Your Tuesday Evening Trade Deadline Open Thread

Well, let’s see what transpired today:

  • Trent Williams’ rights weren’t traded from the [Redacteds], so instead he chose to report, ending his holdout.
    • NFL Network’s Tom Pelissero noted that the left tackle is due $5.824 million in base salary for the rest of 2019 (plus $15,624 for each game he’s active).
  • The Falcons kicked kicker Matt Bryant to the curb.
    • Signing 2017 Charger Younghoe Koo to a likely game-to-game contract.
  • The Patriots released kicker Mike Nugent, presumably for infecting Bill Belichick with Cat Scratch Fever.
    • They have no backup, as Nugent was signed when Stephen Gostkowski went on IR in Week Five.
  • The Rams sent Aqib Talib, his injury & his contract to the Dolphins, plus a 5th-round pick, in exchange for a 7th-round pick in 2022.
    • The Dolphins basically bought a fifth-rounder to pay the balance of Talib’s $4.2 million contract this season.
      • The Rams’ pick was originally Baltimore’s in 2020.
    • Borrowing again from Tom Pelissero of NFL Network, the Dolphins’ ‘strategy’ seems to be this:

Other NFL News:

  • Everyone fires the Whis – Ken Whisenhunt has been released from his Chargers OC job.
    • It’s clear Anthony Lynn is trying to shake things up in an easily winnable division.
      • The Chargers currently sit third in the AFC West, but thanks to the Chiefs’ rough patch, they are only three games back.
  • Andy Dalton has been benched, in favour of rookie Ryan Finley.
    • That lucky bastard gets a bye week to prepare for a Week 10 matchup with the Ravens.
    • According to Bengals coach Zac Taylor,
      • “This is not an easy decision to make. We’re not 0-8 because of Andy. Andy has worked harder than anyone else in this building to help us win football games. [It’s j]ust a decision I made.”
  • Major League Football, a league that tried to start up in 2016 but aborted that attempt, is aiming to start in April 2020.
    • Just after the XFL season ends!
    • According to PFT, MLFB plans to launch with six teams, with a season opening not long after the next draft.
      • In a sign that it just, maybe, might possibly actually begin play, they purchased all of the AAF’s equipment – saving $2.0 million versus buying brand new.
    • No word on when they might have a player draft.

General noise:

The death knell for Deadspin might have begun today. With their corporate overlords extolling a “stick to sports” edict, the site has spent a majority of the day engaging in self-immolation – reprising old stories; encouraging boycotts of online advertisers; publishing pithy observations. They haven’t published anything since 1:00PM ET. It’s not going to be as swift as when KSK decided it was finished, but it is a lot more public, as people are using social media to make various & sundry points about the state of modern online journalismism. It’s been noticed by quite a number of “traditional” news sites like the Washington Post & New York Times.

This was all set off yesterday, according to The Daily Beast, with a memo from G/O Media editorial director Paul Maidment, advising

“To create as much great sports journalism as we can requires a 100% focus of our resources on sports. And it will be the sole focus,” Maidment said. “Deadspin will write only about sports and that which is relevant to sports in some way. Where such subjects touch on sports, they are fair game for Deadspin. Where they do not, they are not,” Maidment wrote. “We have plenty of other sites that write about politics, pop culture, the arts, and the rest, and they’re the appropriate place for such work.”

According to CNN, G/O Media is currently owned by private equity firm Great Hill Partners, which bought the properties from Univision, where they had been known as Gizmodo Media Group. Most of the sites that are currently part of the portfolio were part of the group originally known as Gawker Media, which went bankrupt after wrestler Hulk Hogan sued the company in a lawsuit bankrolled by billionaire Peter Thiel.

In response, people have been finding out corporate overlords kinda suck. Deputy Editor Barry Petchesky was fired Tuesday for “not sticking to sports,” he announced in a tweet.

https://twitter.com/barry/status/1189224064788979712

And management has responded in kind.

That’s where things stand at the time I put this to bed. I don’t know who among the Kommentariat cares, but I figured it was interesting enough to synopsize here for discussion tonight.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • World Series: Game 6: Not-Expos at Astros – 8:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
      • Astros up 3-2.
  • NHL:
    • Lightning at Rangers – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Oilers at Red Wings – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • MLS:
    • Los Angeles FC vs. Seattle Sounders – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NBA:
    • Mavericks at Nuggets – 9:00PM | TSN2

Not a lot on, but most of it looks pretty good. Here’s hoping the Astros can put things away tonight. Looking forward to the MLS footy matchup when I get home from school.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Underwater scotch.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Get out of my dreams and get onto my gaming laptop!” – Eli Manning, wearing a Gryffindor scarf

SonOfSpam

He finally has some free time.

