A partially-closed DeShaun Watson eye scans the NFL…
Fallout:
-Kenyan Drake is off to the desert. He’ll likely get the start on Thursday night because David Johnson is limpy and Chase Edmonds is gimpy. Somehow Kalen Ballage will vulture his only TD opportunity.
-Speaking of those Cards, guess which O has the lowest # of turnovers in the league at 4? Ya hear that, Danny TenCent?
-DL Leonard Williams heads to The Big Crapple for a 3rd and a 5th. It makes all kinds of not-sense, playing a fella for 8 games before his contract runs out. The Jets will be paying 80% of his remaining salary though. Twitter speculation says that the Giants have a verbal agreement in hand. We shall see.
-Other news out in the NFLsphere says that the Potato Skins are willing to listen to trade offers for Trent Williams-less than 24 hours before the trade deadline of 4pm EST. Look, I’m willing to dump on this witless franchise as much as any German scat kunstlerin is on the chest of a hairy middle-aged businessman but this is just a matter of returning some phone calls that were made over the last two months.
-Everyone marvels about the Pats “historic” D but San Franny is only giving up an average of 128 yards passing per game. Yeah, the Pats are in 2nd with 148 but the Niners average over the last 3 games has been 66.
TO THE GAME!
Fins/Steelers:
These guys are 2-10 combined. Abysmally average Mark Walton takes the helm as Miami’s go-to back. He’ll set the world or his offensive line on fire-there is no in-between! You’re here because your sense of humor veers toward the macabre or you’re behind in fantasy and need JuJu to come up with some points. Hell, we don’t discriminate here-think of DFO as a wide-open trench coat, inviting one and all to have a good, hard, lingering look at all the goods on offer.
I can’t hear any tippity tapping. But I can hear a police car siren. Gotta Go!
Dolphins up by a few scores-those “Opposite Day” practices are finally paying off.
I am experiencing this weird feeling. Like I’m not utterly ashamed of my team’s performance.
I’m ashamed were blowing the 1st pick but would like to avoid Tua TBH
You may still get him. I’ve seem Mocks were Cincy picks either Burrow or Hubert.
It’s a natural unease. My team is 7-0 and I am still uncomfortable with it.
2008 Lions are thawing out their champagne.
They can afford 2 buck Chuck if they hav a coupon
The thing about playing Fitzpatrick is that later in the 4th quarter, if it looks like they’re winning, the Dolphins could tell Fitzpatrick to throw interceptions on every drive to throw the game, and nobody would suspect a thing.
EXCEPT ME.
That was a Dolphin-esque tackling attempt from the Steelers there.
The Dolphins did a really good job with their “competent team” Halloween costume!
Someone in Pittsburgh must have opened up the Lament Configuration
Evening lizard people. How shitty is this show?
It’s… kinda okay so far?
Not nearly as bad as I was expecting!
Miami is going full Major League and trying their balls off
Some people think Preston Williams could be a big time player in the XFL one day
There’s no way Rudolph would be starting if he wasn’t a Mason
He’s an elk, a Mason, a communist, and the president of the Gay & Lesbian Alliance for some reason
So THAT’s the kind of weirdo that wears a hoodie to a spin class!
Troy hates cycling to “Road To Nowhere”.
It took him a bit to realize his bicycle had no seat.
Seat was Joe buck who has the powers of 80s cartoon Turbo Teen cept a bike instead of a car
That is banner worthy; too bad it can’t be done.
After my weekly trip to the bdsm club, I too usually have a Maison Rudolph.
The 3 people who started the Miami D are SO HAPPY YOU GUYS
I was just thinking that someone, somewhere had the bollocks to do so.
Heard some people have a fetish to start the Dolphins D but then die after the act
That’s not a catch.
– Ben Roethlisberger’s in-laws, privately, to their daugher
Toe out of bounds?
/Price is Right failure horn
all ur holding are belong to us!
Something awful
How much of a favorite are the Yinzers in this game?
It was like 16.5 when I done my 8-to-1 moneyline bet
Fins still have to get past Gase’s revenge loss to the dolphins
I know they have infinity % more wins than Miami, but that seems high to me
to me also. Mason Rudolph shouldn’t be favoured by that much against a CFL side
Will Flores get fired if he wins this game?
Washington still has the tie-breaker.
After the home win v. BUF, then
We have not yet begun to fail
Mad at myself for not putting $50 ATS, too.
I tell you the Dolphins have been fumbling toward ecstasy
that’s beautiful, man
Figured Sarah McLaughlin could do another animal cruelty PSA with the dolphins highlight reel anyways
If Mrs Rivers isn’t pregnant now she will be by end of night for that pic
Aw man, NFL Family Feud is a horrible reality show just waiting to happen
Your barren-ness is an offense before the LAWD! – Philip R., El Cajon, CA
“Its a good thing Roethlisberger is here, showing Rudolph what to do.”
Rudolph promptly forces it in.
