Your “Calling All Pats Haters. Assemble!” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

It shouldn’t be this way. We should be happy. The Browns look like a very watchable, exciting team this year. The Cardinals are conducting an experiment with a dynamic rookie that may take the league’s obsession with the passing game to new heights. Equally interesting is what the Ravens have planned for LAMAR! The Chiefs caught lightning in a bottle and the team is an offensive juggernaut and must-watch TV. I was honestly looking forward to this year…

And then the fucking Pats signed fucking Antonio fucking Brown. With Edelman, Thomas and Gordon, they’ve now got the most talented wideout crew in the league. So now we’re going to see a shit-ton of goddamn wr screens. (I don’t know why this isn’t illegal) So many it’s going to make our eyes bleed. And  this is going to further slow fucking Tom Brady’s decline as a qb. Fuck. Another year of running the table in the AFC East against those hapless franchises. And of course the Pats get yet another fucking cakewalk to their conference’s title game. And no matter who they face they’ll inevitably get some help via one or two dicey calls from their teammates on the reffing crew.

And as legit fans of the sport (and our numbers are dwindling-wonder why) we’ve no choice but to watch it all unfold as though it were foretold. And the league loves this! They eat this shit sandwich up and ask for seconds, and thirds. Whatever. TO THE GAME!

Steelers/Patriots:

Go fuck yourself, NFL and the Pats. The fucking End.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

With apologies to WCS and Balls….wow the Stillers suck worse than I thought they would.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Dodgers and Mets, next Sunday, from Flushing, Queens…”

And here I thought that ‘flushing queens’ was how Buddy got rid of his one-night stands.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO THROW A BEAR DOWN AN ATHENS SEWER?

Mr. Ayo

He didn’t fit!

The Maestro

Well, I’m having fun. I don’t really care if the rest of you aren’t.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m watching the Yankees. I’m having a great time.

...

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Spur

The fact it’s the Pats doing this to Steelers takes out alot of the fun

Mr. Ayo

Can we relegate the Stillers? Or at least their defense?

...

Nice of the Steelers to be absolute shit because I needed to go to bed early tonight.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

I watched the Comedians in Cars episode with Jim and he has fallen apart.

Personally I blame Jenny McCarthy.

WCS

Who wouldn’t? She probably convinced him that electrons give people lupus.

King Hippo

Jesus. He really kicked a FG from the 1. DOWN TWENTY GODDAMNED POINTS.

...

Football is back bay-bee. AWWWWWOOOUUUUU

Game Time Decision

The notebook wrote “game over” in itself

Mr. Ayo

I mean, when you can be down 3 scores, instead of… errr…. 3 scores… you gots to do it!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The book said, “Foxborough blows, let’s get shit faced”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jesus kickeded a FG? How could he do that in sandals?????

herodotus450

One point for each day.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Fronkenshteen

Stillers look old, fat, and stupid.

Mr. Ayo

HARF HARF!

Mr. Ayo

End zone fade! Never fails!

Game Time Decision

For the CLF fans, is it just me or does McLoed Bethal-Thomason look a lot like Big Ben when they both have a helmet on?

The Maestro

Nah. Too much beard.

rockingdog

found a funny:
my depression: I’m sad

my anxiety: but why now I’m worried

my depression: nothing to worry about I’m sad for no reason

my anxiety: ok cool but honestly I’m just gonna worry anyway

Gatoraids

Gawd(Chiefs) help us another Pats year

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King Hippo

Boy howdy, sure glad I took JuJu Bee 1st round in DFO ball.

Gatoraids

I did too and i knew how wrong i was at the time

Horatio Cornblower

I took James Conner.

King Hippo

Come with me (to the waiver wire) if you want to live!

Spur

BEN not having fun

Horatio Cornblower

Boy that’s a shame

Horatio Cornblower

Alex Rodriguez is yapping about how the one player the Yankees can’t afford to lose is Aaron Judge. I love Judge, in a very manly and platonic way, but the Yankees lost him for 54 games this year and they’re doing OK.

...

A-Rod has pulled off their perfect tone where he sounds as if he knows exactly what he’s talking about but when you focus on the words you realize he’s totally wrong about 75% of the time.

Mr. Ayo

“You want to be ahead by an even score”

BRILLIANT!

Horatio Cornblower

Seriously, what the fuck was that about?

Mr. Ayo

A solo homerun and a grand slam doesn’t beat you!

It’s so obvious.

Unsurprised

The next governor of New York? Fuck it. Run him against Schumer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. It felt good to grill tonight for the first time in forever. Sausage, onions, peppers, asparagus, and peaches. So good.