Horatio Cornblower

And there’s Joe Torre, on cue, saying that a clearly wrong call was, in fact, the right call.

Torre is a horse’s ass.

Brocky

Also, since BC brought that movie up, I still contend that Burgess meredith’s outtakes are some of the funniest fucking things on the planet

https://youtu.be/hh81LMz1sPo

BC Dick

Joe Torre should star in Grumpy Old Men 4: Get Off My Lawn with… help me here. Buck Showalter?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Lou Holtz?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d have to say “Bob Costas” based on the amount of stinkeye he gives me when he sees me walking my dog past his place.

Wait, did I say “stinkeye”? I meant “pinkeye”.

BC Dick

Name dropping now, are we, mister Hollywood? Good choice, same as holtz. I thought don zimmer but I want him for my reboot of Archie bunker. He’ll be gay, yes. With David Allen Grier. The neighbour is John Gibbons because I love Gibby.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ha ha, no, not name dropping – I have no idea where Bob Costas lives. It’s funny that you thought I was serious, though – my buddy John C. Reilly is going to get a kick out of that when I mention it to him over beers at The Morrison tomorrow night during Game 7.

BC Dick

I’ve been led to believe you’re all lawyers and jet-setters and the like. I assumed you lived in those kind of neighbourhoods. Well, I’m not even going to bother offering you this exciting investment opportunity that is 190% guaranteed to double, triple, or even quintuple your money! !.

Gratliff

Firmly believe that the lawyers here are of the Lionel Hutz variety

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, you gotta have ambition and drive to be either of those things. I’ve neither.

JerBear50

Gotta save Zim for the reboot of Celebrity Death Match, where he can avenge himself against Pedro.

Brocky

…. there was a part 3?

BC Dick

I don’t get out to the cinema much. I just guessed at 3 or 4.

Brocky

Fair enough, there’s so many sequels out now, easy to get lost.

I only remember the first one cuz of how much my grandpa loved it, and the outtakes I posted above.

I only have the most vague recollections of the sequel, just cuz it was meredith’s last film

BC Dick

I did not know that. He made some movies. Without him Rocky isn’t shit. We’d still be talking about Raging Bull. Ann-Margret still looked damn good in it. That’s what I remember.

Mr. Ayo

dan shaughnessy

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Torre was a genius at managing personalities but terrible at tactics, and his performance as VP For Making Excuses For Terrible MLB Decisions has done nothing to change my opinion of him as an amiable doofus who lucked into an unbelievable position in the twilight of an otherwise mediocre career.

BC Dick

I think you’re right. But even so I like managers who don’t over-manage and trust their guys to get it done and will let a young guy take a shot in a big spot because he finds out if those guys have it and he gets their trust forever by doing it. Like Gibby. And I cheer for a guy who looks like joe who lucks into anything as great as joe did.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Grumble grumble I can’t believe you assholes have missed such an obvious answer here grumble grumble

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s too bad he couldn’t get the complete game victory.

Horatio Cornblower

But since they saved those 6 pitches by pulling him after 104 he can give them 2 innings tomorrow!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Can Trump come down to get boo-ed in Houston tomorrow night? I’d even approve of the waste of tax money for him to fly down in AF1, as long as the booing was lusty enough.

Brocky

Can we really trust Texas to boo him? Houston ain’t Austin

Viva La Tabula Raza

Houston had an out lesbian mayor for 6 years. Don’t rush to judgment just because Texas.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Annise_Parker

BC Dick

They’re not mutually exclusive. I’d vote any day for a lesbian/whatever for mayor or any other office but I wouldn’t vote for a green new deal and identity politics. I don’t get the choice, though, to be fair. I’m in Canada and we choose between cheddar and marble cheddar.

Brocky

Keeping with the apparent theme of the night, your month of macabre is from slither (2006) an underrated flick directed by james Gunn

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There are a lot or weird scenes and affects, and by that I mean good and entertaining, in that movie.

Mr. Ayo

Maybe they should bring in Doomore.

