Your “I Think The Banner Pic Pretty Much Covers It” Holiest of Holy Open Threads

Now that the Thursday Nighter has been wiped from our collective memories by all the weed, booze and pills that it is possible to ingest, let’s see if today’s slate can make a mark. TO THE GAMES!

Rams/Panthers:

As Cammer’s shoulder goes, so goes Carolina and it seems fine. The Panthers are implementing a new 3-4 D scheme (Riverboat Ron’s baby) so what with edge Irvin out we’ll see rook Brian Burns flash his pass-rushing ability. The Rams begin the season with the goal of finishing second behind the Chiefs in points scored. Get down on your knees and pray for Gurley’s.

Titans/Browns:

Cleveland football fans feel all funny inside because they don’t have a word for ‘positivity’. They think it’s just gas. But thar be so much young talent! And a cracking D to go with the O! Look for the Baker-OBJ thingy to get off to a quick start because cb Adoree Jackson gave up the 2nd-most catches (66) to wr’s last year. He’ll be shadowing Beckham.

Chiefs/Jags:

Hill vs. Ramsey. Watkins vs. Abouye. These cb’s give up a passer rating on average, of only 68 but you have to think that Tyreek will bust one at some point. At least Vegas does-the o/u is 52.

Ravens/Fins:

LAMAR! rushed 17 times per game after taking over in week 11. Is that sustainable? No. Will a number of his passes eat dirt/sail into the stands? Yes. Is he finally bringing excitement back to the Ravens qb spot? Hell yeah! In the Things You Didn’t Know Department: Miami’s Albert Wilson led the league in average yards after the catch with 13.3. Huh.

Falcons/Vikes:

So much chatter regarding Zeke and Saquon but Dalvin Cook might be the guy that steals the rushing title out from under them both. Old Kirkie Cousins threw for 4,000 yards again last year but still doesn’t get any respect. He should get out early against the D that gave up the most fantasy points to qb’s last year. Julio signed so he’s playing. Will he score more than 5 frickin’ TD’s this year?

Bills/Jets:

Up upstate way there’s a buzz going on that Josh Allen to Cole Beasley is a thing. The Beaser caught 7 of 8 targets and looks to be the security blanket that the youngster desperately needs as he continues to develop. Look for rb Bell to do some quality galloping this year. He’s got fresh legs and nary a bump or bruise anywhere on his bod. That should translate to some quality early numbers and Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback should benefit. Will this process translate to wins? That’s up in the air.

Potato Skins/Eagles:

Second-year but actually rook rb Derrius Guice ran for 44 yards, 28 of which were after contact. He’ll have his work cut out for him vs. Philly’s front 7. Be on the lookout for the plodding Jordan Howard to slowly cede the starting job to the much more dynamic Kilometers Sanders.

Okay, get out there and DO YOUR JOB! (Fucking Pats, smgdh)

 

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Fronkenshteen

I was afraid of this: Jordan Howard is ALREADY a complete afterthought. Why the fuck did they even get him?

theeWeeBabySeamus

No shit, I’ve got 104 unread emails.
WHERE THE FUCK WAS I?

Redshirt

I’m at 286. I’m waiting for a cop to show up for a wellness check.

theeWeeBabySeamus

hehehehee

King Hippo

YUUUUUUUGE Lesser Footy news, Spain somehow leads Faroe Islands in Euro qualifying

King Hippo

Very forward thinking to let the retarded guy have an extra second to call timeout

Gratliff

Grandpa Sproles has 40 yards on 7 carries

LemonJello

But that’s equivalent to 120 yards for a normal sized man!

King Hippo

Noo Yawk sports talk radio would like the black Jest kicker to try another long one

Smithchez

“Hey Mike, first time long time, (RACIAL EPITHETS DELETED). I’ll hang up and listen.”

ArmedandHammered

Is it racist if I expect the kicker named Santos to be wearing a luchador mask

theeWeeBabySeamus

@bk109….it won’t allow me to do it for you. You have to go thru Gravatar, then follow their instructions.
I’m going to email you back a resized version which will fit. But you’ll need to go to gravatar.com and upload it, then set it.

bk109

No need to e-mail me that back, I’ll handle it on my end . Thanks for the assist, tho

LemonJello

“We’re here to help, Mr. President.”
-US Government, in toto

herodotus450

So….. just cancel the season now, give the super bowl win to the Pats again and save everybody the extra year of head trauma?

King Hippo

all those fantasy gurus gushing over Mayfield and Brokeback QB, hee hee

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re welcome for me picking the Browns in the DFO suicide pool and guaranteeing this bullshit

Redshirt

First Down Bills!
F.Gore left guard tackled in End Zone for -2 yards SAFETY (B.Poole).

That’s not exactly right, CBSsports.com

Senor Weaselo

Jets offense leads, 0-(-8)

King Hippo

this is MAXIMUM AFC East

King Hippo

oh Jeebus, PLEASE let this Jest match end 8-nil

bk109

WHAT THE FUCK!? Rushing at that spot… THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!

