Your “Oh God – This Idiot Is Now Considered ‘Relevant’ Again” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • Julian Edelman is going to miss the first half of camp with a left thumb injury.
    • With no one available to tickle #12 taint, the field is open for a number two receiver to step up.
  • With Cowboys camp opening this week, Ezekiel Elliott is still mulling a holdout.
    • He has two years left on his rookie contract, worth $3.853 million this season and $9.099 million on the fifth-year option in 2020.
    • Hilariously, sites are comparing the possibility to Emmitt Smith’s holdout in 1993.
      • Because as much fun as we make of Emmitt, there’s no fucking way Zeke is in the same ballpark.
  • Can you kick a football? Then the Chicago Bears have an offer for you!
    In case you forgot.
    • At the pre-camp press conference Saturday, the first 11 questions for GM Ryan Pace & coach Matt Nagy had to do with kicking.
    • The Bears currently have Elliott Fry and Eddy Pineiro on their camp roster, but have openly said they are also looking around.
      • Robbie Gould left them with a case of blue balls by signing his new Niners contract last week.
  • The Dolphins have officially placed Kendrick Norton on the “PUP list” for the 2019 season.
    • Having one arm ends his career, but by doing this the Dolphins & the league will cover his medical costs and pay his base 2019 salary.

And, in case you need extra reason to hate yourself today, feel free to begin Peter King’s “Football Morning In America Training Camp Tour”.

  • With special guest, Jeopardy champ James Holzhauer.
Please resist the urge to punch your screen.

They talk about Jeopardy, sports betting, and – of course – his epic run through Trebek’s bank account, all while apparently having polished off some Sourdough Jacks.

Oh, and if the Denver commentists felt a bit of a fat chill over the weekend, that’s because ol’ Petey stopped off for some edibles time with new Broncos head coach Vic Fangio on July 20th. Good news: PK has declared Von Miller the key to the Broncos season. So say your goodbyes now, because he won’t make it to Columbus Day. Never mind the Madden Curse.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Cleveland at Toronto – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet
    • Red Sox at Rays – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Cubs at Giants – 9:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “Road to Summerslam” begins tonight with a “Raw Reunion” of old people

Don’t worry – it gets better.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCStheeWeeBabySeamusUnsurprisedMoose -The End Is Well NighBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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WCS

I love me a good bass line. This is out of this solar system.

WCS

Closed on a house last Saturday. My kids have the flu, and I’m pretty sure I’m getting it. My dad’s birthday was yesterday, Vietnam vet. My back has been completely fubar since Saturday. Oh, and the Dirt Stillers keep losing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Fronkenshteen

Is there any tougher position in professional sports than an MLB catcher?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Yes

Fronkenshteen

Dirt Niners take the lead in the home 8th!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Got an acceptable offer on our house in phx.
Young couple who lives right by where we lived before we bought the place. Man I’ll be glad to have that place off the books and chunk that cash at the NEW mortgage.

WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congrats on selling before the next crash!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Stephen Miller looks and sounds like he’s 20 years old than I am, yet, is three years younger. Somewhere, Dorian Gray is asking for his money back.

Fronkenshteen

Seriously, how does that fuckweasel live? Can he show his face in public? Can he walk the streets of D.C.? Where does he live? Does he have secret service protection at all times?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There are a million assholes like him in D.C. and no one has the balls to do anything because anyone who cares about who he is has things to lose. Anyone who doesn’t have anything to lose doesn’t care. He probably does have a detail, too.

The funny thing is that he’s not alone. I thought it was just him but I know a classmate of his from high school and he’s like the total opposite but he also looks twenty years older than he is. And it’s common among that crowd from what he said. Somehow Santa Monica HS turn grizzled young to even out them having grown up in Santa Monica.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just replaced my modem and router. Odds I still have a problem with spectrum in the next four weeks? 3/1?

Sharkbait

Only so much you can do.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

3/2

King Hippo

That was a ridiculoso juego del beisbol.

/but the Right Team won

Sharkbait

That’s all that matters right?

King Hippo

INDEED. Es posible WCS may disagree?

WCS

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m on team anyone but the Cardinals

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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King Hippo

RIP, Clay Holmes

WCS

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litre_cola

Hi Wayne!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

That dude with the sais and the feathered hair was the shit!

rockingdog
rockingdog

whoooooooo!!!!!
goooooo padres!!!! get to play the METS this week @ citi field.

King Hippo

y’all ain’t beat them Bastard Man Small Bears goodly enough

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Is that Michael Jackson?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

I often see “mulled” or “mulling”, but no one sits around in the present tense and “mulls” anymore

King Hippo

THANKS Obama!!!1111

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

The wonderful days before child services.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Before what?”