Brocky

So I haven’t been watching the game, but I did get a. Notification on it.

Que?

Sharkbait

The shitty umpiring theme from the regular season reared it’s head again tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s been garbage this series. And to be fair I though it was really good in the ALCS.

WCS

Wait, so this is the 666th World Series game? Figures the team with Cheetoh Mussolini as it’s current most well-known resident will win.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That Nationals fans deserve this series after what they did – as far as I’m concerned they are now “America’s Fans”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That was orgasmic.

WCS

Tonight on Hannity: Why Does Major League Baseball Hate Our Duly Elected President? Our investigation into the Deep State’s takeover of our nation’s pastime!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Why the shit are they making a movie about adult Danny Torrance?

Sharkbait

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I read this book and there is no porn in it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

In space, no one can hear you cream.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

Brocky

Because Stephen king made a book about adult Danny torrence.

I love that King isn’t just retiring quietly in his old age

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who asked him?

Sharkbait

Also a chance to stick it to Stanley Kubrick

JerBear50

The book was actually pretty good. I’d given up on King a long time ago because he went through a long string of pumping out shit books year after year, just like most other horror authors. He actually manged something decent with this one though.

Sharkbait

Come December, there better be a place I can read Drew’s annual evisceration of the Williams Sonoma catalog.

Mr. Ayo

I suppose of all the DS writers, he’ll be the one that still has a writing platform after this implosion.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And he’s mainly been doing GQ and Medium, so…long live journalism?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Seriously. No JAMBOROO this week?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently… Fuck, my life is an empty trash can being blown down the road when a cold front blows through town.

Sharkbait

Should I be watching the based ball, or Great Pumpkin?

Or tentacle porn as per Moose?

Mr. Ayo

Tentacles feel good man!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In case you are doing some xmas shopping:

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m sure that’s a very interesting “Chess Set”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, I thought they were bookends.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It can be all three.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It IS Tuesday.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is also tentacle tickle porn, apparently.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I’m kinda proud of the fact that I’ve seen more images lampooning tentacle porn than actual tentacle porn

Viva La Tabula Raza

Game 7 after all? We can only hope.

SonOfSpam

And the Nats have the road-field advantage.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I imagine that some time in the past the “Visiting Team wins every game” scenario has played out. Too drunk to check, myself.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It has not. It hasn’t even happened that a road team has won six of the seven.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, I feel as much a witness to history as I did when I watched JFK lying in state, Neal Armstrong stepping on to the surface of the moon, and the Jets beating the Colts in SB III.

Dunstan

Nor has it happened in the NHL or NBA (in 7-game series). It has, however, happened in the American Hockey League final, the Calder Cup. The winning coach was a young bemulleted man named Barry Melrose.

And now you know… the rest of the story!
(I only know this from Slate’s Hang Up And Listen podcast)

BC Dick

MLB is under criticism for boring baseball, juiced balls, impromptu high volume press conferences with assistant GMs. If I know my pro sports script writers, the Nats will win in game 7. It’s the most satisfying storyline right now. Especially with the departure of a high priced free agent. The owners probably really liked that in the table read.

BC Dick

Sherzer heroically wins the game. Is he starting? Or he gets the save. Maybe extra innings. He can barely lift his arm because he’s been pitching so good. Pointing to the cancer-ridden boy in the stands who tweeted some trite bullshit, he promises to spend the rest of his days raising money to sue people who discriminate against people with weird eyes and you can’t stop looking at them. Osuna gets hit by a hot dog thrown in celebration by a fan. The hot mustard blinds him temporarily and he falls into the dugout woodchipper. We find out later that he did that thing more than once. It makes the parade even better.

WCS

You knew that was going to happen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Indeed.

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nomonkeyfun

I am confused, horrified, and… turned on?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It can EASILY be all three.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, that reminds me of the liberty call my ship made in Pattaya Beach Thailand back in January 1983. Good times and cool story, bro.

Mr. Ayo

Review that!

Porky Prime

KARMA

Porky Prime

Baseball has a Tuck Rule game now.

nomonkeyfun

“Thank god no one remembers me.”
-D. Denkinger

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, that’s that RuPaul’s Drag Race show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Aw come on!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Did I just hear “Try not to fuck this up” on the WS broadcast?

SonOfSpam

Was it Joe Buck looking in a mirror?

JerBear50

Is Hank Azaria in the booth?

