The first week is over and boy-howdy am I ready for some hard drinking. I so far have registered 30 at-risk students in my program. That’s more than double last year’s first-week total, and is already close to the point where I will have to close registration because I don’t have enough room or materials for beyond 40 kids.
Also, I may have to learn Tagalog, given how many Filipinos I have in my program. Parents in the district are screaming for French immersion, but my risible French serves no useful purpose when my classroom sounds like the back alley of a Manila Jollibee.
So, I’m spending this evening with my wife, my dogs, and a bottle of the good scotch from last summer. FOR TOMORROW I FOOTBALL! Three hours down the road is the Seahawks home opener, and I will be there sucking every last drop of fun from my weekend, $5 at a time. Hopefully, if I can keep it between the ditches on the drive home, I have some good pictures to show you during the week.
Tomorrow’s broadcast maps:(courtesy 506sports.com)
CBS SINGLE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Tennessee @ Cleveland – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Kansas City @ Jacksonville – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
█ Buffalo @ NY Jets – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
█ Baltimore @ Miami – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
█ Indianapolis @ LA Chargers (LATE) – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
█ Cincinnati @ Seattle (LATE) – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
Really? Tennessee vs. Cleveland gets the CBS A-team? Holy hell are they already in the hole hard for the Browns to make something of themselves.
Meanwhile, the Colts would be better off starting Trent Green.
FOX EARLY
█ Atlanta @ Minnesota – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
█ LA Rams @ Carolina – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ NO GAME due to blackout enforced by home team on CBS
Can’t argue with much here. Each game looks solid, and has solid announce teams.
FOX LATE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ NY Giants @ Dallas – Joe Buck, Troy Aikman
█ San Francisco @ Tampa Bay – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
█ Detroit @ Arizona – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME SHILLIN’?! The over/under on Troy referencing Emmitt Smith’s holdout is 7.5. The rest of these games are dogshit, but at least listening to Ronde Barber snicker every time Jameis gets hit will be worth it.
Tonight’s sports: so much college ball, I’m only going with the name-brand matchups.
- NCAA:
- BYU at Tennessee – 7:00PM | ESPN
- If the Vols start 0-2, prepare for the “Peyton, find us a coach!” cries.
- LSU at Texas – 7:30PM | ABC / TSN2
- Buffalo at Penn State – 7:30PM | FOX
- Didn’t Penn State buffalo the Sandusky investigation?
- Tulane at Auburn – 7:30PM | ESPN2
- California at Washington – 10:30PM | FS1
- Stanford at Southern California – 10:30PM | ESPN
- BYU at Tennessee – 7:00PM | ESPN
- MLB:
- Jays at Rays – 6:00PM | Sportsnet
- Phillies at Mets – 7:00PM | FS1
- Giants at Dodgers – 9:00PM | Sportsnet
- CFL:
- Stampeders vs. Eskimos – 7:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
- International Rugby:
- Canada vs. USA – 10:00PM | TSN
Enjoy your evening everyone. I am.
Such an abundance of riches, UCLA, FSU, and UT (x2) all sucking ass like this
BallsofSteelandFury magically appears?
as noted downstream, let’s have Balls do “pissing abuelas” next week
K’Lavon just sounds like an elite pass rusher. Which he is.
These games need to get over. I GOTTA WATCH FAMILY FEUD!!!!!!
Just talk to your mom and have your own.
LMFAO
GO FOR TWO FUCKHEADS!!
Got what they deserved.
damn straight, going 1st in 2OT as the lesser team is SO low leverage. EVERY underdog should always go for two in that situation. Not to mention…you scored THIRTY-FUCKING-EIGHT on that defense in regulation
Karma – they miss the KICK
LOL, I’ve got two fuckheads in the house with me now. I don’t need two more.
Come on Buffalo, slam Big Rape through a flaming table.
Slam Big Rape is a great name for a FF team.
Or a punk band.
Or….
OK Imma stop right there.
Hold up. Baylor isn’t playing Buffalo, they already beat UTSA. And Florida St. is currently playing UL Monroe. And BYU is playing Tennessee. No Buffalo to be found.
What about Michigan State, tOSU, Notre Dame, or .. ironically, every team except for Duke.
ULM managed clock well there, not allowing FSU to have enough time if they didn’t convert on 3rd down.
Lane Kiffin is having a bad night.
Excellent.
I have a decision to make. Asia is going to Vegas for modeling photo shoot. She has asked if we can talk in the next day or two and “catch up”. And perhaps I judged her intentions too harshly.
But she is still 3000 miles away.
Though she is still 24 years younger than me and I just wanted sneak that in again. Yes I’m still proud of that.
hehehehehehe
I don’t mean to be a stickler (heh, well, of course I do) but technically Asia is like 4+ billion years older than us all.
She was short on rent?
She didn’t ask for anything. She reached out to make sure I wasn’t hurricane ded.
More than I did.
But I made rent this month too.