So this will actually be the first time this season I’ve been able to watch the first half of MNF, as my horseback lesson was cancelled due to the poor air quality from the Sonoma fires. And this is what the NFL has to offer me…
Zymm is fluent in white people, Hamptons lacrosse Taye Diggs.
Blood sugar, baby. It’s magic! Fitz-magic!!
oh yeah, let’s do this fuck you, dolphin!
We get Shitzmagic time tonight?
Welp, that was a good time to tune in
Howard getting traded at commercial break
Punt in under a minute delicious
at least Trent, I mean Mason won’t have trouble wiping his memory of that toss
Where are the heroes?
https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/mlb-bans-two-women-at-world-series-for-flashing-astros-pitcher-gerrit-cole/
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
h
ttps://i.imgur.com/y7zrTJP.jpg
Are you kidding there’s an entire subreddit, basically: https://www.reddit.com/r/JuliaRose/
What’s a reddit?
Oh there were semi famous before that happened?
Honestly takes some of the charm out.
Heroes do indeed sacrifice.
that is what my buddy was trying to get me to google (WS boobs)
I sincerely apologize for this “game.”
– Kellen Clemens, trying to get himself a pity date
I just spent 10 absent-minded seconds trying to plug my phone charger into my remote before I realized I was holding the remote, not my phone.
Spoiler Alert: It didn’t fit.
Don’t give Hollywood any ideas.
…and tin man is iron man? That’s fucking awesome
The Presidency: Totally Electric Hamberder Boogaloo!
Also
“Remember when the president of the United States got boed at the WORLD SERIES?”
Thats hilarious……
It has been the highlight of my week. If I’d been there I’ve have shredded my vocal chords in my enthusiasm.
I have a $15 bet (8 to 1) on fuck you, dolphin! winning this scheisse porn liveshow.
Balls, I’m sorry…
PornHub search: scheisse
Now the Rooney’s will allow a high school football team on field to play the Dolphins tonight
Hey! Those kids at St. Ignatius’ School for the Blind And Crippled earned their roster spots!
Dolphins starting a back named Walton too rich for this Dollar General team
“Good Night Mark!”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp7_u0kcQRo
https://deadspin.com/the-balls-deep-hater-s-guide-to-the-top-25-5036795
This Paraguay/Mexico U-17 World Cup match I’m trying to masturbate to has a disturbing lack of female players.
Gratliff’s post below takes me back-was anyone here commenting on Deadspin between 2010-13?
/I was…wait for it. Vodkanaut way back when.
//I had a good run-starred after only 6 (or so) weeks!
///that’s when starring was a hard earn
Hard to believe there was once a hardcore porn site linked in its header
was so long ago I can’t even recall my handle. I mostly discussed/defended the #BFIB there, methinks.
I posted my manifesto there but the mod-zis took it down! Too much so-called “calls for violence.” Is this America or not, I said t them.
Are you sure that wasn’t StormFrontspin?
Pretty sure Deadspin is a done deal. They’re all just openly shitting on their employers now, in print. Hope Petchesky lands on his feet if it blows up.
Easier to let it go than to see what they’ve turned it into
I haven’t even read Drew’s stuff in the last 3 years or so. Though his books are great.
whats drew magary gonna do?
vegetate?
/but seriously, BUY HIS BOOKS, they good
Are the Fins still tankifying? I’ve sent word to my Swedish supermodel friends just in case.
/OK they actually only Norwegian supermodels.
Oh this game is going to stink.
the dolphins uniforms are nice?
Into S2 of The Strain now and very disappointed to see that they turned the son into Carl but for Vampires.
ALUCORAL!!!
It gets worse. I bailed before the last season.
I quite liked the show, but the last season was the worst. They had to cram too much into it and felt suuuuper rushed.
Alright, we might as well get started early: Hit me with your best Pornhub search terms!
K-Y Jellystravaganza.
Done!
honey boo boo dumpster diving
Civil war reenactment Asian
I like this.
Cards buddy tried sending me a link, but wouldn’t work w/o FB (je refuse!). But he said search “WS Boobs” and so maybe you should dae it?
I had a long migraine nap this afternoon, so I am here for the many wonders this shittasrophe has to offer.
Do you get the starbursts in your peripheral vision? Hate those.
I used to get a revolving blind spot (when it got between my eyes, alarmingly painful). Now I get MOAR headaches, just not quite as bad. This one just basically shut my brain down (and the Imitrex got me to sleep).
Well, it should be an easier list for Lietch to put together in a few weeks
https://deadspin.com/decade-retrospective-who-had-an-awful-decade-5405300
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSz16ngdsG0
found a funny:
one thing you forget about star wars is how much of the original trilogy is just darth vader flying in some place to chew some guy out about construction delays
This is very true.
Darth Vader had a degree in architecture at the University of Tatooine. alot a ppl forget that
Yeah but he wasn’t a quitter like Andrew Luck.
“I could pick up 20 Jawas outside Mos Eisley and they’d have this thing done in half the time for one-third the cost. And better quality work! Fucking Exhaust Port Union…”