BC Dick

And you fellas and gals are far superior to some dead skin site. They have essentially one point of view between them. I’m sure I’ve got different opinions on lots of things from most of you but you’ve been nothing but gracious (even with the ever present threat that I will murder litrecola) and I literally do not comment anywhere else. Even if I could get this flip phone to open a second web site.

SonOfSpam

I am decidedly NOT superior to dead skin. How dare you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is REALLY dry here during the winter.

BC Dick

I knew I misspelled it but I think it works for my point.

WCS

One way or the other, this ruling ends in a riot.

Mr. Ayo

As long as the riot includes tentacles, I’m all for it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Well, not with THAT attitude!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

A move like cutting Matt Bryant mid season with whatever hopeless record Atlanta has is why the football gods hate the falcons. It’s like benching Eli Manning in some meaningless late season tryout for a guy they should know from practice is going to be cut next year. He is real and he will punish those who offend him. But not cheaters, apparently. He’s vindictive, not just.
Also the dalton thing is dumb. If the guy didn’t win for you at least he was a good soldier who did more in bengals orange than anyone than boomer, no? Bengals fans? I’m just guessing. But he deserves better. Can some no name rookie win with that o line? Shame.

herodotus450

Despite being a filthy traitor coward, Carson Palmer is still the best Bungles qb in history and will be for a thousand years after Mike Brown’s death.

BC Dick

Yes, right. How did I forget him. That was an unfortunate end to his tenure, too.

Downfield Matriculator

Ken Anderson remains the best Bengals QB!

Mr. Ayo

Oh fuck those umps. That’s a terrible call.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that was absurd.

ArmedandHammered

Of all the things, that is not reviewable.

Of course now they do.

nomonkeyfun

JC Martin is laughing his ass off.

Senor Weaselo

“Looks cut and dry to me, good call.” -Angel H., far away from a baseball field thank goodness

Senor Weaselo

Also thanks to this joke Angel Hernandez is suing me.

Porky Prime

Horseshit call.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, that’s the Kentucky Derby.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea: A Tour of the Underwater World by French writer Jules Verne has some good tentacle porn in it.

ballsofsteelandfury

The TENTACLING has begun!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Evening people.

Give me your tired, your poor, Your grayed out masses yearning to comment free, The wretched refuse of your teeming Deadspin. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door flies open!

ArmedandHammered

To hell with that! We’ll build a firewall, no a pay wall and get Deadspin to pay for it. – Chenito Mussolini

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s excellent work on the deadspin synopsis, @champagnefellowbobby. I am hoping that some of the better commenters over there find there way into our loving embrace.

JerBear50

I’m assuming we already have people working on that? Also, when do we start porn-bombing the comments?

Viva La Tabula Raza

You know what? I miss being Rick-Rolled. It was a more innocent time.

nomonkeyfun

Moose is going through his tentacle porn folder at this moment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When KSK went down there was a fisting gif that seemed to stay on for a long time, which to me was hilarious.

Gratliff

Careful, or we’ll awaken the Fek

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shit, need to refine my search a schmidge.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

Its good thing internet Dad only sold one share of DFO stock to each commentist. Otherwise it would take what, $264 for a leveraged buyout.

JerBear50

Dammit, is that what that piece of paper that just said “Stock” on it was supposed to be? Fuck me, I thought it was junk mail. Now I’m out, what, nearly a dollar?

nomonkeyfun

I sent a couple of vicuprofincet to some hermit in North Carolina, for my share.

litre_cola

Weird my was just a stock photo, the return Puerto Rican address checks out though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I sold my share for meth years ago. Turns out, it was brown sugar. The Rolling Stones song. On cassette. Fool me once…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, for a second there I thought this Motherless Brooklyn movie was going to be about Robert Moses. Google search indicates otherwise. Man, that guy Robert Moses was a GIGANTIC dick.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_Brokercomment image

Edit: apparently Baldwin’s character is indeed based upon Moses. But with a different name.

nomonkeyfun

“Fuck Moses.”

-R. Caro

“I agree.”

-Ramses II

Viva La Tabula Raza

So shall it be written, so shall it be done.

JerBear50

Boy, all this talk about KSK and Deadspin sure makes me want a Bud Light Lime or maybe a nice Lime-a-rita.

Dunstan

That’s strange. It makes me want to ask my long-distance girlfriend for anal sex.

JerBear50

To be fair, most things make you think of that.

