Your “I’m Just Here For The Dolphin Slaughter” NFL Football Open Thread

Perusing team stats it’s remarkable how playing the Fins skews pretty much everything from ‘good’ to ‘wowzers!’. Average rushing yards, sacks, pressures, passes defended-it just goes on and on. You’d think that players on teams that have Miami on their sked towards the end of the season might have to pay out a part of their individual bonuses to the Fins, especially dudes on the Pats, Bills and Jets.

TO THE GAMES!

Titans/Falcons:

Good news for Matt, Julio and Calvin-the Tennessee secondary is giving up passes to outside receivers at a 75% clip. Yeah, that’s right, three of every four passes is successful.

Pats/Bills:

Dare we dream the dream? I’ve got faith that Josh can escape pressure from the ends with those wheels of his but that Pats secondary of Jones, McCourty and Gilmore is a crack unit. Not helping matters is that Bills wr’s have eight dropped passes already-good for third in the league. I think the Buffalo front seven can hold up their end of the bargain and force Brady to quicken his throws and he might not get much help from Edelman, who has some chest/ribs thing going on.

Chiefs/Lions:

Do you have T.J. Hockenson Buyers Remorse? It’s a real condition that might just be cured by playing from behind the entire game to K.C. Catching just one pass for more than eight yards will shatter his previous two week’s combined output.

Raiders/Colts:

A player prop to consider? How about Brissett throwing for less/more than 221.5. He tossed more than 300 last week but is a very tentative guy usually and has no T.Y. this week. What to do, what to do…

Chargers/Fins:

All (most) of L.A.’s skill guys are off today-wr Williams, rb Jackson, te’s Henry and Green among them. Is your fantasy team all banged up like mine and you’re looking for a spot starter at the flex? You could do worse than Dontrelle Inman.

Potato Skins/Giants:

These guys should be able to score at will on each other, just not on the ground. I’m throwing rook wr McLaurin in there today because Janoris Jenkins is giving up a 140 QB rating to the guy he covers.

Browns/Ravens:

When does Baker, Baker The Touchdown Maker come out of hiding? Betcha Jarvis Landry is re-thinking his open-arms approach to OBJ joining the team. He’s averaging less than 60 yards receiving per game.

Panthers/Texans:

The Carolina D is allowing a paltry 189 yards through the air so far this year. Deshaun should murderkill that number this week.

Do your blurst!

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Viva La Tabula Raza

ESPN Gamecast still has NE with 70% chance of winning.

clint greasewood

Bills secondary holding Antonio Brown to 0 yards so far.

Mr. Ayo

Antonio Brown holding Antonio Brown to 0 career earnings so far.

Doktor Zymm

OH NO THE CASE KEENUM ERA IS OVER comment image

Gratliff

Oh they are definitely going to ruin Haskins

Doktor Zymm

It’s just a matter of which horrible injury he gets. If he’s super unlucky he’ll pull a Jason Campbell and he’ll be stuck playing more than once season in Landover

LemonJello

End Another Career Due To Wounded Knee?

Gatoraids

Once their Pet Cemetery of a home stadium turf gets a hold of him

Doktor Zymm

Was there ever any follow up on the dude who tried to decapitate other dude last week?

Gratliff

Fined a weird number like $10,529 or something

Spur

Do the Bills have a chance?

Mr. Ayo

Of course. Tom Brady is terrible.

LemonJello

Do they give Eli a Surface with Minecraft on it and he doesn’t even notice the game going on?

ArmedandHammered

Minecraft is a bit too hard, MS Paint is more his speed.

Spur

pinball

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Gratliff

My middle school typing class in png form

Doktor Zymm

The Lions always seem to be on the wrong side of touchdown rounding error

Gratliff

Let’s check in with the Lions’ fanbase
https://twitter.com/WorldofIsaac/status/1178386452121559048

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, Detroit is the Detroitiest.

Gatoraids

Roll Cleveland Tourism video

Spur

Humphrey was just asking OBJ if his watch displays weather

Mr. Ayo

Lol Lions

Spur

God hates Detroit

ArmedandHammered

Ever since the Christian’s poor showing in the coliseum he has had a grudge.

Gratliff

They say they officiate the right way when they do this, but the onus becomes proving it wasn’t a score. It’s kind of stupid how they do everything.

Spur

white privilege scramble

ArmedandHammered

So, if the Dophins win a game, do they fire the coach?

Gratliff

Mark Ingram showing some regression after his 35 pt week

Viva La Tabula Raza

Now we can finally stop hearing about the NE defense no-TD streak.