King Hippo

Predicting Iggles 28-20

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bud Light Platinum ad, DRINK! (cyanide)

Smithchez

THIS JETS OFFENSE I CALL IT “MY BANK ACCOUNT” BECAUSE THERE’S FUCKING NOTHING THERE

King Hippo

looking GOOD, AFC East

Spur

FOOTBALL!

Mr. Ayo

Where!?!?

King Hippo

Horny Fourny!!

Spur

Gurley is ok

King Hippo

OUT for the footy match

BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

King Hippo

Methinks I will add Minshew to my Keeper league side

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, I haven’t checked email in a while. Holy Shit!!!!!

Working on your thing though bk109.

But seriously, that is a scary inbox I’ve got.

bk109

Thanks, also I’ve noticed that “delete all” works wonders for my work inbox 😀 (if it’s important enough, I get a second copy XD)

Mr. Ayo

A right jab to a girl’s chin?

LemonJello

Emergency snack of lead paint chips?

LemonJello

I think Terry Bradshaw is having a stroke while doing the halftime highlights.

Sharkbait

God ESPN is such a shitty fucking fantasy platform

Viva La Tabula Raza

The stadium at Jacksonville is 3/4s empty.

Senor Weaselo

All teams in Florida have die-hard tarp fans!

LemonJello

That meth isn’t going to make itself.

Fronkenshteen

Oh, to be the CBS Sports producer who convinced the network brass to put Nantz & Romo on the fucking Titans-Browns game…

bk109

Uhh, Mister Fronkensteen,sir? … I thought Tony Romo is workin’ for CBS?

Fronkenshteen

Fixed. Sorry. Stoned.

bk109

And I thought he got paid to jump ship… Also somewhat drunk, so, uhh.. don’t like confuse me too much 😀

King Hippo

YAY, I can go makes MOAR coffee!!

Fronkenshteen

Hey! Me too!

King Hippo

Sadly, most of don’t have access to a Hansonian coke stash.

Viva La Tabula Raza

New show with Walton Goggins. think I will check that out, that dude is phenomenal.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

First three episodes were fucked up but awesome

King Hippo

Mayfield’s facial hair looks like he was an extra in the Two Girls One Cup video

JustStopDude

I really hate this fucking sport.

Cleveland should just let the 10 second runoff occur and just get into the fucking locker room

King Hippo

Tiny Hands not looking so good.

Fronkenshteen

He’s put on weight since becoming president.

Spur

OBJ OPI

Senor Weaselo

Hey, garbage-time TD for the Dolphins! Yes, I’m aware it’s still the 2nd quarter.

herodotus450

You’ve heard of Brownian Motion, but what about Browsnian Motion? It’s the theory that, when you add up all the little tiny moments of any NFL season, the Browns will still suck at the end of it. For related reading, see The Bungles Corollary.

LemonJello

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Fronkenshteen

Preston Williams playing for that franchise tag!

Sharkbait

I find it disturbing there is a flyer for the greater Boston Penn State Alumni organization taped up in the men’s room of this bar.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, now that is funny.

ArmedandHammered

They raising money to add a shower?

Fronkenshteen

Is it the juice bar at a Gym-Bo-Ree?

bk109

Unrelated… soooo…. what the bleep do I have to do, so I can change my avatar? I tried the user panel, but … no joy

theeWeeBabySeamus

What do you want to change it to?

bk109

comment image
Initially tried with a caricature of our Lord and Saviour, Darth Hoodie… I then decided to try with something that wouldn’t result in me getting ejected from the site 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

The link won’t show me the image.
Can you email it to me?
[email protected]

theeWeeBabySeamus

It needs to be changed out from Imgur.

bk109

Yeah, that was literally just the first site I could think of where I could upload it from my computer… Will send it promptly from my burner account 😀
Sent, and for the record… that ain’t my name, mail provider, age… IF I AIN’T A PARANOID FUCK, I DUNNO WHAT I IZ 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, Lamar Jackson’s head is fooking huge.

King Hippo

the fro is looking pretty tight, though

Senor Weaselo

This seems like the archetypal 7-6 Jets loss.

Smithchez

With let’s say 8 Buffalo turnovers.

King Hippo

Your ret…I mean, Special Young Man QB throws a pick 6?

Smithchez

It’s good to not have a kicker who can make kicks, right?

Senor Weaselo

Who needs an All-Pro kicker anyway?

King Hippo

I hear tell Canyonerrrro is available?

King Hippo

oh, the Jest have a black kicker now. That will end up in not-at-all-raycess territory!

Gatoraids

Haven’t been this disappointed in Miami since the last season of Dexter

LemonJello

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bk109

Soo… The Browns are living up to the hype, eh?

theeWeeBabySeamus

The Titans are a Juggernaut. Just ask DonT.

ArmedandHammered

Of course the Browns give up the first safety of the year.

JustStopDude

Fucking safety.

Maybe our left tackle getting ejected played a role.

This fucking team….I fucking hate this fucking team

Spur
Mr. Ayo

ORLOV’SKOR makes his first appearance of the year.

King Hippo

Tits can dance if they wannnnnu!