Yeah, Melvin Gordon is back in the cranky, hardline bosom of the Spanos family. It’s about time a rich white cabal won a showdown against a lone black dude. I feel as though the universe has come back into balance. To no one’s surprise, Rikki’s Austin Ekeler shares are tanking.
Going over the numbers, this doesn’t look like a bananacakes game but maybe we could have a bananabread tilt? The kind of bananabread that is just a little bit warm, warm enough that the generous pat of (unsalted) butter melts gently over the surface. The kind that has that crust that is a bit crunchy-not burned but has sat in the oven just a minute or two longer than the recipe suggests. Where was I?… Oh, right. TO THE GAME!
Eagles/Pack:
Fantasy dudes are whining that qb Rodgers is a dud so far but it should be noted that he’s played 3 of the top 5 D’s from last year. Wagerers are taking note that Rodgers is a minor god-like 62-10 at home over the course of his career. He should get well vs. a Philly team that has not recorded a single sack from a defensive end so far this year. “But at least their secondary is keeping things tight”, is a line that no one who follows the club closely has said this year. It’s remarkably easy to pass on this unit. Like, 300 yards plus per game easy.
Maybe the Eagles offense might come to the rescue tonight? Geez, I guess it could happen. However DJax is out, Goedart has a calf issue, Arcega-Whiteside has a heel thing and Alshon is also calving. Ertz should get all the balls he wants and more this evening.
As the Mennonites like to say, “Make hay folks!”.
A US player just got a red card in rugby, which to me is like a Viking get a red card during a raid on a monastery.
fuck Brittfar and fuck his ded father too
Fuck one with the other
Birds didn’t even pretend to respect the run fake. Very humorous.
Does nobody run the fucking ball anymore?
Eagles do.
Inability they didn’t even try to run the football
I’ll bet a basketball player could have jumped for that ball. Just sayin
Or a fish catcher for that matter.
GOAL LINE STAND BAYBEE
Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Troy threw alley-oops to Michael Irvin because Irvin would stab the CB in the neck with scissors just as he started his leap.
Fun fact from the ’90’s.
Is McCarthy still calling plays?
Just do the QB sneak.
McCarthy would have punted.
throw 4 times from the 1, eventually it will fool ’em!
One can relieve Green Bay of McCarthy, but, one cannot take the McCarty out of Green Bay.
BLEERGH FEASTS
Bacon Salt: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DecimalJollyDartfrog-mobile.mp4
Not your normal TNF game tonight. I mean, it seems somewhat competitive.
I am still awake, that says something.
Yeah Jordan Howard thats it, keep putting up those points on my bench
Ya’ll might wanna do some run blitzing
Or run stopping. Or run defensing of any sort.
Stage One of beer marg pitcher is complete, just emptied the pitcher into the mug to start Stage Two. I will either pass out soon or go on a mechanical rager out in the garage if this game begins to suck. But to my great surprise and delight, that doesn’t seem to be what’s going to be happening.
OPI! Throw the flag!
wait, so that challenge wasn’t even a 3rd down play??
DPI Challenge: The new Timeout
I like Mike Periera
Definitely worth the 50% chance the gator just decides to eat you instead
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZABzLa2WRf4
MOAR DELAYS
We’ve finished tonight’s quota of Proper 12 and are rewarding our tastebuds with some Basil Hayden’s.
FFS. If they didn’t overturn the last one, they’re not gonna call this one.
Wait wait wait, are you telling me that pro FOOTBALL player Jimmy Graham used to play BASKETBALL?! Why am I just now hearing about this??
I am going to blow your mind. The throw fish at Pike’s Market in Seattle.
What’s next, they put french fries on sandwiches in Pittsburgh?!
Can’t Defend The Run vs. Can’t Defend the Pass: Who ya got!?
a tie wold be ok.
I see Steve Austin invested his wrestling money well.
Nfl owners assigned these refs to this game to give whistle blowers a bad name
WHISTLEBLOWERS BAD! DICKBLOWERS GOOD! (got your back, Stormy, nudge nudge wink wink)
—Sentient orange overflowing colostomy bag
Jimmy Haslam approves
MVS again?
Jimmy Graham!? The basketball player!?
Did he go to Harvard?
I like to think that everything A.A. Ron does is specifically designed to irk Spur.
