Your “I Think The Banner Pic Pretty Much Covers It” Holiest of Holy Open Threads

Now that the Thursday Nighter has been wiped from our collective memories by all the weed, booze and pills that it is possible to ingest, let’s see if today’s slate can make a mark. TO THE GAMES!

Rams/Panthers:

As Cammer’s shoulder goes, so goes Carolina and it seems fine. The Panthers are implementing a new 3-4 D scheme (Riverboat Ron’s baby) so what with edge Irvin out we’ll see rook Brian Burns flash his pass-rushing ability. The Rams begin the season with the goal of finishing second behind the Chiefs in points scored. Get down on your knees and pray for Gurley’s.

Titans/Browns:

Cleveland football fans feel all funny inside because they don’t have a word for ‘positivity’. They think it’s just gas. But thar be so much young talent! And a cracking D to go with the O! Look for the Baker-OBJ thingy to get off to a quick start because cb Adoree Jackson gave up the 2nd-most catches (66) to wr’s last year. He’ll be shadowing Beckham.

Chiefs/Jags:

Hill vs. Ramsey. Watkins vs. Abouye. These cb’s give up a passer rating on average, of only 68 but you have to think that Tyreek will bust one at some point. At least Vegas does-the o/u is 52.

Ravens/Fins:

LAMAR! rushed 17 times per game after taking over in week 11. Is that sustainable? No. Will a number of his passes eat dirt/sail into the stands? Yes. Is he finally bringing excitement back to the Ravens qb spot? Hell yeah! In the Things You Didn’t Know Department: Miami’s Albert Wilson led the league in average yards after the catch with 13.3. Huh.

Falcons/Vikes:

So much chatter regarding Zeke and Saquon but Dalvin Cook might be the guy that steals the rushing title out from under them both. Old Kirkie Cousins threw for 4,000 yards again last year but still doesn’t get any respect. He should get out early against the D that gave up the most fantasy points to qb’s last year. Julio signed so he’s playing. Will he score more than 5 frickin’ TD’s this year?

Bills/Jets:

Up upstate way there’s a buzz going on that Josh Allen to Cole Beasley is a thing. The Beaser caught 7 of 8 targets and looks to be the security blanket that the youngster desperately needs as he continues to develop. Look for rb Bell to do some quality galloping this year. He’s got fresh legs and nary a bump or bruise anywhere on his bod. That should translate to some quality early numbers and Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback should benefit. Will this process translate to wins? That’s up in the air.

Potato Skins/Eagles:

Second-year but actually rook rb Derrius Guice ran for 44 yards, 28 of which were after contact. He’ll have his work cut out for him vs. Philly’s front 7. Be on the lookout for the plodding Jordan Howard to slowly cede the starting job to the much more dynamic Kilometers Sanders.

Okay, get out there and DO YOUR JOB! (Fucking Pats, smgdh)

 

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Mr. Ayo

BDN!

King Hippo

and a shriek of joy emanates from Purgatory

Gratliff

Eagles secondary performing exactly to expectation so far

LemonJello

Keenum lucky to hit that DB right in the hands with that dropped INT.

Redshirt

First FOX WWE Smackdown forced reference. Whoever had 12:27 PM DFO Time, you are a winner.

Smithchez

Bills are Billsing faster than the Jets can Jet at the moment.

Redshirt

I guess they figured if it worked in 4th Qtr. Garbage Time…

Smithchez

Seems to be working so far. They’re a penalty and a lucky bounce away from being in the lead.

Fronkenshteen

Dalvin Cook looks much the best right now, eh?

Brocky

I’ve got brees starting tomorrow’s game against houston, but I’m thinking of swapping him for wilson against cinncinatti, thoughts?

King Hippo

Nae. SeaTruthers gonna run it like 40 times

Mr. Ayo

Stick with Breesus.

King Hippo

In general, I’d strictly platoon, based on whether Breesus is at home.

Redshirt

Be careful. For some reason, Cincy plays Seattle hard. Also with a new coach and being treated like an afterthought, Cincy could shock us.

King Hippo

Odds that Brokeback QB fucked at least one dude in the ass, to prove how gay THEY are?

Redshirt

I see Miami is pretty much “as advertised” this year.

Mr. Ayo

They are a nice Fish Tank.

blaxabbath

Rosen Thyme?!

LemonJello

Fitzmagic is already Shitstragic?

LemonJello

“Gotta get those numbers up.”
-Catholic priests, everywhere

herodotus450

“And that’s the way it’s always been!”
-Bills rbs’ lawyers

Smithchez

Trumaine Johnson, finally back from injury to commit more penalties!!

Redshirt

FIGHT in Philly. And on the field this time!

