Your “It’s Darkest Before The Dawn” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • Martavis Bryant has applied for reinstatement. 
    • According to ESPN, Bryant has been suspended three times in the past four years for violations of the league’s substance abuse policy.
      • The most recent came in December, when he was suspended indefinitely for violating the terms of his conditional reinstatement from a previous ban.
    • He was drafted in 2014, but has missed 36 of a possible 80 regular-season games since then because of suspensions.
  • Zeke is contemplating a holdout from Cowboys camp to try & force contract negotiations.
    • He has two years left on his current deal, which will harden the Cowboys’ resolve.
    • Also not helping his case – continued fallout from the incident in Las Vegas where he had an altercation with a security guard.
      • He’s not facing league discipline (yet), but is claiming the guard is “extorting him” by filing a criminal complaint after the LVPD initially investigated & no charges were laid.
    • Pictured below is the incident and the guard in question. It’s open to speculation why the guard is pursuing this even though the police initially dropped their investigation.
I can’t imagine why…
  • The NFLPA has filed a grievance over Jadeveon Clowney’s franchise tag.
    • The Texans tagged him as a Linebacker, and list him on the roster as OLB/DE, but the NFLPA has statistics proving he should have instead been tagged as a Defensive End.
      •  According to ESPN Stats & Information, he logged 729 snaps at defensive end, 101 at defensive tackle and 33 at linebacker last season.
    • The cost savings are both significant & petty.
      • The Linebacker cost is $15.443 million.
      • The DE cost is $17.128 million.

Also from Adam Schefter today:

Nice to see the unbroken commitment to accuracy in journalism.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / MLBN
  • Futbol:
    • International Champions Cup Soccer:
      • Fiorentina vs. Guadalajara – 9:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • World Series of Poker:
    • 2019 Main Event Final Table Concludes – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN

Wow – I apologize to last week. There’s less than fuck-all on tonight.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick MeathookBeerguyrobBrettFavresColonoscopyDunstantheeWeeBabySeamus Recent comment authors
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aw, shit, I’m drunk

theeWeeBabySeamus

MOTHERFUCKER IT DID IT AGAIN!!!!!!

I’m sorry guys, Looks like my Wednesday stuff is not going to happen this week. I don’t know if it’s wordpress. my laptop, or just shitty hotel internet. But every time I write something, it dies.

I’ll have you for Friday though. Probably.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I wasn’t gonna’ read it anyway so we’re even.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah you were. You love me.
And it was your idea to begin with.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And btw, it hasn’t even gotten good yet.

Dunstan
Dunstan

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

(sigh)

It’s been what they ALL say. (sniff)

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Of course I read them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just you wait, smartypants.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Dunstan
Dunstan

Damn, put those away before you poke someone’s eyes out!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s probably your mother, if not your grandmother. She has nice tits.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Janet Leigh, 1950

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

This is a VERY Howard Hughes shot at RKO in the 1950s.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

TROG!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OH god son of a mother!!!!!
Wordpress just ate everything I’d written for tomorrow.
OK, my stuff for tomorrow is going to be very brief. I ain’t writing all that over again tonight.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Only an idiot composes a post in WordPress

— BollocksOfAnger

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why are you being so mean tonight?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Because I can’t deal with my real emotions of sadness and loss that your post tomorrow is going to be less than it could be. I enjoy your posts regardless, but to now be faced with reading one whilst knowing it could have been better will be bittersweet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Let’s have a moment of silence please.

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To be fair, several people showed up in Viet Nam who were expecting a party or a disco.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t worry, I’ve come up with something.
it’s going to be short, but you’ll be able to laugh at me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It might be short, but it sure is skinny.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s like playing Jenga with greased hotdogs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is the ‘But the dog ate my homework’ of not saving a file on your hard drive.

At lest you could have used the “My laptop was murdered in a bar in East Baltimore, and I was drunk enough that I can’t remember what I wrote (please see comment below before you get all judgey, people).”

Joliet Jake Delhomme

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Legends Football League on Youtube.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

See now; this is what edging does for you; I was easily able to make it 38 seconds in. Thirty…….eight…. seconds…. people. I’m a regular Sting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good news. I didn’t get murdered in East Baltimore tonight.
Well, I say it’s good news, but I suppose it depends on whom you ask.

