Your “FINALLY!” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Back in the summer I had an idea. “Always look ahead”, my dad said and that advice has served me oh-so-well. I dropped in on a few sermons at various churches so I could get the lay of the land as it were. The first was St. Vincent’s, a newer place on the outskirts of town. As I suspected, the parish-goers were well-to-do and they weren’t really interested in getting their hands dirty. If there were any programs it was at arms length-you know, donate to ‘the cause’ so that you could feel better about yourself and could tell folks that you were making a difference in the community.

St. Thomas Aquinas was a bit better. They ran a kitchen on Saturdays-breakfast and lunch for those in need, the usual. They had a large group of volunteers and it was tightly run by a severe-looking, hawk-nosed old man. He had to be ex-military, it was right there in his bearing-you (meaning me) wouldn’t be able to get anything past him. I moved on.

The Holy Trinity Church was right downtown and looked more than a little shabby. In retrospect I should have started right here. You see, I was thinking ahead to November and December, when the wind turns from crisp to downright oppressive, when the cold gets into your bones and it takes forever to get it out-when the less fortunate need a place to sleep because the emergency shelters are full and some other entity steps up to fill the void.

That was Holy Trinity. The staff and volunteers were old and didn’t want to be there anymore but no one was replacing them so here they were. When I mentioned I’d be interested in monitoring these poor souls they practically wept at my feet. And so it was.

This place was badly underfunded. The basement didn’t have proper lighting, the washrooms featured separate spigots for hot and cold water, it was cold. It was almost as cold as outside when the first spell hit but at least there were mats to sleep on and ratty blankets to wrap oneself in. The smell of stale urine hung in the air. I’ll never get accustomed to it.

“Stew” and I hit it off after I offered to guard his satchel while he went to the free needle clinic. I’ve found that small gestures like that mean everything to a guy on the streets. To be someone that can be trusted. Well, for a while…

Stew told me about this one dumpster he liked going to.

-You know that pizza place that just opened three blocks from here?

-Can’t say I do. I’m not really from around here.

-Anyway, all the crap at the end of the night goes in there. And sometimes it’s not crap at all. Only thing is, when the old man has the night shift you can forget about it-he locks that thing up tighter than a drum. But when the woman closes up, she leaves it unlocked. I think she seen me lurking around. I didn’t say anything to her but one look at me and she knows what I’m all about.

-You’d better keep that a secret or somebody else might find out.

-No matter if I say anything or not, it won’t last much longer. There’s too many of us with eyes out looking for stuff. Just a matter of time…

I had something to think about on my drive home the next morning. It looked like time was really tight.

The following Friday was just like any other-ragged folks of all ages shuffled in, sat down, drank the coffee, stank to high heaven. Stew let me know his private paradise was still his alone and he was headed there at 2 am after closing. At 10 pm I feigned a sore stomach and told the other volunteer I was headed home. It was easy to find the place and I parked out of sight across the street.

I started awake at 2:30 and swore out loud at the missed opportunity, thinking that Stew had already been there and gone. After regaining my composure, I decided to wait.

A figure approached the dumpster and I slowly got out of my vehicle as the darkened silhouette pried the flap open. I waited nearby. I heard the rummaging, saw him climb out and walk towards the tree to eat his blackened (I assumed) treasure. He sat down with his back to me. Perfect.

The tools of the trade tonight were a small but weighty hatchet and a garrotte I’d fashioned out of old clothesline and two straps of leather. The freshly fallen snow hid my footsteps but not my excitement. I couldn’t help myself-as I pulled my arm back to level a incapacitating blow I said, “Hey Stew”.

The face that quickly turned towards my voice wasn’t that of Stew. This was an old guy with a yellowish beard that had a wild look in his eyes as he very nearly comprehended what was going to happen to him. I meant to hit Stew on the bridge of his nose but I was as surprised as my unintended victim and missed and buried the butt end of the hatchet into this guy’s mouth. What was left of his teeth mixed with chewed pizza as he fell forward. As he lay facedown on the snow I caved in a small part of his skull with another strike. The strangling tool came out and it was over in three minutes or so.

Breathing heavily, I took a long, looping path back to my car. The surprise of that nameless man’s making gave me an exhilaration I’d never felt before. I don’t know how I could possibly replicate that in the future.

As I got behind the wheel and made my way onto the main thoroughfare, I thought for quite some time about the role of serendipity in all our lives…

TO THE GAME!

Pats/Ravens:

Run LAMAR! Run. Actually, Steve Belichick (Sonny Boy is calling the defensive plays now) will probably gameplan to take away the run and force Jackson to beat the D through the air. And if I recall correctly, all three cb’s are ranked in PFF’s top ten in terms of performance. I’m just glad that New England isn’t facing a slap happy patsy for once.

Do your thing.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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—Bullet Tooth Tony

WCS

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Viva La Tabula Raza

There are a lot of flaws, but I love that movie despite them.

Horatio Cornblower

The Patriots not catching up fast enough based solely on red zone turnovers, the Ravens begin head-hunting to add 15 yards to each play.
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Spur

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Spur

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve never understood the ‘grandma armchair cover’ bikini concept. Also, wouldn’t this be itchy if you actually tried to swim in it?

Gratliff

Is there any situation where it wouldn’t be?

Doktor Zymm

Probably depends on the yarn selection, but….yeah, probably always itchy

Unsurprised

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Sharkbait

Hey, remember when Ray Lewis killed a guy?

Viva La Tabula Raza

But he has a statue!

WCS

Was that in Atlanta?

Viva La Tabula Raza

NO! The statue is in Baltimore…

Spur

No – Fulton County DA

Senor Weaselo

“No.” -Ray Lewis
“Yes! I would like to extend my warranty!” -Trent Green

Spur

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Spur

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Covalent Blonde

I am trying to not scream at my driver to get me home faster to watch this shitshow!!! Go, go, go! I need this!

