Interior: Vikings draft room just prior to the 2019 NFL draft.

Rick Spielman: “Alright guys. This is it. Our final draft board. Let’s go over this one last time. I’m thinking interior offensive lineman first round. Our offensive line was ranked 23rd last year and we were hammered with injuries. We’ve got to fix the interior line.

Mark Wilf: “Agreed, we really should look at a center.”

Coach Zimmer: “I’m thinking cornerback here.”

RS: “Jesus Coach we’ve drafted a corner first overall almost every fucking year since you’ve been here.”

CZ: “Except the year you drafted Treadwell. That was your choice. Can never have too many corners.”

RS: “Gonna have to overrule you here, Coach. I like this Bradbury kid from NC State. Tough kid, will shore up the center and allow us to kick Elflein out to guard where he’s a better fit.”

CZ: “How tall is this kid? Hope he’s shorter than 5 foot 5.”

RS: “What? We want some height on our line.”

CZ: “If anyone on that line is taller than 5 foot five our dipshit quarterback will just keep drilling ’em in the back of their fucking heads all goddamn day.”

MW: “Coach, we’ve discussed this. We know you’re not the biggest fan of Kirk Cousins but we invested a lot of money in him.”

RS: “Agreed, Coach. We still feel he is the answer to our offense.”

CZ: “Well you two made that decision just like you’re making our draft decisions. I had nothing to do with it. That fucking pinhead couldn’t beat Minnesota State if they had a fucking winning record.”

RS: “We’re counting on your help with that coach. He’s our quarterback and we need you to coach him up.”

CZ: “Alright, alright. Can we pick a corner first round?”

MW and RS: “NO!”

CZ: “Fine. Let’s get to the second round.”

RS: “OK. Here’s what I’m thinking here. If Irv Smith, tight end from Alabama is available we’ve got to jump on him.”

MW: “Hell yes. Love that kid. Toughness for days and we can split him wide along with Kyle Rudolph and really open up the passing game. Plus the kid loves to block.”

CZ: “I’m thinking we go corner here.”

MW: “Goddammit Coach! Enough with the corners.”

CZ: “You asked me for my fucking opinion and you get pissed when I give it? The fuck, Mark?”

RS: “Every year we go through this, Coach. Every fucking year.”

CZ: “Whatever. Next round.”

RS: “We really need someone to back up Dalvin Cook at running back especially after losing Latavius Murray. I’m liking the chance of getting that Mattison kid from Boise State. He’s got speed and a quick burst. Just hope Dalvin gets to play a full year this year.”

CZ: “Fucker is more brittle than an open can of Pringles.”

MW: [gives Coach the side eye] “Let’s hope for the best this year. Yeah I’m fully on board with this pick. Coach?”

CZ: “Are you asking for my actual opinion here?”

RS: “YES COACH!”

MW, RS, CZ simultaneously “CORNER!”

CZ: [crosses arms] “Why the ever-loving fuck did you guys invite me to this shit show?”

RS: [sighs] “You are still head coach and we want to draft players you like. We’re trying to help you here.”

CZ: “Then draft me a goddamn cornerback! Mike Hughes tore his fucking ACL last year and I need backup for Xavier Rhodes and Trae Waynes!”

MW: [facepalms] “Coach, we’ll get you help but not this early in the draft. Trust us OK?”

CZ: “Fine. Next round.”

RS: “I’m thinking we double down on interior linemen here, we’ve got a lot of work to do with the line. That Dru Samia kid, that guard from Oklahoma? He’s got a nasty streak. He’ll toughen up that line.

MW: “Oh man, if he falls to us here, we’ve got to grab him.”

MW and RS [look at Coach cautiously]

CZ: [gives both of them the double bird] “You’re missing the goddamn point! Sure we need help fixing the line! They fucking sucked ass last year. Problem is we are still going to be using the same idiot quarterback. The reason I keep asking for corners is the only fucking way we can win a few games is if our defense scores. That grinning fucking idiot isn’t going to score for us.”

RS: “Alright. We get it. I’ll tell you what, I’ve got that DB you like from Wyoming, Epps, I think his name is, slotted for the 6th round and I’ve also got that Kris Boyd kid, the corner from Texas that you love, slotted for the 7th round.

CZ: [gives RS a high five] “SHIT YES! Now we’re talking! Let’s get this fucking season started already!”

Prediction time: I have no fucking clue. None. Zilch. This team has, once again, one of the top 5 defenses in the game (4th overall last year) and almost all of the key players are locked in to lengthy contracts. While this is fucking great from a continuity standpoint it makes the team severely limited in cap space, thus inhibiting free agent options. Shit would I love to see this team go after Trent Williams in Washington due to the need at left tackle but there isn’t enough money leftover for a goddamn case of Gatorade.

While I did like the draft results, and they did fully commit to rebuilding the interior offensive line, who fucking knows? The line was decimated by injuries and ineffectiveness last year. Did this severely limit our quarterback and force him to get rid of the ball too soon? Probably. But who knows for sure? The new kids have to develop and they are getting thrust into action immediately as a stopgap.

I have absolutely no faith in the offense until they prove themselves. This team has two of the best receivers in the game and a potentially great running game, with a guy who can catch passes too, plus the new double TE action. The pieces are there.

But.

What if the problems on offense last year were actually more on the QB? Then we’re stuck with that asshole for this year and next in absolute salary cap fucking Hell while our incredible defense wastes the primes of their careers while the offense sputters around like an empty dinghy that escaped its mooring.

Can you tell how I really feel about the quarterback?

Prove it motherfucker!

This team can go anywhere from 6-10 to Superb Owl champion.

I am utterly fucking clueless as to which.

SKOL!