada!
I’m making “Five Dollar Chili” over here on the other side of the airport
http://www.achewood.com/honorclub/ckbk1_honor_system_full.pdf
I make the Vegetables Delight nigh on daily.
ha ha that’s exactly the recipe I’m using, and I paid as well
Legend once told of a second cookbook, but it never came out. Big Cookbook strikes again.
“Ooh, sounds fancy!” – Jim Tomsula
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BluTtvG32Iw
Happy Birthday!!
Seconded. Cheers beerguy!
Thirded. Many happy returns!
Fourth’d!
I agree! Happy Birthday! Thanks for all the great articles also!
51? Wow you’re old.
/looks at calendar
//shit
I 7th the felicitations.
Brick got lucky he got a Fifth.
Subscribe to my Soundcloud for my newest single, Too Angry to Jerk Off.
I have subscribed