LOL. I paid the house off two years ago. Interest sucks.
porn genre? PORN GENRE.
/also, let’s have Balls do “pissing abuelas” next week
Do I have to repeat myself yet again????
YOU STAY OUTTA THIS BUDDY!!!!
Oh, no. Now I think we need Buddy’s opinion on this.
He’s got a thing for Asia.
His wife does not agree I suspect.
Are we talking about Buddy Ryan or Cole?
Heehee
https://twitter.com/PFTCommenter/status/1170446519406944258?s=20
FSU gets ball back with 1:30 left, tied at 38. THREE AND OUT
“Hey three is pretty good before pulling out.”
-RIck P.
Leonard Fournette has a brother, playing for LSU, who’s name is apparently Lanard. Someone needs to call CPS, like 20 years ago.
What are the chances that there’s another one named “Lanyard”?
Maybe their father is actually Leonard Nimoy, and mom wanted to honor him.
Live Long and Spock’er
I sure wish I’d gone with my gut and put a grand down on Army today.
much like every other season, LSU would be scary good if they could pass the ball whatsoever
Heh, some moran on a different website (I was just looking, it’s not cheating on DFO) tried to float the idea that Burrow is the best passer after Trevor Lawrence.
heh, good luck with that TAEK, drunken non-DFO Cajun commenter
May need to reconsider the moranity of his statement now.
This is almost as funny as Late Stage Mack Brown Texas
I’m reading “Football for a Buck: The Crazy Rise and Crazier Demise of the USFL” by Jeff Pearlman and this is about the first year Los Angeles Express:
“As for coach Hugh Campbell’s 40-man roster, it was largely a collection of anonymous grade-C USC and UCLA products, as well as a funky cobbling of weirdos and castoffs. Linebacker John Barefield used to arrive most days with a black cowboy hat atop his head and a nickel wedged into his right ear (“ I still have no idea why,” said Campbell years later). The starting nose guard, a kid out of Georgia named Eddie Weaver, was nicknamed Meat Cleaver and refused to wear a jockstrap. “Meat just let it hang,” Campbell said. “Free.” Charles Philyaw had been a productive defensive end with the Raiders in the late 1970s before a knee injury ruined his career. Back in Oakland, he gained fame for trapping his head in the sunroof of a car. When the Express called, Philyaw eagerly signed. Now 29 years old, he played with a pronounced limp, and after every practice and game applied WD-40 motor oil to his legs. “I’d seen many things in football,” Campbell said. “But never that.””
This sounds like a hoot. I gotta check this out! I had no idea Hugh Campbell coached in the USFL – he’s a CFL legend whom I know from having some powerhouse Edmonton Eskimos teams from way back when – and his son currently coaches the REDBLACKS here in Ottawa.
I remember stories of Philyaw from Ken Stabler’s book. He was legendarily stupid.
ULM now leads the Semenholes
In the words of Charles Barkley….
“They’re Turrible”
The NFL embodies the maxim that the worst possible outcome is the inevitable one. Just like how Jazy-Z’s partnership … fuck it. It’s a sick sad joke.
Reedley Tigers football kicked off today. My nephew is d- backs coach, they defeated De Anza the only team they lost to last year in the championship game. Reedley wins 47-28.
Tigers 1-0 on the season.
oh yeah, Reedley Season WOO!!!
I wonder if there is an advertising award given for most broadly multicultural
I’m sure there is, and I’m sure it’s total bullshit
it’s so transparently “box ticking” as opposed to being genuinely inclusive. America is just awful.
Coke did it first! Back in the early 70’s.
Don Draper wrote that spot!
I do enjoy watching LSU’s safety play. A lost art, I sez.
My Special Lady had her brothers over the other night and they left 5 Shocktop in my refrigerator. I just tried to drink one and I can’t believe this, but I actually think less of them than I did before. Fucking monsters.
The fact that their last name is “King” should have tipped you off.
Almost as good as Allagash White!
I see Doctor Downs has been renewed for another season.
Is that the show about the doctor who’s a retard?
Really rude to make jokes about a guy that has Tardis. They try their hardest!
The Big 12 trying to claim “no divisions” as a positive is like a short guy bragging about saving money on clothes.
another non-Cajun kicker. YOU DISAPPOINT, Orgeron
McMath 101: How much is two Happy Meals?
Sadly expensive
It cost me $10 for a double QP meal the other day.
Is there any place/wobsite to play college fantasy football? Seems like for a larger group of people, like a certain football and door-based website I know, the larger pool of players would allow for more people to play.
GUYS! Devil Wears Prada is on! That Miranda, amiright?
Frankly I think the devil would look better in Louis Vitton…
is that the lesbian who ran for Governor??
Different lesbian. Come to think of it, I haven’t met one yet that isn’t named Miranda. Or Sam.
there’s probably a handbook they distribute
Desus and Mero had a joke on their podcast that if you assembled a white New Yorker based on their podcast, it would be Andrew Cuomo. NY deserves him.
pretty spot on. He’s a cunt, and quite proud of it.