Spur

Does Dan Snyder feel shame?

Gratliff

comment image

ArmedandHammered

I think you have to be self aware to feel shame. So no.

Gatoraids

That he hasn’t scammed a new Jerry world out of the dc area yet

Fronkenshteen

CHUBBY BUBBLE-BUMBLE!!

Spur

Lions give up their prime real estate

Gratliff

FATTY DERP

Spur

Tits Gone Wild

Viva La Tabula Raza

A tie in Buffalo would be funny

Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

King Hippo

now am getting curved weiner ads on Yahoo too, godfuckingdamnit my prehensile dick is JUST FINE thanks

bk109

Uhmmm… First of all – use and adblocker, dude… Secondly, targetted ads targetting you with weiner shit is … concerning…

Gatoraids

Paul Hogan as spokesman for those suffering from boomerang dick

King Hippo

Jesus Tapdancing Christ CHEFS

Gratliff

The president’s schedule for Thursday includes this event — “THE PRESIDENT delivers remarks and signs an Executive Order Protecting Medicare from Socialist Destruction in The Villages, FL”

— Chris Megerian (@ChrisMegerian) September 29, 2019

King Hippo

that gay Muslim commie agenda, we just WON’T GIVE UP ON IT smgdh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, Sweden was planning on destroying Medicare?

ArmedandHammered

Thats just the bone ends rubbing together.

yeah right

Man, the beach was fucking incredible today! 68 degrees and sunny, serious surf and at Dockweiler there is a gathering of classics, customs and low-riders. Saw a couple hundred decked out vehicles. Some of LA’s most recognized car clubs are there too including the Primeros and the Majestics.

The wafting clouds of charcoal, hickory and weed was truly inspirational.

I love it when tourist season ends and I can do a weekend beach walk again.

Brick Meathook

Come to London for an authentic Stampede of Mexican Flavours, just like at the border!

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Chilango” sounds like the name of a 1960s western movie starring Anthony Quinn as a Mexican bandido with a heart of gold.

Sharkbait

The fuck KC?

Gratliff

I love angry self-hating Chucky

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looks like That’s My Raiders! are back from hiatus.

King Hippo

laugh track intensifies

ArmedandHammered

Nice bounce pass.

Gatoraids

Just need one more gruden on staff next week to fix this

Gatoraids

To be fair Dolphins kicker just surprised he didn’t have to kick off once in the game and that’s it

litre_cola

I am making brunch for my wife and 3 of our female friends. Mimosas, bloody marys, red zone, and the Chargers game as one is a fan. Apart from the 8 inches of snow we are getting, things are great.

I feel fancy with my bubbles.

Gatoraids

Can’t wait for Tekashi69 cover of Informer

ArmedandHammered

You really think he will live long enough?

Horatio Cornblower

Or a “full Favre”

Gatoraids

General Sherman is now coaching the Titans

LemonJello

Atlanta is burning?

Viva La Tabula Raza

So what the fuck is up with the pronunciation of Ian Eagle’s first name? Is his name really Brian, but the “Br” is silent?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ehh, Gostkowski would have missed the short field goal anyway.

bk109

I want to challenge that interception against the Dreamboat, because WE PAID THE REFS REAL GOOD MONEY NOT TO ALLOW OFFENSIVE TURNOVERS!

Mr. Ayo

See? Brady blows!

ArmedandHammered

Bradyception!

entropy

My friend is hitting on a woman so poorly it should be recorded and shown to young men as an example of how NOT to court a woman.

ArmedandHammered

Going the possible pity route?

entropy

That would actually be a step UP in the “game” he’s throwing

ArmedandHammered

Ouch.

King Hippo

I refuse to believe anyone could suck at this MOAR than Hippo

Gratliff

DERPBOAT

Horatio Cornblower

Thank to global warming it’s a glorious day here in CT and these games aren’t good enough to outweigh my guilt at being inside. Catch you glorious bastards for the afternoon tilts.

Gratliff

Did they focus on the slamming calls for the sole purpose of getting those Fox wrestling plugs in?

Fronkenshteen

The redacteds are going to be cromulent now, aren’t they? Poop.

King Hippo

I wouldn’t exactly bet on it

Mr. Ayo

Against the G Men? Sure.

King Hippo

Lamar!DOWN

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls spirit lives on.

bk109

Since my TV feed has some really annoying assholes “commentating”, I’m watching it mute, so can like someone fill me in on why Sean McDermott seems about ready to go knife some refs?

entropy

If you think the TV guys are annoying, wait til you read OUR crap