Now that the Thursday Nighter has been wiped from our collective memories by all the weed, booze and pills that it is possible to ingest, let’s see if today’s slate can make a mark. TO THE GAMES!

Rams/Panthers:

As Cammer’s shoulder goes, so goes Carolina and it seems fine. The Panthers are implementing a new 3-4 D scheme (Riverboat Ron’s baby) so what with edge Irvin out we’ll see rook Brian Burns flash his pass-rushing ability. The Rams begin the season with the goal of finishing second behind the Chiefs in points scored. Get down on your knees and pray for Gurley’s.

Titans/Browns:

Cleveland football fans feel all funny inside because they don’t have a word for ‘positivity’. They think it’s just gas. But thar be so much young talent! And a cracking D to go with the O! Look for the Baker-OBJ thingy to get off to a quick start because cb Adoree Jackson gave up the 2nd-most catches (66) to wr’s last year. He’ll be shadowing Beckham.

Chiefs/Jags:

Hill vs. Ramsey. Watkins vs. Abouye. These cb’s give up a passer rating on average, of only 68 but you have to think that Tyreek will bust one at some point. At least Vegas does-the o/u is 52.

Ravens/Fins:

LAMAR! rushed 17 times per game after taking over in week 11. Is that sustainable? No. Will a number of his passes eat dirt/sail into the stands? Yes. Is he finally bringing excitement back to the Ravens qb spot? Hell yeah! In the Things You Didn’t Know Department: Miami’s Albert Wilson led the league in average yards after the catch with 13.3. Huh.

Falcons/Vikes:

So much chatter regarding Zeke and Saquon but Dalvin Cook might be the guy that steals the rushing title out from under them both. Old Kirkie Cousins threw for 4,000 yards again last year but still doesn’t get any respect. He should get out early against the D that gave up the most fantasy points to qb’s last year. Julio signed so he’s playing. Will he score more than 5 frickin’ TD’s this year?

Bills/Jets:

Up upstate way there’s a buzz going on that Josh Allen to Cole Beasley is a thing. The Beaser caught 7 of 8 targets and looks to be the security blanket that the youngster desperately needs as he continues to develop. Look for rb Bell to do some quality galloping this year. He’s got fresh legs and nary a bump or bruise anywhere on his bod. That should translate to some quality early numbers and Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback should benefit. Will this process translate to wins? That’s up in the air.

Potato Skins/Eagles:

Second-year but actually rook rb Derrius Guice ran for 44 yards, 28 of which were after contact. He’ll have his work cut out for him vs. Philly’s front 7. Be on the lookout for the plodding Jordan Howard to slowly cede the starting job to the much more dynamic Kilometers Sanders.

Okay, get out there and DO YOUR JOB! (Fucking Pats, smgdh)