Did Spur want to bang Danica?
had an erotic dream once, A.A. Ron totes picked up on it
[Slowly raises hand]
Is Olivia Munn still available?
I’m not sure how picky everyone here is, but it seems most everyone that I have encountered here would want to bang Danica. (Not sure about Dok Zymm’s preferences, so I should not make that all-inclusive).
Shit, rereading the lead in, I totally forgot to try and trade Austin Ekeler
I’ll trade you Mitch Trubisky for him.
BOLTMAN WILL TRADE YOU A MYSTERY BAG OF HUMAN ORGANS AND A PAIR OF FEMURS THAT USED TO BELONG TO NATE KAEDING!
Incoming “Rodgers hand is hurt” excuse.
English Announcer: “It’s punting time!”
All announcers should use this from now on.
Yeah, but who has a boat?
Joost make sure you fleece the fookin’ punters for all they will give up.
Drinking some of Conor McGregor’s Proper #12 and it tastes exactly how you’d think it would.
My son got it for me for Father’s Day as a joke and I’m determined to finish it. I think this is the 4th time I’ve poured a shot or two out of it.
Dude, just mix it.
With what? Better whisky?
I mean, anything?
So, it tastes like sweat and steroids. Noted.
If only. It’s not remotely interesting. Really fookin’ bland. LCSS is right, it’s only real use is as a mixer.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. thinks you should have just bought a 40 of Colt 45.
M. V. S
Let me hear you say hey if you have Jordan Howard on your bench!
Hey
Who!?
say HOLLA bitches!!
I’ve still got PTSD about a guy name of Desmond Howard.
—70s-80s-90s Patriots fan.
PRETENDERS BEEOTCH
(the band, not the Packers…well, maybe both)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOnTc4FpJcs
I love how she dug Ray Davies, sang “I Go to Sleep” by Ray Davies, fucked Ray Davies, married Ray Davies, had Ray Davies baby, and dumped Ray Davies. I guess she wanted a kinky baby. I have no idea as to whether their offspring is some kind of musical genius, which is I guess what she was working at. Off to the google with me!
I thought she married the guy from Simple Minds, although I suppose she could do both.
Mr. Know-It-All (wiki) says not a marriage, apparently just a shack job.
I’d have done Chrissie back in the 80s. Probably would today (see other comment re: Jane Fonda.)
Guy bangs Chrissie Hynde and a ballet dancer and he’s bisexual? Dude, I don’t want to judge, but you’re just being greedy.
“Lo-lo-lo-lo-Lola.”
He wasn’t very fucking subtle about the bisex thing.
HUZZAH, my money league foe kept Dakota Jeebus on his bench!!
4 days of listening to people talk about how the Packers D was taking them to the super bowl
If US Rugby were in charge of the defense during the American Revolution we’d all be speaking English right now.
Right-o
Pip, pip!
Crabman is so fucking cool.
all the free socialized medicine
But you’d have right proper spelling
Aluminium and it’s associated silverish colour would agree.
Is there a different Philly firefighter that could adopt Alshon?
That was totally a penalty.
Football or Hockey?
On the Eagles. I do not understand what a catch is and now what pass interference is.
Roger Goodell: Excellent.
Look man, I don’t understand how any of this works
Ok, throw to him again, but make it catch-able.
Evening. I was just saying football needed more stoppages for review.
NFL execs high-fiving as the internet melts down every time they challenge a PI because it slows down the game and not because they wanted more ad revenue like they did when they first came up with the idea
MOAR CHALLENGE
England is up 14-0 in Rugby World Cup, (assuming I haven’t stumbled on a re-run), and while I’m not quite sure what I’m looking for I suspect that this is what a snuff film looks like.
You have.
Lemme guess: The ‘Mericans aren’t gonna come back and win this one, are they?
“Hold my cognac.”
—Marquis de LaFayette
I really wish that the lovely African American ladies that the networks hire to do sideline commentary would all start wearing Angela Davis afros. That would be fucking cool, and would trigger the fuck out of a certain segment of this country’s population, much to my delight.
That would be epic. Just don’t give the “ok” sign because that means you’re a white supremacist.
Oh wait, I meant
I forgot that it might also show some backhanded support for that afro-wearing flag-defiling communist socialist fascist nazi who goes by that obviously subversive Jamaican/Western African sobriquet of Kaepernick.