Your “I Don’t Think Any Of Them Will Become Iron Man” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • If the rumours are true, Ezekiel Elliott should have a new contract by the end of the day.
    • He has left Mexico & flown back to Dallas.
      • One would think this is on the advice of the agent negotiating for him, which means it has to be close.
  • On the sidelines of a Zeke deal, this will impact the Melvin Gordon situation.
    • At present, the Chargers are done talking about it, and coach Anthony Lynn gave a Belichickian “On to Cincinnati” response to queries:
      • “My concern right now is on Indianapolis,” Lynn said. “We’ve talked about that for a long time. I’m just ready to move on — we’re playing games.”
  • On the subject of acting like the Patriots, the Colts have done that just two years removed from their failed Josh McDaniels quest.
    • They have signed surprise number one QB Jacoby Brissett to a two-year, $30 million extension.
    • They have signed Brian Hoyer to be his 2019 backup.
      • Hoyer was cut by the Patriots on Saturday, leaving only rookie Jarrett Stidham as TB12’s backup.

So, the day most dreaded has arrived – school started anew today. And boy, was I pleased to see all those bright, new faces.

Why, it was all I could do to keep from bubbling over with excitement at the concept of all those fresh, young minds looking to me for education and guidance.

Good thing I’m going to Iron Maiden tonight.

Nothing like clearing the mind for the long task ahead.


Tonight’s sports:

  • U.S. Open Tennis:
    • Men’s and women’s quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Toronto at Atlanta – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Twins at Red Sox – 7:00PM | MLBN
  • Women’s International Friendly Soccer:
    • U.S. vs. Portugal – 8:00PM | ESPN2
  • WNBA Basketball:
    • Washington Mystics at NY Liberty – 7:00PM | TSN2
    • Seattle Storm at Phoenix Mercury – 10:00PM | ESPN2
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Even though it’s a school night, what time will I be home?

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
37 Comment threads
89 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
27 Comment authors
ArmedandHammeredBeerguyrobMr. AyoBrick MeathookUnsurprised Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Don T

HAHAHAHA
I just realized there’s FOOTBAW tomorrow. Ah, perfect timing for heartbreak. Woooo frivolity!

SonOfSpam

Wait..you’re in the Eastern zone? Do we let you people share that time zone?

Whatever. Happy Wednesday to you!

Don T

It’s Atlantic, you boor.
/flosses teeth with cover of “Crimen y castigo”

SonOfSpam

Oh, that’s like a Canadia time zone.

And I may be a boor. (That’s all)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Keeper league draft tonight. Good beer and good picks.

SonOfSpam

BFC tonight:
comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

SCORE!!!! I just totally sold my Instant Pot for FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! KA-CHING!!!!

I’m gonna go buy some crack. I’m tellin’ ya it’s the next new thing all over again.

SonOfSpam

Crack is whack is black don’t crack is whack is black don’t crack is

/smokes more crack

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Don’t do crack. It’s a ghetto drug.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Choose meth and I’ll be there tomorrow

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Federer choking. 5th set about to start.

Dunstan
Dunstan

YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY WHORE MOUTH!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

At least he had the self respect to win one game in the final set.

Dunstan
Dunstan

And unlike some people I could mention, he doesn’t quit just because he doesn’t have it that night.

SonOfSpam

True. Djoker quit which means he lost, while Federerererer played all five sets and lost, which means he lost. Who’s the quitter now???

No idea which player I was trying to insult.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Where’s Brick’s autoerotic asphyxiation macro?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

He’s on a bit of a crack bender. Give it a few days.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image
“Brick’s Cat” really should be a macro. It would save me a lot of time. One of you nerds should make this happen.

Don T

Belichick and Saban: The Art of Coaching, the Delight in Misanthropy

Don T

Enjoy the metal, Prof.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Senor Weaselo

LOL I haven’t seen the Mets Mets like this since… the Triple-A team earlier this afternoon. Score 5 in the top of the 9th, give up 7 in the bottom of the 9th.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What did Sam Kinison say before he died?

is the first thing listed on google in the search results in that “People also ask” section. Google doesn’t even have the decency to give a punchline.

...

The New York Mets, leading 5-4 going into the ninth inning scored 5 runs in the top of that inning to take a 10-4 lead.

They then gave up exactly seven runs to lose the game 11-10.

lol

Senor Weaselo

“Eh, it’s been done.” -Syracuse Mets

blaxabbath

Well why would the home team keep batting after taking the lead in BOT 9?

...