Sharkbait

What about Corgi Friday?

#BringbackMatt

King Hippo

if only there was an #UpFor hashtag…

Sharkbait

#upforwhatever.

Mr. Ayo

#Natitude just blew its load all over Verlander’s back.

Dunstan

“Seems fair to me” — K. Upton

nomonkeyfun

“Its all the action he’ll see tonight anyway. Also, mooooooo.”
-Also K. Upton

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is triggered]

– Mango in Chief

Fronkenshteen

Jets S Jamal Adams weighs in after today. pic.twitter.com/LkEtwznFh1

— Field Yates (@FieldYates) October 29, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Chiefs coach Andy Reid weighs in after today, too.
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Mr. Ayo

I see his doordash order is on its way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hangerdoordash.

King Hippo

I think someone should write an erotic alternate history entitled Licking Stalin’s Taint

Fronkenshteen

Gulag Archismellago

JerBear50

Ahhh, the between-course palate cleanser of cunnilingus and salad tossing.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Full title: Licking Stalin’s Taint Whilst Powdering His Balls

Brick Meathook

Licking Hitler’s Nut by Albert Speer

nomonkeyfun

I think that was the working title for the first draft of his lies, I mean “memoir.”

litre_cola

I will say I do miss all the job opportunities we used to get from KSK on live brogs.

My Aunt’s Cousin’s German Shephard make $1000 dollars a day staying at home!
Just go to http://www.Iamnotnotanigerianprince.com

litre_cola

Or the GEAUUUX HEAUUUX guy.

JerBear50

And who knew Nat would end up running Breitbart?

Gratliff

Deadspin has operated as a white gang for the last 10 years, blackmailing and bullying media executives and carrying out hits for the media executives willing to pay for it. A group of thugs. Deadspin was the Death Row Records of journalism. https://t.co/hiE5sKssGQ

— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) October 29, 2019

How about me & u go celebrate over a box of Krispy Kreme donuts and glass of low-fat milk? Almond milk for me, I'm kinda lactose intolerant. ? ? ? https://t.co/gzxCy5CyIh

— Terrell Owens (@terrellowens) June 9, 2018

Senor Weaselo

“Fat-free almond milk, of course.” -Joe F., Denver

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, it was by joining a thread busting on Jason Whitlock that I managed to attain my first approved comment at deadspin.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

BRING BACK JEFF GEORGE

Gratliff

So JerBear50 wants me to give up horny fourny for some guys I expect could be playing in the XFL soon. At 3-5, all I can really hope for at this point is chaos, so yea or nay?

King Hippo

require ALL his Iggles

JerBear50

I’m open to options.

JerBear50

And how the hell are Chris Godwin and McLaurin headed for the XFL? Godwin is the 3rd highest WR in our league.

JerBear50

lol Just saying man, I’m open to renegotiation. I’m strong on WR but could use a solid RB.

Fronkenshteen

[door flies open]

YOU NEED A WEEK TO MULL THIS OVER!!!

herodotus450

More liek DEADspin amirite?

King Hippo

You better goddamned believe I picked up Ryan Finley in my money league, where I is 2-6, and thus free to set whatever whimsical lineups suit me.

I cut King Laserface. One Shitty Wolf is enough.

scotchnaut

What do you honestly think he can do this week?

/all my qb’s are on byes because I’m stupid

King Hippo

Finley is also on bye. You mean Laserface? He’ll need to keep pace with A.A. Ron, and GB’s pass D ain’t nothin’ special. GO FOAR IT

Gratliff

I’m really curious to see what comes of J/O Media vs. GMG. GMG has legit grievance claims, but I want to see if anything actually comes of it. There were a considerable number of shops like that that unionized the last few years. Is this the first major labor dispute to come from one of them?

Gratliff

If G/O stomps all over them, it could get real bad real fast.

King Hippo

it’s all a FaLSe fLaG to force Drew off their health insurance wake up sheeple!!111

Brick Meathook

This isn’t a labor dispute. Like it or not, the publisher (the owner) can tell the editors (the employees) what to write, or at least what to write about.

That whole Deadspin/Gawker crowd sure seem to get pretty full of themselves.

Dunstan

That would depend on the terms of the collective bargaining agreement. Have you read the Gawker CBA? I have not, but some employees have claimed it contains provisions governing editorial independence.

