NFL Noise:
- Wednesday marks the first day of training camp for four organizations: the Denver Broncos, Baltimore Ravens, Arizona Cardinals and Seattle Seahawks.
- It’s only rookies and/or first-year players, but still,
- It’s been a couple of weeks, but it’s time for another fallout installment of “Stealing from Crimebeat!”
- Suspended!
- Vikings running back Roc Thomas – three games for violating the league’s substance abuse – after his arrest & guilty plea for felony drug possession – over five ounces of marijuana.
- He was given probation by the court, and an expunged record if he completes all terms.
- Vikings running back Roc Thomas – three games for violating the league’s substance abuse – after his arrest & guilty plea for felony drug possession – over five ounces of marijuana.
- Suspended! (but a free agent)
- Former 49ers and Jets cornerback Rashard Robinson – ten games with a substance abuse violation after missing several tests.
- This is after serving a four game suspension in 2018.
- Former 49ers and Jets cornerback Rashard Robinson – ten games with a substance abuse violation after missing several tests.
- Released!
- Cardinals offensive tackle Desmond Harrison – after a warrant was issued for his arrest on felony charges of assault in North Carolina.
- Based on an incident report filed Tuesday, the charges are assault on a person by strangulation and assault on a female by a male.
- Cardinals offensive tackle Desmond Harrison – after a warrant was issued for his arrest on felony charges of assault in North Carolina.
- Suspended!
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Rays at Yankees – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Astros at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
- Futbol:
- New England vs. Whitecaps FC – 7:00PM | TSN
- Toronto FC vs. NY Red Bulls – 9:00PM | TSN
Sure, there’s not much to actually watch or talk about, but the barren landscape will soon be lush with beauty.
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Okay, at least lush.
Okay, at least here.
I am still agonizing over the last hand of poker I played tonight, which put me out at #5 of 13; just out of the money. I was in big blind and had A7 off-suit, table leader pushed and I called; he had AK. I knew that it wasn’t a *great* hand to YOLO with, but the blind was probably 1/5 of my stack and I felt like the odds of seeing anything better would be slim.
c’mon, you NOE A-7 ain’t no callin’ hand.
I was hoping he was just trying to bully me out of my blind. If he doesn’t have the A and was coming in with something like KQ it’s a coin flip.
I usually guess pocket pair
Well, time to settle in – The Open is starting on Golf Channel.
Dammit. I need to quit work.
Between Wimbledon and the Cricket World Cup and now this, the UK is the center of the sporting world at the moment.
I keep sharing this every where because fuck this week and fuck the GOP
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/its-time-for-us-republicans-to-reject-trumps-blatant-bigotry-and-return-to-good-old-fashioned-dog-whistle-race-baiting
That’s a lede right there!
Joel McHale runs Card Sharks like he’s channeling Chuck Woolery through Chuck Barris.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Dd6-KV0TR8
@Dok….you ever been to Cat’s Eye? It’s right on the harbor, a little east of the Aquarium if memory serves me correctly.
And now there’s a bunch of drunk idiots playing Cornhole in the hotel parking lot right next to Dave.
This could go bad. I better drink moar.
Go to sidebar. Stat
Move your truck.
Over the drunk idiots.
She’s lucky some cop didn’t see her.
So, I got to watch the Baltimore Orioles actually win tonight. Live and in color.
It was wet. There was lightning all over the place.
So kinda like most of my dates. But this time, I left happy. Mostly.
You at Camden?
Yep. 3rd row behind first base dugout.
But wow did it rain like hell there for a while.
You prob can’t make it before closing, but if you aint been to sidebar you aint been to Baltimore
Yeah, can’t get back to town now. Staying in Columbia/Elkridge. But I’ll be in town for another day or two depending. Might give it a go.
Actually I think I’ve been there before. I have a friend who works at Hopkins. I think we went to dinner there once.
Don’t think they have food, so well done!
I just mapped it. It was somewhere in the area. The place we ate I mean.
I was probably drunk so of course I don’t remember exactly which place.
Yes, I’m serious.
Oh no, wait. The place we ate at was on the west of Lombard.
No sorry, not Lombard. Light street.
I might be drunk.
Hence why it would be bad for me to go back into the city right now.
Sloppy drunk yeah https://youtu.be/q3-LXo9dLLI
This be blues https://youtu.be/_PhOWpdt6xg
Alexa, play the Blues. Cause she totes knows what it’s like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8zKeOmHk0Q
Happy blues, fuck this shit
Have to be up at 4:30, more scotch?
Of course. How else are you going to get to sleep?
Last of the Ledaig. Poured
Well, I’m going with vodka.
But you be you.
Sounds like my choices last night.
I’m usually pretty chill about idiots in public but I just snapped in a restaurant to ask the guy two tables over why he’s yelling and asked if he could be a little less loud.
