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Your “Oh Boy – The XFL Draft!”

Beerguyrob

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NFL Nuggets:

  • The NFL managed to accomplish the impossible last night & turned the Lions into pitiable victims. 
    • Trey Flowers is risking a fine by stating the obvious: “I didn’t think hands to the chest was a penalty.”
    • Lions safety Tracy Walker was all out of fucks in his post-game presser:
      •  “Extremely pissed off right now,” Walker said. “It is what it is. Disappointed. Hurt. We had that game. I’m going to say the same s—. We should have won it. It is what it is, though. Got to bounce back.”
      • “Detroit vs. Everybody,” he said. “I’m saying it. Detroit vs. Everybody. It’s awful.”

  • Jerry Jones gave an answer that has NFL Kremlinologists studying what words mean when asked about Jason Garrett.
    • It both says Garrett is not in danger, but if he were available lots of teams would want him.
      • Kinda like how your mom would say you were the handsomest boy in school, and that any girl would be lucky to have you.
        What I see versus what my mom saw.
        • But none ever do…
    • In full:

“I have felt that we have a lot invested in Jason Garrett,” Jones said. “He’s evolved into what I think is a top coach. He would be a very sought-after coach if he were out here in the open market. There are a lot of pluses there. He brings a lot to the table.”

  • The Browns are being sued by the fan they wrongly ID’d as the one who threw beer on a Tennessee Titan during a Browns home loss to start the season.
    • The fan is question, Eric Smith, is seeking a public retraction from the Browns, in addition to financial damages.

Finally, the XFL Draft was today!

  • Team rosters are here or here – depending on format preference & cookies.
    • Teams got their franchise quarterbacks and then started the multiphase drafting process beginning with 10 rounds of skill players.
    • Teams will choose 71 players by the draft’s conclusion Wednesday.
  • Among the notables: (via USA Today)
    • Landry Jones – Dallas Renegades
    • Cardale Jones – DC Defenders
    • Matt McGloin – NY Guardians
    • Christine Michael – St. Louis Battlehawks
  • SBNation has a breakdown of what they considered a “sad affair” here.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Lightning at Canadiens – 7:00PM | NBCSN / TSN Quebec
      • because Rogers doesn’t own all the rights to Habs, Jets, Leafs or Sens games
    • Flyers at Flames – 9:00PM | Sportsnet360
    • Red Wings at Canucks – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Game 4: National League Championship Series – 8:00PM | TBS / Sportsnet
  • Futbol:
    • CONCACAF Nations League Soccer: Canada vs. U.S. – 7:15PM | ESPN2

Got the notice from BeerBrother – gettin’ to go to the box this Sunday for the Earl Thomas return/revenge game. Yay free beer!

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yeah right

I can now sleep in peace.

Because…

Fuck the Cardinals!

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Too old.”
–Most Cardinals

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m going to apologize now, because this will probably happen again on drunken nights going forward. Your only visible relief is that I will fade out after Football season.

The bass playing on this one makes Geddy Lee look like he’s playing “Chopsticks”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c3X0OlVjuE

1
WCS

Disrespecting Geddy Lee?!?!
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THOSE DRINKS ARE OFF ROCKS BITCH

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

DOOOOOD, not dissing Geddy, love that fucking ugliest woman ever, just pumping up Peter Gifford. Dude was phenomenal.

1
Brick Meathook

I once worked on a Mazda commercial, and we had to make two versions: one for U.S. TV and another for Canadian TV. Both versions were absolutely identical except that in the U.S. version the voice-over announcer pronounced it MAHZ-DUH and in the Canadian version the same announcer pronounced it MAZZ-DUH.

WEIRD.

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m surprised they didn’t pronounce it “MAZEDZED-DUH.”

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

Should have hired these guys to help out the ad campaign.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KRNozxVPxA

1
Brocky

As dumb as family guy is, I’ll always enjoy this moment

https://youtu.be/CF18ojCoo5k

0
Brick Meathook

The ultimate sports talk panel would be Emmitt Smith and Pedro Martinez discussing PGA golf.