Fronkenshteen

I believe Petchesky refused management’s demand to take down the article about the auto-play sound-on ads all over the site, in which they directed readership’s complaints directly to management, which violated GMG’s collective bargaining agreement.

Dunstan

Can’t tell whether or not you mean that “refus[ing] management’s demand to take down the article” was the violation of the CBA, or that the article was. The version I heard was the former: that the CBA specifies who can order an article to be taken down, and the union says that procedure wasn’t followed while management claims otherwise.

Fronkenshteen

Yeah. We’re on the same page, I’m just too stoned to write good.

ThePirateSloth

RIP Deadspin. Why can’t we just have a nice place to put our dicks up, relax, and make fun of said dicks?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We do.

-50mL

Porky Prime

Ok, who’s going to be fired first for not sticking to dicks?

King Hippo

not teh Velcro Fleshlight ™

scotchnaut

[opens fly, takes dick out]

Have fun.

/Godamnit! It’s not that small!

ThePirateSloth

I’m still grey over there at the G/O Media empire, but I gave a shameless plug for DFO on the good doggos post.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Grey dick……

jokes.

ThePirateSloth

I missed ya Moose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Likewise, ya bastard.

JerBear50

Harf?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Harf.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You ever date a near-sighted woman?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s the o/u on number of innings before the ‘Stros essentially put this one to bed? I’m going with five.

Fronkenshteen

Strasburg can be gotten to in the first. Happens all the time. You’ll be sleeping like a baby before the 10:00 news. Fiddle dee dee. The Lightning scored. That will require a tetanus shot.

Senor Weaselo

“Who needs defense anyway?” -Ice Giants

scotchnaut

“Doorfliesopenspin: Sports news without abscesses, flavor or secretions.”

Porky Prime

*some secretions may occur naturally in trace amounts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Trace? I SAVED UP FOR SATURDAY!

herodotus450

“Constantly spinning, spinning, spinning …”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And betting.

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Porky Prime

Only a few more days before I fly out to get morning shitfaced in an Oakland parking lot!

Oh yeah, some sort of sporting event too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Please keep the lack of focus on sports.

-Kerry Flynn

WCS

4-0 Ice Yinzers with five minutes left in the first. Gratliff and I will be drinking, but for entirely different reasons.

scotchnaut

I’m not gonna lie-“Doorfliesopenspin” has a certain ring to it.

Gratliff

[Investment Opportunity Flies Open]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll take ten thousand shares!” – Hue Jackson

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You just want “free” scotch.

scotchnaut

Somebody’s begging the “Who Doesn’t?” question.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For some it is not the only motivation.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Beerguy also wants free beer.

scotchnaut

Yeah, and everyone with the last name “Black” is African-American. Racist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Drinkist.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Deadspin thing and the KSK thing is why I am glad that we at DFO do not have corporate overlords and do not accept advertising. Although, I really do think we should be getting some free Pornhub swag for all the articles I write. It would make the tipping contest prizes a lot more interesting…

Just sayin’…

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought WE were the corporate overlords.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Kinda like how the fans own the GB Packers, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

T-shirts?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Available in long sleeve.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Come to find out a search for “pornhub t-shirt” brings up a few interesting things.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

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That’s not a t-shirt, even.

scotchnaut

“Perfect for hiding the track marks!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That guy had to sell his computer.

Senor Weaselo

BattleBots and hot sauce companies still haven’t given me a damn thing for free!

JerBear50

Let’s start a write-in campaign to get Weaselo onto an episode of Hot Ones. Despite the sound of it, this is in fact not linked to Pornhub.

Senor Weaselo

I live close enough! Let’s do it, Sean Evans!

JerBear50

We’ll have a special episode where he force-feeds you wings while you play your cello. I think we can take up a collection to get a customized Wolfman Rob jersey for you to wear on your appearance.

herodotus450

Now seems like the perfect time to announce DFO’s new partnership with German multimedia publishing conglomerate Oesterkurb Organized Publishing. Their (and our new) slogan is “OOP for Whatever.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Is this somehow related to my Pornhub searches?

Porky Prime
Gratliff

All you had to know going into the Flyers-Pens game is that Flyers Twitter was getting hyped for it, meaning only despair could occur

Redshirt

The Bengals are definitely my team, they did absolutely nothing and hopes it all works out.

JerBear50

He simply consulted his “scouting department”, aka FS1 programming, and decided he should stand pat.