Your “Look Who Came Crawling Back!” Thursday Night Football

Yeah, Melvin Gordon is back in the cranky, hardline bosom of the Spanos family. It’s about time a rich white cabal won a showdown against a lone black dude. I feel as though the universe has come back into balance. To no one’s surprise, Rikki’s Austin Ekeler shares are tanking.

Going over the numbers, this doesn’t look like a bananacakes game but maybe we could have a bananabread tilt? The kind of bananabread that is just a little bit warm, warm enough that the generous pat of (unsalted) butter melts gently over the surface. The kind that has that crust that is a bit crunchy-not burned but has sat in the oven just a minute or two longer than the recipe suggests. Where was I?… Oh, right. TO THE GAME!

Eagles/Pack:

Fantasy dudes are whining that qb Rodgers is a dud so far but it should be noted that he’s played 3 of the top 5 D’s from last year. Wagerers are taking note that Rodgers is a minor god-like 62-10 at home over the course of his career. He should get well vs. a Philly team that has not recorded a single sack from a defensive end so far this year. “But at least their secondary is keeping things tight”, is a line that no one who follows the club closely has said this year. It’s remarkably easy to pass on this unit. Like, 300 yards plus per game easy.

Maybe the Eagles offense might come to the rescue tonight? Geez, I guess it could happen. However DJax is out, Goedart has a calf issue, Arcega-Whiteside has a heel thing and Alshon is also calving. Ertz should get all the balls he wants and more this evening.

As the Mennonites like to say, “Make hay folks!”.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
496 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
litre_cola

Normally I describe the Eagles secondary as an activist and 3 guys they pick up on the way to the stadium, but in Green Bay that might be a stretch.

Gratliff

Jesus christ these corners

Mr. Ayo

-Dan Synder after taking the cheerleaders on a “city tour”.

Sharkbait

THROW IT TO MVS YOU ASS!

King Hippo

All these creepy ass “Doctor Patient Unity” astroturfing ads REALLY make me MOAR likely to vote for Sen. Warren in the primary. Anything I can do to make those people shit in their pants a little.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“So what if we shit out pants in front of everyone?! That means we’re getting NEW PANTS.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ooh, they have sold over 140 records? I have buddies with bar bands that have sold more than that, in one night, from the merch booth at a local bar.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’ve had the busiest week at work. I’m home and I’m still working. If you want to kick me out of the clubhouse, I understand. But I’m taking the beer with me.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nooooooooooooo

I’m concerned about the beer.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Show of hands, please. Who here would hate-fuck Martha Stewart?

Spur

i bet she’s a dirty old bird

Gratliff

Martha Stewart is 80

Viva La Tabula Raza

Jane Fonda is in her 70s and still looks eminently doable, at least to this doddering 60 year old.

ArmedandHammered

At least you know she would clean everything up afterwards.

Viva La Tabula Raza

it would be even better if she would turn into a six-pack and a sandwich after coitus, like any perfect woman would.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Never met either of them, but her daughter seems like Hippo’s type.

litre_cola

Halftime or Coyotes v Canucks exhibition game. The choice is simple.

Mr. Ayo

This is more of a PSA than a question.

JustStopDude

Wasting a good game on Thursday night…

litre_cola

1 a year!

Spur

The Thanksgiving games dont count

litre_cola

I take your Thanksgiving off every year, I concur.

Spur

That’s it Rodgers get angry. the play calling blows and should be left to you , the head coach is an idiot…a mothers love isn’t important.

Sharkbait

…Youre not MVS

Col. Duke LaCross

Taking a beating in Daily because of that asshole right now.

Mr. Ayo

GO FOR TWO LAFRENCHY

litre_cola

Quite the 1st half

WCS

BANANACAKES SECOND QUARTER ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

JustStopDude

https://postimg.cc/87QkBvhN

Now this is what a broadcasting should look like. His pa died in a coal mine you limey bastards!

Gratliff

I fucking hate Aaron Rodgers

Col. Duke LaCross

Are you his father?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or the rest of his family?

Spur

something we can agree on.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck that was OBJ worthy.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck me, it’s 9PM and we still have not reached the half?

Spur

Rodgers after the halftime “pep talk ”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8opDMUtJ58

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, Rodgers is as red there as the Jon Gruden Meme on Deadspin.

Gratliff

According to stats nerds on Twitter, Eagles are 21-3 since the NFL had cranekicker banned for making a food poisoning joke

litre_cola

Is there any Packer fans around the clubhouse?