Gratliff

So apparently the dipshit Eagles fans that fought Mike Scott are the same dipshits who brought the coffin. One got smoked for his trouble. I hope he invites them to a game and gives them the ol’ Ron Artest.
https://twitter.com/BleedGreenHive/status/1170817623170461696

Horatio Cornblower

Those people deserve to die alone and miserable.

Gratliff

I feel like the punishment should be worse than the current reality

Spur

Good for Cards, Tits and Bills.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like my last trip to Vegas.
Cards, tits and bills.
(get it?)

Mr. Ayo

That’s actually good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have my moments.

nomonkeyfun

You paid tit’s bills?

Horatio Cornblower

Well, she’s working her way through college and needs the money for text books, you see…

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, calm down over there.

Spur

I call this Pats Defense, Stormy, because they’re shooting down BENs advances

nomonkeyfun

Wow. Pittsburgh got fucked like they were hanging out in a bathroom with their QB.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Halftime!!!!! BUDDY HAVE A DRANK!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

Not my name, but I’m on it.

Sharkbait

I’m at a bar still. Oh I’m drankin

Spur

is the sound on for the game? or just CC?

WCS

It’s third down? Let’s never protect the underneath.

— every Stillers defender since 1999

Mr. Ayo

Edelman who?

Are we sure he exists?

theeWeeBabySeamus

He sure as shit can’t run block.

Mr. Ayo

“What’s a run?”

— M. Tomlin

Mr. Ayo

Also, anyone know about this “pass” theory?

— M. “zero” Tomlin

Mr. Ayo

Wait, I’m now hearing there’s a thing called “defense”. Anyone?

— Tomlin

Spur

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Spur

Can we fast forward to the Steelers on offense? i enjoy seeing the derp

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not sure why but the phrase “Double Team Juju” makes me laugh.

Mr. Ayo

New Balls search term.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. He’s got a backlog. So to speak.

Unsurprised

Yet another to add to the list.

Gratliff

Apparently the US govt is now blocking access to people coming from the Bahamas if they don’t have a visa even though a visa isn’t required to travel to the US. This shit just keeps getting darker.

Gatoraids

Oranger even

Horatio Cornblower

Fatter. Dumber.

...

Blocking refuges from these sorts of natural disasters is not only the new norm but it will have mainstream bipartisan support in a decade or so.

Gratliff

It’s already such that I just assume most people will just shrug at it and maybe wonder why that wasn’t always the rule in the first place.

King Hippo

THEY’LL BRING OVER ALL TEH AIDS!!!1111

Horatio Cornblower

I’m still angry that my ancestors were allowed in just because all the potatoes died. Goddamn job-stealing bog-trotters.

Gratliff

My great grandparents blatantly lied about their origin on their immigration papers when they came over after WWII. Their granddaughter, my mother, spends most of her waking hours advocating for the wall on facebook.

Horatio Cornblower

GRATLIFF IS RELATED TO HITLER YOU GUYS!!!!!!

Gratliff

We had to leave Brazil due to the smoke

Gratliff

I was not expecting that headline image

Brick Meathook

Wait, your GREAT grandparents immigrated after World War II???

My one GRANDfather fought in World War ONE, and the other worked building the Panama Canal, and I’m not a senior citizen.

Gratliff

The timing is hard to track for obvious reasons, but my grandmother was born in a concentration camp near the end of the war (great grandmother was sent there for feeding a jewish family. Great grandfather was a guard. Both were Ukrainian, but put down Polish as their nationality when they immigrated. It’s a whole thing). She had my mom when she was 19 and my mom had me when she was 18, so my mother’s side trends younger.

Horatio Cornblower

I spit my beer out on that, you Nazi asshole.

...

lol at “bog-trotters”

WCS

Fuck off, Peyton. What other day do I actually get a chance to do laundry? Tide can eat cat shit, too.

Porky Prime

You had me at “Fuck off, Peyton.”

You had us all.

Mr. Ayo

Oh shit. That’s what I was supposed to do today. BRB.

WCS

So glad I waited all day for this. Also, the kids managed to get ranch dressing in their hair and on the walls. Fun!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m afraid to ask.

Mr. Ayo

Psst, it’s not actually ranch dressing and WCS has a much bigger problem.

WCS

How I wish…

Gatoraids

As Dolphins fan i can be glad to be benefit of Drews Movie of the Week recommendations that have gone to Cleveland this year at least

Porky Prime

Most days I can’t shut my daughter’s mouth. Then there are nights like yesterday when she loses the cap on her tooth and doesn’t mention it for two hours.

Horatio Cornblower

Alex Rodriguez talking about how the Yankees have a lot to unpack for the post-season.

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tGL-buZ94Y

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Tomlin needs to deliver this exact speech at halftime.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

She’s balls deep?