They would not, but every run scored on a homerun above what is needed to win scores.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Not the Ny Mets!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

My favorite squadron

jjfozz

Right now Terry Bradshaw is facing off with a sumo wrestler on the NFL network. I want him to die so bad.

jjfozz

sorry it was Mariucci, I can’t root against him as he is Italian.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I still re-listen to a couple of Sam Kinison’s concerts because as right-wing and homophobic and blah blah blah blah BLAH his sets were, he was also fucking hilarious (this sounds familiar) . He was originally a preacher. He had an immense amount of charisma and he sold the FUCK out of his jokes. I remember when Bush was President how I wish he was alive because I figured he’d either be funny as a conservative, unlike the Blue Collar dipshits, or scathing and fearless as a critic like Carlin, or most likely a combination of both. He’d have loved McCain and would have torn W and Rove new assholes over how they ratfucked McCain during the primaries. And then Obama becomes President. Jesus, dude.

jjfozz

YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT. NOTHING GROWS HERE. NOTHING’S GONNA GROW HERE. GET YOUR SHIT GET YOUR KIDS AND WE’LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA, WE JUST DON’T LIVE IN THEM ASSHOLE.

Fucking dude was the shit.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

We built FUCKING GOLF COURSES in our deserts, but, yeah, no one actually lives there.

/SIDEEYES BLAXX

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This was my mother’s favorite bit.

...

A time when there was more than The One Joke? Sounds made up to me.

jjfozz

“We’ve replaced Michaek Irwin’s coke with Comet cleanser let’s see if he can tell the difference.”

Irwin destroys the set of NFL Network, kills 3 people with a penknife. Comes back for more.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Alright, inconclusive so far. Going to have to wait this one out.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nothing of value was lost. He’s immediately given a Cousins-level TV deal where he guts at least three dumbshits a night and the show where he kills Skip Bayless is the highest-grossing PPV ever.

jjfozz

I would sell one of my sons to be front row at that PPV. Skip bayless is a worthless cunt stuffed full of roaches and maggots.

jjfozz

I’m watching Return of the King and I gotta say, Samwise and Frodo gotta be the gayest dudes in Middle Earth.

blaxabbath

Yeah.

NTTAWWT

jjfozz

Not at all, but the relationship in the movies is radically different from the books – or I never picked up on it. Christ the last few scenes of those two trying to climb Mt Doom is excrucaiting. Not to mention the 7 different ending scenes. Peter Jackson went full retard on that part of the trilogy

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There really isn’t that much decent male friendship depicted in media, is there, if even that one becomes “Oh, they have to be gay?” I’m sure it’s more clear in the books but even if it wasn’t, I think people are grasping at nonexistent straws because they’ve never seen nuance on this issue.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This isn’t even directed at Fozz. It’s just a gross generalization of people.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

That’s so gay

jjfozz

I see what you’re saying – it just seemed like it was overdone for all of the wrong reasons.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I don’t doubt you.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, when I said “more clear” I meant their relationship as friends, practically brothers even, is more clear. I’m a little drunk.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I think it went past “nuance” when they started sucking each other’s cocks up there on that mountain. That seemed pretty gay to me.

jjfozz

We have small wire traps over the drains at kitchen work sinks. None of those fucking tit headed millenials will empty them. 30 years in the biz, masters in marketing from Hopkins (impressed?), three kids at home, and i’m picking up after these squalling little shits.

Fuck every parent who raised these weeping asshoels to think they were above manual labor, that the shits they took were gold plated and smelled like roses, and never whooped them up the side of their fat fucking heads.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kill one and make an example of them.

jjfozz

I made three of them watch me break down a cardboard box the other day. It was like showing fire to a Cro Magnon.

Senor Weaselo

Have you gutted anyone who has called it “John Hopkins”? Or to be more accurate, how many?
/They liked my suit at Peabody!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Ohh. JOHNS Hopkins

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

JerBear50
JerBear50

This hold music is killing me. It’s basically two lines of smooth jazz just looped over and over.

JerBear50
JerBear50

they answered!!

Sharkbait

Woohoo!

JerBear50
JerBear50

Ok, I’m in!

JerBear50
JerBear50

If any of you here are in the draft tonight, my fucking ESPN login wont work. After an hour of getting bumped off of their live chat help, I’m now on hold on the phone. So if I’m not there, that’s why.

Spur
Spur

just logged in. You’re picking 11. Dont worry , it auto selected Melvin Gordon for you.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, could be worse. You could have drafted Andrew Luck 1st overall!

Redshirt

Watch JerBear50 and the Madden Autoselect AI dominate Fantasy Football this year.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Let’s hope. Still on hold.

Sharkbait

Good luck dealing with the WWL…

Game Time Decision

Women’s Wrestling League?

rockingdog
rockingdog

Boooooo ESPN fantasy footballlll!

Fronkenshteen

Fuck. Any luck yet?

JerBear50
JerBear50

Still on hold.

Spur
Spur

comment image

JerBear50
JerBear50

Hey man if you’ve got a sub that you can give my spot to, I completely get it. It sucks drafting with people who are autodrafting.

Senor Weaselo

Well I started my first day at a new music shop teaching lessons in the back. It pays substantially less than last year’s job of teaching a classroom fulla string instruments last year but I also don’t hate my existence and still have my voice after work and that probably means something. Does fuck with some rehearsals though since I’ll be there Thursdays.