3
WCS

“Lion Forest should be really something!”
“I like Feelup Pennyson!”

2
Brocky

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3
Unsurprised

So does God

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So how soon before Trump takes credit for the Nationals making the Series?

0
WCS

He tweeted that when the Nats scored their second run in the first inning.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

“There are good people on both sides, but especially on the Nat-si side.”

11
WCS

Damn it. Take your +1 and go look at rocks.

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

Getting late, reckoned this would be posted into the void. Thanks for validation, I thought it was pretty good my own damn vain self.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I hope they throw the runner-up trophy at Molina’s chest protector and see if it sticks.

4
Don T

JJAAJAJAJAJAJJAAJAJ
[phonetic, not German]

2
Senor Weaselo

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NAILED IT!

7
Horatio Cornblower

I hope they throw a shoutout to Bryce during these speeches. “Couldn’t have done it with you, bud!”

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Why the Valley Forge sign (ad?) in the background? This ain’t the winter of 1778.

0
Unsurprised

It’s close enough in a city named for G.W. himself. There are so many retail names that come out of middle school history books in that regions.

0
Brocky

Hippo….. you okay bud?

0
Brick Meathook

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14
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

The Cardinals lost the right way: by being swept.

12
Gratliff

BSIB

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Love it

0
Brocky

What a week for Washington huh? Nationals win their first pennant, Redskins win their first game!

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

And get their first new coach of the season!

1
Gratliff

And their last! (For both)

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

And what a month, too! First impeachment investigation in over 20 years. The Republican Congress 2010-2016 really just fell asleep at the switch, what with the as-reported-by-Fox-News hourly wipings-of-ass-with-Constitution perpetrated by the Mooslim Kenyan that really offered them a daily reason for impeachment. Wonder why they didn’t do that.

3
Brocky

Lol who edited my post?

0
Don T

It’s built in
[military salute to DTZM]
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2
Viva La Tabula Raza

So I don’t need to self-edit? DFO will do it for me?

Fuck, when I was a kid, I thought fax machines were fucking wizardry and magic. Look where we have got to in the 50 years since then. I just need to go Thelma and Louise me and the Corvette over the cliff.

0
yeah right

It’s a corporate edict and one that as a voting member I whole firmly endorse.

0
Brick Meathook

It happens automatically if you post the word Redskins.

0
Brick Meathook

Try it. Redskins redskins redskins

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

My mom owned candy/nut stores in suburban malls back in the 1970s/1980s. We sold these peanuts. I never gave it a thought.
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Although I was a little bit embarrassed when I had to wait on some redneck motherfucker who insisted on calling Brazil nuts “N-Toes.” Dude, it’s 1977. Stop being racist. Save it for 2016.

2
yeah right

Dammit!

0
Horatio Cornblower

Expos win! Expos win!

6
Fronkenshteen

Youppi!!!!!
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5
WCS

If the Caps and the Nats can win titles, and Dan Snyder continues to languish? Perhaps there is some hope for the world.

4
Gratliff

This could have been done in a shorter format like, say, super bowl Sunday

2
Gratliff

Bill,,, go on Chapo

Bernie wants a “political revolution” because capitalism is destroying the world.

— Bill O'Reilly (@BillOReilly) October 16, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

OK, I missed the original reference and it is obviously going to be a thing here, so please someone define #BFIB. I’ve been trying to glean it out of the context of the posts for the last few days, but sometimes you just fail and have to admit it.

Also, am I getting the vibe that we are going to try to do an XFL again? Talk about a bad acid flashback. Well, my only suggestion is that they make EVERY player have a made up name like in the Rasslin’ Game, like He Hate Me or some shit.

1
Mr. Ayo

Best Fans In Baseball = What smug Cardinal fans call themselves.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Everyone knows that Yankee fans are the best fans is baseball, and are reacting totally reasonably to losing two close games to Verlander and Cole right now. Nary an overreaction to be found anywhere!