Horatio Cornblower

Farmer’s Only turned into hard-core beastiality so gradually I hardly even noticed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Red Sox fans love to bitch about the short right-field in Yankee Stadium but when Jackie Bradley hits a HR 287′ to left in that cereal box they call a stadium they’re as quiet as David Ortiz explaining exactly what it was he tested positive for back in ’04.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that was funny.

Mr. Ayo

What’s the point of being a decent team if you lose to the P*ts every single time?

Relegate the Stillers!

Gatoraids

Or rename the dolphins same thing

Mr. Ayo

Miami Relegates?

Gatoraids

Don’t have to Play like a Relegatee

...

Eager for every team needing a new HC next year putting at the top of their lists Patriots’ DC Lennay Kekua.

Horatio Cornblower

/Mant’e Teo’s ears start burning

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Man I just took a bowl circler or as my father calls it, “when Joe Buck does a Giants game”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Go for it you pussies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Or….not.

Horatio Cornblower

Why thank you, I will have another beer.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s actually not a bad idea. BRB.

Mr. Ayo

TBH, this hasn’t worked as my dating profile.

Responses, the few that I get, have been mostly hostile.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Meh, fuck ’em.

Mr. Ayo

That’s the goal!

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s the goal!

– Not the Pittsburgh Steelers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was nuts. Medvedev turned to pushing in the last few .ames and it almost worked!

herodotus450

Medvedev: “Congratulations Mr. Raphael, now let’s both drink this traditional Russian beverage in celebration, Polon– err, tea. Just tea.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I forgot how much fun it was to have a Russian to boo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?????

– The Ukraine

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take “Things Robert Kraft Has Said In A Massage Parlor” for $400, Alex.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gerry; THAT’S GOLD!

[$400 is way to much for that]

Mr. Ayo

Wait. Guys we had all off season to aim the meteor. WTF happened?

Spur

we couldn’t get Congressional Funding.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, we DID get the funding, but it was diverted to pay for WALL.

tomsellecksmoustache

Yes, this is the methodical ass-kicking that I’ve grown to accept. I deserve no sympathy and plenty of scorn. Please, fellow KSK refugees, bend out a fresh turd on my hopes. It was always misguided to begin with.

...

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WCS

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Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Great boots.

Fronkenshteen

Alex Karras was terrific as Porky’s sheriff brother.

Porky Prime

News to me.

King Hippo

While trying to avoid paying attention, I won $220 on an injury time goal by Santiago Morning!

fuck you, YOU have a problem

Mr. Ayo

Good for you! i didn’t even know Santiago was a thing.

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t even know morning was a thing.

Mr. Ayo

It’s the thing I sleep through with my hangovers every day.

nomonkeyfun

Its when one would drink Coors Light.

tomsellecksmoustache

Who doesn’t like some blue mountains????

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She’s dead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I love mornings in Santiago!

herodotus450

Medvedev hoooolds on, Nadal now only up 5-4 in hte fifth.

Spur

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...

Ron Swanson was on some level a spoof of traditional masculine value but at least SOME of those things are virtues. Some of the shit I see defended as traditionally masculine runs the gamut from pathetically stupid to openly destructive.

Horatio Cornblower

“Some of the shit I see defended as traditionally masculine runs the gamut from pathetically stupid to openly destructive.”

Buddy, most of the stuff I do runs the gamut from pathetically stupid to openly destructive.

...

Which brings me to my favorite masculine value: never admitting your wrong because you’re wrong

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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Mr. Ayo

13/10 Would boop.

Fronkenshteen

Foxsborough. Fuck me.

King Hippo

yay, Meyers gets an NFL catch before he’s cut for Antonio Brown

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

What did they think was going to happen?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

See manliness chart below.

...

According to PragerU this is 8.5 of 10 on the scale of Actual Manliness That Needs No Safe Space Such as A Shed in Your Backyard.

Unsurprised

NAILED IT!

...

Makes you think…
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...

“Fellas, is it gay if you recycle?”

Brocky

according to my dad, yes

...

He’s a real man then.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Oh shit. It’s the music hater dude.

Brocky

jokes on him, he started recylcing because he was tired of me sorting through the trash every garbage night.

of course naturally he still doesn’t understand some things can’t be recycled and still throws out pizza boxes, but eh, he’s trying!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s doing better than the people in my office [who are fucking engineers!].

...

In their defense, single stream recycling isn’t *that* simple since the rules vary from place to place and aren’t always intuitive so it’s ultimately been a failure

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is a sign right there WITH PICTURES! These people deal with materials every day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Several do it on purpose to own the libs.

The Maestro

Dying of preventable illnesses to own the libs!

Horatio Cornblower

From your lips to Xenu’s ears.

Sharkbait

Whatever thins their numbers out.

Mr. Ayo

MAN 101.

You’re welcome!

— Mr. Schlereth

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HA! The guys uses exfoliants.