JerBear50
JerBear50

It could be worse. You could be jerking off punks under the Queensbrough bridge for $15 a head like this guy. youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypbtIsHxb8w&w=850&h=478

Redshirt

I said $15 for an Old Fashioned and $10 more to be filmed. The son of a bitch only paid $15!

Redshirt

My luck with ladies (in GIF form)

comment image

jjfozz

The woman currently on NFL network has Witchy Poo face

jjfozz

Stripes is on netflix. my day is complete.

Spur
Spur

Folks

rockingdog
rockingdog

yoooo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jesus, it took Serena less than 45 minutes.

scotchnaut

“I’m taking ‘Muhammad less than twenty minutes with Venus’ at +450.”

-K.H.

Dunstan
Dunstan

A Wang hasn’t been beaten that hard at the U.S. Open since Anna Kournikova played.

jjfozz

A fantasy draft of hot 80s actresses would catch my attention. #1 pick?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Phoebe Cates is the first one that comes to mind for me.

Spur
Spur

Mia Sara

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Jennifer Connolly

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Oh and Michelle Johnson from Blame It On Rio.

scotchnaut

Christy Canyon.

jjfozz

I would say Erin Gray, but no boobs. So maybe Markie Post.

Redshirt

Rebecca De Mornay

Demi Moore

Ally Sheedy would be a mid round pick.

Kim Cattrall.

1980s Teri Hatcher is a late round pick. She guest starred in the 2nd episode of Quantum Leap and a 2nd season episode of Star Trek: TNG. She counts.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kim Cattrall was my first thought, too.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jami Gertz isn’t on anyone’s board?

Redshirt

(checks Wikipedia)

Holy crap. Honestly, I would’ve guessed she was in her 20s in Twister.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was thinking Less Than Zero / The Lost Boys, which were both 1987.

Dunstan
Dunstan

Meg Ryan. It’s helpful that she’s used to faking orgasms.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Lea Thompson

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Elisabeth Shue and Kim Basinger are subsequent picks. https://www.imdb.com/list/ls064011479/

My dark horse late pick after a couple other picks I’m blanking on at the moment would by Lucy Deakins from The Great Outdoors.

Point of order: don’t meet your childhood crushes.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
oh so you liked HOT GIRL SUMMER? well, buckle the fuck up for EXHAUSTED ADULT FALL. our drink of choice is a lukewarm coffee from earlier this morning, and we eat our meals standing over the sink. the tagline? “i think i’m getting sick.” our theme? whatever’s already playing.

rockingdog
rockingdog

key phrases:
“can i get a hot water with lemon?”
“i have to check, i have a lot going on that week.”
“maybe!”
*given tv/movie recommendation* “oh, i’ll add that to the list!” *does not*
“ugh, it’s so cold out.”

rockingdog
rockingdog

Part 3:
“can we reschedule?”
“who’s going to be there?”
“i have to make it an early night”
“ohhh we should go to that!” *does not go to that*

jjfozz

WE GOT LUCK! GONNA FUCKING RULE THE LEAUGE!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woodrow Wilson thought the same thing.

JerBear50
JerBear50

I forget how much I love this place when I’m not around.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

UP THE IRONS!
comment image

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

DFO repping and upping the irons? That’s what I’m talking about. \m/

One of my high school girlfriends was obsessed with this song, along with anything having to do with WWI and WWII.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given what she is doing to this poor Chinese woman I think we should put Serena Williams in charge of the trade war.

scotchnaut

“Trade war with China? There was no trade war with China. I never said anything about a trade war. We have the best relations with China. I was on the phone with their leader just the other day. We have the best relations. The best relations ever.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Was this quote from right before Hurricane Dorian hit Alabama?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Did you tell your students that you were going to see Iron Maiden?

To them, “The Iron Maidens” might as well be The Benny Goodman Orchestra.

Senor Weaselo

Ha, like they know who Benny Goodman is!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Ha, like they know who The Iron Maidens are either.

litre_cola

jjfozz

I’ll be reporting from our draft this evening. I fucking hate fantasy football. By the way, did the lead actor in Back to School ever act again? Wait, he was in Christine.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

The other guy from Christine was in My Science Project, Cougar in Top Gun, then he disappeared too, like a Chris Makepeace in the wind…

Col. Duke LaCross

He also directed a sequel to Kickboxer a couple years ago that Van Damme actually put an appearance in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s hot as hell here in my part of Los Angeles. I think I’m going to go into the garden and hose down my plants and also my armpits.

jjfozz

Get the taint, there’s always a lot of pollution down there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, that’s what the bidet is for.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s 90 degrees in San Diego, and I am about to walk out of work and just evaporate before I can even get into my car. Or as my coworker put it “It’s like a nice day in Phoenix.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s no such thing as a nice day in Phoenix, if for no other reason than the tap water throughout the entire sprawl from Tempe to Glendale tastes like rusted dirt. It’s a not-too-subtle reminder from God that people aren’t suppose to fucking live there.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Also that Republicans can’t build infrastructure worth a shit.