2
Gratliff

I can no longer get excited for Yankees schadenfreude due to the time cliff Lee annihilated them like bugs Bunny against the gashouse gorillas, followed immediately by Philly dropping 4 straight

1
Mr. Ayo

Yep. I’ve seen nothing but calm, rational reactions so far.

1
Brick Meathook

I always thought #BFIB referred to anal sex, or something like that.

1
Mr. Ayo

You think that about every acronym.

5
Horatio Cornblower

Brick: “IRA mean ‘I Really (like) Anal’ right?”

Me: “For the last time no, and please stop asking that; we’re in fucking Belfast for God’s sake”

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks! Here’s a shot I took at Busch Stadium a few years back. They do not sell “If You Like Her Mountains, You’ll Love Her Busch” Beer at that stadium, a fact that I am still bitter about, even though I haven’t drank beer in over 5 years.
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2
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Even the most insufferable Cards fans don’t refer to themselves that way except ironically (see Hippo and me). It’s something announcers say and asshole fans just don’t correct them

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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1
Viva La Tabula Raza

There was a Machinist Mate 1st Class Petty Officer who was the drummer of our band on my ship. His name was MM1 Tom Moran, and he was a pretty good drummer (he could play the open of VH’s Hot for Teacher without falling over the drum kit—very difficult line). Anyway, our ship’s hull number was AFS-4, which we incorporated into the band’s name, the “AFS-4 Skins.” Alternately we called ourselves the Dying Quivers, which was the effect you got when you fucked a chicken and broke it’s neck as you were climaxing. “DYING QUIVERS are awesome.”
Anyway, every time I see this iconic photograph of Republican America, I time trip back to my Navy days and think of how I thought back then that things could not get any worse than they were under Uncle Ronnie. How naive of me.

1
Unsurprised

Did Jerry Falwell teach you boys the mystical art of chicken-fucking?

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Actually, I think that is instinctual, and requires no indoctrination, physical or spiritual.

0
Unsurprised

The national anthem is another reminder that nothing good has or will ever come from Baltimore.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Banner

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Definitely. As a kid, when my Dad was at NSA at Fort Meade, I had occasion to visit both Fort McHenry and the OG Star Spangled Banner that flew over it where it was displayed at the Smithsonian. Not impressed on either count. But the Civil War battlefields were much more impressive at 7-10 years of age, and thank Dad we saw them all.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I did like Homicide: Life on the Street and The Wire.

2
Don T

Best things about adulthood:
2. No one can tell you* what to do.
1. How it enables the shallow lifestyle.

* Unless prison, literally or otherwise.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Nobody told that most recent prolific serial killer what he could or could not do, for sure.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay Ron Reagan, your “not afraid of burning in hell” closing line got a good solid belly laugh out of me.

1
Gratliff

As an atheist, I find very sincere atheists to be both corny and good to laugh at

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

As an atheist myself, I find sincere/militant atheists even more annoying than sincere/militant Christians or Muslims or etc etc etc.

2
Brocky

I’m bored by teh baseball. Here’s an old meme

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8
Unsurprised

I had no ideas NYC Guido Voice guy could move under his own power.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think it was appropriate for Elizabeth Warren to bring up “14 year-olds who have been molested by a family member.” Leave teenaged Ivanka out of this.

8
WCS

Wow. I don’t know whether to applaud this, cringe in the corner, both, or…

Just take your +1, and be glad I’m taking a shower later. That’s now going to be long shower.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

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2
Unsurprised

Everyone is all about female reproductive health when it comes to abortion access (Key word: access. Weasel word whenever it applies to basic human needs or rights), but somehow there is a Grand Canyon between the need to protect and support women’s reproductive health and the need to protect and guarantee everyone’s health, including women’s health for everything else besides abortions.