Spur

I forgot DJAX was back

blaxabbath

Looks like my plan to draft-low-sell-high Fournette will not go well.

Col. Duke LaCross

Bills gonna Bill.

LemonJello

Buy shares in folding table manufacturers then?

Senor Weaselo

How the fuck you doing boys? And girls? And lizard people?

Gratliff

Crazy to think Tiny Darren is still going at it

Mr. Ayo

I mean, he’s always looked up to him.

rockingdog

D-Jax with a niceeeee catch. good stuff!

Smithchez

A surprisingly good start for the Jet defense, not so much for the kicker. What’s up, you fine lookin motherfuckers?

King Hippo

WOO!!!! The Jest crew is reassembling

JustStopDude

Lol browns…

blaxabbath

I’m not watching the NFL but I enjoy reading these comments while I work on my Tucson Ch5 post.

Dunstan

I’m watching the women’s doubles final of the U.S. Open. I assumed everybody else was, too.

bk109

Soooo the RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTsssssss are going to take a kicking , now that everyone knows that Goff can’t do shit without BoyWonder remote-operating him?

King Hippo

The only fantasy thingy I done right was stream the Jest D in DFO-ball

Mr. Ayo

Josh Allen is a bust.

And not the good type.

King Hippo

Good ol’ Brokeback QB

Spur

So Gurley is still broken.

Redshirt

Philly thought NFL was Two Hand Touch Tackle.

Brocky

few things truly encasolate being a bears fan as much as coming to the realization that the bears faced the only team in week 1 who didn’t forget how to tackle in the offseason

Gratliff

Gonna be a lot of “This is why you make the starters play in the preseason” talk

King Hippo

I took the ‘Dacteds in my “loser” pool. Don’t y’all fuck me.

Redshirt

Somewhere Ki-Jana Carter just rubbed his knee while swearing under his breath.

JustStopDude

What…what is this feeling? The Browns drove down the field and scored first.

Is this what people mean by the term “pride”?

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls gonna #Paul

Spur

and missed the XP

Redshirt

The Factory of Sadness may be operating in severely reduced staff, one shift operation, but its still in operation!

Dunstan

Think of them more as an artisanal sadness operation now. Less volume, but it will be some high quality sadness

bk109

At least their kicking still sucks… some universal constants still remain!

Redshirt

Its fun. Isn’t it?

Mr. Ayo

JFC, Vrabel looks like a freshly showered Tomsula.

King Hippo

What’s a shower?? – Jim T., Maryland Railyard

bk109

Soooo, Cousins threw a TD against the Falcons… Does this mean that the Falcons will be under .500 this year?

LemonJello

Give him a chance. I’m sure he’ll throw one FOR the Falcons soon.

bk109

I hope so, ’cause I liked Atlanta during SB week…

King Hippo

/everybody runs to their waiver wire

Gratliff

oh birds

LemonJello

Peterson not dressed for ‘Dacteds. That’ll take a switch to the scrotum of their game plan.

King Hippo

DJ Moore, still liquid shit

Mr. Ayo

McVay totally schemed that.

King Hippo

Remember Sammy Watkins.

/or NOT, Jaguras

Mr. Ayo

He was a great running back!

— Trent Green

Spur

Listen to soft sounds of Romo

Gratliff

oh jags

Mr. Ayo

Blake Bortles never gave up a TD in the first two minutes of a game.

#BlakeBortlesFacts

hippofant

Damn. You’re right. His earliest one is in the first three minutes (and three seconds) of a game.

LemonJello

The Case Keenum reign begins!

Gratliff

Baker Mayfield starts exactly as you expect

Spur

with a beer in his hand

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I picked the Browns for the suicide pool. I’M A MADMAN.

Mr. Ayo

Dude. #ThePauls are still #ThePauls until shown otherwise.

bk109

Nah, just an optimist… nothing the factory can’t cure!

King Hippo

throw ONLY towards Kelce, Mahomes-y!

Spur

I noticed no Presidential Hello for the NFL again this year.
What a pussy.

King Hippo

they should have had Obama do it, Herr Fuhrer’s brain would explode

Mr. Ayo

Scott’s “desk” has substantially shrunk.

LemonJello

All that Booger Sugar had to be paid for somehow.

King Hippo

I worry about him getting a line of the length he needs

ArmedandHammered

He’ll make a nice big spiral.

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

I clapped like a trained seal at the first quad box.

Mr. Ayo

Fuck all the way off with the LOLphins.

bk109

Fuck you Joe Namath, fuck you all to hell… or NJ…

JustStopDude

Hey…hey…

Spur

Welcome back everyone.

King Hippo
Redshirt

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