Game Time Decision

Me

Col. Duke LaCross

Thanks for not fumbling that on the one, Howard.

Gratliff

So this is the week the Packers get exposed as frauds. We love to see it.

Spur

Eagles learned from the Viks, you can run the Packers. It’s what Denver didn’t want to do

jjfozz

“You don’t see holes this big.”
john Holmes: “hold my beer”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Poles not holes.

Gratliff

Vaunted Packers D. Best in 30 years.

King Hippo

You just don’t see holes this big!

litre_cola

He clearly is not a fisting aficionado.

King Hippo

Balls search term – gaping Packers

ballsofsteelandfury

Done

Viva La Tabula Raza

Goatse wants to know more.

Spur

see you jiggle the ball from behind with Rodgers

jjfozz

He just got stripped and manhandled, so he’s not that upset.

jjfozz

Oh hey, this free phone football commercial makes me want to find this couple and stuff mobile phones down their throats and then adopt their kid so he doesn’t grow up to be an obnoxious fuck.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably just best to sacrifice the kid to the Mayan gods. Genetics is so hard to defeat.

Viva La Tabula Raza

SUDDEN CHANGE!!

litre_cola

Fuck yeaaahhh.

Gratliff

Football’s good again!

WCS

I will give Bud Light Queen for being incredibly beautiful. Her taste in beer leaves a lot to be desired, but, I’d wouldn’t say no to try to sire an heir with her.

ArmedandHammered

Stockholm syndrome.

jjfozz

“Go Pack Go” the easiest thing to say when your mouth is crammed full of brats, fries, and cheap beer.

JustStopDude

Or a Madison glory holes.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My cousin was down to visit from Boston a few years back, when the Spurs were going to the WCF (this was the year they ultimately lost to the Heat in the Finals). Her husband (fucking Rhode Islander) was making fun of the “Go Spurs Go” chant that was widely broadcast here in SA. I bagged on him, asking him for a more intelligent chant. Teams with one syllable names all have GO XXXX GO, while teams with two syllable name use LET’S GO XXX-XXX. why should any fan make fun of another team’s stupid chant, whether it’s a total of three or four syllables long?
Are there any pro teams with more than two syllable names?

Gratliff

Nice jump

Spur

about this Green Bay Defense that rivals the 85 Bears…………………………

Gratliff

As I said, very stupid game

JustStopDude

“T’was a hot potato. Like a Protestant on Good Friday. You really must want to bugger the grimly”

Dear God this Scottish broadcast is fun!

Gratliff

Troll leap!

JustStopDude

Just make the game 2 hand touch. Or flag football

Gatoraids

That would confuse Kraft too much

Gratliff

Refs just rolling a D20 on every play

Gatoraids

Patriots rolling saving throw +8 vs penalties

Viva La Tabula Raza

“I’M SITTING NEXT TO RAY LEWIS…. AND HE ISN’T MURDERING ME. COOL!!”

LemonJello

He’s not wearing the stabby white suit, is he?

jjfozz

That’s in his trophy case at home, the one shaped like a dumpster.

JustStopDude

I hope for the day that all of America are okay with Cleveland winning the Superbowl for 48 hours and then just hate them for being tools.. .just like Philly.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That would imply that they beat NE in the AFC Championship, which would probably cover for a lot of sins in the eyes of most of America.

WCS

The three words associated with migraines are: “Where’s the weed?”

King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO FACT – Every time I smoked weed after age 30? I got a fucking migraine. All pleasurable things are poison to Hippo.

JustStopDude

Moderate to severe constipation and spontaneous decapitation.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Clearly down, but let’s go ahead and waste 5 minutes of your life with the fucking replay review.

litre_cola

Sponsored by Microsoft Surface

Sharkbait

Gotta get those ad breaks in

Gratliff

No fucking way

JustStopDude

A Jim Harbaugh commercial? Seriously?

Gratliff

Another victim of the deep state
comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wish they would hold that cocksucker in the WH to the same standards.

JustStopDude

Something something AOC!

Viva La Tabula Raza

SEND THEM BACK!!!

JustStopDude

I figur d out what is bothering me ..the lack of the color rush jerseys. They not doing this now?

entropy

THAT’S what’s bothering you about this game?

JustStopDude

Why do you hate America?

Sharkbait

Oh yeah. Good.

Gatoraids

Wouldn’t have been surprised if they take it and throw to Adams