Doktor Zymm

Can you stream on your phone? Or radio?

Senor Weaselo

Is this the part where we cue up Football on Your Phone?

Gratliff

You may need it, but I question if you want it

Viva La Tabula Raza

Should be tie game soon, and then halftime, so don’t freak out friend-o..

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Ravens, let’s try NOT turning the ball over in the red zone anymore for the rest of the game and see how THAT works out, shall we?

Dunstan

“Nevermore?”

Sharkbait

MOAR RED ZONE TURNOVERS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I SEE SOMEONE DOESN’T WANT PEPPERS!!!!!!!

Sharkbait

…I want peppers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehehe

Spur

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Gratliff

Nick Folk’s headshot looks like a Senator in the midst of a corruption scandal

Spur

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Covalent Blonde

I, too, hate my retinas

Horatio Cornblower

THEY KNOW WHAT THEY DID!!!

Sharkbait

Needed points. I’ll take it.

Dunstan

Have to admit it was nice of the Ravens not to wait until the 4th quarter to blow a big lead. Looking at you, Falcons.

Horatio Cornblower

There are no virgins in New England because Belicheck keeps tossing ’em into volcanoes so that other teams keep doing stupid shit like this against them.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sorry, but there probably weren’t any virgins in NE even when Babe Parilli was QB for the Boston Patriots. I have at least two cousins up there who were conceived out of wedlock.

Horatio Cornblower

My high school career on the Dungeons & Dragons and Debate teams would argue differently.

Dunstan

Tonight on “D&D&Debate: Dwarves vs. Elves — WHO YA GOT?”

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s funny—one of the aforementioned cousins was fathered by my Uncle Dave, who played for Holy Cross back in the day (1960s) and ended up as the guidance counselor at the local HS there next to Foxboro. Apparently my auntie was the town pump/roundheels.

WCS

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hippofant

Fuck everything!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Here we go again!

Spur

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King Hippo

IT ESCALATES

Sharkbait

NAWT DOWN

Spur

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Sharkbait

He was down.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Agree. Let’s see what New York says!!!

Spur

New York says. “Ravens ball, GO Yankees! “

Horatio Cornblower

Touchdown Seahawks!

SonOfSpam

“Yo! I’m walkin he-ah!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sure looked like it from that angle.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ha! Go for it, Belichick. No? You big pussy.

Spur

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King Hippo

it’s funny, ref is like “do you want to decline it for 4th and a gnat’s public hair?”

Viva La Tabula Raza

See, Brady doesn’t get ALL the calls to go his way, ya buncha crybabies.

Spur

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SonOfSpam

Where is this specific library? I have some periodicals to check out.

hippofant

Is that not intentional grounding? There was nobody near that pass.

hippofant

Oh there it is.

Spur

Brady crying

Doktor Zymm

I see Brady is using the douchebag 80’s guy ‘call me’ hand signal for communicating with his teammates

King Hippo

he noes it make dem panties DROP

Spur

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SonOfSpam

Please don’t post my pic w/o permission k thx bye

Viva La Tabula Raza

Are you the torn jeans or the jacket?

SonOfSpam

“My pic” as in one I took before I fucked that guy.

Spur

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King Hippo

niiiiiiiiice contrast!

Spur

TIE game. Murray is IT!

SonOfSpam

Then he should be working a tech job, not losing to the Lakers.

Spur

No one called Lamer “well spoken”? I call this progress. The Boomers are dying, thank god.

SonOfSpam

“Articulate” also plays.

King Hippo

totes clean, tho

Horatio Cornblower

Yet

Dunstan

Watched the first quarter with a couple of Pats fans. Actual dialogue:

(Brady’s first pass attempt misses) “Oh, come on, Tommy!”

(first drive is three-and-out) “What’s going on, Coach?”

Yeah, better cut that bum QB and fire the coach.

King Hippo

man, that 2018 non-Lamar! draft class looks pretty shitty

hippofant

I wonder why of the five of them Lamar was drafted last. It’s like there’s something different about him, hmmm.

LemonJello

He played in the ACC? That’s what it is, right?

Sharkbait

I wonder how much of that is shitty teams/shitty coaching contributed to their awful numbers.

King Hippo

jury out on Baker, the other 3 I am pretty sure have fatal flaws

Doktor Zymm

Being drafted by the Browns is a fatal flaw

King Hippo

touche!

Spur

Spurs are making a comeback. down my 4 with mins to go

Viva La Tabula Raza

90-90 now!

Edit OH shit two threes in a row…

Gatoraids

Oh Mammon why hath thou forsaken us

Spur

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Doktor Zymm

He looks nice

King Hippo

SMRT too! 😀

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Ya know, she kinda reminds me of someone, can’t place her right now, but man, I would fuck her!
—The Current President of the United States of America

Spur

Dumb fuck gave the Pats life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And so it begins.

hippofant

Waaaaah I don’t want it to

SonOfSpam

Shit, death by Sanu Sanu.

Sharkbait

Needed that!

Gatoraids

Ah huffing magic markers is Bellicheck key

hippofant

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not again

Sharkbait

Thats why your ass was cut by New England Cyrus.

King Hippo

that punt return was AN INSIDE JERB

King Hippo

IT BEGINS

Viva La Tabula Raza

That was my first thought.

Gatoraids

The Dickening

Gratliff

boooooooooooooo

Doktor Zymm

It’ll be interesting to watch how it all goes wrong in the second half

Sharkbait

Yes please.

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh- Yes. Yes it will.

King Hippo

I see you meant “second quarter”

Doktor Zymm

(sic) sigh.