But walking into a bar in East Baltimore and being the only whitey in the place?
Why do I do that stupid shit? But at least nobody shot at me this time.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This time”? Story time, dude.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Let me guess: it involves a woman.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

And a guy named Gerald.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Would you stop that already?
Oh wait, this is the hotel she works in.

I’m going down to the lobby to check. BRB.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Apparently she’s not working tonight.
And no sign of Gerald either.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gerald is terribly unreliable. But his meth is always good and clean.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, Gerald already got some love in the mailbag: https://doorfliesopen.com/2019/07/16/mouth-flies-open-dfo-advice-mailbag-14/

theeWeeBabySeamus

I like to go to dive bars. East Baltimore has some great ones.
One night, when I left one, as I was making my way out of the ‘hood, a gunshot rang out and shattered the rear window of the 4runner I was driving at the time.

Probably about 25 years ago. Obviously I didn’t learn my lesson.

SonOfSpam

Seamus, shortly before he was shot at:

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Murdered? Don’t be silly; we all just wanted you to get violently pegged by a tall stranger.

SonOfSpam

/cums

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was hoping you’d edge a little longer.

SonOfSpam

Edging is some millennial bullshit. I gotta strike while the iron’s hot.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It takes longer than 17 seconds for an iron to heat up.

SonOfSpam

Angels are up early 6-0 over the Astros. They’ve been absolutely on fire since the tragic death of Tyler Skaggs (still no cause of death announced). I know correlation does not equal causation but something’s different.

King Hippo

everybody’s worried that if they cool off, management might kill another one, light a spark

SonOfSpam

I mean, Pujols has had a good run and all.

Redshirt

I just took a hot summer afternoon nap. It was beautiful.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I don’t care what the haters say. Day-drinking with Darren Sharper is fun.

King Hippo

Don’t look now, but somehow if the season ended today, the #BFIB would be in the playoffs. Which would mean October el beisbol would actually matter in 2019.

Redshirt

Oh, well. At least you’re not the Cubs.

King Hippo

our bestest feature!!

King Hippo

On the “summer jollies” front, I ordered “One Long Night – a 100 Year History of Concentration Camps” off Amazon.

/yeah, I’m fucking GREAT at parties

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

On one beach vacation we got the entire family around for “The boy in the striped pajamas”. Not the fun kid-friendly romp we were expecting

King Hippo

Yeah, I was barely able to finish! – Marc T., parts unknown

SonOfSpam

Did they have a blooper reel?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy fuckballs I’m tired

herodotus450
herodotus450

Holy Fuckballs, I thought they made those things illegal years ago.

WCS

We closed on a house on Saturday. We were looking for another TV. We came across one for quite literally $70k. The one star reviews complained about not getting delivered in time, the other was upset with the quality.

I’m thinking those three negative reviews for a TV that costs triple most of our car payments are the Trump family.

King Hippo

plus, wait like 6 months and it will be $500

Redshirt

If a TV costs $70k, I fully expect a group of actors to come out of the set and act out the shows as I channel surf.

scotchnaut

You’d think that the folks over at the new “Naked Coeds Play Beach Volleyball” league would fill this sports void but just like Caitlyn Jenner, they dropped the ball.

King Hippo

Jack Flaherty against the Dirt Stillers. Sorry, WCS, Tyler O’Neill is still in the lineup!

King Hippo

oh shit, though. Soft-tossing RHSP. We’s fucked.

scotchnaut

I see there’s been a small outbreak of Quickbuckitis in Las Vegas…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

blaxabbath did just move there…

blaxabbath

Yeahhhhhh sooooooooo I’m in HENDERSON.

Soooooo……yyyeaaaahhhhhh…….

Game Time Decision

There also an outbreak of Syphilis in Alberta. Are we sure the pub crawl wasn’t up there….

Gratliff

It’s real easy to sit through 5 hours of Japanese wrestling a day for the month of July when it’s up against such things as “lol Brock Lesnar again” and “What If Kawhi signed with the Lakers instead?”

WCS

I’m rewatching Chernobyl. It’s more uplifting than anything else in the news or sports right now.

King Hippo

what, Epstein’s child fucking ring doesn’t give u teh jollies??

litre_cola

Watching a bbc doc on incels, very chilling.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m gonna watch Riverdale!