0
Unsurprised

And by “everyone” I mean white, bourgeois liberal women

0
Don T

I did not drink when my father died. But I’m halfway through my first bourbon ‘cause Mariota was benched for RYAN FUCKING TANNEHILL.
Plot Twist: Tits OL lands Tanny Fanny on IR and I gotta drink more to finish this fever dream.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

My dad is still alive and pretty rambunctious, though it looks like his 75 acre ranch has finally become too much for him; he put it on the market last week and it looks as though I will be hosting my parents at my house until it’s time for assisted living or nursing home. Though it also looks like the sale of the ranch will finance the construction of a very nice garage/shop/mother-in-law shack out on the back 40 of my property. I think he has (and continues to do so steadily) drank enough gin to float a Nimitz-class carrier in his 82 trips around the sun. I will definitely hoist a few in his honor when he shuffles off this mortal coil, but given the genetics I don’t see that happening till he passes the century mark, at which point I will be over 80 years old my damn self.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

ALERT: The LA Kings are wearing Chargers hockey sweaters tonight.

They will lose 10-0.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, all the fucking shit going on in this, the most horrifying timeline, has really had me pretty depressed for the last three years or so. Not sure why. As a white guy with a six figure income, everything is coming up Milhous for me. I am doing just fine. I guess my problem is that I have actual empathy for people who’s grip ended up on the shit end of the stick. I get pissed off when I read about the mid-to-late-1930s-Germany-level shit that is being done by the current regime to those less fortunate. Had a conversation at the bar tonight (strangely enough, with a fellow South Texas progressive—we DO exist!) about how these northern tier cocksuckers go on about a wall and brown crime etc. Fuck you, asshole, they deserve to be here more than you or I. Did YOU risk your life to get here? No, you just happened to win the lucky sperm contest, same as me. My “Honduran exchange student,” who has been doing all manner of handyman work for me for nearly a decade (except the year that he got arrested for being in a bar fight, was deported, and made his way back across half of Central America), is the hardest working motherfucker I know. I tried hiring some white HS kids to do the yardwork while he was, er, indisposed; they were absolutely fucking useless. Got in a bit of a pissing contest with this pro-Trump Hispanic woman at work who was going on about them brown folks sneaking across the border and “taking our jobs.” I told her that I really felt bad for her, since those mojados were stealing employment she obviously coveted for her grandkids; picking tomatoes, dishwashing, and working in the slaughterhouse.
And don’t get me started on the pigheaded ignorance on climate change!
But I finished this book yesterday, and it got my head right again. As a geologist, I’ve always taken the long view, and realized that while species deceases, the Earth abides. This book got me back in that mindspace again. When you realize there have been 5 mass extinctions, for various reasons, over the last 445 million years, and that there have been interludes of tens of millions of years where shit had to evolve again from scratch, I just stop worrying about it. We can destroy ourselves, and the vast majority of the rest of life on the planet, and in 50 or 100 million years, all will be well again. All the pollution and remnants of civilization and everything else will have been subducted back down into the earth’s mantle and spewed back up in fresh volcanic arcs. Tabula Rasa indeed!
That all being said, I still give a hearty FUCK YOU to the Trump Crime Family usurpation of our country and the possible destruction of mankind to enrich their greedy grubby tiny short-fingered hands.

Check this out. It seems depressing at first, but by the time you near the end it is positively uplifting.
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Rant over. Thanks, Whiskey!

8
WCS

You’re a geologist, I’m a geographer. I imagine we could drink booze and talk for a few hours.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Plus I’m a life-long stamp collector, so it’s like geography and history are my minors in the university degree of life. I always kick ass at both of those at the bar video trivia games….

2
ballsofsteelandfury

My reminder of this is when I see grass growing through cracks in asphalt. No matter what man tries to do to change it, nature will always overcome and we’re only temporally important.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

There’s a book called The World Without Us that really hammers that home. Also a TV series that I have not seen but maybe will track down now called Life After People that looks like it explores the same theme, not sure if they are related but they both came out about 10 or 12 years ago.
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1
Brick Meathook

I’ve always been against volcanos, and my record clearly shows this.