Contributing to the issue is that I’m stressed and he’s a complete fucking douchebag.
They’re talking about their fiscal goals by the time they’re forty. “probably at least $10 million by that point”.
You guys know I’m on the road, should only take one guess to know where I am from this topic.
Maybe Wichita?
Too neutral.
New Jersey
Now we know why this fucking douchebag is talking loudly.
Keep an ear out for any personally identifying info and i’ll take dude out when I snap and go off grid
I’m in your area, Zymm. You’ll be shocked to know the guy that wants to be earning $10M has casually mentioned that his parents make $2M a year and are cheap af. Do you want me to ask where he works so you can find him on a Google bus or something?
If he works at FB I can write him shitty anonymous feedback! If not, bet I can still do some harm. I was planning on lobbying for permissive zoning regs anyway. And i’ve been in a shitty mood so it’s always good to have proper stab targets
Like you’ve never made a list 🙂
I’m not sure when I HAVEN’T made a list.
How short is he?
https://www.news.com.au/sport/sports-life/viral-sensation-bagel-guy-signs-contract-for-fight-in-atlantic-city/news-story/a400603a7c8f4efe97dfda525bd46235
This is interesting to me. The first “difference” former tWLS and I had was because of something similar. In a restaurant, the woman at the next table very loudly and rudely talking to her server and then the manager, claiming to have had a meal served to her which had ingredients she was allergic to.
It went on for nearly 10 minutes. Finally I turned around and asked her if she asked about the ingredients in what she ordered? No. And oh, it looks to me like you ate almost all of it. Shut up and pay your bill.
I thought it was funny. Former tWLS was mortified.
L7 dammit
Damn right
So twisted. SO fucking good.
Do people even riff any more? With crazy eyes or it don’t count?
Who you calling a lush?
I had to watch that twice. Impressive form.
Brings a new and pleasant meaning to butter face.
or butter throat, whichever.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A TWINKIE!
Now I have doubt, but the butter would make anal great in about ten hours or so.
Butter is delish and not a slur no matter what you think of people’s faces and similar sounding phrases
Perhaps you miss my meaning.
You misunderstand, Mister Rimbaugh.
[bows frantically]
Our local Food Lion had Ballast Point Sculpin IPA this week. I even saw a Green Flash truck driving through my pissant little town. San Diego classy being imported by the east!
yuse folks gettin’ fancy.
As someone who took an addiction to weed later in life and understands how detrimental to one’s career drug use may be — who needs to carry five ounces of weed? I mean, was he arrested backpacking the Appalachian Trail straight through?
*habit
Typical evening here at DFO
Quiet… that’s late night DFO.
More song parodies advertising edition!
The White Stripes – “I’m thinking about my Hormel when you gonna bring it, when you gonna bring it? ”
k.d. Lang – “Constipaaaaaation… always Beano”
Spice Girls – “If you wanna be my rubber, you gotta have a ribbed edge, Trojans last forever so erections never end”
Did I mention I fucking hate my job?
Mad Jack Beyond the Thunderbone
Malcolm XXX
Max Bedroom
Miami Spice
Miracle on the Street
Mission Erotica
Missionary Position: Impossible
Muffy the Vampire Layer
My Bare Lady
Nightmare on Dyke Street
No Holes Barred
In Diana Jones
That was weird.
A felony for five ounces of marijuana. What a shitty state and league that even gives a fuck about pot.
Dammit, how much bail money you need this time?
No, it just shows how stupid he is for even getting caught, let alone charged with that.
It can be both things.
This just in: the Dirt .500s are fucking TERRIFYING on offense.
Yeah, but the 80’s Dirt Rams have won the first two in the series.
(still gonna miss the playoffs and Mike Trout will win MVP)
I’ve had a great day. I met two different neighbors who I’d never talked to and had substantial conversations with. I made two new friends, which is the highest achievement in life. Then I went for a walk, and my neighborhood is beautiful and I met a guy walking three dogs and I petted all three of them. Then I talked to a dreadlocked U.S. Postal Service mailman. I went into my local pub and on one of the TVs that didn’t have sports was The Grapes of Wrath (1940) directed by John Ford and photographed by Gregg Toland. And at my local pub is a new bartender named Janet who is very nice and has an ample bosom and an ample everything else but God bless her and today is a beautiful day.
And you didn’t have to use your AK.
He never said that.
THREE dogs???
Holy shit. #blessed
I just saw a trailer to a live action remake of Dora the Explorer. How did we let this happen?
PornHub really has no shame.
Whora the Sexplorer
Sore-a the Anal Explorer
Clitora the Scorer
Let the Monkey Watch
What did Ginni Thomas say to her gigolo when he saw her husband in the closet?
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please, for the love of god don’r make me do it.