-ICE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That joke is just depressing, sourry.

Don T

Stuff like this makes me wish there was a King Herod Fan Club.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s the Casey Anthony Fan Club now

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I remember the days when Peter King’s wordfarts were the worst thing I saw in a given week. It seems quaint now. I do wonder if he’s as mad as every other SPG customers who has to deal with Marriott now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True dat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

back in those halcyon days when we were just another asshole Western nation that didn’t live up to its ideals (or even really try much) rather than full-assed autocracy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I just farted and the fire department showed up:

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SonOfSpam

I had a rough afternoon; did we breakfast at the same place?

Sharkbait

Fuck me last minute plane tickets are expensive.

King Hippo

another recluse plus!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Well sure, if you add “Fuck Me” to the baggage and seat selection.

Sharkbait

Isn’t that just basic economy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck me last minute plane tickets

Don’t forget to pack your fuck me shoes.

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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Did you hack in to Rex’s webcam session?

King Hippo

My #BFIB are shite. Fortunately, so is the Dirt Stillers.

SonOfSpam

Saw the headline and thought you were calling PK “The Revenant” and excitedly thought he was eaten/raped by a bear. Although…anyone seen Urlacher lately?

King Hippo

I’d feel bad for the bear

SonOfSpam

Long as he finished on PK’s back…

King Hippo

I have quite the visual now. YOU BASTARD

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

It’s under “The Lighter Side” because the zookeeper was racist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did you see the way he was dressed??

King Hippo

plus, he is just advertising moustache rides

theeWeeBabySeamus

Did you see how that zookeeper was dressed? He was asking for it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Peter King seems like the kind of guy who would spend a weekend alone at a lake house trying to decide whether or not he likes himself, and at the end conclude that all things considered, yes, he really does. Turns out he’s actually a pretty good guy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s not even close to that self-aware ……

Self-righteous enough to spend that time thinking about how much better he is than the common folk who only strive to inconvenience him.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Anyway, to paraphrase Richard Pryor via Eddie Murphy, PK needs to have a Coke and a smile and to shut the fuck up.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Bjork’s Hard Lemonade.

I love Bob’s Burgers…

King Hippo

oh, that is GOOD

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
ME [as a kid]: i won’t be a grumpy old man

ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*

King Hippo

1) this is indeed quite funny

2) I had figured by like age 4 that I was a grumpy old man just waiting to grow into the role

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Elliott Fry and Eddy Pineiro? The Bears have officially hit “I haven’t heard of half these guys….most of these guys never had a prime” territory.

King Hippo

I don’t even enjoy Futurama, but the pizza man character is all I can think of when I hear that name

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve heard of Eddy Pineiro! He bumped It’s-a-Me-Georgio Taveccio off the Raiders roster, then got cut himself.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought cutting himself was Derek Carr’s thing

Redshirt

I long for the days when I don’t instinctly believe Iran instead of the US President.

King Hippo

ah mean, those beards are pretty butch

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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ballsofsteelandfury

If you go to Jack In The Box and don’t get the two tacos for 99 cents, you’re dead to me.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I feel the same if you don’t get that deal at the Bunny Ranch.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

College Low Commander would get smacked and then stumble to Jack in the Box near campus for 4 tacos and 2 chicken sandwiches for $3.96. I heard they raised the price on the chicken sandwich to where you can’t get all that for under $5 anymore and boy would I have been outraged ten years ago.

scotchnaut

College scotchy would buy 90 cent beers and eat from the popcorn machine the last week of every month because he didn’t know how to do money.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

90 cent beers? I bought a twelve-pack of Stella today for pretty much the same per-bottle price.

SonOfSpam

Brian’s in Placentia had 50 cent schooners (probably about 24 oz) every Wednesday. Thursday mornings were rough.

rockingdog
rockingdog

those chicken sandwiches are 2 legit 2 quit

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They really are. When I am on the road for work I often include one in my order of stuff that I probably won’t eat but is still covered by my per diem.

Redshirt

I would but the only Jack in the Box I know isn’t in a good part of Cincy. If I go there, I might become dead to you.

King Hippo

I have yet to see a Church’s Chicken in an area where I’d feel comfy walking at night

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ouch. I used to live grew up near one.

King Hippo

/subtly locks up the good Clubhouse silverware 😀

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh God – This Idiot Is Now Considered ‘Relevant’ Again

For some reason this seems like a good descriptor for this year.

scotchnaut

“I want to give this Kendrick Norton kid a break but he doesn’t believe in possessing arms.”

-Wayne LaPierre

Redshirt