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

So, still hanging out at DFO, eh, Pierce?
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2
Brick Meathook

Ha ha I worked on both these movies. Plus, I once smoked a cigarette with Timothy Dalton, so my James Bond Factor is pretty high.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

It wasn’t by chance one of those cigarettes that Q gave Bond that fired a tiny deadly missile out of it shortly after lighting, was it? Because that would be even cooler than smoking a cigarette with Timothy Dalton (best role=first role, homo [bi?])-sexual King Philip II in The Lion In Winter).

3
Unsurprised

This shit has always been going on. It’s just more out in the open now.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

‘Twas a fine rant.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks, I made it myself.

0
Gratliff

pixelated boat may randomly lose his mind when people disagree with him, but he pumps out some good content
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4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Ben wha?

3
Gratliff

I don’t know how heart attacks usually work, but Bernie may actually be healthier than before his. Or he’ll die before he hits the ground on the way off the stage. Life is funny like that.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Canadia kicked the Americans’ asses! Very nice!

0
litre_cola

Twitter is soooooo good right now.

1
litre_cola

For instance.

The #USMNT was never this bad with Barack Obama as President. This is another thing I blame Trump for….ever since he got elected we haven’t Qualified for World Cup, lost Gold Cup Final, have lost games we should have won….

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Soccer? I’d never own a soccer team. Just a bunch of losers that couldn’t cut it as REAL athletes. Actually, I have done everything I can to sabotage US Men’s soccer. Most of those players are Loser Democrats anyway, so there is no way they will get my support. All you need to play that game is a ball and a field, so it is obviously perfectly suited to be played in the various and sundry shitholes around the world and never will be a REAL American sport played by REAL American white kids.”
—@RealSentientAnthropomorphicCcolostomyBag

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

“Yeah, but we’d still beat you at WAR, which is the only real MAN’S game. And shooting endangered species. That’s also a real man’s game.”
—DJT Jr.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Andrew Yang can suck it

1
Dunstan

(insert 1,000 comments from Very Online Dudes insisting that Yang has a lot of exciting new ideas for how to suck it)

8
WCS

Is this a jorb for Balls’ Searches?

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Nope

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Isn’t it though?

2
Gratliff

1000 facials a month for everyone

1
Senor Weaselo

I have a friend who called him daddy on the social medias, and it unnerves me a bit.

1
WCS

TRUE WCS FACT: There’s a Yang sign in my neighborhood. Maybe I’ll post a picture.

0
Gratliff

There is exactly one in most cities I think

2
Dunstan

When I first heard that Yang was trading on the prediction markets for an absurdly large amount (i.e. anything), I tried to figure out a way to make money by shorting him. But with the transaction fees and vigorish, there just wasn’t a way to do it. Which taught me something about how the limits of those markets.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I just hope that sign is in YOUR front yard!

0
Gratliff

Look, I’m unhealthily informed on politics and I can’t tell you who Tom steyer is without Wikipedia

0
Dunstan

I’m guessing Wiki wouldn’t allow me to change that entry to
“A rich dude whose ego causes him to dump millions on a doomed vanity campaign when he could be contributing to state and local races, or the drive to get Floridians back their voting rights, or setting up independent dark money organizations to combat the Republicans. In other words, a guy who would rather preen for the cameras than get shit done.”

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like the current WH occupant/squatter, in other words.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Today’s Tom Steyer
He gets high on you
And the energy you trade
He gets right on to
The friction of the day

I only had to change TWO letters in that lyric. Noyce.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Has there been some kind of mistake or mixup? Have the Arizona Cardinals been playing the Nationals and the St Louis Cardinals suiting up on Sundays? That would explain a lot.

2
scotchnaut

Bernie borrowed David Byrne’s big suit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLbjBGUyHl4

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

I got to see Byrne’s American Utopia tour last year not once, not twice, but three fucking times. Kind of took me out of the shitty reality we live in, at least for a couple of hours. And was in tears each time they did “This Must Be the Place.”

0
Gratliff

Oh no. Mayor Pete gonna get a displeased call from Adam silver

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t like to judge someone on how they look or whom they resemble, but Adam Silver could definitely take Rick Scott’s place in the Senate and no one would even notice, at least not the physical resemblance.

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