Dora the Exploder
Dora the Ex-Whorer
Sleepy Town: ” Hey buddy, got a little something for ya.”
Me: “What is it? Oh right. [zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz]
Unfortunately Sleepy Town is facing a severe budget crisis, and will have to reduce all z’s by 10%. Oh and also taxes are still going up.
Let the sleeps pay the sleeper tax. I pay the homer tax.
We really should photoshop JPP into that “fireworks factory” image, as a hitchhiker.
He’s trying to hitchhike there, but no one seems to be stopping…
Andy Reid stopped but only because he mistook JPP for a lobster
I was really hoping for Drew Lock not to sign at all, and somehow get a comp pick out of it. BLECH
If you were a Mad Magazine writer, you’d just shorten it to Drew BLEECCCH.
If he were a Mad Magazine writer…nevermind, too sad
I keep hearing people compare Donald Trump to Archie Bunker, and that is wrong.
Archie Bunker was a racist and a bigot. He was also loyal to his friends, he loved his family, and he adored his wife. While he was wrong about most things, he wasn’t afraid to listen to other’s views and ideas, and if he found he was wrong, to change his opinions and grow as a person. He was still a flawed person, but at least a little bit better.
In terms of age, Trump lines up to be more Mike than Archie.
Fun* Fact**: According to the interblab, Harrison Ford was offered the part of Meathead, at some point.
I agree 100%. I never got why Archie Bunker was a “bigot.” Fred Sanford was a bigot, and so was George Jefferson. They were just lower-middle-class guys who hadn’t seen much of the world but didn’t mean any harm to anyone. They were just looking out for themselves, which is everyone’s right to do. If anything, the world owed them an explanation. Everyone is a racist; that’s human nature. We just shouldn’t codify it.
Them shows were all pretty much based on showing how you can have impolite feelings/thoughts/words – but slowly evolve over time towards better understanding (without violating your actual principles, like the right has always tried to snooker folk into believing).
/also The Flintstones fairly effectively covered this from a gender perspective
The Flintstones is my Bible. Joe Rockhead is the messiah.
smh the flintstones is a production of the devil to make us believe in such fantasies as “dinosaurs” and “men and women sleeping in the same bed”
The primary reason why your comparison between Trump and Bunker fails is because the former’s words weren’t crafted by Norman Lear.
The difference is that the lower-middle-class no longer exists.
I’m unclear why he needs to be compared to anyone, especially a fictional character. It just belies the juvenile level of political discourse.
Twitter. Stop reading it.
That’s the answer to life’s problems. You should tweet it.
These 25 GIFs absolutely PROVE Elizabeth Warren is Hermione Granger!
I am trying to help my mother renew her passport. Every time we try to give her the instructions on how to do it, my aunt / her sister – who hasn’t left Alberta since the first Trudeau administration – keeps saying our advice is wrong.
BeerBrother travels 100,000+ miles per year.
WineWife travels 50,000+ miles per year.
I think she should listen to your aunt.
your misstep was “tryig to help”
I have those same conversations when it comes to roads. Everyone thinks their directions are fine, but yet they call me when they’re lost and I have to figure out where in North America they are.
Florida Man went to Cincinnati for Summer Vacation.
https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/crime/crime-and-courts/2019/07/17/police-man-lsd-runs-through-park-naked-attacks-officers/1759900001/
And now, another installment of “Redshirt’s Adventures at Work”!
Boss: “Good news, our company finally made a profit after six months of cutbacks!”
Me: “That’s great! Can I tell people on the floor, so they’ll know all the extra work and overtime was worth it.”
Boss: “No. Don’t do that.”
So in conclusion, I know have proof that my company considers good morale as a bad thing.
You need to apply for a few other jobs. If you think that the management at your job is fundamentally flawed-get the hell out of there.
I’m slowing coming to that conclusion. I’m starting to feel like a Junior Officer on the Titanic.
Found Scotchy’s alter ego youtube personalty/channel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-S2E7sQS-sA
His hobo disposal techniques on the darkweb? [makes chef kiss motion]
What episode of Jackass was that when they put Johnny Knoxville in as a Jet?
Speaking of assault charges, has anyone heard from tWBS ?
Meanwhile, Cody Parkey is staring down the barrel of a charge of assault on a fanbase by strangulation.
“Your defensive front seven frightens and confuses me.”
-Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback Sam Darnold
Mid-season form already; don’t tear an ACL.
This has GOT to be bannerworthy.
With a name like Roc, you know it was only a matter of time before he got caught with (checks notes) marijuana? Oh.
Little Known Fact: Chevy’s “Like A Roc” ad played remarkably well in the Middle East back in the day.
Somehow, “Roc the Casbah” didn’t fare so well…
“Rock, have you thought about wearing a condom?”
/see reaction above
surely he don’t like it?