Louisiana-Monroe is within 3 of FSU, late in Q3
Is that a slam on UL-Mo ?
TOTES. They gon’ struggle in whatever conference they’s in.
Does every conference have their own channel now?
it’s certainly very difficult to be not-televised
Hell even Oklahoma, the school, seems to have their own channel.
fuck a steer, get a channel. This checks out.
Well than where the hell is my channel?!
Magical Pony Network (MPN)?
Wait, I knew Texass has their own. Didn’t know Sooners did as well.
Their game this week, and the famous
AmosArmy game last year, are on something called Oklahoma PPVMakes sense. They can’t air murdering over network TV.
skinny brunette with good shoulders ain’t enough to get me watch Stumptown
Yeah. She’s basically Agent Hill + Robin from How I Took Nine Years to Ask My Kids If I Can Nail Their Aunt?
I read the first issue when it came out like a decade ago. All I remember is that the protagonist is a native P.I. who gets knocked out and brought to I guess the villain (?) like every episode of Rockford.
Anyway, at least it’s not on its face as depressing as Portlandia.
Rushing the field for beating #25?
In their defense, they’s very, very stoned
They’ve been terrible for a long time. Let them have it.
Colorado, a 1-0 team, rushing the field after beating Nebraska, a 1-0 team (and I think Col even beat them last year?)
Oh man. I stop paying attention and the Patriots signed AB. The most fucking obvious thing of all time. He’ll definitely get his shit together once he learns how to live by The Patriot Way*.
* A handjob from a sex slave
Me: “The only way this AB thing could be better was if he was still a Steeler.”
God: “Hold my beer…”
and Coach Angry Black Man can SMILE AT LAST!
/raises fist
I thought it was kneeling?
I am too old for civil disobedience
JV BOLTMEN!! have played UCLA 16 times as a D-1 squadron. They have won zero of these attempts.
Yep, Chip Kelly is really transforming that program.
He doesn’t make it half way through the season.
that would be a delight!
It’s going to happen.
Will he blame all the black kids on his roster, or a global Zionist conspiracy?
Yes
Colorado-Nebraska, another blessed overtime game this glorious day.
I keep forgetting to flip back to this competitive match. I just enjoy seeing Fatass Kelly fail SO MUCH.
Into S3 of community and trying to decide if John Goodman is supposed to be Seb Gorka in school administration or if Seb Gorka is supposed to be Robert Laybourne in war crime advocacy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1wcwarP5vg
Look at this guy, gradually becoming not-Streets Behind.
According to the broadcast map they’re still showing the Rams games in Missouri?
That’s some cruel fucking shit!
They showed Rams games in L.A. for years after they moved to St. Louis, and they still show Raiders games.
Exactly!
I like that the JV Donks’ coach is an angry black man. GO BUFFS!!
Mel Tucker. Marc Trestman’s DC in Chicago.
Wow. My colorblindness must be getting worse given that I could only distinguish the icons next to the games by context until I really stared at them.
“Your what-blindness?!”
-Jemele Hill
My bad. ColoUrblindness. I forgot where I was.
Dear Jeebus, please let Chip Kelly’s UCLA go 0-12 this season. AMEN.
AMEN
I suppose maximum narrative would be for Dreamboat to vanquish Janeane Garofolo in the Owl. I’d see if one can get a bet on the Fightin’ Tomsulas winning the NFC.
Murray (St.)?
Present…ish?
This Bill Murray meme has jumped the shark
In Q2, North Carolina A&T leads Duke 10-7.
Cutcliffe really should have bailed in the offseason.
The only question is, is Antonio Brown a double agent for the Steelers, gathering info on the Pats; or is he a triple agent for the Pats, giving them info about the Steelers and Raid–oh, I can’t even finish that sentence. No one needs inside info to beat the Raiders.
And yes, all FITBAW is now officially fixed. I understand how rasslin’ fans must feel now.
Still, what diminishing enjoyment I gets from the sport is all that keeps my head out the oven.
How will JV BOLTMEN!! manage to fuck away the win over Westwood Klavern?
Drunken brawl with marines on leave at halftime?
Take two: CONQUISTADORS
both valid hypotheses
The Bruins ate their strawberries.
(Too deep a cut?)
The Madrid flag/shield is of a bear eating strawberries from a tree based on a local legend.
Starting to think this Washington guy for Nebraska is kind of fast.
No matter what happens tomorrow, GWS won last night WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Smell you later, NFL. Smell you later forever.
All the moneys on yet another P*ts title. Only hope is that Belicheat blows it up in the offseason because he’s bored and/or thinks Dreamboat gets too much credit.
How about Andreescu?!? Absolutely amazing!
Also, fuck Antonio Brown
“Yes, yes, fuck that Brown guy.” – Stephen Miller
“While I find your language coarse and boorish, I cannot bring myself to disagree with the sentiment of disdain for a graduate of such a lesser institution.” – Jason Garrett
…